I dreamt I was amongst my family thismorning at an outdoor park (which is where I would have been today (mother's day) had I not chosen to go no-contact. Yes, I still see my parents, but I now forgo family get-togethers for the most part. I'd long ago stopped thinking of myself as a family member (by age 11) I was never treated like one, even though I'd go through the motions during family events and put on the appearance of normalcy for everyone elses sake. I had no choice then. But in reality, my family was dysfunctional, abusive toward me, the only time I was treated decently was in public, usually at family holdidays or get-togethers where everyone was there or it was in public. But this wouldn't last, once out of the public "show" the mistreatment would always resume. That's how I learnt as a young kid that I wasn't REALLY a member of the family, it was only for show. My mother would abuse me behind closed doors, and my younger siblings followed her lead in mistreating me behind closed doors and then putting on a good show for outsiders. They learnt from my mother this Dr. Jeykl/Mr. Hyde behavior, so that no one would know how mean they were as long as they acted like angels ini front of everyone else. No one ever saw the abuse, it always happened in private, outsiders only saw the good face they put on...So I was powerless, knew no one would bellieve me, and simply withdrew into myself. There was no point in telling anyone what they did. It would always be denied. And when your mother and most of your family is against you..its so overpowering for a child, there really is nothing to do but accpt it. Yet now, as a young adult I've decided the less I see of these people, the better off I am.
Here is the dream: I'm outside in the grass amongst my family. We're in a public park. Actually, I'm not really with the rest of my family, I'm just there, nearby until my brother and his wife ask me to fetch their bees for them. They had 3 trays of live bees way off in the distance and they wanted me to bring them to them. I have doubts about my ability to do this. I've no experience with bees, let alone a colony of them. Three colonies in fact. I agree to, but ask if I can use their car (which is where the bees are currently) to drive them here. They say No to this. They are quite firm, I am NOT to use their car. They think it might damage their car (the bees might get loose, the ride might be to bumpy, they don't want their car to drivve off-road across the field) So they tell me to use my car. Or walk. But don't use their car for the transport of their bees. So I walk off across the field. I carry the tray of bees. The trays are caked with honey and the bees are within that honey. At least a few of them are. I examine the tray of honey and realise there aren't that many bees in there. Basically, it's a tray of gooey honey with a few bees or bee parts swimming around. Worried, I yell back to them aout the status of their bees. My brother's wife shouts back to me that they must have flown away, left the trays because the field, the outdoors here was too enticing. Since they seem to have expected thiks, I continue on across the field,finish transporting what remains of the bees...
But when I come to the edge of the field, as I approach man-made structure, and see a house up aheead, with a street and cars...I come across aa drainage ditch of sorts. There is a plastic bucket, like a kid's beach bucket, turned upside down over this drain or hole. I notice it because the bucket shifts and moves. Something, some small animal is beneath that bucket. I pause. It's likely a rat or a mouse. Yet..what if it's a kitten? I decide to lift the bucket. I cast it aside. There is a white kitten struggling against being pulled down this drain. It looks awful. Some animal (a rat) has it's teeth gripped firmly on the kitten and is smooshing it down into the small hole. If I do nothing the kitten with be dragged down and sucked underground, killed. If it gets sucked down underground completely I'll never be able to recover it. The center of its body was being sucked and yanked violently down so that onlybits of its head remained above the ground. It was awful to watch this kitten, too big to be smososhed down this tiny hole inthe ground, nevertheless being forced down it. I leaned down and pulled the kitten out! It was a beautiful white kitten. But its not over because once I pulled him out I see there's ANOTHER white kitten in the same position. This kitten is even smaller, much smaller, fragile, and weaker. It's raggedy. It's eyes are red (and because of this I have a fleeting fear that it might be a mouse and for that reason I consider backing away,...but no..it's definately a kitten, just a very weak, sick, kitten. It is suffering so much more than the other kitten was. The other kitten was healthy, robust. This one I can see has had a rough time of it for a very long time and was ill for it. In very poor shape. It was being yanked and torn underground much more violently than the previous kitten. And it had been underground until just now. My rescuing the other kitten freed up space so that this raggedy one couldget some air. I had even less to grab, less of the kitten was exposed above ground, so I reached inand pulled in out, with difficulty, despite my fears. Some people would recoil (and a part of me considered this for a bit)from the sight of this kitten. It was truly tiny, ragged, red eyed, in such poor shape from the hell it endured that it began to look less and less like a recognizable kitten, not cute at all. One had to look and see that it was trully a kitten and not a mouse. It had been in that unatural awful undergraound hell so long it had weakened from that environment to the point where its outward appeaance kind of resembled the rat that had dragged it it down. Theodd thing was, the instant I pulled that sick kitten out of ground, another robuse healthy kitten emerged. From where I'm not sure. It was just suddenly there, with us.. Above ground. It was a black kitten. I didn't pull it up. So I wonder if my rescuing the other kittens freed up the path so that this black kitten could get itself out , or perhaps this kitten wasn't down the hole to begin with. It was sudden. I rescued the weakened white kitten, and bam! Suddenly this black kitten was there right beside us. All kittens were now safe.