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Dream Interpretation / Corporate Decision
« on: March 20, 2018, 11:14:57 PM »
Hello, I hope you don't mind, I'm just going to quickly vomit this out onto to blog while I can. 
Dreamt that I was walking through the streets of a very congested town.  The houses were packed close together, and were filled with a mix of humans and their activities, plus an abundance of animals of all sorts..all existing together, sharing the same space.  In this world, it was so crowded that animals and people had to live practically right on top of each other.  It was not particular to this town, it was a world-wide issue.  There was no room for animals.  People had taken over the earth; all the spaces, all the resources.    The land, the air, the sea.  As I walked I took in the sights and sounds; for example, hundreds of delicate baby chicks chirping in a busy driveway, with vehicles and people coming to and fro without a thought.  They could easily be smushed at any given moment.  Other houses had different animals, but the situation was the same.  I became increasingly concerned for the welfare of all the different animals.  They had no choice but to live in these congested conditions, alongside people.  Even in the supposed "wild", where areas of land appeared open and unpopulated--it was a mirage.  While humans didn't appear to populate these areas, they did in fact overtake the airwaves, the water, even the ground beneath..all to harvest energy, communications, technology, and resources for themselves.  It was apparent that the ever expanding population and their growing needs was to the detriment of the natural world.  Finally, we walk outside the town, into a more secluded area.  Still on the same road.  We are surrounded by meadows.  Nearby, I see a lone cow in the field.  I want to connect with it, and go toward it, placing my hand on its gentle face--suddenly I am surrounded by 3 GIANT cow heads.  They are right up in my face.  I experience a sense of danger, as if they might unintentionally suffocate me, or trample me.  They aren't aggressive, rather, they feel so at one with me that it is as if I am not a separate being.  It is as if they perceive me as an entity without boundaries or form.  Their heads surround my head, mere centimeters between us.   They are drawn to me.  I feel they might walk or penetrate right through me.  I cannot move.  I simply wanted to connect to one cow for a moment, and now they've all globbed onto me.  I am relieved when my friend calls me away.  I return to the road and we continue on. 
We end up entering a vast building.  It is miles in size.  Thousands of people work and live? inside.  It is some sort of corporate entity.  In this world the government and corporations are one.  Inside there is a congregation of hundreds of people in one room.  Suddenly it is announced through the speakers that the crisis between animals and humans has reached such a critical point that a major announcement is to be made.  A voice floods the building and radiates worldwide announcing that animals will be now be limited to "one" per household.  All others will be terminated.  This means that all the creatures I met on my way here would be slaughtered.  All but "one."  This would mean extinction for millions of species.  They were already in a precarious state.  This would hasten their demise.  Permanently.  There would be no coming back from it.  This hits me as the worst possible decision.  Its moving in the wrong direction.  The world was already unbalanced toward human dominance.  Nature was suffering.  I look around at all the people.  They have no reaction to the news.  They are like sheep, just going along with it.  It's as if they just heard something on tv or the internet, and are disconnected from it personally.  They don't seem to care about the real world affects it will have.  There is a glass partition separating the crowd from the corporate leaders beyond it.  The kind of glass where they can see us, but we can't see them.  I sense we are being observed, to gauge our reaction to the big news.  I focus on who's behind the glass and then I am able to see through it.  To my surprise there is only one person behind the glass.  A woman.  I'm not sure if she's just psychological ops (documenting how the masses take the news) or if she's higher up in the chain.  Emboldened, I push my way to the other side and confront her.  I ask "Who is she?"  and a voice tells me she is a "Chairman of the Board."  So, she does have some power in this decision.  I plead with her there must be some other solution.  If things are so bad, surely she can persuade the Board to take a different route?  Perhaps they could secretly sterilize the human population (or a sizeable portion of it)?  Problem solved in a generation!  I insist that there must be another way.  Permanently extinguishing all the other species on earth just to satisfy the never ending greed and over indulgence of one cannot be the answer.   I insist that there is another option and that she carry this message to Corporate.  My insistence is met with equal resolve on her part.  She is firm that the decision has been made.  She will not sway the others, she will not even try.  I awoke feeling a colossal mistake was being made.  An unbalanced system was about to become even more unbalanced, with devastating effects.  Stubbornly, I continued to press my point to her, but she was equally resolute.

Dream Interpretation / Hatched Naturally
« on: January 17, 2018, 03:42:23 AM »
This time I dreamt I was observing an egg hatch just outside the deck (where I normally feed the birds).  Since my previous dream was fresh in my mind, I was fully expecting this to hatch into a dragon.  To my surprise, it turns out to be just a bird.  However, it is a fully formed bird (not a defenseless baby).  Also, it has unusual markings - its feathers or coat are covered in patches of every color imaginable, and some not yet discovered.  Every color is different and is iridescent. Also, each "patch" of color has a distinct border and outline, which reminded me of looking at the different states on a map.  It appeared as if the iridescent, glowing colors of this bird were separate "states."  The bird was covered, every inch, with multiple colors, each one unique, each one separated by defined borders.  As I witnessed it emerging from its shell, and saw the unique pattern, I realized I was watching something no one had ever seen before; either this was a new species, or it was an exceedingly rare and hidden species, which man had never seen before.  I observed as it took off and flew away. 

