Sexercise - Tony Crisp

Tune In To The Power Of Your Legs

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Introduction

All sex is movement. Sexual movement involves our body, our emotions and our spontaneity. For sex to be more than two people experiencing mutual physical friction, movements of our whole self are called for. In the widest sense sex is much more than genital pleasure between two people. Sex is involved in the way we manage or fail to find a connection with every person we meet. It underlies how we can give and receive in work or in learning from another person. It is also the great secret governing whether we can get the best out of ourselves by creating an inner relatedness in which we call forth a flowering of our own potential through loving ourselves.

The legs play an enormous part in sexual pleasure and expression. If your legs are stiff and immobile this pleasure will be lessened. So learn to tune into your legs.

For many years I have helped people discover how to unlock the secret power trapped in their body. The legs are a wonderful example of how, when we relate to our body in the right way, enormous confidence and feelings of positive motivation are released. Also when expressing your feelings freely during love making, your legs play a big part in how you hold your partner, and what position of love making you can move into. Personally I don’t see the various positions of love making as things one needs to use as a sort of gymnasium of sex. But having a mobile body enables you to allow the variety of feelings and urges that arise in the passion and pleasure of love.

For instance, as a man, it is a very beautiful feeling to sit cross legged and have my partner sit naked on my legs face to face, with her legs around my waist. The wonderful mixture of pressure, warm moist flesh and pubic hair against my genitals, and suspended breasts against my chest, is a sensual feast. Without being able to sit in that posture, the nearest one could get to it would be to sit on a stool. But when sitting on a stool, the thighs are not spread open to allow ones love partner to sink deeply onto one.

Sitting on a chair, the woman who cannot let her knees drop sideways cannot truly open her secret warmth and wrap her legs around her partner.

Recently a woman friend, told me, “The first time my present husband had sex with me, he said he had never experienced a woman opening her legs the way I can. He kept saying what a marvellous experience it was. This was because I had practised some leg stretches until I could drop my knees sideways.”

Opening Your Legs

For a woman, opening your legs can be a very powerful sexual signal, and a very deep self offering. If it is done with skill it becomes an artistic as well as sensual act. Sensual pleasure arises mostly from the way flesh touches and moves against flesh. The pleasure blossoms into ecstasy when your emotions blow against the glowing ember produced by feeling warm open lips against flesh, and the ember leaps into fiery flame. But many tender moments of loving sensuality come from feeling your partner’s skin, weight and expanse of flesh against you in unusual ways. What would it feel like to be kissing with lips and genitals, and yet have your partner’s thighs lying against your chest? It’s easy if you can bend at the waist until your head touches your legs.

Without attempting to be a gymnast in love though, here are some ways to bring greater suppleness to your legs.

Summary Of Sexercise 1 - Opening The Legs

• Always wear soft loose clothing for these sexercises, not tight corset-like leotards. Or if comfortable, wear nothing at all, or just a pair of briefs.
• The movement needs a reasonable floor space, about the size of a spread single blanket. So stand in such a space where you feel at ease about doing an exercise. then place your feet about double shoulder width. If you have stockings or socks on and your feet begin to slip, take the socks off. It is important to avoid your feet slipping. This could lead to slight injury.
• Look to see if your feet are parallel to each other. If they are splayed out straighten them and let the weight load be taken on the outside under-edge of each foot. Do not lock the knees back in a rigid way. Keep the knees ready to flex.
• Now let your head droop forward allowing the trunk to follow until your hands touch the floor. If this doesn’t quite happen take your feet a little wider. Then with hands supporting on the floor, slowly take your feet wider apart, maintaining their parallel position and taking the weight on the outside of the foot. Keep moving the feet apart until you reach the point where pain begins in the muscles - probably on the inside of the thighs. Bring the feet a little together from that point.
• Make sure the hands are on the floor just under the shoulders. Then bend the right leg at the knee. This will cause the left leg to stretch by dropping the hips slightly. Now straighten the right and bend the left knee in a similar way. The resulting movement is one of swinging from left to right. Repeat the movement until you feel you have well stretched the inside of your legs - probably about five times in each direction.
• When finished stop in the central position, inch your feet slightly more together, take your weight and balance on your feet and slowly bring your head and trunk up in to the standing position. Rest.
• This stretch is to enable you to take the legs wider apart without pain. It applies to men and women.

