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Topics - Tony Crisp

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226
Dream Interpretation / Small crocodile in grandmother's closet.
« on: November 13, 2014, 01:43:07 PM »
Vanessa
v.lrodriguez@yahoo.com
99.33.49.206   
Submitted on 2014/11/12 at 1:49 pm
last night i had a dream of a very small alligator/ crocodile. It wasnt a baby though, more like a mini alligator/crocodile. In my dream myself and some family members had discovered it in a closet in my grandmothers home. The alligator/crocodile had a wire covering over its snout to prevent it from biting or snapping. We were all very curious of it and we eventually let it roam freely in my grandmothers backyard. I’m wondering what this dream could signify?

227
Questions about dreams / The Diverse opinions of psychics/channelors
« on: November 12, 2014, 09:27:07 AM »
Christine
disanovisions.comx
hyrnrg@hotmail.com
99.195.153.89   
Submitted on 2014/11/11 at 1:46 pm | In reply to Tony Crisp.
Great! You know Tony, what confuses me is how so many channelers say when we die, all the pain goes away, physical, mental, emotional- there is only love. I am sure that is true, but it is confusing when I read the works here you compiled, not to mention the Spiritists organizations(Astral City movie) channeled works verses some such as Esther Hicks and Kryon (Tuning In movie) who talk about how people like (exmpl) Hitler co-created with the Jewish people and go back to the otherside applauded for their part in the play, the “experience,” One channeler told me there are no consequences, no lost souls, only love. There must be more going on that is not being revealed because the energies we create are vibrationally equal to the exsistance we find ourselves in after death, so i believed. Does it immediately go away after the transition, example would be the pain and suffering that came out of tragedy, or is it just about the experience? NDE’s experience good things but a handful do not. It doesn’t make sense if there are realms such as these we go through that match our emotional vibrations. It is all channeled information so aren’t the messages suppose to come from the same Source when it doesn’t seem to match or is something missing? Some say suicide is ok we can choose and others say we are cutting the lesson short and it is not the law. Somethings I have been contemplating and doing research on. Any thoughts? If you have the time.. Blessings

228
Healing Dreams / Healing of Myself
« on: September 23, 2014, 08:25:49 AM »
I am in fact filled with anger towards society and culture and i call them stupid  and ignorant  and hateful of what they do not understand. and what angers me the mos is their closed mindedness and not wanting to understand.

I don’t hate them because they hate me, I am mad at them and filled with resentment towards them for not even wanting to grow evolve or reach any higher level because as selfish as that may sound, it leaves me and others like me feeling abandoned isolated and alone. I am aware that many of those closed minded people are very miserable and unhappy in their ways and that after reaching the conclusions I have reached throughout my life I am much happier and fulfilled than they are. Also I HAVE in fact learned how to use my brain in different ways than they do!  but I am alone  and I do not want to waste my time with mingling with them either so I am perceived as stuck up no fun serious all the time kinda gal, and they are not and that for me is what makes me hurt. Does that make any sense ? What else do you recommend I read ? 
*****


***** - I had years of feeling angry, alone, misunderstood. But two dreams changed - slowly - the way I viewed my life. The first was I was in a prison cell with two other men. I felt it was in Spain somewhere. We ate, slept and defecated in the cell. I was standing at the bars of the cell, and had the impression I had been in the prison for years. I was shouting and cursing the people who had put me in the prison, full of hate and self pity. 

One day as I stood raging at the bars I suddenly realised that my years of shouting had availed nothing. The only person who was upset by it was me. I was the victim of my own anger and turmoil. It was as if I had been haunted all my life by ghosts of anger and passion. I dropped the attitudes or ‘ghosts’ and was free of them. Years went by and one by one I recognised and dropped other habits of emotion and thought that had trapped and tortured me. I realised I could be totally free within myself. 