Dream Interpretation / Cracked Open Too Soon
« on: January 11, 2018, 09:22:39 AM »
I dreamt there was a dragon's egg in the middle of the floor.  In the dream, this was an unusual and exceedingly rare thing.  Yet, here it was, in a building with us.  It should have been in the middle of a mythical forest!  There is a man there who wants to crack open the egg.  I suppose he is impatient and can't resist seeing what is concealed inside.  It is after all, such a rare thing to behold.  No one has ever seen such a mythical creature.  I remember opposing this man's desire to break it open.  He does it anyway.  All he cares about are his own immediate needs and wants.  As he cracks open the egg I had uncharitable thoughts about men in general, especially men like him.  I recall thinking it was "just like a man" to disturb nature, to interfere, to attempt to dominate it, to be impatient and selfish, to think only of his immediate wants and desires and to act upon it without considering the effects on another.  Not that all men are this way, but let's face it, a large portion of them tend to be more aggressive, insensitive, impatient, self-centered, go after what they want without questioning it.  My thoughts were filled with these sentiments about this type of man as I watched him kick and wack the egg.  I believe he eventually wielded an ax to it.  It became damaged with a large devastating crack.  The shell could no longer hold together.  I remember thinking he shouldn't have done that, that he was a fool, that this is typical of men, and that there would be terrible consequences to come from this.  An unborn dragon is a rare and special thing.  It should be treated carefully.  The dragon was not ready to be born yet.  Plus it should never have emerged in this man made environment.  It wasn't right.  Well, as I feared this enormous dragon emerged from the egg, flying off and swooping back.  Creating havoc in a city.  It shouldn't have been forced to learn to fly amongst buildings and skyscrapers.  It didn't have room. It wasn't safe.  It wasn't strong enough to fly properly.  It was dangerous.  For the dragon and the people.  Everyone scattered to take cover as it swooped all over the place, learning to fly, not understanding this man made environment it found itself in.  It was a dangerous situation for people.  Yet, I also kept feeling this was the fault of foolish impatient men who didn't respect another creature or the natural process.  Wouldn't allow nature to develop in its own time in its own way.  The poor thing should have been born in its own time, far from men, free..in open spaces.  Now, as a result of this man's actions, the dragon AND the people's lives were at risk.  It was a dangerous situation that never needed to happen.  Careless, impatient, stupid. "Look what you have brought upon on us,"  I wanted to reprimand this man, but he'd already run for cover at the first backlash attack.  Now it was the city's problem.  Everyone, including myself had to duck for cover to evade injury due to one man's selfish impatience.  I just kept thinking "This never should have happened."  Followed by uncharitable thoughts that this is what men do, this is how they behave, it always goes this way when they are involved.  They act for themselves and muck things up for the environment, for nature, and ultimately for all the rest of us.

Dream Interpretation / Keep Them Separate!!!
« on: January 09, 2018, 11:54:52 AM »
I dreamt my family's house was full of cats.  Big cats (lions) and domestic cats.  The entirety of the dream has me desperately trying to care for them all whilst keeping them totally separate from one another.  I walk downstairs with the old lion.  Carefully.  It needs my attention.  As we descend the stairs, it turns itself upside down, sort of sliding down, so the palm of its paws are exposed.  Stretching its claws..I'd like to put my palm in its palm, but I see the claws, its huge size, and unpredictable nature, and decide not to risk it.  I continue to walk about the house with this lion.  Spending time with it.  The big cats require my attention and time otherwise they get jealous and can become dangerous.  There are other cats milling about the house.  Whenever I see a domestic cat I panic and quickly move to pick them up and shut them in another room.  I am so worried that the wild cats will kill the domestic cats.  I am constantly trying to keep them separate. Meanwhile, my siblings are hanging around the house, not a care in the world.  Socializing, focused on themselves.  Oblivious.  Not caring about the lives of the small cats which are in constant jeopardy with the big wild cats roaming free inside the house.  I am constantly working to spend time with all the cats, constantly trying to keep them happy, constantly trying to keep them separate, so their paths will never cross (for their own safety).  Yet my siblings undo my work and just let the little cats out.  So that the big and little can mix company.  Wild and tamed in the same rooms.  I am annoyed with them.  They could be helping, instead of making it worse, making the environment less safe.  I see that my brother just let in a cat I'd previously secluded out on the back porch.  This little black cat was now in the kitchen with us.  And with the lions.  I quickly scoop up the black cat.  He was all black, except for a touch of silver on a few hairs on one side.  I roughly open the porch door and put him back out there and shut the door.  I didn't want him to get mauled or killed, so I did it quickly and ungracefully.  My brother turns to me and says "He was crying to come in."  by way of excuse for letting him in the house.  I feel badly for the cat, alone on the outside.   So I look in the kitchen cupboards for a vessel in which to feed him milk.  The first one I chose, I realized, was too small; he wouldn't be able to fit his head in and lap up the milk.  I keep looking for a vessel just big enough to allow him to get some nourishment, not too much.  I find a similar tiny teacup or bowl, small like a shot glass, but adequate to drink from.  I have every intention of providing him a little bit of milk and some undivided attention.  I just hope it is enough.  I am exhausted from spending every waking moment making sure the others are content, and separate ( they must NEVER come in direct contact with each other), and no one dies.  As I continue to do this pattern, I realize I am a slave to it.  I can't not do it, or disaster and violence will ensue.   I contemplate what it would be like if I had a little help.  If my family, instead of enabling this chaos, would help to change it.  Why for example, are the lions allowed free reign in the house?  Shouldn't they be kept outdoors?  Why won't my siblings help me build an enclosure for them outside?  Why does it have to be this way?  I ask myself these questions while I continue to do what I must to "keep the peace."  I can't bear the sight of a defenseless cat being killed, I would never get over it.  I am their protector.  I must protect them from predators.  Yet, I also have to care for the predators.  So not maintaining the system is not an option.  My thoughts are filled with questions like these:  How can I care for all of them in a way that works for all involved?  How can I keep them both happy and separate and give them both my attention?  I don't want anyone to suffer or get hurt. 

