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Messages - Rain_Dancer

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1
Dream Interpretation / Re: All one
« on: August 01, 2016, 09:25:11 PM »

Your dreams are very expressive of actively doing things you probably wouldn’t do while awake. The running around with long sharp shears seems an aspect of you was ready to cut your way through even if people were about. Good job you took responsibility for the shears.



Ohh, thank you for that reflection!  i appreciate it!
Sigh...yes, i always think I've got this stuff worked out and then it comes 'round again.  I had a fling with someone I had crazy chemistry with who reminded me physically of my father, and also very quickly he turned mean and critical, with very little understanding of or regard for my feelings so I broke it off.  The feeeeeeelllings were so intense and there has been a lot that got stirred up to process in the wake.  Good, good stuff but feels all out of control! :)

Thank you also for the reminder that it's just a rough patch.  In some ways you do fill in that father spot for me with your wisdom and perspective and you give me a calm and accepting male voice when I feel distressed over my dreams, thank you!

2
Dream Interpretation / All one
« on: July 24, 2016, 03:31:51 AM »
So, I get that all of my dream characters are me...my brain is creating all of them and the scenario.  I feel kind of curious about some dream snippets I experienced last night.

I don't remember a lot of the dream - I mostly remember that there were other men around, who were also me, running around with long sharp garden shears, cutting things in their path.  One of them rushed past me (it was also me at the same time but my perspective was primarily as viewing him) and I grabbed the huge shears out of his hand reflexively, without even thinking or worrying about injury to myself.  I wondered at this...

Then, in the same room with the same people, a man approaches me.  He is my father (not resembling my father in waking life).  I am so physically attracted to him.  I feel extremely aroused by him, and, I am him at the same time feeling turned on by me.  I am wrapped around him, grinding on him and he is holding me.  We may be saying, this is ok now or something along those lines, and I feel like I can hardly stand to hold back and am practically begging him to enter me but at the last minute, something stops us and it might be "his" guilt or mine or some sense of wrongness, not exactly sure.    I felt sad and rejected and frustrated.

In waking life, I've been diligently moving towards getting unstuck in my life.  I've managed to create a car accident where I totalled my car, it caught on fire!  Yet I walked away with only bruises, feeling very focused on the euphoria of having survived, but at the same time I managed to put myself in a hole financially.  I then went on to make some extensive and expensive damage to a friend's vehicle that I'm not sure how I will pay for, putting me further in a financial hole.  I broke a long-standing pattern of 'chasing' an unavailable and disrespectful man, even though it felt agonizing because the chemistry was so intense and the self-doubting voices telling me I was screwing everything up were at full volume...sigh...

Not long ago I dreamed of the same shadowy father figure, only then I woke up feeling electric shocks all through me and FURY at his abuse of me.  Which is my own abuse of myself, I suppose.

It seem the inner saboteur is coming out in force, it all feels related.  I don't know exactly how to handle all of this or what to make of it.  I'm sort of fishing for an epiphany here.. :D



3
Healing Dreams / Re: Black Dragon
« on: March 09, 2016, 02:43:16 PM »
As always, Tony, I appreciate your perspective so much, thank you!
I still feel the dragon with me now, although she is smaller and happily nestled in my solar plexus now.

I had another powerful dream this morning -
I dreamed a tall, muscular black man approached me and was aggressively physically pushing against me, seeming as if he would rape me.  I stood my ground, and kept repeating, "I feel scared.  I feel scared," louder and louder, my voice getting stronger.
I put my hand on his heart, holding him off, and caught his eye.  I felt shakey and like crying and said firmly, "I feel SCARED."
He softened.  We both relaxed.  I don't remember exactly what happened after that but it seems like we started chatting and his vibe shifted to protective and nurturing.

It felt nice to wake up with the memory of that dream, of feeling strong in my vulnerability.

