Cheat Cheated Cheating
Being dishonest with yourself. Not living up to your real feelings. Feelings about being betrayed or your trust abused in some way.
But such dreams can occur to any woman. especially with ex’s. Dreamers often take theor dreams to mean a link with the actual person, but every thing and everybody represents something other that actula life. But when you think about a lover, a friend, an ex or a person you know, you are only taking in your thoughts, impressions and feelings about them. So many people do not realise that they have an inner person equally as powerful as the external person you know. You have taken in millions of bits of memory, lessons learnt, life experiences along with all the feelings or problems met by meeting or living with them, and they change you and make you the person you are. The memories and experience we gather unconsciously change us and are not lost. It is part of you and is symbolised in dreams as a person or event. Such an inner person can appear in dreams because you still carry the memories or impressions of them, and so they influenced what you hold within you.
These are meories that have altered your reactions and unless you realise they are energies working in you, and not an external person, you will go on living in a fantasy, and perhaps painful world. You need to integrate your past experience. See How Can I Integrate The Effects From Parents Garnparents or Ex’s
This can also be about acting in a way that takes advantage of another person to win; feeling one’s partner is ‘cheating’ on you, or you on them; taking love, money or opportunity under false pretences; not giving as good as you get; feeling you are not respected.
Some dreams are about social situations, such as being cheated by ones employer by not being fairly paid, or not getting your money’s worth in what you have paid for. But we might feel cheated by life events as well.
At times, as when we dream of a partner cheating, it is about feelings of suspicion, distrust or of not being loved or respected.
Example: Last night I had a dream that I was coming through a door way to find that my girlfriend/fiancée was kissing a guy….. and she looked up at me and just said we were over and I started crying begging her to stay with me, and she just kept walking away like I didn’t matter anymore… she started kissing that guy again like they had been dating for a while or something and acted like it didn’t bother me… I woke up crying because it felt real… would you have any idea what this mean?
Example: In my dream I’m with my ex girlfriend (who I still hang out with) we are hanging out being really close and lovey on each other. Then I leave the room for something and when I come back she is with a man. In this reoccurring dream she is always with a different guy and I don’t know who any of them are. When I walk in they are really close to each other and holding hands sometimes she is sitting on his lap. In my dream it always breaks my heart and I tell her how I feel and she acts like she doesn’t care. Then I wake up. In real life we were together for 2 years and I’m a girl. While we were together she cheated on me with men. We still hang out today but we are just friends with benefits.
This type of dream is usually from a young woman who either sees her boyfriend with another man or has powerful suspicions that he is seeing someone else. The dreamer is actually meeting her unresolved feelings of jealousy, of feeling not as good as the other person and not being lovable. Please see Ages of Love; Infidelity
Useful Questions and Hints:
Where can I locate these feeling sin my waking life, and what do they connect with?
If I am cheated on in my dream, is this about fears or reality?
Is this about relationship with a person, an organisation or life events?
See Learning to Love – Secrets of Power Dreaming – Easy Dream Understanding
Comments
Tony,
I woke up at 3 am this morning and wrote this down:
I drank too much and kissed a person who was nice to me on my birthday and in some restaurant, Then in the dream i was either in a coma seeing what going on or becoming aware of being badly hurt and waking up. Very complicated dream but I had been shot by Brian (my boyfriend) and he maybe shot my 18 year old daughter too but I think she was there everyone trying to clean up a trashed house but it wasnt my current. home. My 5 year old son wasn’t in the dream. I woke myself up when I started to question myself in the dream that possibly he was gone. Horrible powerful dream. Very real very scary. My oldest son was not there ??? No idea who the guy was but I think he was taking care of me and cleaning up the mess. Someone was just starting to explain to me what happened when I woke up. Someone in the dream said Brian was in jail but was trying to 12 step us.
Worse dream I have had in years
Subconscious and physical:
Working too many hours today
Stressed didnt finish my work today
Very tired
Spicy food spaghetti and garlic bread at 9 pm
Ate bad food all day
very bad sleep
Stomach ache
I took energy vitamin this morning and felt agitated all day.
Andrea
Dear Tony,
My “boyfriend” of 3 months told me last night that he is having recurring dreams that I cheat on him during the week with a woman. I am divorced with 2 children (he has not yet met) and we see one another every other weekend and then for dinner/drinks on weekends when I have my children. We don’t see each other during the week as he works very late and I have legal & physical custody of my children. We talk, text every day. That said, I was curious as to why he might have such a dream. I am 42 & he will be 40 in December. He has been divorced for 5 years and I have been for 2. Thanks in advance!