The cats symbolize both real people in my life, as well as different facets of my life.  Which I have needed to keep separate.  You can see I am grappling with how to integrate separate factions/aspects of my life.  Instinctively, I still feel it is not safe to integrate them.  Yet, I care about them all.  It is a struggle to balance.

Dream Interpretation / Precognitive Dream?
« on: January 09, 2018, 10:46:15 AM »
In the dream I am aware that this man is trying to track me down, sneakily trying to access my private information.  I am not having it!  I go directly to his place.  When he opens the door he is surprised and had no idea how I knew.  Nor was he expecting me to show up like that out of the blue in person to confront him.  I am quite stern and demand he immediately cease all such intrusive encroachments upon my personal data.  He agrees and says he'll stop.  However, that's not enough.  I tell him since the process has already been set in motion there is a third party or an associate? of his that he'll have to stop too.  In the dream I know exactly who it is, but I won't name him here.  At any rate, since the process was already underway it put my personal identity (address, social security, financial etc) at risk.  This information would be vulnerable and accessible to "others" at large if he didn't work to reverse what he'd gotten me into by bringing in another to help him track me down.  I'm not sure if it was his intention to damage me this way, or even if he knew it was a potential consequence of his actions, but I am quite insistent that he fix this.  When my info is about to be exposed and exploited, I retreat again and hide.  Although I am hidden, I can observe whether or not he truly honors my request.  It's like I'm right there in the room with him, seeing, but unseen.  I observe as he works to protect my info from this third party.  He allows me to hide.  When I realize he is actually protecting me (not just saying he will do it, but actually putting himself on the line and running interference), something shifts in me.  It was as if his act shifted the gears in me; suddenly I no longer want or need to hide from him.  A true turn around.

Because suddenly the dream flash forwards to the near future and we are together as a couple.  I observed him respecting my boundaries and going out on a limb to protect my privacy and the next thing I know the dream flashed to the future and we are happily together.  There were many happy scenes of us, but in one scene he is expressing to me his concern or worry about his not being adequate? or good enough? it was some kind of worry he had about himself physically.  I'm not entirely clear on what it was, but I assured him I wasn't worried about it and adored him as he was, and am totally content with the way things are.  Truly, whatever his concern was, it wasn't anything that I was worried about.  I think perhaps he was worried he wouldn't be able to have children?  Because the dream suddenly flashes forward into the future again.

Way into the future..We now have a teenage daughter (14-16 yrs old) We're all in the kitchen and its a typical domestic day playing out.  We are a playful, affectionate family.  As he crosses the kitchen and opens the refrigerator door, I playfully latch onto his back and joke something along the lines of "You'll just have to go through life with me attached to your back like this.  I'm attached! This is how its gonna be."  I am laughing.  On the one hand I'm reassuring him of my devotion, and on the other I'm marveling how his simple presence still delights me after all these years. 

So there was a series of 3 seemingly "peek into the future" dreams; all contingent upon my conditions being met.   

Dream Interpretation / Cautious of Love and Success
« on: December 17, 2017, 11:41:49 PM »
Last week I dreamt there was wonderful orchestral music wafting through the air.  There was a concert up ahead of me, not too far.  I decided to follow the music.  When I walked up the hill and turned the corner and entered the back of the theater I saw a large orchestra being conducted by a man who was highly successful.  I watched as he instructed the strings to do one thing, the flutes to adjust their vibratto, etc...he was very busy, skilled at multitasking, and in leading a lot of people, and he was holding it all together beautifully!  He seemed to be big wig in this thriving town.  An important, successful, responsible man, who really had his stuff together.  It's not until he speaks and turns around that I realize this is the same man I used to know, who had pursued me at one time.  He says "I'm going to tell her I love her!"  Announcing it to the whole auditorium and all his colleagues, while looking directly at me across the theater.  When I realize who it is, I get a quick shock, and turn away, breaking eye contact.  I am afraid he is talking about me.  And of course, while on one hand I am so happy to see him again (and shocked that he would still feel this way) I am of course in no way ready for this.  I turn away, and immediately walk out of theater, back the way I came from.  I am not ready for any of this! He is clearly very busy and in demand, but he leaps off the stage and heads after me.  I go into a store to evade him. Hoping to blend into obscurity.  When he enters the same store, I casually turn my back and look down as if I am busy browsing, so that he doesn't notice me.  He leaves the store and walks off into the bustling productive town.  He has a purposeful stride.  It is a nice, upscale, college town? Beautiful tall buildings.  When I feel it is safe, I try to follow from a distance.  I could only get so far, before I lost him.  I'd waited to long before I lifted my gaze up from the floor.  I knew he lived in one of these lofty buildings.  Which one?  I had no idea.  I give up for now, and turn away.  I sensed he was also a teacher, in addition to conducting a business (symbolized by the orchestra) and responsible for coordinating and working with a network of people.  It seemed like he had everything working splendidly in life, busy with a bustling career, multitasking, respected, successful.  He had everything and was ready for the one thing that was missing in his life - love.  Then he would be on top of the world.  I was buzzing with happiness for a few days after having this dream!

Dream Interpretation / Tainted Social Interactions
« on: December 17, 2017, 10:40:54 PM »
I just dreamt that I was in a highly social setting, it almost had the feel of back at school, where you're amongst hundreds of people your own age.  Only we were grown, young adults.  In the dream I encounter many people, my brother J among them.  This is an encounter that gave me great anxiety and filled me with mistrust, wondering just what he'd do to negate me in front of everyone this time.  (In real life he had watched as I was abused by someone powerful, and chose to take advantage of the situation by bullying me for years; gossiping, encouraging his friends to bully me for him).  In this dream as I pass by him, whatever brief interaction we had, it feels me with great wariness.  I really don't want to be in ANY social situation where this man is also in attendance.  He may restrain himself into a public facade of neutrality to my face, but he's cooking something up behind the scenes to negate me everytime.

