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Messages - rawwar73

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Dream Interpretation / Grotesque dreams
« on: June 20, 2016, 02:58:26 AM »
I had several dreams last night which were grotesque and disturbing and I haven't been able to figure out how to even start making sense of them. Unfortunately, they are sticking in my mind rather than fading away. Wondering if you might be able to help. Both were the sort of dream which I woke myself from (because they were unpleasant) and went back into right away when I fell asleep. And I apologize in advance for the yuckiness of them.

In the first dream I went grocery shopping and found that instead of chicken that I was looking for, there were packages of frozen human fetuses being sold. They were about the size and length of two fingers and there were probably 10 in each package. All the groceries were selling them instead of chicken, so I bought a couple of packages. I took them home, and even though I found it gross and disturbing, I began cutting them up into small pieces, putting great effort into cutting them in such as way that it wasn't obvious that we were eating bits of fetuses. As I said, I was disturbed by this and found it revolting, but for some reason I felt like this was the way things were being done now, so it must be ok and I needed to get over my queasiness. The second time I went to make a meal with them (after having woken myself up from the dream once because I found the process of cutting them up so unpleasant) my teenaged son came and told me that I shouldn't be putting the fetuses in our food. He didn't like their taste or texture and thought my husband would be upset if he realized what we were eating. It was almost like I needed someone to give me permission not to cook with the fetuses and I was both embarrassed and relieved when my son told me not to use them anymore. Together we fished the pieces out of the sauce I had been putting them into.

The next dream was related to something that happened in real life. When I was pregnant with my youngest child, my step son, who was 13 at the time, came to live with us. A few months after he moved in, he molested my 4 year old daughter. Fortunately, I found out the day it happened and we took appropriate measures for both their sakes. In my dream I remembered this incident except in the dream, my 4 year old daughter had some how become pregnant when she was molested and it was her, rather than me, who had given birth to my youngest daughter. But in the dream, we hid the fact that she had been impregnated and given birth from everyone and I had almost forgotten it. In the dream, when I thought of it, I seemed to remember holding my 4 year old daughter as she went through child birth under intense medical care. But there seemed to be a wiff of death around the whole situation - like there were flashes of a funeral and graveyard mixed in. (In real life, we did not hide what happened, fwiw.)

The final dream took place in some sort of school. In the school, there was a section in the middle of everything where the lay out of the corridors was very confusing and maze like. For some reason, the boys were given directions for avoiding this section of the school, but the girls weren't and few found a way to get around it. To make matters worse, the boys would frequently stalk and ridicule girls trying to find their way through this section of the school and occasionally a girl would go missing there. I'm not sure where I was in this dream - I can't quite remember. But at the end of the dream, video screens around the maze area began reporting on the fate of the girls who had gone missing. The man who ran the school had been taking them and raping them. The screens began showing clips of videos this man had made of the girls after they had been taken. In the clips, all of the girls had bald heads and puffy, round faces. They were shown from the shoulders up inside what looked like the hood of a baby carriage made out of roses. Several of them began to sit up as if they were a bit groggy and hit their head on the roses. The clips were played in quick succession, seemingly for some sort of comedic effect. At the end of the video, one of the girls, since recovered from whatever happened said, "oh well, at least I got 30 minutes of action with . . . " she referenced whomever the man responsible for all of this was. I can't remember who he was except that he was powerful in this dream world.

I'm not sure if I ate something bad for dinner last night or if the summer heat got to me, but it's been a very long time since I had such disturbing dreams. I can see some sort of relationship with sex and childbirth, as well as abuse. But mostly trying to figure out these dreams just makes me feel queasy and revolted. I'd really like to just scrub them from my memory entirely. Any ideas?

Dream Interpretation / Driving from the passenger seat.
« on: August 21, 2013, 06:20:46 PM »
I have a lot of dreams where I am driving a car but must do it from the backseat or the passenger side. In these dreams I feel that my position and control of the car is precarious as I must struggle to reach the steering wheel and obviously can't easily reach the pedals. I'm not sure why I'm not in the driver's seat but it seems like it has to do with that I'm not supposed to be the one driving. Like I need to keep up the appearance that I'm not the driver. Oddly, though I'm also very aware that I could get in trouble if anyone notices that the driver's seat is empty. Like last night I had this dream and a police car pulled up alongside me and I was worried that he would see the empty driver's seat and pull me over. Then I would get in trouble for driving the car unsafely.