Lorraine – These sorts of dreams are usually a sign of a deep uncertainty in your new partner. The uncertainty is about his being man enough to be your partner. Sometimes this is because he is frightened of losing the woman he actually is now bonding to.
There is an action that takes place in us. Whatever we learn in the way of love and care when we were young – often with our mother – we tend to then act it out with whoever we are in love with. If you gently ask him to drop the images of the dream and simply see what the feeling is, and then ask when did he feel like that in his childhood it might help. But it might be wise to let things be.
Tony
I keep having recurring dreams about my boyfriend hanging around women that he either had a past relationship or just a sexual relationship with. In the dream I keep yelling at him to stop hanging out with these women but instead he defends them and says that it was so long ago and its not like that. In the dream I get physical with some of the women and throw punches and hurt them and my boyfriend yells at me to leave them alone. I have feelings in the dream that he cares about them more than he cares about me, and no matter how I feel he still chooses them to hang out with or pay attention to then me. I wake up devastated, disgusted, sometimes crying, its an unbelievable hurt that I wake up with that disapates after I wake up and orient myself to reality…
Monika – This sort of dream usually comes because you are very uncertain about your own female beauty and attractiveness – or else it is a result of fearing you will be left. Maybe you had developed a feeling as a child that you could easily be left and not loved.
Of course you get angry, but it is not really your boyfriend, he is simply a dream image you use. Whenever we learn lessons of love in childhood – like I am not loved – we tend to try to work it out with whoever we love at the time. So please see http://dreamhawk.com/relationship-sex/beware-of-love/ and http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/growing-up-to-love/
Tony
Dear Tony.
I currently suffer with depression, however my boyfriend is the most important man in my life. I love him more than anything, and the idea of being without him is unbearable. He makes me very happy and keeps me going everyday.
I however keep having these dreams, and he leaves me, he leaves me for someone else. One time we were at a bar in my dream, and he randomly started talking to an attractive girl and they began sharing some shots, after walking over to try talk to him he told me to leave him alone, and he continued his evening with the girl, with me following like a lost puppy. Another, we recently were at a party, he went to the smoking area and i went to find him, i did find him.. but at that moment he swept his ex girlfriend up from her feet, who came from nowhere, he kissed her and walked away with her in his arms, leaving me behind. I am never angry in these dreams, i seem to stand, cry and observe. He often leaves me for another girl, sometimes the dreams get very graphical and sex related. He has never cheated on me and i have no doubts that he has, but these dreams really do cause me heartbreak (as silly as that sounds!) They really upset me! How can i stop myself from having these awful dreams? I have them when we are in bed together as well as when i am on my own.
my mom had a dream of me breaking up with my boyfriend, and she was so mad at me for me leaving him. she kept trying to beat me up but couldnt touch me. we all ended up in the kitchen and i was with another guy, she dont know who he is, but she said he was older than me, she kept telling the guy she was going to put him in jail, and the guy said “its gods will” well my boyfriend showed up and was crying to me and i told him it was over, he kept trying to fight this guy. well the guy ended up going to jail, years past and me and my mom was at this parade and across the street was the jail where that guy was, and i ran to him. my moms thoughts were wow she really loved him.
the thing is that me and my boyfriend are 5 yrs apart, and me and him believe we are meant to be together, that it is gods plans. my mom likes him, but can be very mean to him, and she really dont want us to get married or anything. i am in love with my boyfriend and woud never do something like that.
Renee – I feel the message her is that it is all about waiting a little while
Obviously it is over with your boy friend while your mother is in the way. And the fight between the older guy and your boy friend is about the anger or intense annoyance that he has about not seeing you. And that is what the fight is about.
He – your boyfriend – and the older man are one and the same. It is he as time passes. That is why your mother can see your love is still alive and so is okay about it – and of course – he is older.
So be patient.