In the same social dream, when it is time for dinner, I sit across from a girl I am friends with and trust and respect.  Beside her is another girl, who I do NOT trust.  She has associations with my bullying brother. However loose, they are still there.  However, I figure she is not going to try anything publicly with our mutual friend here. Well, we are at the long table, with wonderful food before us.  There is some lobster which my friend offers me, I said I would like it "well done" as I am afraid it might be too raw (which could lead to food poisoning or worms, or be otherwise  tainted).  I don't usually eat meat, and am worried I'll be grossed out by lobster, hence my need to ensure it is thoroughly cooked.  My friend smiles and takes it off the table; she puts it under the table just out of my sight, where she assures me several times she is cooking it.  Meanwhile she is friendly and chatty with the other girl beside her, as well as myself.  I decide to look under the table, to check its progress -- I discover there is no cooking apparatus at all, she was lying to me.  She and the other girl wanted to trick me into eating something that would make me sick.  She urges me to eat the piece of lobster, repeatedly putting it on my plate.  My charming fun-loving brother encouraged them to poison me.  I leave the table.

I have a vague memory of being pursued or chased by something that wants to invade and overtake me.  Of being forced to eat or touch something parasitic that would live in me and completely take me over.  Like an alien possession.  I am running away, trying my best to evade. It's like I'm being hunted. 

Next scene:  I am pulling worms out from my upper gums, between my teeth, and the roof of my mouth.  Which is the worst nightmare I can think of in terms of the grotesque.  Just as I manage to pull one out, there is another.  And on and on it goes.  It is a struggle to remove them, as they are deeply embedded.  However, with great patience and persistence I do manage to remove them.  There is that.  I associate them with food, with my interactions with people.  In fact, when I remove them and throw them on the ground, they morph into the shape of waffles.  Someone I used to know walks by and steps on them.  They spring right back, like a sponge.  I have no doubt I caught these from interacting with people.  From what they "fed" me via social interaction. 

I go outside.  I want out of  this social gathering.  I'm done.  I'm walking through the grass.  The pine trees.  I feel much better as I move away from that whole scene.  In front of a garage type area, I start washing my hair.  I work the rich lather into my scalp.  Just when I am about to rinse the shampoo out a man I knew from work approaches me.  He is old enough to be my father.  He was always extremely friendly toward me and liked me.  But in the dream its like he is over the top sweet to me because he wants something more from me.  He offers to rinse out my hair.  I decline.  I'd rather just wash my own hair and not have a man's hands in it I hardly know.  But he pushes forward and ignores me.  All while being super nice.  As if he's just a nice guy who wants to lend me a hand without ulterior motive.  I know what the ulterior motive is.  He would never stop to help me if he didn't want something from me.  Yet, at the same time I wonder if its possible he is just a nice person and that's all there is to it.  He wants to be nice so badly that he isn't listening to me or taking any cues.  On the other hand, I actually am too nice to firmly tell him to leave me alone.  I tried telling him I wanted to do this on my own; he didn't listen and started washing my hair.  The only other step for me would be to be rude and firmly tell him no, in such a way it would hurt his feelings.  So I submit to his washing my hair, but I am uncomfortable and counting the seconds for this encounter to be over.  Now he wants to rinse my hair with the water.  I say "No, no, I've got it. Thanks" But he again moves and starts rinsing my hair, all acting sweet as pie as he does so.  Suddenly another person enters the mix.  A cool tough girl my age approaches.  And She wants to rinse my hair!  They begin competing with one another over who will get to rinse my hair.  I feel they both want the same thing from me and I have 2 people fighting over my attentions for their own personal gratification, neither of whom I have any interest in.  I have the thoughts that neither of these people are genuinely nice and kind and giving; they just want to use me to gratify something for themselves.  Here I am being fought over by 2 people I have no interest in, and I am too kind or timid to hurt their feelings and forcefully tell them to leave me alone.  While they are arguing with each other, the girl, who is famous for being a strong personality, manages to intimidate the man, and he retreats into his car.  He's trying to act like he's not intimidated, but he is.  He doesn't want to loose face in front of me. So one benefit is, at least her presence scared him away.  It was a relief to see that he was making to leave.  One problem eliminated.  However, that leaves me with her, and I have yet to formulate a strategy to get out of that situation.  However, my primary feeling is relief that the man is gone.  I could never have gotten rid of him on my own.  He was too nice (or at least playing at nice).  I could never be rude or firm with him if I thought it might hurt his feelings.  This girl however is tough and strong.  I'm not as worried about hurting her feelings.  I'm more worried she'd be mean to me if I told her to go away.  But that is much preferable to hurting someone's tender feelings.  I start wondering what strategy I should use to get free of her.  One solution begets  another problem.  It seems all social interactions are power plays, with hidden or not so hidden motivations, everyone out for getting what they want, and I don't know how to exist in this.  I don't want to play the game.  I don't want to be like them.  I don't want to have to be mean in order to survive socially, or be hurtful in order not to be overpowered.  The  dream ends and I realize I've made some progress; I've removed worms (from supposed "nourishing" social interactions), I've left one situation I didn't want to be in, I'm at least attempting to wash my own hair (which symbolizes a healthy cleansing of long held thoughts and attitudes).  I'm outside, and happier seeing more trees and less people.  And for the people that are there now, at least they are fighting for my affections and not trying to overtly dominate and "lessen" me, although I feel that may be what is happening in the undercurrent.  There is a feeling of moving toward a better place, yet still struggling to understand how to deal with people when I have to, without being completely overtaken by them. 

