Related dreams involving intense rib/breast discomfort

[Rain_Dancer]

Two nights ago I dreamed I was facing a tiny young woman who was being held protectively, although she was struggling a bit, by a man, lounging on a sofa.

Her name is Mercedes (the avatar of an acquaintance I admire) and I told her, "Mercedes, look!  You can't hurt me!  Look!  You can't hurt me!  Look how much control you have over me!" as I felt something like electric buzzing on the outer sides of my breasts, as if a TENS unit had been hooked to them.  It felt like paralysis, too?
It seemed to me as if she were somehow controlling my movements.

I insisted to her, "I AM love!" at which point, I woke up (false awakening! - although it seemed more like zooming out of a scene) lying on a sprawling bed, with my new smartphone on my chest, listening to a decree being sung called "We are In Love".  I recognized the tune (although this artist has never released this particular decree/music to my knowledge), smiled, reached above my head to find a pair of dark, big goggles resting on the headboard (I believe this was happening simultaneously in an 'overlay' dream). 

I realized they were not mine, I felt relieved and put them away
While at the same time, in the 'other dream', I smiled at the lyrics "We are in love" and
awakened to this reality, feeling pleased.


I notice this dream seems to reveal conflicting thoughts or beliefs - I am love, you cannot hurt me, and yet at the same time you have control over me that feels horribly uncomfortable and buzzing on the sides of my breasts.  Perhaps simply a window to reveal the conflict for resolution? 


Second dream - last night I awakened in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep so I expected a lucid dream after falling asleep finally about 3:30am.

Not to be disappointed, I became lucid and the part of the dream that feels related to the other dream is this:
As I became lucid, I began to rise, floating.  I felt a strong male body supporting me and lifting me and it felt very light and easy and good.

Gratefully I was saying, "Thank you thank you yes, thank you!"
But when I said, "Thank you, Jesus!" the male dropped back down to the ground, bringing me with him.  He seemed angry and/or disapproving.

I said, "It feels bad to feel (let down?) (I don't remember the exact phrase, my notes are at home).

I only saw a shadow of his lower body, then I felt fingertips digging painfully into the sides of my breasts from behind (along the ribcage).  I pried the fingers off a couple of times, then managed to disentangle myself.

I turned to see an emaciated young black boy, wearing jeans and no shirt, looking at me.
I told him, "I want you to stop hurting me."
When he didn't respond the way I liked, I took both of his hands with one of my hands and held them firmly behind his back, to show him I am not kidding, knelt down and in his face said,
"I want you to stop hurting me."


The dream shifted after that to other interesting scenes but I noticed the intense and uncomfortable feelings in the same place in the 2 dreams which caught my attention.

I will dialogue with the boy and learn more about him.  I've met with a character like him not too long ago through dream theater, who desperately wants my attention but is being bratty about it and going for negative attention - the kind of kid who really really really is dying to be held but won't accept a tender hug, will instead jump on the furniture and break toys and make big scenes.


It's so weird that my waking life seems so..peaceful (boring!) and going nowhere, but my dreams reflect to me that perhaps a lot is actually happening under the surface.

[Tony Crisp]

Hi Rain Dancer – I have often felt that telling something to stop is a form of repression. I learn that from years of doing it – relaxing away a neck pain I had. Doin that only pushes it further into the unconscious – the black boy.

To quote from http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/lifes-little-secrets “It took me a while to realise what that indicated. You could relax surface muscles and feelings, but a mass of tensions were unconscious. Later I learned that such tensions had often arisen from difficult or traumatic past experiences, still locked in the body and emotions. Later still I realised through experience that it also released the wonder of our core self – our spirit. By using relaxation techniques such as dropping the tension of the voluntary muscles or avoiding pain those inner tensions or realisations were being pushed back into the unconscious – undealt with. When left at that point, relaxation was a method of suppression and control, not of healing.”

I can only suggest that it might be worth while to allow the discomfort to develop, with the idea that you are working with the process leading to wholeness.

Tony

[Rain_Dancer]

I value your input and I trust my judgment with this one implicitly.  I was acting with command, as an adult with a child.  One thing I know for certain is that children feel safer and more secure when the adults are in charge, they feel very insecure when they feel as if they can get away with bloody murder and run unchecked.  I havent repressed this one... Dialogue has not been the right thing to do as he is pre-verbal.  He has been steadily on my mind this week and every time i see him i hand him a glass of magical elixir of "whatever he needs " and shower him with love-light.

Just as I was composing this post he came to me and wrapped around my left leg, then came to be held against my chest, soft and sweet, gentle.

Interestingly I am awake at 3 am after having an epic dream of being in bed with the devil and though I felt foggy, I repeatedly directed feelings of love and compassion toward him.

It was as vivid as a movie scene!

At one point I called for Jesus, and he snarled, "Jesus?  What drove you back to HIM?"

"You!" I retorted, bemused.

I believe this "devil" is a creation in my mind born of feelings of feelings of hurt, betrayal and separation.  A devil of bad and sloppy habits, of isolation,  of self-pity and despair and shame.

[Rain_Dancer]

So this little one was around quite a bit for a week or so, following me around the house, crawling in bed with me at night.
He told me his name is Diego, and the more I see of him the more he reflects me as a little one, walking around sucking my thumb and carrying my security blanket.  He is my infantile desire for bonding - I was adopted, and into an ignorant family who thought they were doing the best thing for me by putting pepper on my thumb, shaming me for bedwetting, and taking away my security blanket.  Difficult enough for any child, exacerbated by the deep insecurity of feeling like I had no tether, nowhere to 'land' of being separated from my mother at birth...plus a string of babysitters, one after another after another - only one was not abusive in some way, I adore her and love her to this day!

Anyway...getting back to Diego.  I've picked him up, held him, carried  him in a sling, snuggled with him, given him whatever he needs whenever he shows up.  I feel fond of him and have noticed that as I feel more at ease with him, my love for my long-term friend and former lover has deepened.  Instead of impulsively cutting him off in my life and heart and mind whenever I would feel triggered, I noticed I allow myself to feel how deeply I do love him, how much he means to me, and we have had hours and hours of lively, engaging conversations recently.  After knowing him for 11 years, I still feel like I am meeting a new person, discovering facets of him I never knew before.  Discovering how deeply aligned our values in some directions are.  I'm planning on moving across the country to live closer to him, he lives in a much more desirable area more populated with more like-hearted and like-minded folks, the community there will be better for me.  I've begun to allow myself to go to what's familiar, to trust it rather than be suspicious of it as something bad or dysfunctional.

The 'devil' from the other dream, I imagine dissipating like the morning dew whenever I notice him, leaving me feeling lighter.  My health has improved tremendously in the past 2 weeks, I find I am naturally choosing correct and perfect supplements and intuitively knew to stop eating wheat, discovering later that all of the symptoms I was experiencing was associated with gluten intolerance.

Transformation...I feel it.  I feel like a butterfly or the phoenix.  It helps quite a bit that it is spring time.  It feels amazing to feel the sun shining through the window.

Tony, your site and your work have meant so much to me.
I don't know how, but I *will* repay you someday.  Thank you.

[Tony Crisp]

Well - I suppose love is a more direct way of saying what I said in Life's Little Secrets. I had a little boy in me that had been shut up in a cellar for about 30 years. He wouldn't let me pick him up - he insisted that he was dangerous and would kill me - until I told him how much I needed him. He has been with me ever since.

Tony