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« on: March 22, 2020, 10:43:06 AM »
Hi Tony,
Thank you for this reply. I hope you are well.
After a few years of incessant nightmares, they finally subsided, so I was able to just focus on physical health for a while. What a relief. I'm returning to this post and reading the links again. As my dreamwork and your feedback here has been so helpful, I'm going to share a little of my healing arc.
Very true about the mother energy. I was never able to address this, because in the early days of trying to find healing, any time I even mentioned her or anything to do with my past with a healer, I was told to 'stop being stuck in the past' or ' to let the past go' this was nearly always said with a shaming inflection. It was also said, not after me going on for ages about my past, no I would be cut of at the mere mention of these areas. So I was as prevented from even looking at that energy dynamic and therefore could not increase my awareness around it.
I will say, there are a lot of, people who I now understand are narcissistic, working as new age practitioners. Therapists too, it makes sense, why would any profession be immune.. There is way too much emphasis on 'not being a victim' - what is the resistance there? It's like these people have a major block, to even allowing the fact that victimisation occurs, to even let that enter the conversation. In fact I've since realised that that's exactly how narcissists control, by invalidation.
Some people have been severely victimised, if that isn't validated and explored, that person is being sentenced to never healing. The 3/4/5 year old self must be heard. Once that happens, sure it's ok then to take responsibility for your life. But it's not just, and not effective, to deny the child self, compassion, understanding and expression, when in many cases they have experienced nothing less than torture. That's disempowering. In retrospect, it makes sense that I gravitated towards a stream of narcisstic healers, yoga teachers and therapists. That's the terrible catch 22 of the early stages of healing.
There are of course some people who get stuck in being a victim, as a way of avoiding the work needed to heal, I don't believe that's a significant issue and easily dealt with as a natural step on the healing journey. There are many more, who have who never really been a victim at all or victimised in any significant way, yet they play that card. The difference between the two, should be fairly clear to a healing professional.
I wasted years of my life trying 'not to be a victim' and it just added another layer, to all the other layers of denial. Fortunately I was lucky enough to be able to find my way through all the confusion and find healing. You can only move beyond your story, when you are conscious of what your story has been. That's what I believe now anyway. As I was invalidated by most healers I went to, my dream life became more and more intense and spoke the truth to me once I had the strength to hear it.
With that important work done, and a major step in healing my shattered self complete, I am now free to explore empowerment..So I tried this exercise: 'So to break a habit we need to practice entering a dream in imagination. Here is something to do that can help you to learn. To understand what is being explained, one must sit without distraction and with closed eyes and imaginatively enter into driving a car...'
It was so interesting to see how the body reacted and heart raced, and that was with minimal effort into the visualisation. I had no problem making the car fly, which is good. I'd love to explore this method more, with all areas of fear in my life. Especially fear of people and the public.
I did do a lot of 'being the thing' when working on my dreams, it helped a lot. I'm interested now in applying the method to the 'things' in my (waking dream) life. Let's see!
Thank you Tony for all your great work