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Author Topic: Single 34 ... and lost  (Read 1580 times)

Miephenk

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Single 34 ... and lost
« on: May 29, 2016, 09:56:45 PM »
I'm writing here, without expecting a response really.  But I find it helps to write stuff out when I'm stuck going in circles in my head.  I've known for sometime that my twin would propose, having helped him find a ring.  Today was that day.  The congratulations rolled in.  People messaged me asking did I know, how happy they are for him .etc.  And then one friend saying what a lovely person I am and she only wants the best for me.  Earlier today I had attended a baby shower for friend, which I had arranged.  A guest at that party said to me "you should adopt a baby - you'd be such a good mom, adopt a baby and then meet the right man".

I guess it all makes me feel left behind, not being engaged, having had two broken hearts, still being single.  Not about to have a baby (when my entire peer group is).  It definitely makes me feel like a failure of sorts.  And especially when people imply that what I have now is not the best for me.  That the best would be to have babies and be married.  I have always felt that I don't measure up.

I go on Tinder dates and yet, the people I regard as my top 3 days I don't hear back from.  And I can't understand why.  I feel like the date went well.  But there is no second date.  I am so incredibly bleak I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.  In fact on Friday, a colleague said he though I was lesbian because people old him I was single and he was surprised that a girl like me would be single so therefore I must be lesbian. 

Anyway here I lie along in my 1 bedroom flat.

Tony Crisp

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Re: Single 34 ... and lost
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2016, 08:58:15 AM »
Miephenk – WOW – A fellow traveller. When I was 45 I was married with five children and was terribly lost and depressed. So I snapped out of it, left my wife, married again and was again lost. Now I am nearly 80, live alone, do not visit friends unless they twist my arm, do not try to find dates, and I am here, not lost but found – I found myself in all that lostness and am never unhappy. Mind you I never ever joined the brigade of trying to be like everyone else. It is a lost cause, because the FACT is that everyone is unique, and so people go through such downers because they try to be something they are not.

So what sort of a unique person are you? I am a sort of silly old man who joyfully survived two broken marriages, about five amazing partners none of which survived, a devastating stroke, having an old and failing body – but what an amazing learning experience it all is.

One thing I did learn on the journey is to frequently dive into the stream of Life and be replenished. See http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/opening-to-life/

Tony

Miephenk

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Re: Single 34 ... and lost
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2016, 09:01:19 PM »
Thanks Tony, it's always nice to hear your wisdom.

Yes I suppose our suffering is inflicted on ourselves through craving.

People sometimes say we're all alone (even people in relationships), but I don't get that.  I think some people are more alone than others.



ToBeAware

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Re: Single 34 ... and lost
« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2016, 01:51:33 PM »
Hello, I am 43, my first child was born in december last year. My life was rich but lacking something important and a kid was not the answer. But it is not a limit for me either, it is love.

Anyway, try to find what else you like so you don't get stuck in the baby and relation want feeling. They will be there for sure, so you don't need to bother them further.

In dates, take the initiatives don't wait for his turn. And anyway keep proud and behold of your values.

About children, make sure he is mature for it before, or prepare a plan how to live without him even if it might never be real, if you're ready to take a chance, just to have the baby.

Make things with new people, according to your interests, curiosity, longing and skill-development.

Good luck!


Miephenk

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Re: Single 34 ... and lost
« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2017, 06:40:32 PM »
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post

Tony Crisp

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Re: Single 34 ... and lost
« Reply #5 on: May 25, 2017, 09:12:29 AM »
Please look at  http://dreamhawk.com/relationship-sex/beware-of-love/ and http://dreamhawk.com/relationship-sex/learning-to-love/

Having worked as a therapist for twenty or more years, I find the first one was used again and again in helping people. Also you cannot hope to find love in a partner , unless you have allowed it to flow from you.

Tony