Dream Interpretation / Elephants Running
« on: November 01, 2017, 08:01:03 AM »
First, let me preface this by saying that I adore elephants.  In fact, I've always longed to be up close to one.  I think they are sensitive, gentle, intelligent, emotional giants.  I dreamt I was in my house (only it was actually very different from my real home).  I was standing in the kitchen.  My mother was also there.  Suddenly, a heard of young elephants runs through the house, through the kitchen, and out the door to the outdoors.  And I mean RUNNING.  It was unusual to see elephants at full gallop like this.  Not something you'd see in nature.  It was extreme gallop..These were not full grown elephants, perhaps a few years old.  No where near the giant size of adult elephants, but not babies either.  In the dream, I was so thrilled at the surprising and rare sight of dozens of elephants.  One odd thing, they were RUNNING.  I wondered why they were running so fast.  Galloping.  I questioned the meaning of their running like this.  Was it healthy to run so fast for an elephant?  They ran like cheetas, the way they coordinated their legs; not what elephants do in nature.  I yearn to connect with them, visit with them up close.  I figure they are just outside, couldn't have gone too far away.  I rush over to the kitchen sink to wash a carrot for feeding them.  I wash and scrub the carrot. I take time to make sure it is thoroughly clean, scraping away any brown spots, or stringy growths.  There are some soft spots and I scrape them away; I don't want to give them rotten food.  Only the good parts.  I have a fear of making them sick.  However, I realize that by spending so much time cleaning this food, I may MISS my opportunity to be with them in person.  They may have run far away, or wandered away from our yard by the time I complete the carrot preparation.  Finally, I am done washing, scrubbing, and scraping the carrot.  I venture outside.  At first I believe I am too late.  I don't see any elephants.  There is a body of ocean water in front of me, and I see one young elephant in the water.  I eagerly walk toward it with the carrot.  The elephant retreats back into the ocean a few paces.  I stop, and retreat myself, not wanting to scare it away.  Not wanting to push it into the water too far (worrying about its safety as well as scaring it away). The elephant then emerges from the ocean water, with just the top of it's head and eyes peering out at me.  The rest of it is submerged underwater.
Large head and intelligent little eyes.  Magnificent being!  Suddenly, my wise older brother is there beside me, and he gestures to the sandy road/dirt path beside us, leading away from the ocean and to what appears to be a driveway...leading presumably to a road.  He advises me to be careful about leaving food out for the elephants during the day, as the path may lead them closer to the road.  He advises me NOT to feed them during the day, as this is when people and traffic are active.  The suggestion is that I feed them at night, when people are not around.  Then they'll be less likely to be hit by cars, to befall injury due to human activity.  I feel he is implying that they cannot be safe in the presence of humans.  I should not encourage them to come out if there is a possibility they will interact with other people.  It would only increase the likelihood that they'd be hit by cars, killed, maimed, or otherwise hurt by people.  Whether intentional, or not.  I agree with him.  He's right, of course.  I should put their welfare first and foremost.  Feed them only at night, when people are asleep and their paths will not cross.  What does this dream mean???  What do the elephants symbolize?  I feel I am being given advise about something I care deeply about. 

The dream preceding this is less important to me, however, in case it relates in anyway to the elephant dream...here it is:  I am in bed at night.  My father is also in bed.  I feel that intruders have entered the house.  They are breaking in.  I can hear them start to break in; then I hear/sense them in the lower entry way; then I sense them in the lower part of the house; then working their way up to the upstairs.  All the while, I warn my father every step of the way.  Right from the beginning, I alerted him to what I sensed.  First, he tells me flat out I am WRONG.  Then the house alarm goes off.  It blares loudly.  He still tells me it is nothing. Ignore it.  I now hear the intruders on the same floor, just outside the bedroom.  My father now hears it as well.  This time he gets up out of bed, heads toward the door, only to turn around, away from the door and retreat back towards the bed.  "What are you doing??!!" I think in my head, but do not say aloud.
This whole time I am frustrated by how insistently, recklessly, irresponsibly, he REFUSED to acknowledge the intruders, despite all the warnings.  He had ample warnings.  Even before they entered the house, I was telling him.  But now, when I see him when it is too late (they are already just outside the bedroom door), and he doesn't know what to do, still retreating, turning away, as if an ostrich in the sand, I see the cowardice.  He is a huge, tall, aggressive man.  But never uses these traits to protect us.  Only to bully us.  When these traits would actually be put to good use (protecting his family, putting his aggression toward actual threats) he does nothing.  He shrinks back.  Because he doesn't want to DO anything about the actual threat, he pretends there isn't one, rather than acknowledge he is cowardly failing to take action.  A familiar theme.  Well, the intruders break into the room.  They are a dozen or so burly, rough men.  Like a gang of rough men.  They move us to the lower part of the house.  Where I discover they have killed my younger sister.  I am fuming inside.  I want to scream at them, "Where is my sister?  Where is her body? What did you do to her?"  I hold it in.  I have to be tactical.  If I let on that they did something wrong, if I reminded them of what they did, it would incite their anger.  It would stroke the flames of their aggression more.  I know, from the way my own parents behave, if you don't want to be attacked, then you have to play along and pretend they never did the bad things they did.  So I keep an outward facade of calm.  But inside the anger of what they did to my sister is so powerful, I have thoughts that are almost violent.  How dare they do this!  I want them to suffer consequences, but if I want to live and see another day, somehow escape this hostage situation, I will have to continue to "stuff it."  Somehow, I continue to keep it inside.  And plot my escape. After awhile they think I am cool with them and feel I will not leave or resist them.  This is when I make my move to escape.  I push through my fear, and make myself attempt to escape, knowing the stakes--if they catch me, they will kill me.  My passive, submissive, no- mind- of- my- own cover will be blown and I'll never get a second chance.  When they are distracted, fighting amongst themselves, I make my move to slip out quietly.  I quietly, ever so silently open a door I didn't know existed (it was like walking into an expensive wooden china closet).  What a nice room!  I think to myself, no wonder they wanted to break in, part of this house is like a china closet, as if we live in luxury!  Filled with fine, breakable, expensive things.  I was so afraid to make any noise at all.  I silently opened the door ajar, just enough to sneak into the "china closet room" (expensive looking room filled and made with fine china, glass top to bottom).  However, they discovered my attempted sneak away and started coming after me.  I remember trying to find ways to hide (in piping, in the walls) scrambling for some way to hide...and ultimately get out before they recaptured me.  The dream ends with my desperate attempt to slip out of their grasp, and them aggressively coming after me. 

