I must say I was moved by what u have written. I have been thinking about deeper contact with myself recently, because I realized reality of myself, or maybe even some kind of materiality. The thing that brought it were feelings and reactions that were locked somewhere deep inside, and that made my love corrupted. I guess just like u say - what comes in, has to come out. I all the time experience things in me, but I was doing it up till now in awake life, but still in simbols - art, or simple play. And i discovered not only difficult things in me but also good and joyfull.
I had two strong dreams recently, two nights in a row. First was about me playing with my child(that I don't have), he was very small and run into the frozen river, and fell into the river, through ice. I helped him, and took him to the hotel nearby, I was really scared. He fell asleep, and woke up as much younger, a toddler, he woke up, looked at me and smiled, and i was extremly happy to have him in my arms.
Another night I had a dream about my father. I sat by the kitchen table, and my dad came to me and stood above me, in quite an erotical mood i kissed his lips and licked them slightly. Then he became very horny and wanted me to have sex with him, trying to use violence for a bit, I was strong tho and resisted him, came back to my work by the table, and he went to the window, looking outside.
After these dreams I suddenly felt like it is too much for me to have dreams, almost like an allergic reaction, and I locked myself to my dreams again, and havn't had any for another night. But doing that I also felt that I am closing myself to my inside.It made me feel bad.
So, to end, I feel like my dream path might be difficult for me, but I do feel it might help me hugely at the moment.
Really happy I could write to you Tony, thank you so much for your help.
Lots of starshine;-)
D.