Young Son

[barnhouse]

Hi my 9 year old son is having a distubing recurring dream about being eaten by piranhas he wakes up just before he is eaten.  He doesn't cry but wakes up and comes in to me it happens quite often.  He tells me he is scared of everything and regularly has scary dreams. 

He was diagnosed as being dyslexic last November, but is getting support at school and is doing very well.  He is quite academic.  He is also very sporty and active.   Can anyone give me some advice as to what I can say to reassure him?
Thank you.

[Tony Crisp]

Barnhouse - First of all it is quite normal to have scary dreams or experiences. When we are very young we are so small and lack strength that almost everything is scary. Fortunately we have mum who is the wonderful protector. But as we get older we begin to learn how to survive alone and that is difficult and takes time. It will get better as you get older. If you have a hero maybe you can see or feel how he does it - but remember that we all have a hero in us - but like a seed growing into a tree, it takes a while for the tree to be strong enough to face storms. So your hero will gradually grow.

If you can imagine your hero guarding you while you sleep it will keep all the scary things away. The hero is really a scary thing to all things that can frighten you, and so scares them off. But as the hero grows into you then you will face any old scary thing and it will never bother you again.

Meanwhile it is okay to get close to mum. Then, when you are bigger you can be her hero.

Tony

[barnhouse]

Dear Tony Thank you for your response, you made me cry. I suppose as a mum all we want is for our kids to have a straightforward, happy, uncomplicated life.  I know thats not always possible, but I'm very much a "live life for today!" which stems from losing my brother when he was 16. I am determined to make sure that my son understands that he is perfectly normal to be having these feelings and worries and that mum and dad are here to get him through. I will endeavour to reassure him more specifically and we will be drawing a hero to stick on his wall beside his bed this weekend. Thank you again.

[Tony Crisp]

Dear Barnhouse - Thank you for your warmth.

I have four boys and a girl as my own children, and have been instrumental in the lives of four others by living with them. I made a lot of mistakes and so I hope learnt from them. One of mine used to sleep walk with awful dreams. He is now running is own business and is, I think, a better father than I ever was with two boys of his own.

Sometimes all we can do is to carry on loving them as they meet life.

Tony