Hi Tony,
I had a dream which has a lot of meaning, but I still can’t get a hack of the meaning behind the little details.
I dreamt that I gave birth. The dream seemed to be the continuation of a dream I already had but which I don’t remember. Apparently, I already gave birth previously to a baby boy, and not long before this second child birth, to the point that in the dream I seemed “skilled” and well-prepared.
I was in a hospital room giving birth, and the birth did not seem as painful as it is in reality, and went on quickly (so much so I remember little detail). I didn’t see the baby straight away (nor were there the big emotions, the crying of the baby etc.). The birth was so natural that when I got up from the bed/chair I was wearing clothes I wear regularly everyday these days, and I looked pretty much how I look now. It all seemed more like a visit to the gynaecologist rather than a childbirth! However I am sure I gave birth to a baby in that room. When I got up from the chair/bed it looked clean and all ready for seeing a new patient. There were some stains of menstruation blood on it, and I said sorry to the nurse there. Apparently, I had my period in the dream before getting in, I gave birth, and then immediately the period came back (which is unreal, and is a detail I can’t get the hack of). I believe in the room there was only a midwife and a nurse, and in any case there were women only. In the whole dream I do not recall an adult male presence, maybe amongst the people in the background, but no adult male doing some significant action nor was there a thought in the dream that this baby was conceived with someone.
I do not have to stay in the hospital in observation, so I’m sent back home directly (again, it was quick! an outpatient treatment basically). I don’t see the baby, because apparently they deliver the baby directly to your home, and thats when you get to see it. I go towards a lift, and I’m sure in the lift there was a lady, M. I’m not sure whether she was in the room, or outside waiting, but I’m sure she was with me from the lift point onwards. In the dream, we are very close, but more in a sense of me being very familiar and relaxed around her, I can be myself without thinking how I come across. M. is someone from work, but I do not know if that workplace existed in the dream and whether that was the link between us in the dream. I do not know in which country the dream was in, nor am I sure what language was used. I’m sure it was a place where I felt at home and no need to escape somewhere else. I was also at a place in my life where I did not know to discover other places and was content with an everyday routine.
next thing we arrive (by foot I believe) to the building where I live, apparently a tower block, but not very high (max 12-15 stores). I think it was black-brown, and maybe from the 80’s/90s style of my home country. There was a very big garden/playground before the block (so much so that the block looked a bit far ahead). The garden had a central rectangular section and two smaller rectangular sections to its edges, with paths with little stones in between. The angles were rounded. there was probably a big fountain, however not sure, and definitely the weather was not sunny, but rather grey and darkish (not sure what season it was).
There are kids playing around, and I think M. by this time says goodbye and leaves. I set out to go through the gardens and home, where my first baby, a boy, is waiting for me. I don’t remember his name, and apparently he was still a baby, possibly even younger than the 9 months it would have taken me to give birth to another baby. I don’t know who was staying with him, probably nobody. And I was not worried! I don’t even see this first baby in the dream, I only know he’s there because i remember I already gave birth and not long ago. I don't know his name from the dream, and I didn't seem to care much about him, about being a mom in general (but nor did the people around us.. it all seemed very relaxed). I only know it's a boy. I also have no idea how my flat looks like inside, etc. And I have no idea in the dream who I conceived this baby boy with. No men in sight in the dream.
So all in all this second child birth took maybe an afternoon, and it I was relaxed and calm, no pain nor during nor after the birth (don’t remember before the birth, as that wasn’t in the dream), no post-operative, nothing. Just like a specialist visit in hospital. No big emotions of seeing your baby coming, etc…no worry about the system of delivering the baby directly to your home, no security concerns. the baby was supposed to be delivered in a pram, and left there for me to find it!! Hence a lot of trust to everybody.
As I go through the garden I realise that the baby is not with me (as if I suddenly remember about it!!), nor at the entrance of the building. M., then, shouts from the other end of the garden (but she was on her way out) “look, the nurse left it at the the entry of the gardens!”. I turn around and she a (rather big) pram in the distance, beneath a very very big tree (that has leaves). It looked as if abandoned, but strangely safe. I didn’t feel “omg the baby is all alone there” in the dream. It all felt normal and natural.