The main objectives in stretching our legs in a sexercise is to enable the legs to be opened wider, and for the bent knees to be capable of dropping sideways. As an example of this, the classic sexual posture is portrayed as the woman lying on her back with her knees bent and in the air, and the man lying between her thighs. This means for the woman that her thighs are still fairly closed. She has to drop her knees sideways to let the man lie between her legs. If the knees can be dropped further apart, there is a full opening and a comfort in the position. It also means other positions are easy and enjoyable.

Something I have noticed is that even if you can do the postures given only reasonably well in practise, during sexual intercourse the body seems to be experienced differently. One can move into postures easily and often go without pain beyond what was possible in practise. Or if there is pain it doesn’t seem to be noticed. Ones attention is focused elsewhere.

Another two stretches that aid this are ones which are particularly to widen the knees falling sideways.

Summary Of Sexercise 2 - The Open Lap

• Use this stretch in an open space again, with loose clothing.
• Sit on the floor with legs straight out in front. If it is difficult to sit like this without an inclination to lean backwards or forwards to balance, put your hands just slightly to the rear of your behind. Take you weight on your hands and slightly lift your hips off the floor. This lets the weight of your trunk hang from the shoulders and allows the spine to straighten.
• Bend your knees and bring your feet toward you so the soles of the feet are together and the knees dropped outwards from the centre to whatever point they will fall. Using your hands, inch your body slowly toward your feet - still with soles of feet together.
• Bring your trunk as near to your feet as you can tolerate while the knees are dropped outwards. Then take hold of the toes of your feet with both hands and while holding them straighten your spine. This will probably pull your feet a little nearer. Meanwhile move your knees downwards towards the floor, widening the gap between them.
• This is never a very easy posture for most Europeans, but there can be rapid improvement if you do the posture at least two or three times a week and hold for a minute or so. When you begin to feel easy in it and it becomes enjoyable, try keeping the soles of the feet together and lying backwards onto the floor.
• Apart from a useful sexercise this posture is also well worth doing for its benefits during childbirth It stretches and opens the pelvic area.

Summary Of Sexercise 3 - Foot To Thigh

• You need a space large enough to sit on the floor with your legs stretched out in front of you.
• Bring the right foot toward the trunk, helping with the hands. Take the heel of the foot up as far as you comfortably can into the crotch, while keeping the left leg straight.
• Hold the heel well into the crotch and see if you can drop the right knee down toward the floor. If it is difficult, hold the foot in place with the left hand and gently press the knee down with the right.
• If the right knee drops easily to the floor, take the right foot in both hands and lift it up onto the left thigh. If possible the toes should be well over to the outer edge of the thigh. Then again see if you can drop the knee toward the floor. Take your time. Your body will respond if you give it weeks instead of minutes. Gradually your knees will open and muscles adapt.
• After holding the position for a minute or so put the right foot out on the ground with leg straight again. Now stretch the left foot to the crutch in the same way and repeat the procedure.
• End by sitting with legs crossed in front of you. If you can easily do the above stretch it may be possible to put one foot in the crotch - for the man the heal goes under the testicles - and the other heal in front of it. Otherwise put one leg over the other in an easy posture - for instance the left heal touching the right thigh and its toes under the right calf, and the right heal under the left calf.

Power In The Legs

If our legs, as psychological and physical sources of power, are not being used properly, we lose confidence in life and in love. Without the power that comes from your legs you lack the ability to stand up for yourself. You cannot pleasurably or playfully meet another person’s power and positive strength. Instead you may feel attacked or demeaned simply through your partner expressing their own vigour of body and mind. Instead of a happy play and creative flux of mutual strength and creativity, one feels attacked, and responds with counter-attack. This is not productive of a happy and surging relationship. Anna describes her experience of this.

My first marriage was one in which I constantly felt I had been aggressive in my behaviour to my husband, Adrian. Throughout seventeen years of marriage he responded to me as if I were attacking him. So much so, and because I had nothing to compare with, I felt I was a destructive person in a relationship.

I left Adrian for reasons other than described and started a relationship with Mark. For a while everything went smoothly and then while walking one evening along a country lane I started talking animatedly with Mark. I was astonished and disturbed when he crumpled emotionally and literally fell in a heap in the road. The thought hit me - ‘Oh God, I’m doing it again. I must be some sort of destructive bitch forever hurting people.’

