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« on: September 09, 2016, 11:08:47 AM »
I've recently bought a car which I really love. ... Dream: In the dream I wake up and look out my bedroom window and I see the man who abused me as a child - he is outside with the engine bonnet open, tampering with the engine, doing something to damage it. I'm a child now even though the car relates to my current adult life. I scream out the window with all my strength, leave it alone, leave my car alone. As usual he is incredibly confident and doesn't bat an eye, so I run downstairs and scream again. Now however my father has taken my car and put it in the shed to keep it safe and the abuser has disappeared.
I am sitting in a sunny backyard talking to Alexander Jodorowsky a film director. *
It's getting hotter and I'm a bit concerned too hot for an older gentleman, then I notice he's shrinking a bit and the rocking chair he's in has either grown or looks huge now in comparison, it's like a deckchair with one sheet of material a soft white linen. So I say to someone with me, he needs shade.
They take over in a very experienced way, before I know it, they have him lying down beneath what appears to be a table but also of linen, perfect for shading him, but then they continue and wrap white cloth around his head and then but a cloth over his face. I'm worried he won't be able to breath, so I remove it, then I see why, he has died. I'm not ready for this, I touch his face unafraid, then I see his eyes flicker and happily I call out 'he's still alive' but then his face transforms and a deep blackness takes over his eyes and his now opening mouth and he moves, extends his head and gives out a death cry - his face and skin look like a living skeleton and its deeply, deeply frightening. There is a thick darkness now too and a sense of being in outer space and only me and this clear vision of his death-face. It's so intense, so powerful, Infinite..I am transfixed unable to look away and feel I have witnessed the very Face of Death. The archetype maybe?
I wake up gasping. I feel a few tears on my face but I can't move I'm numb, in shock, when I can I put my hand on my heart and its racing at a frightening speed, but incredibly fast and light rather than pounding. (I associate having pounding heart with fear dreams.) I'm shaken to the core. But it does not last the day only a short time into waking.
* (I don't know his film work much, bu know other areas andin my late 20's read his biography and was very effected by the freedom of expression he lived in his life, but also aware I felt a bit invisible as a female in the work, I didn't get a huge 'understanding' of the female experience. It's a long time ago, but I think that's what I remember..But 'Death' would be something he would actively engage in in his work.) Other associations.. erudite, emotionally courageous, someone who has confronted their shadow, successful artist, happy, living a vital life I admire/something I would like to emulate.
(I've never been particularly afraid of death, I don't really fear letting go of life, I just think it's natural and I'll be reconnecting to the universe, though maybe subconsciously I do fear that loss of the self I know. I feel this encounter may be partly that subconscious fear, the coldness, the lack of human warmth..)
* I just looked him up tonight - and he has a new trailer for a film he is bringing out and the opening scene is a crowd of people dressed as skeletons walking towards the camera!