I've read your entries and driving and the driver's seat. But I don't understand why I am controlling the car from such a precarious position.

Dream Interpretation / Being read a book
« on: May 28, 2013, 05:24:15 PM »
I've had several dreams lately where I am being shown/read a book. It's like I am being read a book with pictures and even stories from life to illustrate the book's points. It's sort of like you might see on a children's television show where they have words and graphics and lots of motion. I'm having a hard time remembering the details, but they are books on self-help/inspiration. Last night the author of the book was Tony Robbins, for example. I'm the only one in the dreams - it's not another person reading to me.

During the dreams, I feel like knowledge about life and the universe are being revealed to me through the books. During the dreams I often regret that I won't remember each and every word when I wake up because I think that if I could write what I am being shown down myself then I could be the one who writes these books in reality. Like I said, I can't really remember any of the details when I wake up, so I'm not even sure what about life and the universe the books are telling me.

Dream Interpretation / Laughing - Intense Pleasure
« on: April 04, 2013, 09:21:54 PM »
Here's a nice one for you. Over the last few months, every so often I will have a dream where I'm laughing. I don't really remember the details of the dreams themselves - they are all different. Rather it's the laughing and feeling amazingly good that sticks with me. When I have them, I feel it all in my body and it's joyous and amazingly pleasurable. More than once I have woken up because I was laughing so hard in my dream that I thought for sure I must be laughing out loud in my sleep and was going to wake my husband up. (I wasn't laughing out loud so far as I could tell.) Other times I've woken myself up because I wanted to share what was so funny with my husband and then realized that either what I was going to say didn't make much sense out of context or that it's not nice to wake someone up in the middle of the night.

Interestingly, this has gone on even during times when I was extremely unhappy during my waking hours. And during times when I wasn't. For the longest time, I only had unpleasant dreams, so this is very novel for me. Anyhow, I'm wondering if you have any insight or if other people have had this experience.

Dream Interpretation / Can't die
« on: October 12, 2012, 12:10:47 AM »
First of all, thank you so much for doing these interpretations. They have been very helpful to me.

Last night I had a dream which I remember very little of, but what I remember is that something happened which should have killed me. Everyone thought I was dead. I thought I was going to die and was kind of looking forward to leaving my body and this life behind. But although everything went very dim, I didn't ever stop breathing. It was a while (a few days I think) before other people realized that I wasn't dead. They were very excited and gave me medical treatment. I remember hearing people say I had come back from the dead, although I knew I had't actually died. In the later part of the dream I remember that I couldn't use one of my arms quite right and there was something weird going on with my head. But everyone around me was so kind and happy to have me. I was a little disappointed not to have died, but otherwise fine.

As I thought about this dream, I remembered having another dream with similar themes. I don't remember the details except some medical procedure was performed on me which was not only supposed to kill me, but couldn't be stopped. It seemed like it was done by opening the blood vessel in my neck. Again, I was a little nervous but happy about this. And I remember things getting dim, but I didn't die. Both times it was like I was willing but just never quite got there.

I read in your dream dictionary that death can be drawing away from life which could be me - life's been really crappy for a long time now and I can seem to find my way forward or out. I would never harm myself, of course.

Dream Interpretation / Re: Spiders and fish
« on: August 14, 2012, 05:18:56 AM »
Thank you, Tony. I know you are busy right now, but this was helpful in understanding the dreams. I followed the link you provided and tried it out. Immediately it became clear that the fish tanks are about my relationship with my husband. We're trying to recover from a separation and frankly, I don't want to be in relationship with this man anymore. But my religious beliefs and kids (fishes) and my lack of resources (see the lack of resources/tanks and supplies needed to provide the fish with new, proper homes) are holding me in place. And the issues involved are so messy and intractable that I view trying to work them out as a dreadful option requiring me to delve into gross, slimy contaminated things I don't want to deal with. I suppose it says something that the fish aren't dead - the relationship isn't completely dead either. Neither are my feelings about the issues involved. At this point, I'm just trusting that time will reveal and open a way forward or a miracle will occur and my husband will remove his brains from his posterior and start dealing with his problems. But in the meantime, life must go on. Shove the fishies in their tanks so I can function and keep conflict to a minimum. It all makes sense, but doesn't do much to point a way forward, unfortunately. Maybe I'll try your technique again and see if I can't visualize a way of dealing with the fish that isn't so repressive and unnatural.