One morning I woke and sat up on the mattress on the floor that was my bed. The last ghost of inner entrapment fell away. A fountain of joy opened in my body, pouring upwards through me. It was so intense I cried out. My cell mates called a warden because they thought I had gone mad. They stood looking at me as I experienced radiance so strong I felt as if I must be shining. I was aware my joy poured into them, although they thought I was possibly insane. I could sense the enormous change in me influencing them, and I knew it couldn’t help but change them also. I realised that I might never be released from the prison, but it didn’t matter as I had found a fuller release than simply walking the streets. Even though remaining behind prison bars, I would still be touching people’s lives deeply. Nothing would ever be the same again. 

The other dream was also life changing but too long to quote, but what it led me to realise is that we all are in the middle of a great conflict or battle. On one side of us is our own natural urges and being, and on the other side is what the social norm is, the enormous social pressure. People tend to side with one or the other. If we side with our natural impulses which are often our animal instincts to get food or sex and survive with anger, and so often end up with a battle with others than can never been won.

On the other side is the person who is so clean and respectable they even smell like they have just come out of the dry cleaners. They are so sure of themselves and never break the rules that sometimes they are stuck in beliefs that are paralysing.

But there is a way in the middle that you can see being used by those who are living from their own nature, but expressing it in a socially acceptable way - like musicians, artists, and those who create from their vision instead of fighting everyone.

The thing is to sing out about what you are.

Tony

229
Dream Interpretation / Katie Possession by Demon
« on: September 02, 2014, 09:10:08 AM »
I had a dream 3 nights ago about a demon possessing me for a minute. I felt its anger, its sad and its pain. I saw a demon in hell raping other people. Its skin was wrinkled, dark and green. Ever since then I've been nothing but feeling uncontrollable rage. I get ticked off easily.

230
General Discussion / Speaking to Plants
« on: July 11, 2014, 07:53:30 AM »

Experimenting with this I attempted communication with a sick New Zealand tomato tree we had. It was in a large tub, well fed and watered, but had the greenfly, and was also wilting. We had sprayed, but the general debility of the plant seemed to attract the fly. I used the technique of LifeStream to see if my intuition could asses the condition of the plant. The first thing I felt was an unexpected wave of love, as if the plant was wordlessly saying thank you for caring. Then I had the sense of my consciousness meshing with the consciousness/being of the plant. My impression was that the plant was an entity, a form of life and awareness, but it did not have a focused consciousness which could formulate the idea what causes this sickness? Because I could ask the question, and because I allowed my consciousness to consider the plant, a new situation arose; the plant could be aware of itself. The difficulty of the process was that everything was direct non-verbal experience. As the experience of plant life was new to me, I had to spend some time allowing the sensations to soak in and be analysed by my rational mind. What arose out of this was the understanding that the root system of the plant needed to spread sideways, not down. We therefore put the plant in a sack, with the same earth spread thin. Within a week the greenfly had all gone, without spraying, and the plant grew strong and luxuriant.

See http://dreamhawk.com/inner-life/using-your-intuition-1/

231
Dream Interpretation / A Little Woman in a big house
« on: June 13, 2014, 08:14:29 AM »
I had a dream that i was living in a big house
With a man i never seen before and we were
Married and the house was beautiful and me and My daughter and nephew and niece were all there but the strange part it wasn’t my man and then we Went shopping what does this mean - sheena

232
Dream Interpretation / The Ship Wreck of Lives
« on: February 26, 2014, 10:46:07 AM »
Hi Tony,
I hope you are well, and that I will be able to sort myself out with being able to talk to you again soon. I am not sure if I shared this dream with you that seems to have come back to me in a different way.

I was walking down Salamanca market with my great nephew; there was a book stall which had a book on Tasmanian ship wrecks, and I found there was information about the Neva, a ship wreck of woman and children that sank off Kings Island, I don't know if I spoke to you about it before? A week after dreaming I was diving on a ship wreck, hearing a sound over to my left I saw a circle of fish swimming in a tight circle. I swam over to see what was there, it had hair covering the top.

As I did the fish swam away and there was a pile of females body's stacked one on top of the other, one with her hair covering her face. A voice said you need to look at her face, "No I don't want to” was my answer. "You have looked at difficult things before".