I wasn’t living with Mark at the time so we parted with me still struggling to understand what had happened. At work the next day I couldn’t help nibble away at the problem as I was going about what needed to be done. In the back of my mind I was looking at the things said, and in analysing them suddenly realised there was something quite ridiculous about feeling I had been aggressive. I had only been talking about things I was feeling strongly, and hadn’t been aiming anything at Mark. This meant that Mark had crumpled simply because I was being my normal enthusiastic, strongly expressive self. I immediately got on the phone to him and said that I didn’t want to develop a relationship with someone who flopped down like a pile of cow dung simply because I had been strong. I explained that I hadn’t even been directing the things said at him, I was only talking generally. He grasped this. We later married and when I stood up on my hind legs and felt good, or angry or strong, Mark was there with me. It was a completely different situation to my first marriage.

What Anna describes is the sort weakness or strength we unconsciously associate with our legs and occasionally with our spine. Expression of these unconscious associations riddle the English language. We see it in such idioms as beings legless; didn’t have a leg to stand on; my legs went to jelly; my legs were paralysed; I couldn’t stand up for myself; felt like I had a ball and chain on my legs. We also talk about being supported in a relationship, or perhaps having to stand alone. All of these refer to the emotions and attitudes which provide or deny not only our confidence, but also our ability to happily be ourselves.

In a sexual relationship, and in sex itself, these attitudes support or reduce our sense of value. They make the difference between a dependent or independent relatedness. They are the point of change which makes the difference between feeling insecure and of little value as a partner, or feeling confident of ones vale and standing, and being able to create mutual support and love. There is a huge contrast between feeling independent and through that choosing to stay in a relationship because you value it, and feeling dependent and inadequate, and desperately clinging to a relationship because you fear alternatives.

We all know what it is like to feel dependent. In childhood we were all dependent upon our parents, and that may have been a happy situation if our parents were caring. As an adult however, it can mean feeling demeaned or abused, because the feeling of dependence may lead us to tolerate behaviour we would not otherwise accept.

Finding our own strength and relating to another person from that power is a wonderful experience. In making love our sexual feelings flow with enormous freedom if they arise out of positive self esteem. We no longer attempt to overpower our partner to become top dog in a contest of will, or to seek to trap or be passive with them because we depend upon them for our own feelings of being wanted.

This is all interesting or boring theory, but what I want to show you is a way of experiencing and extending the power and confidence of your own ‘legs’. I want to show you how you can stand up, perhaps for the first time in your life. It is a wonderful experience. If you discover this it will certainly change the way you are loved and love.

Count Me In - I’m Standing

As a baby there was a time when you stood for the first time. Perhaps you can’t remember that, but if you have watched a baby do this you can see it is something that produces strong feelings, perhaps pleasure and pride or maybe uncertainty. As a baby we start by not being able to rise from the floor except on hands and knees. So in tuning-in to the secrets your legs have in store for you, I need to have you play with some movements involving standing and going down.

As with the other movements, it is helpful if you are wearing loose soft clothing - things you can move in easily and your body does not feel restricted by. You need an open space about six feet square, or about the size of a spread blanket. It helps if you can move around a little without the fear of banging into something or knocking things over. At first the movements are practised by yourself. When you experience the power of yourself in standing, then you can use the movements with a partner and explore what it does in your relationship or during sex. But by all means practise with a friend or friends who wish to explore these sexercises with you. In this movement however, we are not in close proximity, so need personal space.

It is important to have an environment in which you can feel free to express yourself easily, even to easy expression of emotion or unusual movement or use of your voice. This is more necessary in this sexercise than in the previous ones.

The reason for this need for freedom of expression is that in most everyday situations we are restraining ourselves quite severely, perhaps without knowing it. This is because in many public or even family situations, certain things are taboo. I remember in one work scene a young woman slipped and fell near a group of colleagues. She had previously broken her arm and it was newly out of plaster and tender. In falling she banged her arm and the pain led to instant crying. As I walked toward her to help her up the other people scattered with great spread. It appeared to be from embarrassment that someone cried in public near to them.