And the spider webs is right on as well. You would not believe the day-to-day petty problems we're dealing with. Everything we own has broken in the last year (2 cars, washer, dryer, dishwasher, 6 flat tires, 3 dvd players, computer, video game system, camera, water heater, 3 kitchen chairs - just to name a few). I've been sick and had to quit my part-time job as a result. My husband got a big promotion 4 months ago which we thought would ease the strain, but it's been 4 months and they still haven't given him his promised raise. He got rear-ended while driving. It was 2 days after getting out of the hospital for a variety of health problems he had been neglecting and his back's all messed up. Just on and on. Day after day after day. But all you can do is keep going and try not to be overwhelmed or let one of the spiders bite and throw us completely off track! Miraculously, my tendency towards severe clinical depression hasn't taken over, so I guess what I'm doing to cope is working.

Still, I wish I could do like in my dream and just wake myself up!

Dream Interpretation / Spiders and fish
« on: July 29, 2012, 10:09:21 PM »
Two dreams I'm wondering if you can help me with.

The first is one that I had last night about spiders. There were spiders everywhere and they were making webs on every surface. Even on people if they got too close or stood still for too long. In my dream I was working to clean up the spiders and their webs using a vacuum cleaner. I had to stop frequently to clear clogs in the machine and empty it. I was being very careful that once a spider went in, it did not come back out again. I think there was some concern that an unhappy spider would bite me. I know there was someone else with me, but I don't know who. It seemed like it might be one of my sisters, but I was in charge and mainly focused on what I was doing and handling problems that came up in the clean up process. Along with frequent clogs, I had to empty the canister of the vacuum frequently. At one point, I realized that some of the spiders had made it through alive so I started emptying the canister into another container with a lid I could screw on and dispose of. The whole thing was not alarming. I was a bit nervous and squeemish perhaps, but not scared or terrified or anything like that. However, dealing with a bunch of spiders and their webs all over everything was pretty unpleasant so after a while I remembered that it was just a dream and decided to wake myself.

The second is something which has been showing up repeatedly in my dreams. It's a fish tank. The particulars vary - sometimes it belongs to me and sometimes it's a relative's - like my grandfather who passed away a few years ago. Other times it's in a pet shop or aquarium. Often times there's more than one fish tank. In my dreams the fish tanks are anxiety inducing because they have been neglected. I am expecting dead fish and feel guilty for not taking care of the fish and grossed out by the thought of slimy dead things needing to be cleaned out. However, in my dreams the fish tanks have somehow become self-sustaining. They are often overgrown with aquatic plants and have become crowded with fish. Because it seems so unnatural this makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I should clean out the tanks but I don't supplies to give them proper space. And like I said, because the whole thing is so unnatural, I'm a bit freaked out about the fish and gross, slimy plants. I don't really want to come in contact with them. The fish tanks often aren't the subject of the dreams, per se, but they keep showing up. I've also had similar dreams with different small animals living in some sort of enclosure - birds and gerbils are the two I can remember now. The premise was the same - not cared for, should be dead, instead have become self-sustaining and multiplied and I'm disturbed by the whole thing.
So, writing this I'm seeing that these two things are probably connected in some way. Both involve small, living things that exist in abundance and are dirty and anxiety inducing to me that I think of as needing cleaning up. But beyond that I'm not sure what to make of it. Any ideas? Thanks!

Dream Interpretation / Re: pyramid capstone
« on: July 17, 2011, 11:03:25 AM »
Women, particularly beautiful (in whatever way) ones bearing love who desire you, tell us about very deep things.  If we look at the way humanity has interacted with a particular symbols and stories surrounding that thing (such as a beautiful, loving woman who desires you) and apply the truths that are being shown there to our own experience, needs and wants in life, we can solve problems, learn and get direction. 

