NeptuneGoose - We are often raised to believe that we are all individuals with a personality unlike anyone else -- which is true on one level but leads to deep confusion on another.
Take time to look around you and see that everyone else has the same genitals which lead to the same urges - although we each tend to express them slightly differently. Then take time to look at other mammal animals and see that all mammals are very much the same when it comes to sexual equipment. It means that you are a mammal and have, like ever other mammal, a huge urge to procreate and have children. To do this you are deeply programmed to find a mate. It starts in some people very early. I remember it started in me while I was about 12. But my best friend who was a year older felt I was crazy and talking nonsense about girls. It was a good year later that he woke up to what I was talking about.
The point I am trying to make is that we all tend to take it all personally, and that is a huge mistake. It is a mistake you are making when you say. "He put his head on my shoulder. Kind and it feels like he wants my compassion, my affection and he is giving those to me."
Because you are a mammal you have a deeply buried program to respond to male by giving them signals that lead them to want you and to feel that they want you. This is especially true in your dreams. But because your personal feelings you have a tendency to give them the cold shoulder - another program. Please read
http://dreamhawk.com/interesting-people/animal-children/#Program and
http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/instinct/ These tendencies - which are quite normal - are what leads one to have crushes, to fall in love, to long for a partner and feel crushed if one fails - are all ways which can lead to satisfaction, emotional pain, even suicide; all because we tend to feel it is US or ME who is loved, unloved and we should be able to see it is all our animal heritage mucked up because we have self awareness - a truly tricky thing to have.
Yes, hurt or pain is a major reprogramming influence. See
http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/pain/ and
http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/martial-art-of-the-mind/We are built to love both physically and mentally/emotionally, but because we are so mixed up with our personal reactions we block love flowing from us and to us. Love does not belong to us, it, like our urges to find a mate; it is built into us and is as urgent as the urge to breathe - all parts of the action of Life in us. See
http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/questions-2/#VictimTony