Dear Tony,
I hope you are well. I have a question which may sound far-fetched, however I feel makes total sense.
Since it may be argued that waking life is just a dream, to what extent can one make use of the interpretation of dream signs to interpret the meaning of signs in one's waking life? I feel that the barrier between the two is very, very thin. Once I start noticing "signs" in my waking life, well, those are as much a projection of my unconscious/soul (I feel that definitions here are unnecessary) as much as those I may get in dream. Even the seemingly absurdity of the plots followed by signs in waking life may be just as intricate.
Hence my question is, from your life experience, to what extent do you think the same processes can be applied to unearth the thread behind these signs/plot to both waking and dreaming life? Are actual dreams projected from a different dimension?
I have an example. Last week I spent some time in a very big park, which stays open after dusk. In this park there is an artificial lake; the moon was reflecting its silvery glimmer on the surface of the water (I don't know the name for this effect, and thank heavens there isn't because its beauty is unnameable!). I was instantly attracted by this, and felt safer and safer to walk to an edge where the park café was (and which was closed at the time, hence evening, dark, no light, although quite close to lit areas and only me - and in a big park in an urban setting). I just wanted to be alone with the water, the stillness, the moon - it had been already a day of connecting to the earth and the trees in the park. I know this has to do with my femininity and my female energy - I felt I did not want to go away from that spot. I had never been in a place only lit by moonlight and felt bathed by the moon and the stars and completely at peace. It was not even peace - but some sort of ecstasy. For a moment I truly felt I could even die - such was the peaceful ecstasy I felt, that it was more interesting than the daily struggles of humanness. I felt whole and complete and to some extent was also afraid of this, of such letting go. I felt the possibility of this, I felt a very distant glimpse into the peace where my dad now is, and I somehow had to consciously stop this - for I am meant to be here to engage with those "human struggles", and that I am not done with that business. I don't know if what I was feeling was some kind of out of body experience - I truly felt in my body, not away from it.
But this ecstasy truly ended when I realised there was a fox around. I've grown used to foxes in town, however I am quite fearful of animals in general, and whenever I see a fox I'd rather move away or scream at them even though I know they're scared of humans. But this fox did not seem too scared, I could feel she wasn't. So I screamed at her, she seems unfazed and went on and away. Then another came. At that point I was too scared (of my unease I believe, more than the foxes themselves - I wish I were not that scared of them) and aware of their presence lurking somewhere, watching me and being unable to hide from their eyes. So slowly I managed to get away from that corner and felt uneasy about letting my own fear destroy that moment of ecstasy I experienced. I felt so alive (interestingly, since I felt like I could leave my body), and felt guilty of not being able to sustain that moment.
Of course that was outside of café that was closed, and it was dark and with rubbish around the foxes may be around for that reason. But I know there was more than that. It was one, and then another one - as if I got a second chance at dealing with them. They came around even though there was a human there. and came also quite close (ie. not so scared! Maybe they thought I was not alive?). AND the whole scene was such a strong surrender to the divine feminine in me. I felt their presence was a consequence of this surrender, and my inability to deal with this "higher level" and this connectedness with nature (and hence animals in it) made me feel unable yet to deal with this level.
I went home and read a bit about the meaning of foxes. Without delving deep I found of course a meaning about femininity, but also something about foxes being a sign or a reminder that life is to be lived in the third dimension - which is indeed something I am trying to reconcile with my own path. I am coming out of a few years of delving deep and discovering (more and more) what really is there - and now I feel stronger to re-engage with the physical dimension of life, however I find it hard to reconcile as I mentioned the struggles of being human and living in this time and era and the depth of what I'm finding.
I went on with my days and on November, 1st (a date with a lot of meaning, or energy, if anything that of a new start) I was walking down the street when I bump into a dead fox on the sidewalk. She must have been hit by a car (which means...not such a shrewd fox after all? Since they are known to be animals very skillful at surviving in many environments), and someone must have put them on the side. I got scared, and also felt some connection to that particular fox. I felt sorry for her; that she died like this. That most likely the council workers cleaning up the street may just take her body and throw in the rubbish. I felt the need to caress her head ( although of course I could not do this and I didn't - not a dream-dream!); to give her a goodbye. Also her chin had been pressed probably by a car, and she had a grin which looked somewhat peaceful; one leg had apparently gone, and her lower intestines/stomach was partly visible. Also seeing a dead body reminded me of my dad's dead body once he died earlier this year; upon saying goodbye, I had been caressing his head. as if to tell him that everything was fine, to care for him. In the deepest pain and distress of those days, my mom had been caressing my head, too.
Now, I am absolutely sure this has some meaning, and I do not see how this whole story I've told can be any different from a dream - it is a dream. What am I trying to tell myself? Why was the fox dead? Is it a part of me dying? Or being reborn? Also, my dad's dead propelled my own paths to of course even greater depth - is the dead fox a sign that it is time to "come back" to or integrate what I've learnt/seen/felt into a more "superficial" level (ie., the physical dimension in which we live)? Also, why November 1st? Under certain pagan traditions, this is the start of the year. And, under many aspects, I feel that these few years of big learning is a cycle that is closing, I feel I am at the start of something new.
Of course I see other signs in my days. In the same week I was approached by a white pigeon, whilst I saw signs like a bus with the slogan "you know why you come here", and a lady talking to me and calling me "a godsend". Individually none of these signs has any value, but together they outline the same unconnectedness and apparently nonsensical nature of dreams.
Your thoughts would be so much appreciated! I feel your website is also a "godsend" and I have found so much of my own path in your articles. I thank you and everyone on this forum for reading this story, which is of course very personal and important to me.
I wish you a good weekend
V