I'm not going to explain it very well because I'm learning how to teach explain something in a way which is helpful is often harder than learning to do the thing yourself.  But basically the symbols we use - whether in dreams, scriptures, myths, parable that get told and testimonies of those who know God - point to something that is either true or not true about yourself, God and the relationship between the two of you.  The trick is knowing how to tell when you are being shown something that is true or you are being taught to recognize what is not true.  Usually good feelings point to something true and "bad" feelings either point to something you think or believe that is not correct or they are a sign that you are running away from something that you feel incapable of dealing with.  On the other hand if a symbol creates good feelings, it is pointing to something that is true which you can use to guide your choices and attitudes and can teach you about yourself and God.

In this case, a symbol in your dream is the woman.  What do women represent to you?  From a scriptural perspective, wisdom is personified as a woman, Mary's wisdom allowed her to serve God AND see it as a joyous thing (as opposed to Joseph who is just being obedient and isn't present and participating in Jesus' ministry).  Christian saints have testified that their spiritual union with God is consumated (too put it somewhat crudely) by a sexual encounter with the Holy Spirit in female form/essense.  So, the symbol of a woman can be tied up with wisdom or joyful service or the desire to bridge the physical and spiritual (and all of these things are tied up with each other as well and so on down the line).  When you figure out what particular reality the symbol of a woman is pointing you towards, you are better able to know how to respond to the issue in your everyday life.  So if it is woman as wisdom that kind of tugs at you, start looking for wisdom.  Learn to recognize it when it comes your way and develop it.  If an actual woman enters into your life, you will be able to understand that part of her essence is a wisdom that you can learn.  IOW, you will be looking for and therefor recognizing the thing which the symbol of a woman represents to you and act accordingly. 

Think about how you feel about her loving all the different men.  Are you jealous? Do you want whatever the woman represents to belong just to you?  Or are you happy that what the woman represents is available to all these men which means that the world has an abundance of some good thing available to it?  What is your response telling you about yourself?  Is it something you like or want to change?  When the woman says she loves you most, what does that make you feel?  Fear? Joy? Pride?  Again, what does your particular response tell you about yourself or your beliefs that can help you see the world more clearly and make better choices while moving in it?  It's all to teach you something if you just follow the connections from point to point.  And the big check for yourself is that if what you are seeing or thinking is true, then it must be from God.  Is it actually consistent with a loving God?  If not, is the error found in how you think about or see the world or is it our perception of what a lovign God looks like that is in error?  Are there things that we say and know are true, but that we live as if they were not?  Your dreams, like everything else are meant to teach you.  So pick any symbol or action from your dream, think of which of its many potential means resonates most with you and start following it to see where it will lead you and what you can learn from it.  Ask God to show you the questions you should be asking if you get stuck.  Or just take it as far as you can and leave it for later.  The theme/symbol/lesson/feeling you are working with will show up again later and you will recognize it and be able to find the connection between the point where you left off and your current experience of the matter.  It's all about learning. 

I really apologize if this doesn't make sense.  It's still a hard thing for me to explain, so I'm practicing on you.  It's an approach to learning that works very well for me and I'm sure it can be a benefit to you as well if you can make heads or tails out of what I'm trying to say.  Even if it mostly seems like gibberish (like most dreams!), take what makes sense to you and run with it. 

Good luck!  I would be fascinated to hear more about what you figure out by using this dream should you care to share.

Dream Interpretation / Re: Same themes 3 nights in a row
« on: February 05, 2011, 12:08:31 AM »
I just had a chance to re-read your post on the quickening more closely and wanted to respond some.  What you are talking about absolutely lines up with what I know and am discovering/remembering.  I have been very blessed that my Christian experience has been a source of healing, wisdom and grace rather than the imprisonment and oppression that many people have experienced.  Probably not surprisingly, my experiencing has been largely church-free.  At any rate, my point is that my understanding of the quickening you speak of has been experienced within the Christian faith and my explanation of it is clothed in the language of Christianity.  Which is to say that my explanation of this experience would sound different than yours, but contain much the same truths.  I certainly understand that the Spirit is not confined to our religions - even one that I believe to be true like Christianity - and that many will be brought to the understandings you speak of outside of and sometimes even in opposition to religion.  Which is my very long way of saying that I hope that my use of Christian language, framing and references is neither off-putting or used as a way to dismiss me as "one of those" types of people. 