Tony
I keep having dreams that my boyfriend is cheating on me. Sometimes it’s with people I know and sometimes with complete strangers. The dreams are in no way related other than he is always cheating on me. They have random places, people, ect. we have been together since I was 14 I am now 20. 3 months ago we had a beautiful baby girl together and everything besides the usual little arguments has been perfect. Although, when I was pregnant and once before then we had a big fight because I asked him to have sex with me and he said he was too tired so I go out to watch tv in the living room so he can get some sleep since he had to work the next morning. Well about 5 minutes later I walk back in and he is watching naked woman on tv masturbating. This really hurt me since I just tried having sex with him. He said he was just really tired and it was easier and didn’t take as long if he masturbated instead. This hurt me more than anything and he promised to never do it again. While I was pregnant i caught him looking at naked women on the Internet and masturbating. This wouldn’t hurt me as bad, but he’d rather do that than have sex with me. Again he swore to never do it again. It hurt me so bad and had me so depressed about myself I told him if he ever did it again it was over that I couldn’t take him lying about something that hurt me so deeply. Now I still think he is doing it and I’m having dreams about it and about him cheating on me. What does this mean? Please help me, I don’t know what to think or what to do! Thanks!!
Faith – Unfortunately men and women have such different views on life and what they expect from each other. It seems you have got caught in a no-win situation because you are expecting your man to be other than a man. Also it sometimes so much easier for a man or even a woman to masturbate than going through the whole ritual of have sex with a partner.
Also it is normal for almost every healthy male to look at any attractive woman and have some sort of fantasy. Of course it is a taboo subject for males to admit this except with other males. And it is far better for your partner to ‘have it’ in fantasy while he masturbates than it is too find another woman. I know some men who masturbate several times a day to release the enormous sexual tension they otherwise feel.
If it is possible for you to understand this and see that in fact he is preserving your relationship and talk it over with him without the threats and emotionally beating him up – I feel he will love you so much for understanding him.
Many women dream of their husband going with other women – being unfaithful or cheating as it is often called – yet all I have found is that the woman has a fear of being deserted, a fear that can tear you apart.
Tony
I was walking away from what was my house. Someone told me my girlfriend was going there. I could feel that she was worried about me. So I started to run back to the house. When I got there it was no longer my house. It was one of my friends houses now. The back door was open and I walked in. There was a great dane there. (My girlfriend has one). I said hello. And my friend walks out in a robe. I asked him if my girlfriend was there. He told me that she’s in the bedroom and they were having sex. That it’s too late for us. I walked in the bed room and she was laying on the bed wearing some of his clothes. She told me that she had sex with him and that it’s over between us. I wanted to choke her but i didn’t. I tried to continue the conversation to see why this had happened. But she just kept telling me that it was over.
Bear – This dream could mean that you have picked up clues about your girlfriend or that you are frightened of losing her and so have this shock of a dream.
That she had opened her legs to allow the other man to enter her is like her saying, “I have his scent all over me now, and in me also.” That can happen when you are frightened that your woman despises you, but it doesn’t make it true in waking life.
It would have been helpful for me to hear how your relationship is with your girlfriend for me to properly comment to your dream. But that you were walking away from the house suggests you were thinking of giving up on the relationship anyway.
Tony
Hey, I had a dream that one day I was walking home with my best friends boy-friend ,because we live on the same street, and he started talking to me and touching me and trying to kiss me and telling me that he loves me and saying that he and my friend weren’t going out so i started dating him and then the next day at school(still in the dream) the class clown that has liked me since 3rd grade asked my out in front of my boy-friend and he said i could go out with him so i did then they started giving me presents and things and then when we all got out of school we all got mrried,lived in the same house and did the “SAME THINGS”
Well Nanny Boo – You have a very nice disposition, a lovely mind. You are ready to love everyone, but that can only be true in your inner world of dreams. Be careful about trying living it in the waking up world.
It sounds like a tribal feeling where everyone knows each other with good will.
Tony
For the last 10 years I have had dreams that the men that I am with at the time are gay. Every serious relationship I have been in I have dreamt of “catching” them in the act of homosexuality and cheating on me at the same time. My first dream of my current boyfriend was a few nights ago and it was of a much older man caressing by bf’s groin. None of my exe’s have turned out to be gay. I understand the whole “cheating” part of the dream but why is it always with other men?? Thanks Toni I have loved reading your blogs!
Dara – I suppose it is the ultimate insult or desertion to find your man isn’t interested in any woman – not even you!
Maybe you could cope with him being attracted by another woman – obviously I am guessing here. But what does seem obvious is that this is a sign that you feel your men will desert you. And that is a way of saying that you are not an attractive woman, perhaps not even a beautiful woman,
When I was working one to one with individuals it was often told me that family or authority figures had said things that had left indelible marks and the person would live as if they were true. So it is worth realising that things that are hurtful give rise to habits. Habits constitute some of the most supportive and beneficial, and as well as some of the most painful and destructive of our human responses.