4
Healing Dreams / Black Dragon
« on: March 02, 2016, 06:08:55 AM »
Twice this week I have experienced excruciating stomach pain, and all-over joint pain.  I've actually been feeling lots and lots of inexplicable all-over pain for years now, and lately I had been visualizing plucking plants and imagining I was pulling the roots of the pain.
This morning, after being up until 5am with the pain, I finally fell asleep and into a lucid dream.  For a brief moment I struggled to stay grounded, and quickly surrendered to the feeling of rising and floating and allowing the dream to move me.  Soon I was flying, and marveling at how easily I was controlling my flight.  I remembered, there was something I wanted to address in the dream.  I leaned back, threw my hands wide and asked, "Hey, DREAM!  What is the root of all of this pain?"  I was floated over to a shelf and an invisible hand brought down a large piece of cardboard, folded over on itself and covered in grafitti that I 'recognized' as something I had put away when I was a teenager.  It flipped open, revealing a small, sickly black dragon which floated over to me, held in my arms. 
I wondered what I should DO with this dragon...but instantly it changed and became healthy, luminous.  It floated in midair, us looking at each other and feeling mutual positive regard.  I was smiling and feeling relieved.

Throughout the day today, I've felt the presence of this dragon, wrapped around me.  It feels best to be present with it, rather than dialogue with it or try to understand it or figure it out.


5
Dream Interpretation / Re: Merging?
« on: October 18, 2015, 02:18:43 AM »
I'm reading and re-reading your response and drinking it it.
It's hard to believe that was nearly 3 weeks ago.  I question myself, though.  I was feeling so bothered by a new roommate moving my personal stuff in our shared space that I actually had a dream that I was screaming at and threatening her.  So I asked her in waking life, to stop moving my stuff.  Even after 2 conversations about it, she wouldn't, and was very angry and condescending with me.  I didn't bite and allow myself to get dragged into defending or explaining, and now she is moving suddenly (for other reasons). 
I'm feeling as if...a long-standing pattern of passive-aggressiveness is shifting to active aggression, ha :)
Which is where I question myself - is this okay?  To be aggressive? 
Interesting, too, to look back and realize I squashed this part of my personality because former friends and a former lover both found my aggression quite intimidating and that is when I unconsciously switched to a more passive-aggressive style, to fit in with people I didn't even really like that much who didn't like me much, either.

I've hardly remembered any of my dreams since then.  I miss them!

6
Dream Interpretation / Re: Merging?
« on: September 27, 2015, 09:59:50 PM »
With the guy at the store, what I feel is angry because ...there's NO WAY he would lay a hand on a grown person.  He was bullying his daughter and venting his frustration on her because she is smaller and vulnerable.   

Just yesterday I was remembering some long-forgotten memories of being bullied when I was young.  And I JUST came across a dream from several months ago where I stood up to some men who were mistreating dolphins and saying to them, I want to stand up and be a voice for the ones who can't speak for themselves.

I really feel the need to be a shining and clear presence, a force of truth.  I feel baffled that people continue to heap abuses they experienced on their children and try to justify and rationalize it.  I was abused and I REMEMBER HOW THAT FELT and I did my damndest to break the chain of pain.  That's what I feel I want to be in the world - that bright sun that burns away the fog of lies, confusion, misdirection, trauma...any and all of the stuff that keeps us from knowing our love for each other and from being kind to each other.

7
Dream Interpretation / Merging?
« on: September 27, 2015, 09:52:12 PM »
Last night I dreamed I was in a house where there was a Yeti wandering about, a dark and ominous presence.
There were others with me, and I got into a very large vehicle, the size of a fire truck, to go find it and run it down.  I was surprised they trusted me, and how capable and competent and able to operate this vehicle.  I drove toward it, and it became triplet babies, and then a figure made of sand that dissolved and blew away.

In the next part of the dream, the ominous, dark, unseen presence returned and this time, for some reason, I ran screaming GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE NOW! to everyone in the house.  I felt panicked and urgent, and when we all got in the car together safe and sound, I woke up.

So...in waking life - today, I am at the store and I hear a man SNAP and go off on his young daughter.  I hear him grabbing her and without even thinking I am drawn to them like a moth to a flame and I just stand there.  He has her by her arms and is shaking her and I stand there looking him in the face until he notices me.  I tell him, you are coming across as being very cruel.  She is very small.  She is very vulnerable.  It feels distressing to hear and see this.
The little girl says, "It's ok" and I'm like...no, this isn't ok.  I tell the father again, you are her father and I respect that AND she is very small.  She is very young. 
He apologized that I had to see that (grrr....) and the energy dissipated and he walked away
and I bring this up because...the feelings, the FEELINGS were exactly the same as the first part of my dream last night.