I knew this to be true, so I agreed to look, as I agreed the tide pushed her hair off her face and I saw the saddest face I had ever seen. One week later at the woman's group I was given a news paper with half the page of the paper on an article about a sculptor, who wanted to make something which made sounds as a memorial to those people who lost their lives, never arriving at their destination. I wrote to him but never received a reply.

When I worked on the dream it opened up the loss of connections with the females in my family, funnily my second cousin gave me family photos of the females before I left the UK.  I made a collapsible box in fabrics and embroidery transferring the photos onto fabric. If you was to look up beealexis.com it is on my website, I am going to research into who was on the ship as I wonder if there my have been a family member.
Lots of love to you my dear, dear friend xxx (Brenda Blake)

233
Healing Dreams / Woman with hysterectomy dreams of giving birth
« on: June 23, 2013, 12:53:31 PM »
Dreamt I was pregnant and felt incredible urge to “push” but it was far too early in the pregnancy. But I couldn’t fight the urge to push and felt the child coming and everyone was upset, then woke up. I never wanted children, have none, and have had a hysterectomy. But that feeling of “fullness” and needing to push stayed with me all the next day. It was very disturbing. See http://dreamhawk.com/inner-life/inner-world/

Jenna – You like most people do not accept you have an inner life that is quite distinct and separate from your outer life – your body.

A hysterectomy is a thing of the body, but you are a woman, and have the power of creativity, shown in the dream as a baby needing to be born. The urge to push is a sign of great creativeness that you are denying. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/questions-2/#WomCreative

Tony

234
Healing Dreams / A Broken Heart
« on: April 19, 2013, 09:54:20 AM »
I dreamt my past boyfriend of five years had come to tell me he is going to marry his ex-girlfriend. I am so distraught that I jump out the window, and break my neck. The paramedics come to gather me up and place a football helmet on my head. Then I am on my death bed in the hospital where I am crying and grieving for the hopelessness of the lost relationship. My old boyfriend holds my hand and very coldly says, “You are going to make a radiant corpse.” I wake feeling I had been given a message from my deeper 'self'. I had grieved for the last year without feeling I was able to move on.

Two days later I went to the doctor - I was having palpitations and dizzy spells. He told me I had a leaky valve in my heart. I felt this dream was my wake-up call! Since then I seem to have moved on in my life. I believe my broken heart manifested itself physically and my subconscious warned me of the damage.

235
Healing Dreams / Native American Healing
« on: April 17, 2013, 01:37:03 PM »
Healing Experiences It must be remembered that taking Peyote is directed by your cultural background - so if you think it cool or an amusing experience it might not be what you expect.

Frank Takes Gun, national president of the Native American Church, said: At fourteen, I first used Father Peyote. This was on the Crow Reservation in Montana, and I was proud to know that my people had a medicine that was God-powerful. Listen to me, peyote does have many amazing powers. I have seen a blind boy regain his sight from taking it. Indians with ailments that hospital doctors couldn’t cure have become healthy again after a peyote prayer meeting. Once a Crow boy was to have his infected leg cut off by reservation doctors. After a peyote ceremony, it grew well again.

This may be considered only exuberant witch-doctor talk, but reliable observers have confirmed that these economically deprived peoples are in better-than average health and that when they do become sick and turn to peyote, the drug seems to help them. Louise Spindler, an anthropologist who worked among the Menomonee tribe, said that the women “peyotists” often kept a can of ground peyote for brewing into tea. They used it in “an informal fashion for such things as childbirth, ear-aches, or for inspiration for beadwork patterns.”

Dr. Peck also made such an observation and, in fact, first became interested in LSD as a result of having seen the effects of peyote: When I went into general practice as a country doctor in Texas, I was very impressed that some of our Latin American patients, despite their poverty and living conditions, were extremely healthy. One day, I asked one of my patients how he stayed so healthy, and he told me that he chewed peyote buttons, then I became interested in these drugs that could promise physical as well as mental health.