Which actually brings me back to my dreams.  I think that I am beginning to see that my calling may be to express these ancient ideas and truths within the framework of Christianity.  What exactly this will entail, I'm not sure yet.  But, most likely the powerful, totalitarian  government in my dreams is the formal church as it exists today.  It is very powerful and while our modern technology allows fore the spread of new ideas, it also makes it very easy for those who are upholding the old, oppressive ways of thinking to quickly label those who step out of line as heretics.  Theirs is a mentality of scarcity - scarcity of love and grace and forgiveness and they have convinced many that they are the only real source of these things and that they can be had only by following their rules.  Yet, they dole out these goods in such small measure that the majority of people never have enough.  Total freedom is a threat.  I'm sure that you are right about the for sale sign.  I have longed to be part of the church forever, but have not found anywhere that would allow me to hold onto the truth and freedom I know.   Most likely, following my call will mean letting go of that wish to be accepted by the wider church.  I also know that in some ways it would be much easier to join those who have left religion behind altogether and are exploring what is without restraints (and most likely also without anything to guard against the reality of the human frailities and limitations we exist with).  Which may be part of the meaning of the basement.  Because I do feel that my place is to work within Christianity, there are restraints and protections that those who leave religion behind don't have.  And that is a reality I have to live with as well.  I'm not sure what to make of the gardens.  Perhaps they represent spiritual truths that I boith want and find odd, unfamiliar and unsettling because of where I am coming from.  And as much as I love gardens and desire to exploree them, they are a dangerous place for me because this is where I may discover those things which will put me at odds with the powerful government - ie the church. 

Once again, thanks for sharing your wisdom so freely.  As I'm sure you know, seeking and following the spirit where it leads rather than where we've been told it must go can be a rather solitary journey at times.  It is always nice to meet a fellow sojourner who is close enough to where one is to share with!

Dream Interpretation / Re: Same themes 3 nights in a row
« on: February 04, 2011, 10:11:13 PM »
Tony, thank you for your response.  It's a lot to think/meditate about.  I've been thinking about/struggling to understand the Star Beings you speak of.  One of the things that I have started to understand is that one aspect of creation and particularly humanity is that it is God experiencing all that is.  To put it briefly, we will not ever experience anything that God does not also experience.  And, in fact, it is through our experience of life that God experiences these things.  I suppose the most reductive way of putting it is that human existence actually is God experiencing all that there is to experience - in our world and as our type of being at least.  If that makes sense.  (Obviously, there's more to it than that, but hopefully it conveys a broad sense of what I am trying to say.)

I am wondering if in a similar way these Star Beings you speak of can be understood as God acting out those ancient forces of creation.  In much the way that we are the means by which God experiences human life, are these Star Beings the way that God creates and lives out the forces of creation and life?  Obviously, I am still struggling for the right ways to express this concept of something being both separate from and part of God.  Perhaps both an aspect of God and a creation of God would better explain it. 

This may seem like a silly or unnecessary way to try and pin these experiences and ideas down, but my particular gifting is primarily as a communicator.  So, it is important for me not just to know things, but to be able to explain them in ways that others can receive as well.  Anyhow, I'm just trying to get a better handle on what it all means!

Dream Interpretation / Same themes 3 nights in a row
« on: February 01, 2011, 07:31:59 PM »
The last three nights, I have had dreams which contained similar themes.  I can't quite figure out what they mean, but obviously they must be trying to say something since it's repeating. 

In the first dream, the world had basically broken down.  Electricity, gas, food and water had become very hard to come by.  People were walking the streets trying to find things they needed or seek help.  It was tense, but overall it was pretty orderly - especially because there was a very powerful, totalitarian government in place.  However, I and my family and various members of my "group" (not sure what the connection between us all was) were living in a very large, technologically advanced house.  I was the leader of the group living in the house.  We were being provided with necessities by the government.  Although we were very fortunate not to be suffering the way most people were, what we were provided with was very scarce.  We also had to be careful because the government was watching us closely to make sure we didn't step too far out of line with their rules.  The house had a very large underground with many rooms.  There were many people, children and families residing there.  Because our group was large and there were many children, we were occasionally able to take in children from the outside without the government noticing.  There was also a large garden out back.  I love to garden, but this one had not been planted by me.  Parts of it were beautiful, but a lot of it was strange and unattractive to me.  It was also a dangerous place for me to spend too much time because it was easier for the government to keep an eye on me when I was outside.

