Marriage and wedding

Feelings about being or getting married; uniting two different aspects of yourself such as intellect and feelings, practical and intuitive self; the ‘marriage’ between conscious and unconscious self – any children of the marriage would be flowering of new abilities or qualities. But children of married partners can often indicate the state of the marriage, its problems of wonders.

Sometimes it refers to what our energy or drive is uniting us with – such as a new business venture or creative scheme – any children of this type of marriage suggest our intuitive assessment of the likely outcome.

There are many urges in a woman or man other than getting a good partner. There is also the urge to find recognition in society, to move toward independence, to find a comfortable place in life – probably alone, to achieve financial independence, or to have children.

In some cultures dreaming of a wedding signifies a death in the family.

But from the viewpoint of the unconscious marriage is not about a church or civil ceremony. As the most orthodox church Catholicism states, you are not married unless you have had penetrative sexual intercourse. If that has not happened there is no need for divorce because marriage never took place.

The unconscious sees it similarly. As soon as you have penetrative sex with anybody you have formed links that are not physically visible but make a form of marriage. But it has to be between a woman and a man, for marriage is a holy rite leading to the wonder of procreation, the giving of life, which is what we are all about being life forms; which is  holy, not because the church says so, but because Life itself is a holy mystery.  So a man can never be married in the true sense to another man, or a woman to a woman. They can have a civil ceremony but not a real marriage.

But although the point of marriage is procreation, in dreams the creation of a child still takes place as many woman and men have dream children – which is the birth of a new part of oneself. It is a bringing to consciousness a new part of you that has been developing but remained previously unexpressed. Such births need to be honoured even though there is no physical sign of a child. So the new dreamt baby is a vulnerable part of you that needs care to grow and become a real part of your waking life.

But from this viewpoint there are two types of marriage, the first is through sexual intercourse between a woman and man. The second is through a complete union of the whole couple. Some believe that the spiritual marriage comes through the agreement to abstain from sex which should be a free mutual decision, rather than resulting from impotence or the views of one party. But experience shows another view which arises as one is able to open one’s life to the divine within you. This leads to the full marriage which includes the body, the personality and the divine impulse.

Example: I was led into the experience of my merging with Divine Love in marriage – when I married P. Gradually I was led to realise that it wasn’t me and P. that were married, the marriage was between the duality if Life meeting itself in wonder and love. This went on to a visionary experience of knowing the birth of each of us was the birth of wonder, of light and transcendence. I realised that we are all then ‘put down’ by those who raise us, and so the light we are is dimmed to an extraordinary degree. And I carried this light to my own spiritual self and all the women and men – including my children – who I loved. This felt incredibly real as if they would realise for themselves that they are married to the Highest. Example: I wanted them in some way to share what I had experienced – that the most high had incarnated into us.  God was not outside of us.  We are it, living this strange, often difficult, but wonderful life.  To have experienced that divine union in myself in the images of the divine female and the divine male as we join in a wondrous union, still moves me deeply as I write this.  To be shown once more that I am, as we all are, an incarnation of that very mystery of life, is a very great gift.

Dreaming of wedding if single: As in the example below, Mary could equally as well have dreamt she was the bride, but being in her thirties and unmarried it is easier for her to consider or experiment with the idea of marriage using the image of her friend. Should she marry whoever offers? When single one often dreams of marriage as a way of clarifying – what it would be like; could one succeed in it; is the present partner okay; how shall one achieve it? Man dreaming of marriage: For a man marriage faces him with something quite different to a woman dreaming of marriage. It is a woman’s initiation, and a man may feel as if he has to give up his manhood. So he may be facing such fears in his dreams – although marriage is a meeting and often a merging with his feminine self. For a man it can also be intimating the uniting of his female characteristics. See hermaphrodite; archetype of the anima Marriage: When a woman and man marry, something that often happens is that the woman interiorises the man and feels she is now complete. She has her man in her life and in her. The man can do the same thing. That is fine when it works by them staying together faithfully. But if the man leaves the woman, or the woman leaves the man, because they had taken their partner into them to become whole, the leaving feels like something has been ripped out of them. It is a terrible shock. See Archetype of the Animus Wedding dress: Feelings and hopes about relationship and wedding; in a negative dream it represents anxieties about ones relationship or the future. Wedding dress given by mother: Qualities and strengths or problems absorbed from mother about relationship; letting go of external mother by expressing her qualities in the present. 