236
Healing Dreams / Beyond Abuse by Father
« on: April 11, 2013, 10:32:47 AM »
Dear Tony, 

 Through my dreams I have met perhaps the most devastating events in my life, creating both loss and change.  Also, my dreams created the ability to really see, know and love.   

For years I had a recurring dream/nightmare of being unable to open my eyes, they were stuck shut and no matter what I did I couldn't open them.   Eventually, in large part due to my dreams, I learned what I was unable to open my eyes to.  For over 40 years I had lived my life unaware of my childhood.  I had very few memories of home and family, but knew it was a life of poverty and parental abuse, and I was always aware of these things.   

But at some point I began dreaming of things I had not been aware of, things that I eventually learned indicated sexual abuse.  I bought your book at the bookstore and it was incredibly helpful in allowing me to figure out what I was actually dreaming about.  I had completely repressed all memories of what happened to me in this area, except one that happened at the very beginning of the abuse, at the age of 3.  This one memory I had, I magically transformed into a "funny little thing that happened" with my father.  I could not se it for what it really was.  Now I see it as the start of something awful.  But it amazes me that all throughout adulthood, I had been unable to see what that one memory told me.   

 As time went on, my dreams became more obvious and less symbolic.  I had many, many dreams and wrote them all down.  I was in shock over them.  I thought I must be making this crazy stuff up, I was very frightened.  In the beginning I thought, someone may have done something to me, but no way could I think it was my own father. I had made him out to be sort of the hero in my story, because he was at least playful and kind to his children on some occasions, as opposed to my mother who was often rage filled and cruel to us.   

 My dreams began including my father at some point, and I began to know it was him who hurt me this way.  Eventually I could go on no longer, my depression was overwhelming to me.  I called a therapist and together we started unraveling the dreams, unraveling the memories and I started to journal with my inner child.  It has been several years now that I've been working at this. 


It has been difficult for me to access the emotional responses I had as a little girl, yet once again, through my dreams, my inner child has shared these most terrifying, paralyzing fears, the pain of betrayal, most recently the anger and to some degree the shame.  She has shared how she was able to fly away during these things he did, and also bits and pieces of the actual things that happened and her own responses. 

 Interesting to me is that I am a Scorpio, and in my chart, every one of my planets are in the lower half of the chart. I have been told that one thing this indicates is that my night life is very active, and that is so true.  My dreams have been absolutely pivotal in this whole healing process.   

 At one point about a year into therapy, I was ready to give up.  I could not reconcile within myself that my father for sure did these things.  I had no clear memories, I had only my dreams and the evidence of some of my life's occurrences and symptoms that indicated this type of abuse.  Amazingly, it was at that time that my father, who I had never confronted with any of this, told my sister that he was sorry for some things of a sexual nature that he had done to me as a child. It seems the universe rose to meet me.  When she told me this, my heart sank, but also my spirit was relieved, for at least I was now certain that what I thought had happened had indeed taken place, and I could begin in earnest to process all this without as much disbelief and doubt.  He has since recanted, saying that he didn't mean what he had said and that it was me, who as a 3 year old had somehow seduced him.  (my words, he put it differently)  And not surprisingly, my family chooses to believe him.  My mother supports him and my 2 brothers and 2 sisters are there for him as well. 

 What I have lost through this healing journey is my illusions about the way my life actually was, it has been torturous at times, stripping away the walls and barriers I have created.  Meeting this change in my life has been a true challenge.  I am a very fixed personality, change does not come easily or quickly for me.  I will be in therapy awhile longer as more and more is revealed to me.  It seems just when I think, ah, I have reached the worst of it, my inner/higher self says, not yet.  You are now strong enough for this... 

Perhaps I can say I have lost my family, my old sense of myself, my way of being in this world.  I have changed so much it is hard for me to think I ever was that person from several years back.  Painful though it has been to lose these parts of my life, it is also what needed to happen in order for love to come in.  Sometimes I have a sense of missing the way things were before the dreams began revealing to me the truth.  But I wouldn't ever want to go back to being blind to again. 

