The human personality – the You that you call yourself, with a name, is only a tiny thing. It is moved and tossed around by all manner of drives, ambitions, emotions, fears, temptations, worries, love and desire with its pains and hopes; it is something we take so seriously and get carried away into awful situations; we take many sorts of pain killers to deal with ourselves. Things such as alcohol, coffee, medical drugs and street drugs, and yet we are still prone to break down, as can be seen by the number of people who need antidepressants or are totally lost in themselves. See
https://dreamhawk.com/interesting-people/animal-children/#ProgramAnd a lot of the pain and the mental misery is largely because we put so much trust in what we think and feel. Yet thoughts are simple photocopies of reality and are never the real things. They are just sounds we make into words to help us move around a strange and confusing world. And feelings too are simply a response to what we meet. See
https://dreamhawk.com/news/avoiding-being-my-own-victim/We are small because we know nothing about who we are and how we came to be – except of course in the words we have been taught are really the truth. We do not know anything about the mass of things that keep us alive – except what we have read, yet more words. We are largely unconscious of what makes our heart beat, and all the millions of things that life behind our existence does, so we are moved by whatever moves us – whatever that is – childhood fears and social programming, or haunted by the past.
Also most people have lost contact with the animal they are, and so the human person is made even smaller by that loss. Yet we know if we think about without words, that we have evolved through past ages, and in our womb life go through the stages as we develop our reptile brain, our mammal brain and then the human brain – and they are still in us and working. And it is what I have called the Life Will or Life that lies behind it all and needs some acknowledgement. See
https://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/brain-levels-and-dreams/And behind it all it the Nothing that is Everything. If we can acknowledge that then we may find firm footing. “When you make the two into one, and when you make the inner as the outer, and the upper as the lower, and when you make male and female into a single one, so that the male shall not be male, and the female shall not be female: . . . then you will enter [the kingdom].” Quoted from The Gnostic Apostle Thomas:
https://www.amazon.com/Gospel-Thomas-Sermons-Restored-Translation/dp/0999335324/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=The+Gnostic+Apostle+Thomas&qid=1566902193&s=books&sr=1-4Also as we begin to meet the Hugeness that we are we often react to it with fear or panic. So we dream or being attacked by aliens or frightening creatures. If we realise that they are things we have created with fear we will pass on. If we refrain from the normal activities and diversions people enter into the conserved energy will flow into and enliven old traumas, and make alive the fears, pains and fantasies those traumas give rise to. So it could lead to neurosis or worse. It could also lead to fantasies of spiritual power or experience. It is, after all, the stuff of life, and is incredibly creative. It brings life to whatever it flows into, whether that is good or what we call evil. So we need to remember and keep in contact with our highest.
Example: "During meditation in Convent Chapel – had been repeating a mantra dreamt about Chiayusin and then gone onto the meditation I cannot always do, the empty quiet within waiting for the delicate touch. I began to feel the delicate touch. As usual with this my spine straightened slowly without my making any effort. I sat extremely upright without effort or strain. Then my heart began to pound as it had never pounded before, except during heavy exercise or running. I also began to perspire and breathe heavily and slightly raggedly. I felt I had opened-up to an enormous power. Yet I had only brushed its skirts.
No wonder meditation is dangerous. If you opened to this before your body was ready, it could damage the heart, and maybe other organs. When I looked at myself in the mirror afterwards, my eyes were red and face perspiring as if just finishing sexual intercourse.
The heart pain – a pain right through my chest from front to back, or a general ache and pain in the chest – I have been suffering for some months now, I feel is tied up with this business of ‘opening up’. It started with my efforts at the head-stand and uddiyana. The head-stand had reached 30 minutes, and uddiyana had progressed to 1000 repetition daily. Then suddenly I began to suffer badly with what appear to be pains in the heart and chest. These pains do not occur during heavy exercise, but often during meditation.
However it is not as clear cut as that, as they also occur at odd times during the day, once as quite bad palpitation – this was while meeting S. during lunch break.
There appears to be some link with the sex act, as I have not had any sexual intercourse for a long time now. Neither have wet-dreams occurred. When any loss of sexual fluid threatens, even as I dream, I find myself doing the aswini mudra – tensing the rectum – and thus controlling it.
This control of the natural (?) loss of sexual fluid may have caused this build-up of heart tension.
The experience in the Chapel this morning shows a definite link with heart action and deep meditation. Remember that Jim Droust had the same experience when beginning a projection – OBE – i.e. terrific heart beats, so intense they frightened me.
I feel somehow that it may be a result of unconscious fears of being controlled by the unconscious forces. On the one hand we have the unknown – unknown by consciousness – force, and on the other the conscious self seeking, without really any clear conception of what it is looking for."
When one finds something real within oneself – something previously unconscious – one tries to block by various unconscious physical tensions, thus topping the normal flow of the life energy in the body. When we find the real thing we are frightened. Like a young inexperienced boy seeking sexual experience – when confronted by a full grown woman he may be scared silly, as it is an experience he has never met before, and cannot cope with his present psychological equipment. See
https://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/opening-to-life/ A Quote from The Gospel of Thomas - 2) Jesus said:
“One should not be deterred, once one begins to search. One searches until one finds. Upon finding,
there are questions, and with questions, will come answers. with answers, one can come to embrace the world."
“The sky and the earth will be spread before you. Those who will live in accord with the Living One will see beyond any narrowness of life.”
“If you become my disciples, abiding by my words, the very stones beneath your feet will act upon your bidding.”
Eltzroth, Daniel. The Gospel of Thomas: Lost Sermons of Jesus Restored: A New Translation for Today's World . Antiq Publications. Kindle Edition.
