There's a dead person in there

[Rain_Dancer]

Hiya Tony,

I'd appreciate your perspective on last night's dream.
I've planted the seed for opening a coffee shop/art gallery called, "Dream Matrix Cafe", and last night I asked for a dream to show me more of what the creation wants to be through me.  The dream I had was totally unexpected, I haven't taken time to sit with it yet but I will tonight.

I see a face in front of me, facing up.  I only see the face, it is seemingly not connected to a body.  I also see, at the mouth, one of those squeeze-bulb oxygen mask things that emergency technicians use, and a hand squeezing the bulb to pump oxygen in through the mouth.
I see another hand, slicing the face from the upper left temple, down under the nose, and back up to the opposite temple, and it pulls the flap back to expose what's underneath, effectively pulling the face back to expose what's underneath.
It's a pretty gruesome sight, and I cringe, I feel some distress that they aren't using anesthetic for this.
I feel a moment of relief when the hand replaces the flap of skin, but feel distress again when it is pulled back yet again, and now my vision zooms in on the exposed tissue, and I can see a drill now drilling into the exposed flesh.
Again I feel distress that no anesthetic is being used, and the tissue underneath isn't like what I'd expect, it's not like bone and muscles, it's spongey and porous and like fat.

I hear screaming voice, "There's a dead person in there!"
Now...what I also notice upon reflection, I felt the voice move through me as if I were saying it, but in the dream it seemed like someone else's voice.  Also, the closeness and angle of the drill lead me to believe it was possibly "me" doing the drilling, and observing from a dissociated viewpoint because of the horror or gruesomeness of the action.

I see an image of my niece, hear her name, and something about a vaccination.

Next I see an image of a well-formed, yet very premature baby girl who is being dumped into a bowl, as if a late-term abortion.

Then something about giving someone a book about President Obama.

The scene shifts, I'm on a beach with a group of people, it is sunset.  The sunset is glorious, with unusual colors, the clouds are an unusually dark purple and seem to be rising toward the sun as it sets.
A blonde gay man shows up, he came to get a man named "Puppy" who was with our group, but Puppy has left and gone ahead with another group.

This sounds as if it perhaps doesn't bode well for my business so I may be on the wrong track with it.
I went back into it, and started asking questions, but quickly became confused.
A: "Who is this face?"
B: "Just some homeless bum off the street.  Nobody really."
A: What are we doing?  Why the drill?
B:  It's to get all of the mother energy out, it has to get out...(which makes me think of the preemie baby, and the thought "Unwanted" which reminds me of a time in the past that I got pregnant on purpose, then had an abortion, at the time I was very unstable and it was if I had two minds that worked against each other more violently and dramatically than recently).
A: So, what do we really want then?  We think we're going to get something out of this business but we actually want something else, what is it?
B: More friends, security, a social life, feeling full and important
A: Does the mother energy really need to go?  Is there some other way to release it?
B: A sledgehammer
A: Ok, that's good, any other ways?  Is there a gentle way?  A miracle way?

And then a puddle of annoyance and confusion, a couple of of my mind's favorite defense mechanisms.

Over the weekend I had some pretty blissful sexual dreams, and in my dreams as well as real life my sexual energy has been way more free than ever.  I've been flirtatious and sexually comfortable with people of all ages, shapes, sizes, letting it all turn me on.  I'm wondering if some perceived danger associated with that is showing up?

I'll meditate more...my mind is so super excellent at obfuscating this stuff I am so grateful for any clarity!

[Tony Crisp]

RainDancer – Obfuscating!! What a word, and yes I understand, I have it all the time. I find it helpful to explore my dreams with a sympathetic listener. Then it flows like hot lava.

Your dream, well I think I can only deal with the first part about the face. It feels as if the face was a shock to you. It was a shock because it wasn’t what you expected. And the operation was on you, an aspect of you, an aspect that was unsure of yourself, and wanted to see what was behind it, what was underneath. A bit like dissecting a frog to find out what life was – only to find a dead frog.

And you said, “There’s a dead person in there” – in you. And that was why, I believe the view of the premature baby came. It may have been something happened at your birth to create a feeling of death, something that was not cared for, or even an aspect of abortion that needs to be lived out. I don’t know, but it is important. Something that happened during the time I was working as a therapist may have some relevance:

“The movements – which were part of her therapy – were much stronger this time and her whole body became involved. Her knees drew up and her abdominal area domed. She made very little sound – some people are extremely vocal – but she was intensely absorbed in the movements for nearly an hour before they stopped and she lay peacefully. She then sat up and told me she had experienced something extraordinary. She said that four years earlier she had been divorced and went to live in Spain with her children. While there she had an affair with a Spaniard and became pregnant. Because she already had children and did not want to stay with the man, she had an abortion. During her body movements it had seemed to her as if the life in her had said the abortion had hurt it. It then led her through the spontaneous movements to complete the process of birth of that baby, and in that way she now felt whole. The process of birth which had been cut off had been able to complete itself. She said it was just like being there it was so real.” There was no pointing so finer of blame on her.