Other taboos are the expression of anger, affection or irrational behaviour. There is also a taboo on easy touching outside of a sexual relationship. In this sexercise one of the aims is to create an environment which allows more freedom of expression than usual. This is not only helpful for the sexercise, but also as you learn to create it, it can become a feature of your sexual experience and other relationships too.

To start I want you to stand in your space with feet about shoulder width apart, then drop hips down toward the floor with knees bent in the squat position. At this point we are just trying out the movement so experiment with standing up and squatting down again. If you find it is not an easy position because you have to raise your heals to keep balanced, place a couple of thick books, a rolled up small rug, or a piece of wood to give support. This should make it easy to drop your hips near to the floor without having to worry about keeping balance. In fact unless you can relax in the position reasonably well it will not be easy to complete the last part of the sexercise.

Once you can easily move between the up and down position do the movement fairly vigorously for a minute or so. I suggest starting from the standing position with feet shoulder width apart. Take an in-breath and as you do so take your hands and arms backwards slightly to open or widen the expansion of your rib cage. Let your head drop back a little also, to express this expansion.

From that open in-breath let your breath out through your mouth - in fact blow it out noisily as you drop into the squat position. As you drop let the hands swing forward and up until they are together in front of your chin or face with your elbows bent. This position is quite opposite to the standing, as the head is dropped forward as limply as possible, so your hands may in fact be touching the top of your head. The chest is also contracted and the trunk bent forward.

Without making yourself dizzy by too rapid a movement or too deep breathing, move between these opposites. If you need to rest in either of the positions allowing your breath to cycle as it wishes. Then when ready to continue start from the appropriate in or out breath.

When you feel acquainted with the two polarities of the movement - the ‘up’ and the ‘down’ - take time to be aware of the different feelings in each. As you near the end of your fast movement slow down. Be aware of what each position feels like by staying in it longer, allowing your breathing to cycle as described above. While in the ‘down’ position see if you can drop unnecessary tension and droop or let go in the way one might in going to sleep. Close your eyes and let the feeling of letting-go pervade you a little. If you cannot possibly do this in the squatting position for some reason, use a low stool or chair to support you so you can allow your trunk to droop forward onto your legs, your head on your knees, and relax. Get a limp ‘rag doll’ feeling.

As you move into the ‘up’ position breathe in and open your eyes. Slightly exaggerate the in-breathe by taking your hands and arms backwards, head up and slightly back, chest open and expanded. In this position be aware of the more open, dynamic and active feelings it might produce for you. The words ‘might produce’ are used purposely because we each have slightly different reactions to body postures. So do not be concerned if you feel quite different to what I have described. This will be dealt with shortly.

To end this part of the sexercise, when you go down, stay in the position and notice whether you have any inclination of your own to move into the ‘up’ position. Take your time with this as it is very important. So far you have done the movement because you have been willing to follow the instructions I have given. But now I am saying do not stand up unless you can notice a real motivation to do so. Don’t do it on automatic.

What is it that moves you to stand up in the morning? It isn’t a silly question. It might be that it is duty, or a desire to avoid losing your job, or habit. Maybe you simply want to go to the toilet. Perhaps you would otherwise stay in bed. In other words you would stay in the ‘down’ position. The positions in fact represent deeply important polarities in our life such as rest and activity - expression and withdrawal - confidence and uncertainty - waking and sleep.

Taking notice of whether you want to stand up or not is a way of seeing if you are simply going about your life on automatic, or whether enthusiasm and motivation fires you to express. Perhaps when you give awareness to whether you have an inclination to stand up you notice that you want to stay down or sink even further into rest. If so that is quite normal. Sometimes we have been pushing ourselves too hard, or have been pushed by others, and have never allowed ourselves the healing of sinking deeply into ourselves to contact our own reservoir of energy and enthusiasm.

Another response might be that you stand up fast because you don’t like it ‘down there’. This sometimes happens if you associate the ‘down’ position with personal defeat or failure instead of rest and recuperation.