Example: I am at the wedding of my best friend. The groom doesn’t turn up and she decides to marry the first person who comes along. I wonder whether this is a good thing to do.’ Mary T. Example: When I was engaged to my present husband I dreamt we were married and I looked down at my wedding ring. It was twisted and bent. In fact I now see it as a warning because we have not made a good marriage.’ S.W. Example: I am a gay 20 year old woman. I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about four months now. Previously, she had been my best friend for six years. Last night, I dreamt that we were married. I didn’t dream of a honeymoon, or announcing our marriage, or even proposing or anything of that nature. In the dream, I just…knew that we were married. My girlfriend’s hair was significantly longer than it normally is, if that means anything. In the dream, she insisted that she wanted to have a baby, and she wanted to do it by becoming pregnant through a sperm donor. It was a little strange, because neither of us are really keen on the idea of having kids at all, much less actually becoming pregnant. We were both excited about it in the dream though. Example: It was the realisation that in the little community I live in I am the only single male. I am feeling, or guessing, that the other males here are curious about that. This led me onto spontaneous speculations about what this meant in my life and whether it was a problem I was not looking at. I saw that some of the women in my life have wanted me to be more fully involved as their partner. I sometimes puzzle why I don’t have the same need, or I don’t feel the same need in reverse. As I explored this it felt as if I didn’t want to be contained within a woman’s needs. It reminds me of the proprietorial aspect of male female relationships.

See: Integrating the female in the male; Integrating the male in the female; bride; bridegroom.

Comments

-Christina 2014-05-04 20:38:40

Hi. I had a weird dream about my fiance and I . It was that we were finally going to get married, like this weekend (we’ve been engaged got one year abd don’t plan to get married until 2017, after I graduate college) but for some reason we were both acting weird like if we didn’t like each other. My mom was happy for us (miracle) and you were acting strange. Like if I annoyed you, which made me act like if I didn’t want to be with you. So then I started texting my ex boyfriend and i dont know why but he was also annoyed by me and he didn’t want me either. Then I was scared cause my tooth was loose and my wisdom tooth was coming out so I needed to go to the dentist and my mom told me to wait until after the wedding to go, but I was scared my tooth would fall out before the wedding and I would be toothless on all the pictures. Then I started dreaming abouta candy machine

-Mary Mandarina 2014-05-04 7:05:54

I dreamed that I was in bed with my boyfriend and then he proposed with a beautiful diamond ring. However I freaked out and ran away. What does this mean?

-Helen 2014-04-13 11:41:43

Hi,

I’ve been having dreams of my ex over the last year or so. We broke up 4 years ago and I haven’t seen anyone seriously since. At present there is nobody in my life – which is what most interpretations seem to latch onto. I dreamt we reunited in present day and while I was happy to see his family and go back, I knew immediately that I had made a mistake and all the things that drove me away still stood. Since then, the dreams are more like going back to the past. Last night I dreamt we were at a wedding of a girl I was friends with as a child but no more but the name of the bride was a friend who’s wedding I attended a few months ago. We got the day of the wedding incorrect but all the guests were in the hotel. I was dressed for a wedding but my ex was in jeans and a tattered tshirt. I was happy to be with him, could feel my love for him but had the doubts and judgements I did in the past also. There seems to be too much detail to break the dream down myself and the fact that there is no male figure of that nature in my life presently adds confusion also?

-Carly F 2014-04-13 0:27:10

Hi, I have recently had a dream where it is the night of my engagement party. Everyone is happy and dancing, eating and drinking. As the night goes on I become more and more aware that something is wrong as my fiancée has not arrived. The party finishes and everyone goes home, I go to bed knowing he never came but not really worried about it. Two days later he calls me to say he is at his mums and would like to see me, I hang up the phone and never see him again. In the dream I still have no feeling towards the situation. ( we have already had our engagement and are 8 weeks out from our wedding day). What could this mean? Thank you!

    -Tony Crisp 2014-04-13 11:55:14

    Wow Carly – This is a tough one because it could mean many different things.

    1 – It could mean you are not sure about the goodness of your coming marriage.
    2 – It could be a sign of nerves about you marriage – and so not too serious.
    3 – It could be saying that the marriage has a lot difficult things that would need to be faced and maybe sorted when you are married.

    Taken as a whole the dream does not give a positive thumbs up. But to be sure please try http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/acting-on-your-dream/#BeingPerson

    Tony
    Wow Carly – This is a tough one because it could mean many different things.