I am grateful beyond words for my higher self, the part of me who helped me through dreams to open my eyes at long last.  Without my dreams I would still be lost.  I am grateful for my inner child self, who saved my life and my sanity through her ability to repress the bad stuff and was brave enough to come out and share with me her experiences at long last.  I am grateful for the one constant friend/love I had through all this, from the start, who was ready to stand by me and love me.  And because of this, now I am learning what love really is, and this is monumental to me.  It is something so much more then I ever knew, I am learning to love me and with that comes love and acceptance for all others.  How awesome is this path, this journey of awakening and transformation. Transformation is a theme that shows up in some of my paintings, and if you would like to see a few I would be glad to share them with you. 

Thank-you for reading this rather lengthy story.  Many times I've wanted to write and thank you for your books and your incredibly helpful website.  I can't imagine that I would've managed nearly so well without your help with my dreams and learning their language.  From the start, your book was with me, and then when I learned you had website, it was just such a big help.  So you are someone in my life that I am grateful for as well, Tony Crisp.  Thank-you so much for helping me through it all.    Sincerely,  Anon.


237
Healing Dreams / Life of a lovely young man who died
« on: April 01, 2013, 02:36:25 PM »
Your communication with your friend who passed from this world doesn't really surprise me, and serves to confirm my own thoughts about the 'afterlife'.

A couple of years ago, or maybe three (I lose all track of time these days, for some reason), I began teaching at an independent school. The first day I started there, I had a lad come in the morning for his first lesson with me, and immediately there seemed to be a kind of connection --- something I just cannot describe. I remember it so clearly, and events that happened after, which I'll describe in a minute. This lad, Adam, just lit up the room with his presence. At that stage he was 12 years old.

I started a day before my birthday, in March and worked with Matti until December. In early December, he had a sudden massive heart attack, and died. This was on a Thursday. On the Monday previously he came along for his lesson -- smiling as he always did, but something didn't 'feel' right to me. He looked fine, there was no pallor to his skin or anything, but something was wrong. Initially I put it down to my own nerves -- because during that week, starting on the Wednesday, I was involved in a musical of Les Miserables at the school, and the score was very tricky for the guitar, so I was practising like mad. On the Wednesday morning I was in my room during a break, practising -- and suddenly I felt an incredible shock -- like a wave of sadness. I find it still difficult to relate, but I just broke down in tears.

During that time an image of Adam was in my mind, and I just had no idea why. A flute teacher opposite me saw me break down and came in to ask if I was all right. I couldn't explain to her what had caused this, and just said I had family difficulties -- a lie... but what else could I do? She left me in peace and I composed myself and was ok for the rest of the day. The following day I was teaching at another school and around 1pm, and again his image came into my mind and I felt the wave of sadness again, but this time I was able to control my emotions. I felt uncomfortable for the rest of the afternoon, and went back to the independent school in the evening to give the performance that night of the musical. When I arrived, I was told that Adam had collapsed that lunchtime (around 1 ish) and had been airlifted to hospital. The woman who told this wouldn't give me the truth when I asked if he was all right --- she just said that it was a suspected heart attack and that it was thought he might not make it. In fact, he had died that afternoon before the helicopter got to the school -- and somehow I knew this. I told Greta that I felt he had died (a silly thing to say, perhaps at the time). She looked at me strangely, but would not confirm it. Anyway, I played at the concert and as soon as it was over, she came up to me and told me the truth. The following night when I played at the third performance, I was convinced I could sense Adam right beside me and I played on a ballad, breaking away from the score and just improvised a solo. I don't know what on earth possessed me to do that, but it felt right: a tribute to the boy.  