Part of me wants to worry about whether he is going to take things out even worse on her when they get home, part of me wonders why I didn't go ignore it or go in the other direction, part of me wonders if I made a positive difference by standing up and saying something, part of me wonders if I got worked up over nothing and part of me wants to not analyze it too much and just shift focus and finish my homework :)

This has been a whole week of standing up to scary feelings - getting into an argument with my son and not being "nice" or pretending things were ok when they were not (I've been scared to be in conflict with him because I worried he would not let me see my grandson); getting cheeky with my roomie over something small and letting him know I felt angry (when usually I'm just kind of compliant and agreeable); my instructor walked out on our class this week and I hunted him down and told him (essentially) I PAY FOR THIS CLASS AND THIS IS NOT OK FOR  YOU TO JUST WALK OUT WHEN IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT YOU HAVEN'T COME UP WITH A CURRICULUM (he actually came back and apologized for being an asshole - his words - and sent an apology email to the whole class!).

I kind of want to know what it all MEANS :o.  Maybe I'm just maturing as a woman.  I've let myself be vulnerable and had a ton of "deer in the headlights" moments recently where I just let myself feel naked and exposed (showing my ignorance...literally on stage under the bright theater lights, ha) so perhaps that's giving me courage.  I don't know.  I wonder what you think?


8
General Discussion / Wow
« on: January 15, 2015, 12:03:19 AM »
I've been reviewing the dreams I've posted and your responses over the past couple of years, and it strikes me how spot-on the I Ching you threw for me was, how my understanding of it has deepened, and just how incredibly much I picked at and couldn't leave myself alone!
I see in how I worked with my dreams, how I couldn't accept my painful feelings, always picking, always fussing, always asking, couldn't this be different?  Easier?  Gentler?  and seeing clearly now, that ...no, not really, some experiences are simply painful and difficult and nothing to be done about it but sink into them and feel them.
I've listened to countless guided meditations, CD's, videos all visioning stuff and pushing and more and more I feel the deep inner call to stop trying to control every damned thing and just breathe, be still.  Trust.

More and more often, I practice simply being with my dreams and the characters, rather than any dialogue or endless questioning, picking, prodding....controlling, grasping, processing, trying to understand, lol.

I recently started online dating and even had some fun with a dream.  I didn't try to understand it, analyze it, anything...I shared it with a complete stranger online and asked, "what do you think?" and...you could have knocked me over with a feather when he got it, got the meaning of the dream and responded playfully.  He's the sweetest, kindest, easiest to be with prospect so far, even :

All this to say...as always and again, Tony, thank you for your work.  It means so much to me and has made a difference in my life.  I appreciate you, your site, your forum, and how freely you share information, your experiences, and your wisdom.

Warmest wishes,
Rain

9
Dream Interpretation / Re: Recurring painful dream
« on: January 09, 2014, 12:07:12 AM »
Oh, oh, OH!!!
I just looked that book up online and realized I had read a portion of it from your site that has stayed with me for many many months:

"Is there one in all the world who does not desire to be divinely beautiful?
To have the most perfect body-unerring skill, strength-limpid clearness of mind, as of the sunlight over the hills-
To radiate love wherever he goes-to move in and out, accepted?
The secret lies close to you, so close.
You are that person-it lies close to you, so close- deep down within-
But in Time it shall come forth and be revealed."

It gave voice to my deepest desires, made them conscious and I feel it all blossoming from within.

My own mother has been acting differently in just the past several days - staring at me, and feeling so enamored of how beautiful she perceives me to be that she tells me over and over again in such a sincere, heartfelt way.  She can't stop hugging me, she loves to be around me...and this is a miraculous healing after so many years of pain, bitterness, resentment, and the deepest heartache I've known.

I've found the post on your site again and am soaking it up with new awareness.
I feel so much appreciation for how deeply your work has touched me, over and over again, across all of the miles. 
Warm hugs to you, thank you thank you thank you!


10
Dream Interpretation / Re: demon/devil pulling me
« on: December 31, 2013, 02:16:47 PM »
I'm sure Tony will respond to this but I do have some experience with 'dream demons'.
I've found that 'demons' are nothing to fear, they are often bad habits, addictions, feelings we are afraid to feel, aspects of ourselves that we don't like or want to admit to, cravings.