    1 – It could mean you are not sure about the goodness of your coming marriage.
    2 – It could be a sign of nerves about you marriage – and so not too serious.
    3 – It could be saying that the marriage has a lot difficult things that would need to be faced and maybe sorted when you are married.

    Taken as a whole the dream does not give a positive thumbs up. But to be sure please try http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/acting-on-your-dream/#BeingPerson

    Tony

-Dolores 2014-04-11 7:29:43

Hi, I dreamt that I married my boyfriend, but only through the religious ceremony, and I was really happy at first. Then he made us leave in the middle of the reception. From there I just remember telling him that we didn’t even dance out first song as husband and wife and he got really mad and we started arguing and I told him I wanted to split. I was still in my wedding dress!!!

    -Tony Crisp 2014-04-13 14:07:44

    Dolores – Dreams are often a way of experimenting with ones life situation. And it sounds from your that you are trying on your boyfriend to see if he lives up to what you want.

    It seems from your dream that you are a romantic person and it means a great deal to you. That he didn’t live out your need for romance suggests a break up. That you were still in your wedding dress also shows your feelings of doubt.

    But those are just suggestions, so seek out your real feelings and see if they match.

    Tony

-Confused! 2014-04-08 23:33:09

Last night I dreamt that my partner and I were doing a wedding rehearsal… But we were dressed for the wedding. He didn’t seem happy about being there and after I walked down the aisle he told me that my dress was ugly and he hated the way I wore my hair etc. I was feeling really upset and hurt the whole time and we decided to have an hours break and then do another wedding rehearsal. The next time I walked down the aisle and he wasn’t there… So my friend (male) came and took his place. He kept telling me how beautiful I looked and how much he loved me. And I was crying because I was so happy. The next thing our rehearsal turned into our real wedding and I was getting married to him and my partner was one of the groomsmen and really happy for me! I am so confused about this dream… My partner and I are very happy together!

    -Tony Crisp 2014-04-10 8:05:39

    Liz – I wish you could learn to use full stops when you write as it makes it difficult to read.

    I can only tell you that a lot of young women have very much the same dream. It usually means that you are very insecure in your feelings about being loved, so you create dreams that are a reflection of your feelings. Also you seemed to need constant attention. Please see http://dreamhawk.com/relationship-sex/beware-of-love/

    Tony

-Marisa 2014-03-31 23:15:53

I had a dream last night that my boyfriend proposed to me and the day of the wedding everything was going good where it was taking place. But I was freaking out because I didn’t have my dress and I was running around saying we need to go get a dress really quickly before it starts. Everything turned out okay in the end, I got a dress and the whole dream felt more real than any dream I have ever had. What could this. Dream mean?

-Amy 2014-03-24 13:30:54

I’ve been dreaming that I get married to the same guy. In real life this guy is not a lover nor a friend, I just know him. The weird thing is I’ve dreamt this dream for about 7 times this month.

-Natalie 2014-03-23 12:09:12

Hi i am really confused about my dream can someone please help? I dreamt i was in the middle of a zombie apocolypse with my current parter. I had just ordered some flowers for my mother for mothers day. I got in the car and my partner took me to a church. I remember having a pure white beautiful wedding dress on and feeling excited and happy. I wanted to be married. We stood at the alter saying our vows but before we could finish we had been disturbed by a round of zombies. We were both convinced we were married but I didnt have a proper ring. I had to take off an old ring i already had on my hand and use that. We survived the zombie apocolypse and went on to live happily after it showing more affection for eachother than i have ever experienced. I am majorly confused…

    -Tony Crisp 2014-03-23 14:53:00

    Natalie – If you think in the language of dreams it is all very simple. You see we are all zombies, or have a part of us that is a zombie. It is because we are all programmed and are not ourselves. If you find it difficult to believe read Programmed and childhood

    Because you have sensed this zombie part of you and survived it you became aware of a different view of life, marriage and your partner. Then your affection was not an affectation but was from the real you and not from the programmed zombified part of you.

