Tony - Yeah, as always, it's so very true! & yes, I think it's maybe about that language beyond recognition we all have some discernment in the spirit, but we actually don't know how to bring effectively to conscious life. I totally agree with your remark "The unconscious is a feeling thing, which often has never out its important feelings into ‘words’ and so often has to stumble about to achieve that."
More than "seeing", I do really believe it has to do with something I need to "listen" to. Your example is a strong one, that you've pointed out before when I talked about a performing experience working on with dreams... and there I feel a clear connection again with the point "the voice" is maybe trying to make, because following your suggestions back then, this time I tried to reenact not just a dream, but a real life experience that was particularly painful to remember. Maybe I should put this more in context explaining the thing with the "voice" and the ongoing process that ended up being like this.
I don't remember why, but the night of January 29th I had the urgence to explore a memory as I've tried out with dreams following what I've been reading in many of your posts, along with my performing experiences. I just went to bed and began remembering the place where an important event of my personal life took place. It happened in the front wall of the building I spent most of the time at university. It was a sort of "rendezvous" someone I had began a relationship with and me agreed to have in an almost ceremonial way; it was planned as if a performance, and was sealing the beginning of a couple relationship; I won't explain -it gets really complicated- all the stuff concerning to how it worked, the thing is that moment had the meaning of a ritual to me. Also, it went beyond my expectations at the moment; I was trying to see it as a playful, maybe even fanciful thing (because at some point I was panicking and I didn't want to ruin the fairy tale I had worked so much to create), but everything apparently occurred so naturally, it flowed so fine and well, that I thought I had found more than a relationship, I felt a connection of alike souls; I ended up thinking we both talked the same "language" and naively felt the happiest person on earth.
Our "scripted" plan was I would wait there, as I used to so oftenly at that wall, sitting and with my eyes closed. He would come -as if he was appearing there by accident- and approach me, and kiss me as some sort of enchanted princess. We had gotten so used to plan weird things because we had plenty of time on vacation, and at that time we were so far from each other, that we could just write a lot, all of our thoughts and feelings. That was the reason it seemed to me that I knew him deeply, and that I could feel the confidence to make that kind of plans. It wasn't really hard for me to believe he felt and wanted the same. The "performance" went really well, we both were utterly happy that day, as if we'd found the part of each other that was "missing". But reality became very distant from the dream we had in mind, as a very unexpected result of the affair I got awfully sick and he began to act in a way I don't need to judge at this point in time, but hurt me profoundly. Things only went worse as I tried to understand and keep up with him and well, it reached its termination as a nightmare.
To go back to the particular exercise of remembering that day and its relationship with healing, I carefully acted my coming back to that wall, sitting there and waiting for him. (Maybe I'd like to try being him someday, but I don't have a clue how to do it, it sounds difficult for me right now). It wasn't long until I entered a very conscious and deep state where, as you remarked in your answer, there was a clarity beyond the limits of speech and space, even time (I was really there, as if I could bring back the whole moment, not just imagining it). The environment turned cool and there was an accute awareness that tickled all my senses... I felt him approaching, very similarly to that day, but I could "see", "hear", "feel" beyond my closed eyes -as in dream mode-. I wasn't even remembering, I was there, and I'd dare to say in some sort of way he was, also. I feel the monochrome of the surroundings and his clothing, I feel invaded by those. His presence and nearness is not "welcomed" for real, but I let him get near to the point it's almost the kiss again... Then I open my eyes, knowing it would end any possibility for the kiss. And what I see then is not him, but the sort of distortion produced by static, I don't know how to describe but something like an interference of some sort, as if an image can't be fully loaded in a computer, something like that visually. As soon as I get to that point I don't see him anymore, but that dissolving image, and I feel the pulsating need to scream... I begin to scream and scream first holding my breath, gnashing my teeth, but as much as I allow the perceptive space go wider I scream "louder, and louder" (It's totally audible in that same space I feel completely real)... Even though I'm not doing it "physically", I know my soul is yelling the most piercing howls I've ever heard in life, and I feel they dissolve the fragments still present of his image. I keep doing it for several minutes, allowing that screaming to get where it may.
It was a so strong experience that I felt the actual pressure in my chest, all the consuming effort, and finally some tears down my closed eyes. Then I realized it was the scream, not the kiss, what I needed to convey. It was liberating, because I had finally understood I didn't even want to express words, plain emotions, but something that was so powerful, so ancient, as that thing that I think remains "between our head and our heart". I can identify at some point with the realization you describe in your example. To feel helpless as a child, scared but ¿what for?... Is it the uttering of our lonely self, crying for a reuniting?
The antecedent was "the calling". And also, of course, it deals with all those little deaths life's built upon, I guess...