Don’t worry if at this first practise you cannot find any motivation other than an automatic response to stand up. But do take time with it. Wait and be aware of the feelings that arise. If you are lucky you will feel a growing desire to stand, to be ‘in the world’, to be interacting with others with your own strength. If this moves you to stand, you will rise with more of yourself involved than usual. You will feel almost as if you are radiating a sort of ‘I AM’ feeling, ‘I EXIST’. Here is how Cathy describes her practise:-

I had done the standing and squatting movement quite a few times, usually with positive results. This time was so different though. There were several of us practising together, and Tony was leading the group. It took me quite a long time to find any urge whatsoever to move to a standing position. I simply squatted there waiting and wondering why it was taking me so long. As I waited I saw that my life had been plagued with lots of hesitations. For much of my life I had felt as if I had to continually struggle simply to exist. Standing up meant somehow meeting these difficulties and shining through them. Shining through is different to struggling to survive. Did I have whatever it needed to do that? Was there something alive in me enough to break through, like the budding seedling pushes through the heavy earth and reaches up to live?

At the time I didn’t have all those feelings so clearly thought out, but that is what it was like. Then I could feel something stirring in me. Our group was outdoors among fir trees and a warm wind was blowing. It touched me and I could feel that I wanted to be a part of life, to stand up, to be whatever was in me to be. My legs pushed to the earth and my head lifted. As I rose to a standing position tears came to my eyes. What an immense thing this was, to stand, to face all the things that tried to pull me back down, and yet to raise my head and dare. I stood, crying at the wonder of it, realising how long it had taken me to face my own fears, to find independence and stand on my own feet. But then, not only was I standing, but I had the impulse to take a step, to walk. All I had ever done, all I might ever do, was in that step. It was unforgettable.

Summary Of Sexercise 4 - Standing

• Decide on giving yourself the freedom to express easily. If emotion, movement or fantasy arises in this sexercise let it happen. In everyday life we hold back much of ourselves because much of what we feel is inappropriate. Unfortunately we may fail to give ourselves a time to be free. Sex is a time to let go completely. This sexercise is a practise run for letting our enthusiasm rise.
• Stand in a space in which you can move easily. Wear loose clothes. Have feet about shoulder width apart, and experiment with the squatting movement, dropping your hips down toward the ground. If you need to use something support to your heels, do so. This enables an easier squatting posture. Should this still be awkward for you, sit on a low chair or stool.
• Squat and stand a few times to warm up. As you begin to feel at home with the movement do it in time with your breathing. Start from a position of standing with breathe in, arms away from the sides and backwards slightly to open the rib cage, and head slightly back. From that position breathe out through your mouth noisily as you drop down into the squat. As you drop swing the arms and hands forward and up towards the head, bending the elbows. Let your head droop and hold the position for a moment as you relax face and genitals. Then stand, breathing in through the nose as you do so. Swing the hands down and backwards and head up and back to open the chest.
• Move between the standing and squatting with some energy, but not so fast as to make yourself dizzy. If you need to you can rest either in the standing or squatting, allowing yourself to breathe normally until you start again from the appropriate in or out breath.
• When your body begins to feel at ease with the movement, and you can do it without being focused on the mechanics of it, start to notice what you feel in the poles of the movement. Slow the movement down and pause at each pole. Notice the difference between the standing and the squatting.
• Enhance these differences. It may help to close your eyes, droop the head and drop tension while squatting. If you cannot relax in this position try using a stool or a support for your heels.
• When you move to the standing position, open your eyes and breathe in. Let yourself feel something of the dynamic action of standing with the chest open and expanded.
• When you have become aware of the opposite poles of feeling in the movement, stay down in the squat. Let yourself relax into it. Kneel down or sit on a stool if you cannot relax in the position. Drop your head, drop tension from your face and pelvis. Droop!
• Now take time to observe whether there is any motivation to stand. Don’t simply stand up automatically. Notice what it is that makes you want to rise. If you can notice any urge to rise, follow it. Let IT move YOU, rather than simply making yourself stand up. This may take time. Be patient, and don’t be discouraged if you get no clear urge. Simply end the exercise after about ten minutes. But if there is a motivation to stand, follow it until you feel yourself standing with real motivation or enthusiasm. Try it several times until you can feel a different quality in the way you stand.

Love Wrestling

In teaching people how to play with and enjoy their body, it often surprises me how impoverished an experience some of us have of touching, exploring, rolling around and tussling with someone else. I shouldn’t really be surprised as the first time I got together with two friends and explored close physical contact outside of sex, I was frightened by the intensity of my own need to be close to and hold the male and female friend who were my partners. Over the years though, this became ease in being close, and a sense of wonder at what depths of myself emerged through undemanding physical contact with others.