Dream Interpretation / Field(freedom/healing) & Pig (concern/care/fear)
« on: October 22, 2017, 11:06:10 AM »
I dreamt I was in a field.  It seemed I was out of town, traveling.  I observe my father walking with my brother's father in law.  During their conversation it is revealed that the father in law had been unwell; he told my father he'd been depressed, laid up in bed for months, to the extent that he had bed sores.  He seems better now though, recovered, and mentions he wants to go hunting (with my father), perhaps to make up for lost time.  I'm not a fan of hunting, and don't know how I feel about my father going off to hunt with him.  I'm not a fan of hurting animals.  But I understood it was important for this man in relation to his being immobile and depressed for so long, it was like he wanted to do something to make up for all that "time out" he endured.
His story to my father of being sick seems to spark something with me, and I remark to my father later that I'd suspected something was amiss with him, as he'd been uncharacteristically out of the picture for some time.  Part of me is like, "See, I told you! I felt something like this was going on. Do you remember what I said?"  As if I wanted credit or acknowledgement of my intuition proving correct.

Still in the same field, I start to wander off by myself, walking through the green grass.  I like this, the open field, the open space, nature.  There are lots of little pigs with free range of the fields.  I watch and admire them, Enjoy being around them.  Some of them go out of my sight, just over the hill, and I wonder if there is a beach there, and want to follow, explore the landscape with them.  However, I don't go far, as my father? and some other man he's talking and walking beside who's associated with this land (owns it or runs the restaurant nearby) exclaims that "J fell."  I assume "J" is one of the pigs.  I look around me for a hurt pig, and see one laying in the grass nearby.  He'd been there all along, I just hadn't seen him, as he was down and my eyes followed the other pigs walking about.  I'm gripped with worry as I approach it, checking to see if its okay.  I fear the worse based on what the man said about "J fell", plus its prone position in the grass.  Also, the previous mention of hunting made me worry about an association with guns or injury to the pigs (although this was more subconsious, I didn't feel the man/men would hunt their own pigs/pets).  He had a name for it for goodness sake.  The pig is near me, but I get closer to see if he's hurt. I worry he's dead when I see him laying in the grass.  But when I get closer I see it move its eyes to track me, perhaps it even lifted his head in my direction.  Relieved, I back off.  He's just sleeping.  Just resting in the grass.  I tell myself.  The other pigs are roaming free, walking.  It's different that this one is laying down, but it's okay.  Its just resting, I reassure myself. I am so relieved!  Yet, I am quick to assume its okay. Perhaps I just wanted to reassure myself. 

Then I am summoned away from the field and the pig because my sister and I are being called into the restaurant nearby to join the rest of the family/people.  It feels like a vacation type place.  Where different people/groups go to dine and enjoy on their way to someplace else. 

The dream ends as we head into the restaurant.  I am just sort of following my sister in.  I don't have any inclination of my own about dining or joining the others.  I'm just following my sister.  We're heading in. Dream ends before we get there.  There is a sense of heading towards joining others.

I should note that the name "J' is significant, however only after the dream did I make the connection between real life "J" and the baby pig "J."  When I awoke I wondered if it meant I should be worried about the real "J" in waking life.  He hasn't really been in my life for awhile.  I keep seeing him in passing.  "J fell."  What does that mean?  I actually awoke worried about the real J.  Is he okay? Is it too late? Is he recovering or dying?  I just don't know what it means, but it felt important and instilled concern and worry.

Dream Interpretation / Worms Then Kittens
« on: April 28, 2017, 08:10:07 PM »
Hi Tony,
The dream begins with me pulling worms out of my tongue.  At first, I'm not sure what I am pulling out of my tongue, I just know it is foreign and I want it out.  I keep pulling these long strings out, one after the other.  It seems to be a neverending process.  I am so busy with this task that it takes me awhile before I pause to actually examine what is being extracted from me.  Once removed, I watch as the "stringy" matter animates and fleshes out as a wriggling worm.  It is rather disgusting and disturbing.  I realize that all the "strings" are worms.  I resume pulling these out until, finally, it seems there is nothing left to extract. 

