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Author Topic: Inching My Way  (Read 4053 times)

LDer

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Inching My Way
« on: January 14, 2018, 04:06:48 PM »
I have had a recurrent dream over many many years - which had ceased for the most recent years but now has returned. In the dream I am lying prone on a sheet of some sort of material which is in turn on the ground. I am trying to get to a certain destination, but am only able to push myself along using my hands on the ground - the sheet of material acting as a sort of sled. I am unable to get up from the prone position and cannot use my legs to help myself along, but can raise my head to see where I am going. This is difficult and exhausting because of the position, and I have to rest my neck sometimes.  The going is extremely slow and often I have to pass through sketchy areas. I am usually on a relatively high crest looking down on the towns or neighborhoods I am passing by. I feel very handicapped and stressed and, more than anything, impatient while I am traveling this way, yet I don't allow myself to consider quitting, crying or breaking down, but just keep persevering.  I don't remember what the destination is, but I seem to get there or almost get there - I don't have any memory of the end of these journeys.   

Tony Crisp

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Re: Inching My Way
« Reply #1 on: January 15, 2018, 01:37:06 PM »
LDer – A journey without end is the journey one takes in life, for although Western modern culture sees one dies when ones body ends, older and deeply experienced cultures see that there is never an end in timelessness existence.

A man’s experience of enlightenment when he broke through to seeing life eternal, “I am a wave on a shoreless sea. From no beginning I travel to no goal, Making my movements stillness.”

Your dream depicts a life of constant struggle, and yet it is one which you pass through areas that lack quality and beauty, but you also achieve an overall view of life from being high up. “The fact that man’s body is a speck of dust on a small planet leads to the illusion that man himself is a small creation.  The measure of the soul is the limitless activity of mind and the grandeur of imagination.  Our souls are as sparks from the One soul of God.”

Often we have to struggle as we learn from hard experience, but we can come to see the wonder behind our existence by using such paths as love, or the path which you seem to be travelling which is to meet all the experiences of life by not considering quitting, crying or breaking down, but just keep persevering. That is a path that many have trod and in yoga teaching it is called karma yoga. But see http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/opening-to-life/

I feel that you have an attitude that might be caused by a deep belief in the sacredness of life or a philosophical attitude.

You might also be interested in http://dreamhawk.com/interesting-people/collected-wisdom/ and http://dreamhawk.com/yoga/relaxation/

Tony

LDer

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Re: Inching My Way
« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2018, 11:03:06 AM »
Dear Tony -
Thank you very much for the interpretation of and commentary on my dream. Your insight is appreciated, as are your thoughts about the dream indicating that I, perhaps, am traversing through life with respect for Creation. My life has been one of many struggles and not necessarily success in overcoming all or even most of them - a condition much of humanity finds itself in. I do have a strong belief in the sacredness of life and I maintain an ongoing and consuming (!) relationship with the philosophical. I have recently embarked on a new path of personal development and maybe that's what has led to the return of this dream... will take it as a positive sign.
Thanks again - and thanks, too, for the links - especially the "Opening to Life".

Tony Crisp

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Re: Inching My Way
« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2018, 11:27:29 AM »
Thank you for the feedback, it is much appreciated.

I recently posted the entry below on Facebook, to show that difficulties can be grown beyond. It was written on March 8th 1977. It has been a very long journey but all is well now. So keep on Opening to Life in any way you can.

I CAN'T SUCCEED AT LOVE

“I can’t succeed at love, and yet I can’t stop wanting women. I couldn’t even be a bloody homosexual. What can I do? Look at me, I’m a fucking wreck. Look - women - at what you have done to me. Look. Come on, really look. I’ll show you. What a mess. I tried and tried to love. How can I after what has been done to me? There is so much pain. I just don’t know how to do it. I just don’t know what to do. It’s no good. I’ll give up. What’s the point?”

I was crying at the frustration of the years of trying to learn love, yet I still can’t love my wife. I still don’t fancy making love to her body. I then suppose, when it comes to it, any woman would be more attractive to me. My inner feelings from past memories just keep getting in the way, even after these years of trying to sort out my problems, I still can’t consistently love a woman physically. Emotionally is okay.

I remember I had started experiencing this bit about women by saying, “Don’t get near me. Go away. I’d sooner have a wank. I don’t want you near me. Much better to masturbate.”

“I’ll give in.”

I lay quietly feelings defeated and crushed by repeated failure. I said to Elaine how Ashram used to frighten me. There was so many people who had given up because there were just too many difficulties in the way of ever being able to succeed at basic life functions such as loving and being loved.

Then with a great cry, and tears, I shouted out, “I don’t want to give in. I want to go on. I want to go on living and loving. I’m not going to give in. Life is love. Life is love, and I’m going on even if it kills me. I love you Life. I love you so much. I’m not much good at it, but I’m going to carry on loving and living. I’m often frightened, but I love you even so. Sometimes it hurts but I love in pain.”

In all this I felt a great depth of feeling. It was a huge wave. A wave of Life in me - Life and Love.

“But it is so painful sometimes.”

I felt I was life itself crying with the pain, trials and difficulties of living. Crying with all the sensitivity of the gentle easily torn tissues of our body. I was the body weeping. I was an animal roaring in pain. My body contorted as the roars of pain came out of me. I looked at my hand. “I am Life. The pain and the wonder will never go away. Life and love will always be full of pain and wonder. But I want to go on.”

Now I lay quietly for a while, but I could feel vibrating energy flowing through me, causing me to tremble. my wife started to cry. It was as if I were life speaking.

I eventually wrote http://dreamhawk.com/relationship-sex/learning-to-love/ on January 2016

Tony
« Last Edit: January 19, 2018, 11:45:13 AM by Tony Crisp »