There were multiple themes in this dream, but the most interesting for me was the beginning. I was leisurely walking alongside my sister outdoors. Wide open-space. Not much in the way of development in terms of buildings, etc. (In real life I haven't spoken to my sister in almost two years-After much dysfuntion and her refusal to take accountablity for treatment thats been ongoing for years, I decided to go go no contact with her). Yet in the dream we're walking along together just like we used to when we were getting along. In the dream I'm aware that in real life we don't get along, I know all the reasons why, and I ask myself why I'm spending my time with her here now. At the same time I'm walking along with her in the spirit of playfulness. As we walk we come across a guy focused on a pale yellowish tree or plant. It was more like a large houseplant. He knelt at that plant, gazing at it almost like a prayer. With much caring focus. Looking at nothing but this plant. As if he cared about it deeply. I saw the plant was not a vibrant green, but more of a very very pale green, almost yellow. Which I took to indicate it was not at its best, perhaps recovering. Or at least the guy was waiting for it to recover and thrive. The guy was the very guy who I could of had a relationship with, except I ran away from him, I knew I was too damaged for anything close to a relationship. I've been avoiding him for about 2 years. I see him out and about, but I pass by. And in the dream I do the same thing. I walk by. With my sister. And it''s really at this point that I became conscious and asked myself why I'm walking with my sister, why am I spending time with someone who I don't really want to be with? With some who has a history of treating me badly, when I could be with someone who actually cares and is good for me (the guy with the plant). I know that the answer is because I've been damaged by my family, by hidden abuse, and I'm too scared to start any new relationships. I'm aversive to them. Out of cowardice. And yet....I walk on by ...away from the guy...with my sister.
As we walk we now come upon a sports commentator/radio man and he overhears my sister making moneky noises--I am afraid that her immature moises (acting like a monkey) was accidentally broadcast to everyone via this sports announcers microphone. He affirms that it did go through, but only as background noise, very faint.
The scene changes again and now I'm walking with a bunch of girls/people I don't know. There's a sort of desolation in our journey. We walk. And walk. And walk. We're trying to get to the ocean. But its all flat farmland, desert lan. Monontonous. I turn a corner up ahead, hoping that it will reveal the ocean beyond. Feels I've been walking forever. But no, I turn the corner of a large bar/buildingto find a young man on a payone type thing attatched to the outside of the barn. I turn back disappointed. I really wanted my journey to be over. But ...no ocean in sight. I keep on walking. And walking..Next I find a bridge and there is snow softly falling. Quiet pretty. Except then theres a bit of lightening and the threat of a storm. There is no shelter but for this bridge. So I go to it. There is a sense that other girls are on the journy with me. But I don't know them.
It feels like the major turning pint of this dream was when I walked past the guy with theplant. It set me in motion of this endless , lost , walking.