So it is worthwhile recognising that your dreams arise from a habit; the habit started somewhere, and it is worth every effort to fight it. You can do this by recognising any sign of it and the recognition will take away the power of it. Each time you recognise that the reaction is not you, but a foreign force put into you, gives greater strength.
Watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYYXq1Ox4sk as this deepens your understanding.
Tony
I dreamed that my girlfriend got ahold of my phone and found out about me cheating on her…she found all my messages to this girl I was involved with and all the pictures.
Natalie – Oh dear! Why do we all play such complicated games?
I know it is hard to be truthful, but in the long run it keeps you from having a guilty conscience – which is what your dream is about.
Tony
For the past two nights I have been dreaming that my boyfriend is cheating on me. The first night i dreamed he was with a mexican girl and we where at some type of church thing and i was just crying and crying and he didnt care he told me he wanted to be with her and i kept saying what about out son. Well then at some point someone had me go into the sanchutary and i woke up then. Then again last night he was with the same girl but he didnt know i knew he was cheating. Its like i was following him around in my dream. I dont always dream or should i say i dont always remember my dreams but when i do its like they come true can you please tell me what this dream means.
Paige – Dreams of being deserted by ones boyfriend are something I see in a lot of women’s dreams. It is often that you do not feel loved, or have had a difficult time in your babyhood or childhood, and felt unloved – even temporary. If that feels right to you then you need to not blame anybody else for what you feel is being unloved. Get too the root of the problem and feel it.
If it is not that, then you need to confront your boyfriend with the dream – without being heavy – and see what he says about your feelings that he doesn’t love you. Sometimes the feelings of being unloved can actually promote the situation.
Tony
Hi Tony, I’m trying to understand a dream that I had last night. I had two that I can remember that have a similar topic of concentration. First dream: I’m house-sitting for a friend (currently am in reality as well) and the next door neighbour (a man) tries pushing the door open and eventually succeeds and attempts to rape me. The second dream is what hit me hardest when I woke up. I cheated on my spouse with an old friend. During the dream, I either didn’t want to admit I did it, and was in deep denial, or I did admit to it and proceeded to act as if I had not done anything wrong. Do you have any suggestions on the meaning of this dream, and if it has any correlation with the first one?
Katrina – There are two issues here. One is the rape dream, and other is about you feelings of denial.
There are so many ideas about rape dreams. Some are that when you repress any aspect of your sexual need it can turn into black emotions and end as a rape dream. Another is that rape is fear of being overpowered and used. A third is that a rape dream can hide unconscious and denied memories of sexual abuse when young.
The way you describe the dream, “the man tried pushing the door open” sounds as if that is a very sexual symbolism. It sounds like a struggle between a door in your dream, and your resistance that was overcome – but by what? Considering that it is your dream, and you dreamt it, what was it that overcame your resistance – fear, lack of power to defeat, or a fight against your own sexual needs?
The second dream I feel is fairly easy to understand. Most of us interiorise our morals into our dream life. In other words we take as a truth that what is important outwardly is as important inwardly. It may also overlook your hormonal changes as you go through your menstrual cycle.
In other words you are as upset by a dream as if it had actually happened in waking life.
Also there is reliable evidence that at a certain time in her cycle a woman naturally dreams of wanting different partners. Then at another time she dreams of having a caring and true partner. In any case, you haven’t done anything wrong in dreaming whatever you want – as long as it is seen as a dream and not an outward action.