A sexercise which is a good introduction to playful contact with someone, and uses the legs to exploring strength and fun in meeting is one I call Love Wrestling. I call it this because it is non competitive but assertive way of getting close to a partner. It needs a fairly large space. This is important because the fun comes from being able to romp without worrying about hurting yourself on furniture or other objects in the room. Even a space the size of a double-bed blanket is sufficient IF you both agree to stop when you get near the boundary of your space.

If you are wearing clothes make sure they are loose, soft and fairly strong. Stand facing your partner - male or female - and put your hands on each others shoulders. Lean forward and put your head onto the shoulder of your partner. Find a position in which you can brace yourself against your partner enough to be able to push against each other using the strength of your legs. Experiment with this to get the feel of the right position.

Once you feel in contact and braced, the aim is to use your legs to push your partner to the edge of the blanket. To do this you have to be powerful and energetic with your legs, and let their power flow through to your shoulders and arms.

Don’t make this into a serious contest. Enjoy it! But do let your energy really break through. Shout and groan. Growl at each other, pant and rave. If you are half hearted and wimpish with this your partner, even though small, will easily push you over the edge. But if you let the animal in you flow through your body you can find resources of strength and assertiveness.

It always seems to me that if you try to be prim or passive, or are uncertain and let others make your decisions all the time, you will not be able to find strength to resist and push your partner in this sexercise. So you need to let your hair down, don’t be pushed around, get the strength flowing up from your legs and pelvis into your shoulders and arms, put some guts into it.

Do You Have 12 Volt Sex When It Could Be A 100 Volts?

Watching how people use their body, it is obvious that some people have never got the whole voltage of their energy flowing into what they do. The movements such people make often seem jelly-like. The movements seem to lack vigour and purpose. Watching a woman or man weight train or move who has learnt to express vigorously through their body is a pleasurable thing. Their strength and personality shine through what they do.

If you lack this sort of vigour, the way you move or remain passive in sex will be jelly like too. The power of your feelings is trapped somewhere and perhaps never engages with your partner or the world. You are most likely having 12 volt sex without knowing it. Believe me, you could be having a 100 volt, or even a 150 volt experience. So try the love wrestling and let your soul shine through in the process. When you have tried love wrestling a few times, change the rules by doing it with your sexual partner and let the course of events move toward sex. But keep the game going. Sex is VERY exciting when it is a wrestle and not easy to get!!

Summary Of Sexercise 5 - Love Wrestling

• This is a way of using leg strength to express assertion and confidence in meeting a partner in play and sex.
• A fairly large space is needed. For the sexercise to be enjoyable a minimum would be about the size of a double-bed blanket. Even then, move furniture or objects which you cold hurt yourself on just outside that area, and agree to stop the wrestling when you get to the boundary or the area.
• Wear soft loose garments if you are wearing clothes.
• You can have the same or opposite sex partner. Stand facing your partner and put your hands on each others shoulders. Then lean forward and put your head onto the shoulders of your partner, and vice versa.
• Experiment with the head placing and hands to find a position that feels right. Now brace yourselves against each other, pushing slightly against each other using your legs. This will bring your trunk lower and leaning slightly forward, perhaps bending at the waist a little.
• Do a few trial pushes against each other to gauge strength and position before you start pushing in earnest. When you are ready warn each other that you are about to start in earnest.
• Remember this is not a contest, so don’t try to injure each other. But do let yourself go as far as the space and environment will allow - i.e. if you have rubber mats underneath in a gym you can be a bit more daring than if you are in your house with furniture near at hand.
• Push and dodge to get your partner moving where you want them. Let a few growls out if you can feel the assertive feelings to go with it. Be aware of how you are using your legs and push with them letting their strength flow right up to shove your partner back. It helps to keep the waist slightly bent so you don’t get overbalanced. Be assertive. It means to be forthright and positive, whereas aggressive means to be hostile.
• From here on let it be a rowdy game, experiencing each others strength and letting your own meet that of your partner.
• When you are good at the game, let the game move toward sex with the person you want to make love with. Get the volts pouring through by wrestling your way into each others body. A little oil on your skin knocks it through to a 150 volt experience!!
• As things warm up break the rules! Drop down onto the ground and grapple. The oil will make it very sensuous.
• This is so hot I take no liability for what happens. You are on your own!

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