You can dialogue in waking life with this demon.  Ask it what it wants, what it needs - my practice is, to then offer it a big glass of magical elixir that gives it whatever it is seeking.  I also put myself in the demons place, take on it's posture and characteristics, which gives me insight into it's point of view.  Because it *is* me, (it's MY dream!  MY brain is making this up at night!) it gives me valuable information about where I am in conflict with myself.  It could be ANYTHING, and often I feel surprised at how something so frightening, turns out to be very simple.

Here is a story you might find interesting, of how a man who was haunted by a dream character that would frighten the bejeezus out of him whenever he had a lot of anxiety in his life, handled his dream:
http://www.radiolab.org/story/182747-wake-up-dream/


From Tony's site, here is some info on dialoguing with your dream character:

http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/dialogue-with-a-dream-character-or-object/

http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/practical-techniques-for-understanding-your-dreams/


Some other perspectives on dealing with dream (or waking life) demons:

Feeding Your Demons (where I got the idea to give the demon the elixir - also transforms the demon into an ally)

http://taramandala.org/about-kapala-training/the-process/


Lucid dreaming as Shamanic Consciousness

http://www.dreamviews.com/beyond-dreaming/102974-lucid-dreaming-shamanic-consciousness.html

"I was reading for a while, then I noticed that the wall (about 6 feet from the end of my bed) started to sort of wobble. My body was paralyzed, unable to move. My breathing was kind of non-existent, though I desperately needed more air. Suddenly, it opened up into a black void. Like a 9 ft black hole, vaguely the shape of a figure. "O my god," I thought, "I am dreaming. This can't be true." The black-hole oozed into the room. I was beyond terror. I still don't understand how my heart didn't collapse. The blackness started molding itself into a recognizable shape. It became a 9 ft tall Japanese devil or devilish-looking Samurai. Viciously grinning he said, "You are not dreaming. You thought you could ‘integrate me.'" He then, in one sweeping movement, stretched out his enormous black hand, grabbed me, stuffed me into his blood-red mouth, and swallowed me. Then I fell into unconsciousness for a moment, now a vortex pulled me down into an abyss of no dimensions. All of a sudden, I was spat back out into his hand. Somehow, I had crystallized into a red ruby. I WAS a ruby; I felt like a ruby. So there I was, in the big hand of a giant, looking at him, and he looking at me. In that moment-seeing each other-something happened. We looked at each other, became truly aware of each other, and then, there was love. I know what the mystics talk about/can't talk about. There is believing, and then, there is knowing.[xxiii] "


I feel really happy you asked about this, because it reminds me of the affinity and call I feel to work with demons and to engage with others in this practice, thank you!


11
Healing Dreams / Neck pain resolved
« on: December 30, 2013, 03:16:07 PM »
I had been feeling uncomfortable neck stiffness and pain for a few days.

A few nights ago, I dreamed I was with my sister, in a room.  There were many many electrical plugs all plugged into 2 outlets.   I thought, that's way to much to be plugged into those little outlets, there's no surge protector, I feel concerned they might overload those two little outlets.

I woke up pondering this dream, and it came to me that this was about the circuits of my brain being overloaded.
So I did some research on a new supplement I had been taking - which lead me to a blurb about a whole different supplement I had been taking for a long time (Huperzine-A).  Turns out it is a sort of chemical "sister" to the 1st supplement, and the two of them together were producing too much cholinergenic activity in my brain, which was causing the neck pain and stiffness.

I stopped taking H that night and woke up the next morning feeling much relieved, no neck pain or stiffness.  I wouldn't have guessed that H was the cause of the pain but my dream showed me the way  :)




12
Dream Interpretation / Re: Recurring painful dream
« on: December 19, 2013, 02:15:31 AM »
Oh, and I just remembered - the other night, I dreamed a black woman was saying nasty things to me and calling me names and I told her, "I want you to stop saying those things.  I don't want to hear another word like that come out of your mouth about me."

And *another* dream I just remembered from the weekend:

highlights: Waking to realize that an ex had set up my home with beautiful altars and lit incense, making out with an old friend, Bob Marley wandered in and I made out with him, my new store opened and it was packed full of customers, I flew with the angels, culminating in a meeting with the devil where we pulled out our old agreements and began to renegotiate them until I said, you are me and I am you and we adore each other and I'd really rather be making out with you...I sat on his lap and we did just that. He was quite surprised and pleased (though he didn't quite seem to believe I sincerely love him).  Our rather large and complex book-sized contracts dissolved into dust. Another ex stopped by to...please me  and I woke up with a smile on my face.