    Tony

-MD 2014-03-18 3:28:18

My husband left me two years ago after he determined we were too different. I was heart-broken at the time we got back together after about 6 weeks with him promising we’d seek counseling. After about 3 months waiting for counseling I decided I didn’t love him anymore and put out a personal ad just to make friends but if I found more I knew it would help me leave him. I’m from very traditional values and did not get married until later in life and stayed a virgin until my wedding night so really didn’t believe in divorce. I hadn’t really seen myself with someone else until now. This new man is my heritage and the same state where my parents are from so I feel a real connection. We had talked about being together but it’s on/off and we go weeks even months without talking but I can’t get him out of my thoughts.
This is where his dream comes in. He just told he dreamed we were married and were very happy together, he enjoyed very much being at my side. He said the dream felt so real, it was one of those wonderful dreams that you regret waking up because it was so good. What do you think it means?

    -Tony Crisp 2014-03-20 9:28:18

    MD – To avoid recognising that the social and personal climate surrounding marriage in our own times has changed is to invite heartache and feelings of failure. Best to recognise that a huge percentage of marriages and partnerships founder, and being human you face that possibility too. With that in mind you can start your partnership with understanding and planning in place to meet and deal with difficulties as and if they arise. In the US a pre-nuptial agreement can save a lot of misery and causes for anger and conflict. But in English law such agreements are of little value under current law.

    I am now 77 and have had several loving relationships, and have learnt that what we call ‘love’ is not a measure of success. Love in our culture is a terrible merry-go-round which can throw you off at any moment. Look around at the many, many failures.

    A helpful approach prior to any real connection is to look at the track record of the person you are thinking of starting a relationship with – and of course also your own. ‘Falling in love’ is no real guide to the success of the relationship. The hormonal rush that is behind such feelings, the crazy hopes and dreams, the sexual impulses, the loneliness, along with the childhood and ‘older brain’ urges, can all lead you into a labyrinth. So check out if your partner has already been through several or many failed relationships. Are they independent emotionally and economically? What resources as a person will they bring to the partnership – and of course, what resources and track record will you bring? What is the emotional age of both of you? See http://dreamhawk.com/relationship-sex/ages-of-love-2/

    His dream means nothing as far as your hopes of a decent partner are concerned. Such dreams are often the wishes but are not the lived out facts. The facts are that “we go weeks even months without talking.”

    Please, please dear woman, look at the facts – your own past values have not been a good guide. Your partners were not checked for their track records. Your emotions and feelings of love are not to be relied on. Your longing for a partner is not to be trusted until you test the man. See http://dreamhawk.com/relationship-sex/learning-to-love/

    Tony

-Penelope 2014-03-01 7:44:59

I had a dream where I was doing an arrange marriage to a star(not uber popular but really good).i am 18-19years old in my dream same age as my real life.one week before the marriage I realize that i can’t get married to a guy whom I have not even met once and everything just starts to feel very overwhelming.i can’t cancel the wedding cause it will ruin our name in the society and preparations were done but I really don’t want to get married cause I am thinking of all the people whom I may meet in future and will want to marry.

-mahnoor 2014-02-10 21:46:12

Hey I’m mahnoor and I just turned 17 last month actually I’m confused about my dream I’m having this dream alot, it’s just that well In my dream I’m getting married to person I truly love and we did you know that too but something was weird I was feeling weird and happy at same time because in reality he don’t love me he love someone else about in my dream he just love me from all his heart Idk what it means.
And sorry for wrong grammar or spelling mistake 🙂

    -Tony Crisp 2014-02-19 11:41:32

    Mahnoor – I have tried to correct your English and hope I have it right, so I can understand your dream. Is it this – “but something was weird, I was feeling weird and happy at same time because in reality he don’t love me he love someone else. But in my dream he just love me from all his heart I don’t know what it means.”

    If that is right that he only loved you in your dream, then you are a young woman with a lot of love that is misplaced. It is something that takes a long time for us to learn, that we are largely moved by our instincts – like all animals we have a massive urge to procreate. The urge is like a massive flow of energy or water, and it can be directed or channelled in many different ways – some of which flow into powerful emotions and longings.

    Because “we did, you know, that too” you have awoken not only a powerful link and bond with him, but also your huge desire for a loving mate. But in dreams, even though he has the image of the many you care for, in dreams the image is often used as a way for you to feel you enormous need. Also the dreamt of lover is simply a dream lover. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/archetype-of-the-animus-jungs-view-of-the-male-in-the-female/

    So please be careful who you give your precious love to.