It seems like you asked yourself the question, “Who am I?” And there is not answer to that if we are thinking of ourselves as a body. The story of the cart illustrates this. A teacher pointed to a cart and asked what it was. “It is cart” the student said. “But where is the cart” the teacher replied. Slowly he took each part of it and made a pile of pieces. “So where is the cart?” he asked. “We are all made up of parts, and not one of them can be called you”.

So do not see your dream as saying no to your plans. In fact the feeling of sexual aliveness is very good. It is all energy, and creative energy, so use it to create well. And her is a I Ching reading I did for you.

Hexagram 5 -  Uncertainty and change confront this issue. But this does not mean it leads to failure. Success is in sight with the right attitude.

Remaining purposeful without action, maintaining the support of others leads to brilliant success. It brings reward to resourcefully pass through the uncertainty and doubts confronting you.

Some issues cannot be resolved by confronting them or being active. They call for a period of allowing internal processes to mature, as the hen does while brooding on her eggs.

You sense peril though none is in sight.

Certainly there are dangers here. It is the danger akin to seeing great rain clouds. They might bring peaceful rain or treacherous floods. Such danger can be faced best by readiness to meet whatever arises.

Of greatest value is to be clear in your own mind, and from that clarity act confidently and calmly. This calmness encourages the confidence of others and wins allies. It enables quick and firm action to arise when it is necessary. Affirm whatever connections you have with inner calm. Let this be the factor influencing your decisions.

Like thunderclouds on the horizon bringing rain, you can avoid the downpour by sitting under cover with friends relaxing until the rain passes. Purposefully awaiting the outcome averts danger.

Key words: Calm confidence in meeting unknowable potential outcomes.

Tony

[Rain_Dancer]

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!

I was meditating last night, and thought of a memory of a cranio-sacral session I had over a year ago.  I felt uncomfortable with the therapist, and was trying to calm my fear, and he said, "No, just be with it, tell me who I represent to you."
I said, "You are the one who cuts people up to see how they work inside."  What came up then, came up again, an aspect like a cobra, scanning, scanning, scanning, always on the lookout for enemies, always suspicious, always wanting to "get a fix" on someone and strike - >>"You sense peril though none is in sight.<<

Then I thought of this dream, logged on, and cracked up laughing when I read, "A bit like dissecting a frog to find out what life was – only to find a dead frog."

Yes, exactly right. 

>>It seems like you asked yourself the question, “Who am I?” And there is not answer to that if we are thinking of ourselves as a body.<<
It fits even better when I remember thinking, in horror, "it's not human!"

The story you shared about the woman, I have read several times on your site.  I have asked my body how to complete the process and haven't experienced anything physically like she described, but did gain some clarity on a small change I need to make at work - mainly to eat by myself at lunch and spend time drawing instead of playing dominoes with the guys. 

I appreciate and feel quite grateful that you threw the I Ching for me...and it's all quite relevant.  This was really helpful, "Some issues cannot be resolved by confronting them or being active. They call for a period of allowing internal processes to mature, as the hen does while brooding on her eggs."  Bit by bit I have been allowing myself to be more and more quiet, more still, more "non-productive" and noticing judgements about laziness, uselessness, stagnation arising around it.  To think of it as sitting on my eggs gives me a different picture.

[Tony Crisp]

It is good for me to hear/read your comments. I sit here hour after hour writing alone, and I used to have responses from people - even phone-ins one could ask questions.

So thank you.

Tony

[Tony Crisp]

I forgot to add that the woman who experienced giving birth took four sessions to get to that point. She started with the arm circling meditation to get her moving. Then came the allowing of spontaneous movement - very little happening. Then another little happening - and then suddenly there it was.

I think it helps to have someone with you. I think the feature http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/lifes-little-secrets/ might explain a bit more.

Tony

[Rain_Dancer]

I forgot to add that the woman who experienced giving birth took four sessions to get to that point. She started with the arm circling meditation to get her moving. Then came the allowing of spontaneous movement - very little happening. Then another little happening - and then suddenly there it was.

I think it helps to have someone with you. I think the feature http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/lifes-little-secrets/ might explain a bit more.

Tony

Reading the other post about Healing the Incurable made something click...and I'll give it more time, as well.
I don't have anyone I know that I would trust to hold that space for me, but I do trust myself more than ever so I'll keep you posted.

It's my pleasure to respond, thank you for receiving, I wondered if it was annoying or "too much" to respond with so much, I know I've written some long, rambling posts and I appreciate you saying that it's good for you.

[Tony Crisp]

It's good! 

Tony