Nico - I think you are mixing up lucid dreaming with being a female. Because it is not unnatural for dreams - even lucid - having a will of their own.
In life and sleep we have two powerful actions working in us. The first is our waking experience based on having a body, its limitations, vulnerabilities and a particular gender. Our second is the power that gave us life and continues to express as dreams, in our breathing and heartbeat – our life. This I have given the description as the Life Will.
While we sleep our conscious self is largely or totally unconscious, and while we sleep our voluntary muscles are paralysed – therefore another will or motivating force moves our body. So we have a Conscious Will, and what I will call a Life Will. The first one we have experience of as we can move our arm or speak in everyday activities; but the second will takes over when we sleep.
This Life will can move us to speak, to move our body, and in fact do things that we cannot do with our Conscious Will. As Freud pointed out this inner will has full access to our memories.
But the troubles you describe seem to be about the difficulty of meeting your female urges - mostly stimulated by the hormones coursing through your body. Unfortunately because we are so certain that our personality is us, and because we feel everything that happens to us is in some way a comment on us - mental taunting - we get terrible mixed up or hurt. See
http://dreamhawk.com/interesting-people/animal-children/#Program Through seeing so much of people's inner life through their dreams, it is almost like living in a high glass globe floating above people. So it gives a view of many people and their reactions. And the problem you mention I see happening again and again. Please see
http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/questions-2/#VictimWhat you feel is rather like standing in a powerful current of a river and feeling swept away. But all you need to do is step out of the river. Feeling abandoned, jealousy and upset are all natural feelings for babies - See
http://dreamhawk.com/relationship-sex/beware-of-love/To step out of the river practice self awareness -
http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/self-observation/I too have struggled with the feelings you talk about. See
http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/questions-2/#Summing Tony