    Tony

-Georgia 2014-02-06 23:26:01

I have been having dreams where I get my palm read by many people and they all tell me that I will never get married. They say my marriage line is telling them that I will be forever alone. I am single now but was wondering if this had any hidden meaning. Freaked me out abit

-Ashley 2014-01-21 10:46:00

I dreamed just today of an ex merely’being married’ – not a wedding, I just chanced upon his wife while we both waited for him in a crowded apartment room. And I wondered what the distinction was between a person being married as opposed to witnessing a wedding. He kept himself pressed against a wall and avoided eye contact with me while attempting to gesture to his wife – a tall, blond, very self-assured, intelligent woman. I couldn’t help being reminded of qualities he’d not so long ago described in me (except in appearance – I am short and brunette). I still see this man now and then despite having begun a new relationship and have read of weddings symbolising a tendency to cheat for women. However, this wasn’t a wedding. This appeared to be a solid, stable, already established relationship which does not mimic the relationship I’ve had with him in the past – he is often indifferent and difficult to talk to. He appeared to be his same gruff self in the dream, but not towards this woman. She captured his attention and he showed affection by listening intently and not treating her as only a sex object. His age had increased in the dream from his early 20s in RL to late 20s/early 30s as the woman was. I remained very young (21). Would you happen to have an opinion on the meaning of the dream? It was very vivid with many emotions present – heart sickness, disappointment at not having been this woman he so adored and a sense of urgency to disappear. The dream ended where he had placed my things (old books mostly – aged and tattered) in the boot of my car. There was a cardboard box whose flaps I pulled open to reveal was empty. When I tried to place a handful of books in it he stopped my arm, showing me clear water was resting on the bottom of it. I felt this part was very significant as he seemed determined not to tip the water out or allow me to place anything in it. There were other aspects to the dream but too many to try to include much more here. I’ll carry on investigating some more of your site. Thank you.

    -Tony Crisp 2014-01-23 10:00:57

    Ashley – The difficulty understanding such dreams as yours – a very interesting one – is that in the world of dreams our most intimate fears and longings are given an exterior life of their own in the form people, objects and places of our dream. They are not actual people in your dreams but a very real virtual reality. Most people are often totally unaware of the experience they take in and how it interacts with them when we love someone. In other words the memories and experience we gather unconsciously change us and are not lost. It is part of you and is symbolised in dreams as a person or event. You have taken in millions of bit of memory, lessons learnt, life experiences along with all the feelings or problems met by loving and living with someone and they are what makes you the person you are. Your dreams tend to put all that in the image of the past person when you are dealing with the influences left in you from the relationship.

    So you are not dreaming directly about your ex or his ‘wife’, but about your thoughts, memories and feelings about him. From the dreams point of view weddings are a show thing, a modern invention, but being married and united with someone is important.

    The whole dream seems to be about your feeling reactions to losing him, and in some measure your feelings about how it could have been different. Please see http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/questions-2/#Summing and http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/infidelity/

    The old books that you carry in the boot suggest you memoires you still have, and the water in the box suggests clear insights you can get from within yourself as long as you do not put other thoughts and emotions in there. See http://dreamhawk.com/inner-life/inner-world/

    Tony

-Daniele 2014-01-09 19:30:47

Hi, I’m engaged with my boyfriend. I have dreamed 2 days in a row the following: The first dream: Our wedding day, everything happens very fast and in an improvised way, I’m crying and I don’t want to get married, I try to explain to people: I don’t know anyone at the wedding, my family is not there, I’m asking for my parents and looking all the place for them, my dress is ugly… my boyfriend is there and runs away angry at me, his suit is improvised and is too big for him.
Dream 2: I’m getting married, again my family is not there, I’m there with a friend of mine… this dream I am supposed to marry an ex-boyfriend, but he doesn’t appears at the wedding because I didn’t told him about it haha, I can see me dress and I like it, my bridesmaids are dressed with pink and green I’m grateful with the people there, for making everything but I don’t want to get married neither, I try to explain to people.
Thank you so very much!!

    -Tony Crisp 2014-01-12 13:45:13

    Daniele – Well you do seem to be in a pickle. The dreams could be a warning about getting married. Sometimes dreams have a sixth sense about whether it is a ‘good’ marriage or one destined to failure. But it could equally be an expression of your own uncertainty of getting married. In either case you are not feeling completely ready for such a big step. So decide whether you wish to put the marriage off till a later date, or do you still want to go ahead?

    Try using http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/practical-techniques-for-understanding-your-dreams/ because sometimes it can clarify things for you.

    Tony

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