Anyway, I now teach the lad's father. There have been a strange set of 'coincidences' when I started working with him. He told me that in the days following Adam's death, one by one all the lights in the bungalow fused --- despite replacing the bulbs. This happened for nearly three days, and a a local electrician could find no reason for it, save that it must have been a faulty batch of bulbs. When I began teaching Bill, he wanted me to teach in Adam's room (I couldn't refuse of course, but it felt very strange, that first time). Adam had  a bunk bed and on the top of it was a fishing hat, hanging on a wooden pole at the end of the bed. I was positioned adjacent to this with a music stand in front of me. Some minutes into the lesson with both us watching, the hat somehow 'flew' off the pole and landed on the music stand. Bill just picked it up and replaced it, without saying a word to me. I was going to remark on it, but there was a look in Bill's eyes that cautioned me not to. We have discussed it since though, and he has related other events that have happened.  

There is one remarkable thing to this, Tony. Last August, Bill was on a trip to China. He runs a publishing research company and travels across the globe. Unfortunately he suffers from Crohn's disease. He had been in remission for some time, so the trip wasn't supposed to be a problem. He was only out there a day, however when it flared up and he had to return home and go to hospital. For several weeks after, he was unable to work and couldn't even pick up his guitar to practise, so I was unable to see him until early September. When he resumed his lessons, he was remarkably energetic and seemed to glow. He told me that when he was in hospital he had a dream. In it Adam was standing next to him and reached out to hug him, telling him very clearly that he would 'be well'. When Bill woke, there was no pain and no symptoms of the disease. He has had a slight relapse last week, but very minor, and he feels that his diet is able to help contain the symptoms.  

I don't know what you would make of all this, but Bill is one of the most gentle, honest souls I have ever met (apart from his son).  

Anyway, your experiences just made me think about all that had happened over the last three years. Life is indeed truly remarkable!  

Take care,  Steve Nicholl

 

238
Healing Dreams / A Way Was Found
« on: February 13, 2013, 09:56:30 AM »
I know I keep posting other people's postings here. It is because most posting arrive outside of the Forum, and so might be missed.

"Tony – I feel deeply touched that you responded to me. I have just spent a little time exploring the posts you suggested; I was drawn to the Lifestream pages but hadn’t touched on them yet. I found so many things in there that resonate with me both from my own experiences of my body, yes in all honesty my mind too, starting to give up on me in a desperate attempt to finally get my full attention, with a balance disorder in the end…. (so funny to find you’d also highlighted the link to the article that has the glorious seesaw picture – I had stumbled on and partially read this the other day & decided I needed to give it more time to study – ), to my first ‘proper’ experiences last year with spontaneous movement with a free thinking acupuncturist and Tai Chi teacher…. the melting of physical bodies, ie hand into hand – whose hand? or, whose foot? ….. to singing a chord on one occasion. Releasing cries and moans I’d never heard come from a human before. Feeling with spontaneous movement that it’s like the key to your blueprint, an overlay of your perfect shape, health, state. Your body, your energy – as everything, as Awareness, knows exactly how it needs to be, I came across this also in one of the articles you recommended “All of that came about by allowing my being to express spontaneously without my conscious intervention” – yes yes.

I recall reading one of your dream pages mentioning being impressed by the hare you encountered, previously a rabbit I think – hope that’s correct – who told you to go back and seek the Kingdom within. That’s the word I was searching for when describing my own ‘hair’ incident – as something of me yet not of me, being fearful because of the enormous latent power i felt which ultimately I knew could only ONLY be mine – yet as an external force I felt distinctly impressed. And yes, overwhelmed. Frightened because it was new, powerful. But wow it was me, mine & now I feel even more confident that next time i can take ownership of it, integrate it.

I really have come to feel that I have been embarking on a totally different journey. It just seems to speed up and become more intense and at last I really want to fully join in. I ‘get it’ . It feels like my – our – birthright – but such a privelege. Every day, and every night, full of discovery. What a life.
PS I found a copy of Myself & I on ebay  that last line you quoted. Yep summed me up – went there. I don’t know how else so much light would have started getting in to look at all the darkness. I guess life would have found a way. It sends us such blessings.
Thank you again for taking the time and for all your thoughts it’s clear you already know how much it means.
Pam"

239
Healing Dreams / Stroke Healed
« on: December 04, 2012, 01:24:52 PM »
Hello Tony, 

Anyways the reason I am responding is when I was 7 years old my father died and I had only ever seen him paralyzed on his right side. He always dragged that side around when he tried to walk. He went to see Oral Roberts in one of his tent meetings to be healed. Maybe he didn't have enough faith or it just wasn't meant to be at that time.I was there to witness this great healing that was to happen and didn't.