On my way to the pram, I bump into some kids playing. Amongst them, a boy (possibly the only male character with whom I interact in the whole dream). This kid is jumping and laughing with the kids, and then turns around, stops in the middle of the path, looks at me and smiles/laughs a bit like kids do in a mischievous way. He looks at me straight in the eyes, and we spend a bit of time looking at each other straight into the eyes. The kid was probably 7-9 y.o, and he was dressed and looked immensely like my father in a very old picture of his as a kid. This kid was a bit mischievous from his smile (totally my dad), but his glance looked sweet, kind, well-wishing….a bit like when I dreamed of my father accompanying me to my new baptism. BUT… somehow his eyes reminded me of my mom’s eyes in a picture of my first birthday where she looks directly at the camera. Every time I look at that picture, which is actually one of the very few pictures of us together and happy as a family her eyes in that photo affect me so much. So the eyes of this kid in the dream were probably a mix of both my parent’s eyes(I think it is key that in that picture of him as a kid my dad wore sunglasses, so I cannot see his eyes there).
Now, strangely, I feel like the building is not a block anymore but rather a more ancient building with an arch in between, which opens to a more secluded community, a bit as you can find in both the countries of my parents. But this sensation lasts as long as I’m with this kid, then I feel the building is again the tower block.
I then get to the pram, which is very big, for 4-6 babies to be held together in a row (and I illogically say to myself: yes it must have been that they used this pram because it was born a bit more little—but I hadn’t seen it! and I didn’t know the sex yet!). On the very left “seat”/compartment was my baby. The pram wasn’t regular, it sort of had a plastic semi-transparent panel covering the actual bed where the babies would lie, and this could opened with a zip that went all around (in reality a baby would have died of lack of air, but not in the dream!!). I open the zip, and I finally get to see the baby (whom I hadn’t missed or died to see on my way home from the hospital). She is wearing a onesie that looks mostly like a ski suit (especially the material), and which is fuchsia (maybe referring to a chakra?). She looked little indeed. I pick her up and I tell her “hello V., hello my V.”. Only at that moment I am basically informed that she is a baby girl. I somehow already knew the name (i.e.,I wasn’t coming up with a name when I saw her), and the name turned out to be my own name! When I said “hello (my name)”, I pronounced my name in the way people from my mother’s country pronounce it (and also my mom too, but with less accent). I must have told her something like “now let’s go home” and started walking towards home (the building).
I am sure this dream is dense with meaning. I haven’t given birth in reality. I’m rather in a midlife crisis (and my father only died four months ago), so much so that this link (
http://dreamhawk.com/pregnancy-childbirth/childbirth-as-initiation-2/) on your website really resonated with where I am now. Incidentally, I think the very depth of my midlife crisis, from which I truly started to change and become different, started about 9 months ago. Right now I am getting more and more answers, but I feel unable to make decisions, and not because I don’t want to, but because I feel that I’m still “gathering data” to make a truly conscious decision for my future and not just another jump in the dark as I did in younger years. I do feel in away still down into this process the article talks about
At the same time, I dreamed this just a few days before going back to do some work after my father died, and being worried of course of not having enough time for my spiritual work, and how to integrate this into a “regular” life ( a life in which I am reborn?), in which I have to work, and interact with people and their energies. I am somehow worried of letting others’ energies contaminate the answers I am getting.
In reality, M. is a lady I owe much to. She is a secretary/ admin in one place where I work, and she was instrumental in me getting my first assignment there, which led to other jobs and assignments which set my life as it now in motion (ie., financial independence, and a lot of time to get to know myself, realizing my mom’s narcissistic disorder, discovering love etc.). I am thinking now of moving on from this job, and have mixed feelings about leaving a place that has been like home for me but is not instrumental to my professional and personal growth anymore. M. has also been very helpful at the time and after my father died (especially in liaising with my boss). In a way, she was a gatekeeper to this new page of my life that is somehow coming to an end, or which rather was a stepping stone towards other places/career paths. In a way, M. is a bit motherly towards me in a workplace where people are not very tightly knit.
Did I give birth to myself? Why was it not painful, why the menstruation?
Was the kid a mix of both my parents? If so, why did he look 99% like my dad, but only something reminiscent of my mom? Why did I bump into him on my way to my own child with my very same name (and pronounced with my mom’s accent)? And he stood in my way and we looked at each other deeply into the eyes? Given my mom’s mental disorder which I am only recently come to terms with, I feel pretty disconnected from my heritage from my mom’s side, and I have difficulties integrating her as being a part of me.
Why was the pram so much bigger (accommodating more kids..?more parts of me..?)? Why this lady, M.? I also think this enormous security in the dream, the relaxedness, the fact the babies did not seem so important to me (and that I did not seem to care much about my first baby, a boy….hence we are not even that sure that he was there…). In any case I wasn’t tending to them like a mother would do, although possibly a bit more connected to the new child with my own name,
Thanks if you can help, I can feel this dream means a lot to me.