In the second dream, I was in college.  I lived in a small, comfortable dorm room and was dating a very tall, skinny, dark haired man.  He was the lead singer of a well known metal band.  I had apparently broken up with my husband who is also a singer.  However, once again, social order was breaking down.  The basics of life had become scarce and the college was shutting down due to the lack of resources.  Again, I felt pretty protected from the effects of this scarcity - at least for the time being.  At the end of the dream, my mother came to pick me up from school.

Last night I dreamt that the world was at the very beginning stages of breaking down.  Again scarcity of basic necessities was the issue.  Also again, there was a powerful, totalitarian government in place.  My husband and I were out shopping for a new house that we would be able to weather this dangerous period.  We went through a house that I kind of liked and was happy to discover had a vast underground basement area.  There were already people living there which I was happy about.  This house also had a large, pre-existing garden out back.  Again, there were many parts of it which I found strange and unattractive.  We left this house to look at another house, but I wasn;t impressed with the next house I saw.  I seemed to be the one who had the final say in the matter.  Buying the house also meant that I would be the leader of the people living in the house.  Right before I woke up, I took us back to the street which the first house was on where we could see the for sale sign in the front yard was still there.  I think I was about to buy it. 

I am pretty sure that these dreams are some how realted to several things going on in my life.  The first is that I have been gaining a huge amount of spiritual knowledge lately which goes far beyond what is normally accepted in my religious tradition (Christianity).  It isn't in conflict with my religious beliefs, but definitely stretches them.  Secondly, my husband and I have come to understand that there are some important things which we are supposed to be doing in life but which we have not been able to do because my husband has been trying to do things in his own, dysfunctional way and blaming me for the bad results.  Third, after a year of intense conflict between us, my husband has finally been brought to see his dysfunction and is now on board with working together with me as a partner in order to move forward.    Previously, he had been trying to set the course and expected me to adopt his ways of doing and seeing things in order to get on board with him in order to pursue the course he thought we should be on.    So, there's been a lot going on, but I'm not sure howwhat exactly these dreams may be trying to tell me!

Dream Interpretation / Re: Baby hippo
« on: January 30, 2011, 10:17:35 PM »
Thanks for your help.  What you say is pretty much what I thought it probably meant.  I was just hoping that the baby hippo symbolized something in particular rather than what I think it is.  (I am trying to find a way to get rid of it after all!)  I guess I'll take comfort in the fact that the baby hippo hasn't grown as fast as I had thought it would, so perhaps it will be more managable than I thought.  And if I have been entrusted with its care, then I will also be provided with what I need to see the whole thing through as well.  Any how, thanks again! 

Dream Interpretation / Baby hippo
« on: January 23, 2011, 12:45:31 AM »
For reasons I don't remember, I ended up charged with the care of a baby hippo. I knew that I couldn't take care of a baby hippo, so I was trying to figure out how to find someone who could take the baby hippo for me. While I was trying to figure this out, various people came by. They didn't seem to see why having a baby hippo in my house or on a chain in my front yard was such a big deal. They were excited about other things and at one point during a visit with a couple of them, a show - either Dr. Phil or Oprah - came on and they were doing a segment on the baby hippo which recorded the point at which I started caring for the baby hippo (I think because it had been abandoned?). I was surprised that the narrative in the story included everything I had said about the hippo at the time. Like I was an expert. I also remember that there was travel at some point in the dream and that at first I was expecting a baby at any moment.  The baby was born and looked a lot like my 1 year old daughter, so many people didn't realize that there was a new baby unless they saw them together.  In the meantime, the baby hippo was growing (not as quickly as I had expected, though) and I still hadn't found a place for it to be, so I had to start making arrangements to make sure the baby hippo had what it needed like food and water. When the dream ended, I was in the process of finding a small plastic pool for it to soak in.  I was planning to put it next to the pile of grass clippings under a large tree in my front yard where he spent a lot of time. 
It was one of those dreams that I kept returning to during a restless/interrupted period of sleep.  But the baby hippo was so striking to me through out that I'm trying to figure out what it might mean.  I felt like a dream that means something - I just don't know what.  FWIW, I'm female, married and have 5 kids and 1 stepson who lives with us.  Also, my husband had a vasectomy last year, so it's highly unlikely that I will have a real baby again. 

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