I suddenly saw the grotesque as a sort of medicine against what is going on all around us. The madness of the world. What is going on all around, however, is life. It is. And as much as we might not admire it, it is what is going on. It is the subject of life. It is what the creative moment is bringing into being. It doesn’t matter what is created, because it is all a sort of play. It is a huge virtual reality, a huge film, in which no matter what events are played out, nobody is hurt. However, as humans we tend to judge everything. By doing so we shut ourselves off from really participating, seeing, and understanding. I don’t think that has anything to do with morals, with right or wrong. It is to do with what we allow ourselves to experience.
In this sense, where it says in the new testament, judge not and be not judged, it is not talking only about the way we relate to the world, but the way the world relates to us.
In the moments of my greatest awareness this life seems to be a playground. We are all so young, and it is silly to feel superior. We are all so tiny, and it is on the goodwill of the beings, huge beyond imagination, that we exist. They care for us. Can you imagine it? This gas breathing, farting, sex banging bag of water – yet they see we have value and potential.
Hey – let me put my gym slip on and I will be with you in a moment.
No, that is me being condescending and this has nothing to do with condescension. We are not being laughed at because of our animal propensities or our primitive level of existence. Our need to gorge with food, to screw regularly, or to breakdown easily under stress – we are not being laughed at because of these. Life forms go through those stages and we are being nursed through ours.
Those of us that grow well move on quickly. Some never survive. There is nothing in them or of them that has either the will or a spark of life or creativity to carry them on. There is no love, and no lust, to carry them on. As primitive as we might sometimes consider lust to be, it is one of the prime movers in life. Without lust, without love, fear or anxiety – nirvana.
There was another bit that I haven't put into a poem yet, but will try sometime. I actually experienced what it would be like to be somebody within whom all desire and motivation for life gradually melted away. They literary melted away also. What had been a sense of self disappeared until it merged back into the fundamental energy of the cosmos. Nothing of them was left. I had never considered or seen nirvana to be anything like that. This again gives me the image that we are waves on a shoreless sea, existing only because of the energy flowing through the tiny vortex of energy that has been brought about by physical existence and the fragile sense of self or identity. This leaves me with the view that lust is incredibly important. Without the enormous drive of lust, love, ambition and even dominance, the identity might well fade away.