I just so so so so want to believe I'm doing right by myself and not screwing up my life with my stubborness...I hope these dreams are good omens.

13
Dream Interpretation / Re: Recurring painful dream
« on: December 19, 2013, 02:07:04 AM »
I had a variation of the dream again this morning - I was a little stronger this time when I grabbed "his" fingers, removed them from my body, and said, "I want you to stop hurting me!"

I forgot about the dream, then went to work and ended up getting fired because I told them I wasn't going to another site to do a job that I feel harmed my well-being.  I told them it felt taxing on my health, made me miserable and I felt like I was being provoked.  I told them yesterday I wasn't going back because my pain levels from just being there were making me feel aggressive, nobody objected - I have never ever been reprimanded in any way, and certainly didn't expect to get fired for this!

Only later did I think to stand up for myself and say I didn't deserve to be fired for that...but at the time, I simply said OK, packed up and left.

I feel shaken.  Just now I thought of this dream.  They seem related.  I want to believe it is a door to better opportunities for myself - the job paid well but I had very little to do and felt stagnant and as if my intelligence was actually dropping, I was picking up bad habits that were a necessary evil of the environment.

Soo...curious what I might dream about tonight....

14
Dream Interpretation / Recurring painful dream
« on: November 21, 2013, 04:15:26 PM »
I don't know what to make of this recurring dream theme -
the gist is, a male (varying ages/race/body types) stands behind me and is grabbing my body just under my armpits, digging his fingers into my flesh and it feels excruciatingly painful, and paralyzing almost like an electric shock.

Last night, in my dream I was feeling diseased.  I turned my thoughts toward, "God is the love in which I am healed."
Instantly I felt healed and relaxed and as if I were gently and softly falling backk onto a soft bed, blissed.  
Then I felt those hands grab me and lift me as if to fly me upwards.

For a split second I relaxed into it, enjoying the upward flight, but then the hands dug deeply into the flesh.

I grabbed the right hand and pried his fingers off of me and turned and commanded him in the name of Jesus to GET OFF ME.  
I have NO idea why I revert to calling Jesus, it's very weird to me...and it usually doesn't work anyway, I usually end up feeling helpless and impotent.

Surprisingly, though, this time it worked and I felt strong and in command.  I also felt PISSED.  I got him off my back, and put him in front of me and he sort of fell over on his side while I did something that felt like shooting laser beams or something at him, I felt so angry and I wanted to send him a message to STAY AWAY from me.

Then I woke up.

I feel like maybe this is a sadistic part of me…but I don’t know what to do about that.
I don’t want it grabbing me and hurting me!  It feels confusing that I feel relaxed and free at first, and I love to fly and I would LOVE to feel  surrendered to a male, lifting me up and flying but I don’t want him to hurt me like that when he does it.  It definitely is touching something because I feel tears rising and my throat choking as I type this.  I feel frustrated and not sure how to relate to this dream, what do you think?

15
Dream Interpretation / Re: The Things we Forgive
« on: May 07, 2013, 03:00:01 PM »
at any rate this seems like progress -
This morning I became lucid in a dream.  Even though I was lucid, I was acting pretty spontaneously.
I opened a door to a dorm room, there were a lot of people in there, I asked where M was (someone I haven't seen for 2 years), they told me in the kitchen.  I laughed and said, "I'm just looking for a booty call, so if you know anyone, send them in my direction."

In the kitchen, I found a beautiful black woman.  I asked her for a sexual favor, she was happy to comply. I told her I had never done this before, she didn't seem to mind.  Then I woke up.

This felt pretty good, because usually asking for sex in lucid dreams has resulted in massive frustration, or being attacked.

What was interesting, though, is that I rolled over, checked my email from my bed, and saw a match from an online dating service.  There was a photo of a woman (and I haven't been seeking women online) who looked so much like the dream woman my mouth dropped open in surprise.

She lives a ways away, but I'm going to contact her anyway, I love blurring the line between dreaming/waking reality.

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