Tom explored his own dream using Being the Person or Thing.
I have been trying to find a real contact with the dream about the wolf vomiting, and the other two dreams that also deal with a dog. I had no real response at all for days, except for occasionally having the spontaneous words coming, “I created this.” But this evening I tried again and at last feel as if I have gathered some insight into what has been happening within myself, linking with events in my life, particularly with G, and of course in my dreams.
The exploration started with me shouting things like, “The bitch. You fucking bitch. You killed me.” This is old stuff that has come out of me many times in the past in connection with my mother. Although there was a little feeling with it, it had no very deep power, and I believe this was because it is simply part of an old pattern that I am dealing with. What it did do was to help the process of gaining insight into, or defining, feelings that are obviously still operating in me in regard to not forgiving my mother. The recent long session, in which I uncovered the great chunk of frozen feelings, the lump of ice that I had created out of not forgiving my mother, relates to this.
What I am gradually became aware of was that in the powerful and obstinate determination to hold those frozen feelings as a shield against my need for my mother, and therefore against any real connection with a woman, I had created something out of my life energies. Part of what I had created was a feeling of sickness, a sense of illness - and this was part of the shield. It gave me an excuse for not being committed. I see it in action now in regard to G. In this case it operates in the sense that because of my recent bout of vertigo, which is still persisting slightly, I come to the feeling that I am no good, I cannot cope, and therefore I can withdraw from any activity we had planned together. This was unveiled for the first time in the last long work session on my feelings. But what I saw tonight was how creative I am - we all are - with our emotional and sexual energy.
This insight into how we use, or how I have used, my emotional energy, led me to feeling that this is an area I would like to understand more fully, and be able to work with it myself and other people. I have been exploring this for most of my life, but in recent years, and particularly at the moment, it has become much clearer.
During the session I understood that the dogs represent this feeling energy, this natural spontaneous life response to events and one's situation. The bone in the throat of the dog was those feelings that I held against my mother - a bone of contention - a bone to pick. The image of the dog shows a really healthy male. Then the next dream with the puppy illustrates a new impulse, a new emergence of that energy. But the emergence is confronted by the image of sickness, returning of one’s energy into an excuse to avoid life and deep relationship. There are also anxieties to face - the black fierce dogs. Nevertheless, the next dream with the young dog shows that they have been faced and the dog is growing. Even so, it has a limp - I am still holding myself back. I am still restraining my own power.
Tom