Suddenly I am in the kitchen. I sense some of my siblings and other people are there.  What really has my attention however is all these wild kittens under the kitchen table and chairs.  This is some type of breed of kitten between wild big cat and domestic kitten.  But initially they are purely wild.  They play rough. I try to interact with them and get bitten.  They don't seem to intend to hurt anyone, its just their instinct.  They don't really approach when you coax them either, like a normal kitten would.  The whole scene feels as if baby bobcats, mountain lions, etc are suddenly in the kitchen.  I love animals of all kind, and am drawn to them.  I never stop trying to engage them.  I'm down under the table with them the whole time.  After a short while, we are playing.  I am able to pet a number of them.  I notice there is also a small black kitten, tinier, and more delicate than the rest.  It looks just like a regular domestic household kitten.  I yearn to interact with it, but its just out of reach.  In the meantime, I'm still playing with the other kittens, who are running around, nipping, going wild (in the spirit of raucous play.  They seem happy.  I wonder if the little black kitten is happy, however.  As he is more cautious, uncertain.  While I'm busy with the kittens, somewhere along the way I become aware of the presence of this guy I used to avoid.  He's behind me, in the back of the kitchen.  "What's he doing here?"  I wonder for a moment, but I never turn my back on the kittens.  I delight in their joy, and for the one reserved black kitten, I care about his welfare, mood, and want to reach out to him.  Maybe he's a little too small and vulnerable to risk putting himself out there to play. 

Dream Interpretation / Ears!!!
« on: December 04, 2016, 11:45:02 AM »
Hi Tony,
This is a dream from long ago.  I was a teenager when I dreamt it, but I've never forgotten it.  The dream consists of me alone with my mother.  The background is white, blank, and I sense we are in a public place because there are other people around, although not close.  There is stuff oozing out of my ears.  It won't stop coming out.  It gets worse and worse.  Forgive the disgusting visual, but its literally crap coming out of my ears.  Naturally, I'm quite horrified by this.  What is happening to me?  My body is falling apart.  I fear my brains will start to ooze out next.  It won't stop.  A horrible sensation.  I try to cup what's streaming out of my ears because I'm afraid my brains will be connected to it.  Or other imperative parts of my head's contents.  It's just one singular stream of never ending stuff excreting out of my ears!  I plead with my mother to take me to the doctor.  It's an emergency.   My head can't contain this and everything is streaming out of my ears.  I'm terrified that my brain matter will be next and that I'm moments away from dying or having my brain, eyes, innards unglued and slipping out of my head onto the floor.  My mother just stands there beside me and smiles a strange evil smile while "crap" slowly and continuously streams from my ears onto the floor.  When I pressure her with more insistent cries to take me to the doctor, call an ambulance, etc, she coldly and sternly refuses.  It's as if the idea of helping me is an affront to her.  She's viciously annoyed.  How dare I ask her to take me  anywhere!!!   How Dare I ask her for anything!  She starts verbally attacking me, ranting, and threatens me into silent submission.  Then she resumes standing a mere foot away, contentedly oblivious to my situation once again.  Or perhaps she is aware and wants this to be happening to me.  All I know is that she's standing there, doing nothing, oddly smiling.  I feel this is a life threatening situation, I'm literally disintegrating in front of her. The contents of my head are oozing onto the floor.   If I ask for help or even acknowledge this is happening to me, she will attack.  I feel tethered like a hostage to an evil zombie or a dangerously stubborn person who becomes enraged and dangerous whenever she's asked to face reality.  I don't know which it is, and that scares me.  Almost as much as the stuff streaming out of my ears and the consequences of what's to come if I don't receive help in time.  In all these years I've never forgotten this dream, and my mother just standing there, smiling, while this was happening to me.  I seemed to accept that's how it had to be, because when I spoke up or asked for help, she would abuse me.  The bystanding, do-nothing, creepy smiling mother was preferable over the vicious, attacking, out of control raging mother.  Either way, situation was dire for me.  End result of both versions of my mother was that I was refused help and forced to just stand there and fall apart.  My ears literally unable to keep up with all the "shit." 
* Please forgive the language!

Dream Interpretation / Pets in Dreams
« on: December 04, 2016, 10:47:12 AM »
I was wondering if deceased pets can visit you in dreams, or if it's just our dreaming minds conjuring up what we need to see to work out our feelings?  Is there a way to tell the difference?

Dream Interpretation / Money Dream
« on: December 04, 2016, 10:10:55 AM »
Dreamt I was on a date.  While we were heading towards the movie area to pay, I suddenly decided to contribute half.  I felt good about doing this, and looked in my wallet beforehand just to make certain I had plenty--I did; I was flush with cash.  I knew I was, but I just wanted to know it was right where I put it.  Still safely in my wallet. 

Well, I announce that I'll pay my way and wouldn't you know when I reach for the money in my wallet, it isn't there.  Just a few bills, maybe a $5.  Not enough.  Where did all the rest of the money go?  I rifle through my wallet again, and again searching.  Where could it have gone?  Did it slip into a pocket or crevice?  Is it really there, but I just am unable to see it?  Baffled, yet feeling this is a situation I've been in many times.  Hence, the incessant checking beforehand...It's like I anticipated when the time would come, it wouldn't be there.  I'm embarrassed and flustered.  I realize this makes me appear flaky and unprepared.  My date doesn't seem to mind, however, and is quite light hearted about it.  He laughs and says its okay, he'll cover me, he wasn't expecting me to pay anyway.  I'm quite flustered.  I've worked hard to save, I have the money, yet it inexplicably isn't available when I need to access it!  It just slips away when I need it!  It's the feeling of working hard to be prepared, to actually be prepared, with all your ducks in a row...yet it doesn't matter because all that preparation magically and suddenly poofs and disappears when called upon. It's like when you're super responsible and conscientious, yet all anyone ever gets to see is apparent carelessness and bumbling ineptitude or irresponsibility.  I ask myself, How can this be happening???

