I’m walking through an aquarium. I’m aware that I’m in a moment in time when what is coming through my senses is filling me with joy. It’s such a relief to be present in this moment - such a relief when life feels like this. The light shining through the glass is blue and shimmery and I’m so porous that it’s like I absorb it. I perceive a sparkle on my skin and around me.
I softly realise that the magic of the moment is not just within me - I become aware of an almost imperceptible presence like a whisper - I feel myself being perceived by something else. My interaction with this something is just to allow it to perceive me - I never turn back to try and see what or who this is. This presence somehow only increases the joy and the magic as I move through watching the fish and stingray swim above me. This just is for a long while - moving together but removed. Suddenly, a feel a whoosh and a body is up against my back, a face presses gently into the back of my neck and takes a big deep breath in. I stand still allowing this moment. I’m smiling. I realise I want to turn around and see what sees me. I want to see who. I want to interact. I turn around and see a man. I try to look into his eyes, he glances up briefly but looks away and I know from his body language that he doesn’t want to be known, that we won’t walk together. He steps back and I know that he only wants to see me from a distance. I look away, I don’t push. I know and understand that this was a moment in time. As I walk away, I feel a confusion rising as I try to make sense of the depth of the intimacy felt, the ecstasy from the physical sensation of his face so close to my body, the complete satisfaction in an act so simple feels like it could sustain me sexually and emotionally for a lifetime. I keep walking - not knowing what I should be hoping for, what I should be waiting for.