Tony
Please help me figure out what this means!! Okay so I keep having these dreams every single night about my boyfriend cheating on me with people I know. In the dreams when he does cheat on me and I see him cheating on me or find out he’s cheating on me, it’s like he doesn’t care and he ready to move on. The best work to describe it os it feels like he just absolutly hates me and has no feelings for me at all. Which is soooo opposite of our relationship in reality. My boyfriend and I have Been dating for 2 1/2 years and we are so inlove. Through out the whole relationship we have been and are in love. We are inseberable. Always together and always laughing and having fun. And when we aren’t together we text all day long constantly. We never fight just small arguments over small things. I’m 17 and he’s 20 and we would probably be married if I was put of highschool. We have our whole live planed together everything from the floorplan of our dream house to our kids names and dogs names and cars we are going to have. We are well known as the cutest couple and every one is envious of our relationship. And my parents love him! They get along so well same with his parents and I. It’s like I’m part of his family and he’s part of mine. Anyways last night I had another dream that he was texting these two girls that I know and he wanted to see other people sort of. He was texting them being all flirty and trying to wheel them in. It was so odd becuase I don’t like when he texts girls and I would never let him text girls in such a flirty way. But anyways, in my dream I was soo upset it was like I was loosling him and I didn’t know what I did to make him want these other girls and act like a single guy. And then when I Made him choose me or these other girl/ a single life. He choose them right away. He didn’t even have to think about it. He broke up with me and had no feelings for me at all. He hated me. And I was crying and screaming in my dream because I just couldn’t believe what had happend. It was the worst feeling ever. I was trying to get him to give me another chance but he wouldn’t. Even with ne crying and freaking out and hyperventalating he still didn’t feel bad or sad that it was over. I went crying to my mom and she told me she already knew, that steven had already approached her before and told her he was planning on breaking up with me but he was waiting for the right time… These dreams always feel so real and the pain is so real. And my dream last night was the worst one of all! I don’t know why I keep having them. And I have so much pain and saddness when I wake up from these dreams because in real life they would be so unexpected and sudden. What does this mean!!
I think your dream is your minds way of telling you how immature it is to restrict ever who your bf talks to ( I don’t like of he txts other girls) If you two truly think you will last forever you need to have more adult views and realize it’s your own insecurities if you restrict your partner at all and a good relationship should only be about trust and love. In the future when you both are adults and have full time jobs and live in the real world you will have Co workers and people of the opposite sex you interact with and their should be no reason your significant other has to feel bad or limit friendly relationships it can only cause resentment.
Hi Tony. Last night I had a dream of this guy with nice teeth; I was working at my hospital in ICU when he text me that he was going to visit me, I replied that it’s not okay for him to do that because I’m married and my husband will get mad, the guy insisted and came to the hospital, I went out of my unit without telling anybody and went to see him, he took me for a walk around the building when my husband arrived and the 3 of us were sitting on a round table with more people, I introduced this guy to my husband while I was afraid that my husband would beat him up because he’s trying to court me or something, my husband looked at him and said “I need to go back to my office honey”, so he left. I looked around and nurses were leaving the hospital and I found out that my unit was overstaffed and nurses are being sent home, I regretted leaving my unit so I told the guy that I need to go back to my unit to show my face, he replied saying that he would give me a ride in his car but first he needs to go to his house for something, I tried not going with him but he insisted so we went, we arrived at his house and he wanted me to get out of the car and come in with him for a few minutes, I went with him and he was introducing me to the friends of his wife and his own kids, it seemed that he was introducing me as his girlfriend, after spending a few minutes in that house he brought me to the hospital and my husband was texting me, I text my husband that I don’t have battery in my phone and I was doubtful to wether keep texting my husband or not. In that dream I did not feel anything for this person but when I observed him, he gave the hint that he was trying to court me knowing that I’m married and I still went out with him. This is the second time I dreamed of this guy (the first time was in a karaoke bar, he was singing along with me and finishing lines for me). In real life husband is loving and understanding but wouldn’t be pleased if this guy would even approach me.
What does this mean? Thank you.
Marilyn – There is a big difference between our dream life and the life we lead in waking. The consequences of actions in our waking life have to be thought about and met. But in our dreams we are free of the usual consequences – except as they reflect on our waking behaviour.
In our dreams it is not unusual, even necessary for us to have love affairs. They release tensions. If you knew all the dreams of your husband he probably dreams of other women – but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you and acts as a husband should.
Obviously you have an attraction for this guy – or in fact someone who shows you attention. Let it out fully in your dreams, but don’t let it into your waking life unless you are ready for the consequences.
Tony
last night i had a dream that i was coming through a door way to find that my girlfriend/ fiancee was kissing guy….. and she looked up at me and just said we were over and i started crying begging her to stay with me, and she just kept walking away like i didnt matter anymore… she started kissing that guy again like they had been dating for a while or something and acted like it didnt bother me… i woke up crying cause it felt real… would you have any idea what this mean?
Bianca – Considering that you have created this very emotional story while you slept, and it seems like you didn’t like the result, why should you create such a thing?
Well, fortunately the part of you that creates dreams has a much wiser and greater view of your life. After all that process we call Life created you and watched over you while it grew you from a tine seed in your mother’s womb. I has a grasp of your potential and pushes you toward further growth.
So I feel you dream is about stepping beyond your present type of relationship. It is a call to try something else.
Tony