I love my 81 year old father. I'm loyal and fiercely protective over him especially since my mother passed away in 2013. I do a lot for him. I am always the one to take him to doctor's appointments, purchase items he can't get at his local store.
I grew up with friction towards my half siblings (whom my mother took in from an orphanage upon marrying my dad, their biological mother having abandoned them) who were between 15 to 20 years old than me. My mother was the glue of the family. My father was never the father archetype. I seeked paternal support but never got it. My mother filled that role more, but also wasn't the typical mother archetype. She was very stoic.
Six months after my mother passed away in 2013 I received a brutal, scathing character attack from one of my half-brothers. He dug very deep to tear me apart and to show what an awful person he believes I am. He wanted to hurt me so much that even sent it to our father, to bring me down in his eyes. My aunt who is a devout catholic was so shocked by the letter's contents that she exclaimed to my father "but he's a man of the cloth". My half-brother is about 16 years older than me, he has his own daughter who is about ten years younger than me.
I never got on well with that half-brother, his wife or his two daughters. My mother to whom I was very close would also challenge him at times. They were very religious, something like born again Christians. I was particularly not happy when my parents payed for my half-brother's daughter's accommodation at university. I think the reason was because my parents never encourage their own children to go to university, citing financial reasons and I couldn't fathom how they could then support somebody else's.
I cannot believe that it is now over three years later since that letter was sent and drama ensued. I saw my half brother last year for the first time and briefly while my dad was in hospital. But I cannot stand him or his wife. I am civil in their presence. I still can't believe inside how awful he was. And how he suffered no consequence.
My twin brother did a bit to defend me and my father tried. But I don't feel it was enough.
Today my half brother, his wife, his two daughters and their boyfriend descended on our father's house. I had intended to visit my dad. I walked to my dad's house having thought they'd have left by the time I got there, but as I walked passed the house I saw they were still there all outside, but I just kept walking and when my dad shouted out I just said I'm going to visit my cousin and kept walking. I felt so emotional and tears rolled down my face.
I don't know why this all effects me so many years later. I thought I had forgiven them (my half-brother and his family) but perhaps I haven't. I'm so angry that I've allowed them to upset me all these years and cause this emotional pain. I'm angry at myself that this still hurts me and that I've allowed them to crush me. And I'm angry at my dad for not having done more. The only thing my dad does is give money. That is all he knows how to do.
I think the letter obviously did show some bad parts of me that are true and perhaps it's horrible realising that I do have mean parts. I also know that everyone does. I think I just can't believe to what lengths someone would go to to try hurt another person, to go to such lengths so deliberately with such intent whether the contents are true or not.
Being alone and single (of which my brother pointed out in his letter, look at all the boyfriends you've had ... when they get to know the real you they leave you) I feel so alone and so unsupported. And I have to stand there an see him, his wife and his two children. While I stand alone. I think that's what is so hard for me.