At any rate the day he was dying my sister screamed for everyone and we all ran in and the strangest thing I have ever seen and will never forget...He had that arm and that leg that hadn't moved for years up in the air shaking them and then his life force was reclaimed. To me it had always been a signal that although he had always been a mean man God or his higher self, power or whatever had released him from that bondage and had welcomed him home. I haven't actually been afraid of dying since that happened. Just felt like sharing. Thanks for reading. I think it odd that I have your link on my site and I had been trying to figure out my inner being and I clicked to your site. Anyways thanks again for reading. 

Jude 

240
Healing Dreams / Ripped my throat out
« on: October 14, 2012, 10:41:00 AM »
Had a very unusual dream last night. I was in an outdoor environment. It seemed a bit dark, or maybe morbid is the right word. I was with other people but none of them stood out to remain in memory. There was a definite awareness though of being near to a place that was haunted, and that a man was in trouble in the haunted place.

I decided to go and see if I could sort out the problem. I walked down a slope to where the centre of the haunting existed. It was an open space with an old double-decker bus in it. The only person on the bus was a middle-aged man who was sitting on the top deck leaning out of a window on the right hand side of the bus. I stood beneath him and looked up. He was staring in a glazed way and didn’t see me. I could see and feel that he was being hit by fantasies or hallucinations by whatever was the source of the haunting. This invasion of his mind was grabbing his attention so fully that he wasn’t aware of his surrounding or of me. I was sure that if he went any deeper into this mind stuff he wouldn’t be able to pull out. I waved my hand in his line of vision and banged my hand on the bus to make a noise and get his attention. At first it didn’t seem as if I would bring him out of it, but after a while he looked at me.

I shouted at him to pull out. I said that he had a wife and some more years of his life to live, so why lose himself into this entrancement. This didn’t seem to grab him so I shouted again and said that he would eventually slip into this empty mind world anyway - at death - so why not live with his wife the remaining years of his life. I was sure that if he lost awareness he would let himself starve.

I was aware that what he desired was to slip away into the void, into the awareness of the one life in which he lost any awareness of self. But I banged and shouted and he became more ‘present’. I then felt I had to confront whatever was the source of the powerful ‘haunting’ that was pulling him into the inner mind. I turned away from the man and saw just to my right a short distance from the bus an animal that was the ‘haunter’. It was a mammal of no particular type - a bit like a mixture of dog, rat and guinea pig. It seemed very ordinary and tame, and stood looking at me. I walked toward it and stretched out my hand. It was a tan colour with short fur and gave a feeling of being okay to approach, so I touched it to stroke. This was okay and I was thinking there was no problem when the creature leapt at my throat in a flash of movement and ripped my throat out.

This sounds disturbing but I simply observed this and thought to myself that stroking and trying to be friendly was no way of dealing with this thing. It was as if I was in command of the imagery in that I simply formed another body. The creature ripped out my throat again and dived into my body to eat it. I woke at this point and went for a pee. When I went back to sleep I carried on with the dream. The only way that felt as if I might deal with the creature was to have the meditative state of not having any goals, and not feeling panic at it’s attacks. In fact apart from the gory imagery, there was nothing to be frightened of, as the creature was only attacking my dream image of myself. As I wasn’t identified with this, it couldn’t hurt me. That was the end of the dream.

LATER

But later I explored the dream and it aroused a great anger and hatred for what my mother did did to me, which led to this wild devouring anger inside me. As this arose I screamed and shouted and swore about what she had done. As this was happening it felt as if some great evil - my terrible hatred and anger - were being removed, almost torn out of my body.  It took a while to release it using Lifestream, but when it was finished I felt I understood why she did what she did and I felt forgiveness.

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