Next, I seem to shift into a separate dream sequence.  This time I'm with younger children, pre-teens.  I may be a teenager myself at this point, I'm not sure. I feel like we're all close in age.  We retreat into their house.  I resembles my grandmother's.  It's nightime.  Once inside, I become concerned about the front door.  It's cardboard thin.  Flimsy.  Anyone could push through it and enter at any time.  I don't feel we're safe.  I call attention to the door.  One of the kids says "No worries!" and IMMEDIATELY  the floor drops beneath us and we all rapidly descend deep under the house, deep into the earth, like a secret elevator room.  It just keeps going down, down, into the earth.   I was relieved that they had this to protect them.  They showed me that if any intruder tried to break in, they could push a button and instantly disappear from the house itself by burrowing deep into the earth in secret.  I thought this was a rather elaborate workaround in lieu of fixing the door.  Instead of replacing the vulnerable fragile door (it really was a door in appearance only, not function.  It wasn't capable of keeping anything out) they installed this elaborate, advanced, secret evacuation/hide out system. 

I'm not sure how this dream connects with the missing money dream, but they were back to back, so I'm assuming they have some connecting themes??

Dream Interpretation / Relentless Snake
« on: February 15, 2015, 04:24:00 AM »
The dream begins with me outside on a patio with several people.  Center stage seems to be a popular singer lounging in a white beach chair.  He is totally relaxed, luxuriating even, in this chair.  He's leaning back, fully reclined, totally luxuriating in front of everyone as if he's at a spa.  All he needs is the little drink with the umbrella in it.  I observe this, his total ease with claiming the room as if its his. Not caring about all the people around or comporting himself in our presence.  I certainly wouldn't be all splayed out and broadcasting to all such comfortability with my body.  We aren't at a spa.  It's not a bunch of people that know each other all that well.  Its a shared space of strangers and aquaintances.  Its not his patio, but a shared common area. There was something about his doing this right in the middle of all of us that made me wonder about what type of man this guy was.  This cockiness, this blatant basking in luxury without seeming to regard anyone around him.  Either he was VERY at ease with himself and could easily relax in front of anyone and this was an enviable trait, OR, and this is what I really suspected, he was a narcissist, a selfish, self-absorbed man.  I thought that was most likely it, didn't have energy to waste anymore thought on it, and turned away and left.  (I should note that this singer looks like a guy that liked me, who I'd rejected because I did believe him to be spoiled jerk). 

I turned on my heels and left this scene.  Left the patio and started walking away.  I walked outside along a sandy undeveloped road/path.  I am heading towards the ocean. It was more like a trail than a road, an undeveloped or worn road.   with patches of grass and pebbles, and mostly sand.  This is supposed to be a vacation area, but it is not to my liking.  Its not remote enough.  I see telephone or utility poles.  The signs of people and buildings and their dirty presence is felt.  Its not a beautiful, remote, or pristine beach.  Its not far enough away from the usual muck of civilization for me to feel free or replenished.  I don't feel like I'm "getting away" from anything at this "vacation" beach town.  Nevertheless, I'm determined to get to the shore, to touch the ocean water.  I keep walking toward it. 

I reach the shore.  I let the tide run up to me a few times.  I don't feel the connection I should feel to this wonderful earth meets water presence.  I don't feel invigorated or refreshed or connected to it like I expected to.  In fact, I watch the ocean and see it surging with greater power with each wave that rushes up to me.  I feel wary, that danger is pending.  It could sweep me up and drag me out to sea.  I love to admire the ocean, but I cannot swim.  I don't want to get dragged into something I can't escape and drown. Therefore, due to the growing strength and turbulence of the ocean, the possible danger, plus my inability to be truly in the moment and at one with the environment anyway, I turn and leave.  I head back up to the sandy trails. 

Walking away.  As I do so a medium to large sized snake slithers directly toward me.  Its eyes and attention are focused on me in a determined way.  It is a red snake.  Which to me is a sign of danger, as somewhere I recalled the brightly colored varieties are poisionous.  Its not a bright, bright red, only because its color has been a bit dulled by the sandy dirt it writhes in.  But clearly it is a red snake.  Which portends danger and death to me.  I move to get away from it.  However, this thing is driven.  I move away again, and again.  Yet, this snake keeps re-doubling its forces and slithering straight to me.   It keeps getting so close to me.  Too close.  I realize I can't just trot away from it like I'd planned.  It's too close for that.  Is there something wrong with my legs that I can't run away from it fast enough?  Its like my body is slower or weighted down, energy wise.  Or maybe its too late, its just too close for me to run away.  I realize I can't out run it.  It would get me.  So plan number two is to throw sand at it to get it to turn away.  It works for about a second; the sand in the eyes act deters it for a moment, but then its quickly locking its eyes on me and heading right for me once again.  This thing is only 1-3 feet away from me the whole time.  Sometimes it is mere inches away from my hand.  But I quickly scoop up more sand with my hands and hurl it at the snakes head.  I just want it to go away and leave me alone.  I don't want to hurt it.  I just wanted to get away from it.  Now I just want it to go away.  Back and forth several times, it advances (nearly touching me, almost right up on me) but I am able to scrape up the only tool I have in my defense (the sandy dirt road) and fling it at its face.  But this snake is relentlessly pursuing me.  Its unrelenting.  It gets closer everytime.  Finally I realize I can't stave it off any longer.  The thing is going to get me.  I'll have to do something else.  What I'm loathe to do.  Its now too close to me for me to fling anything at it.  No time to scoop up sand.  Its practically right up ON me. Just as its about to touch me I grab its head and hold it out away from me so the jaws can't bite me.  I wanted to avoid touching it at all costs, but I had no choice.  I fling it away from me with all my might.  Which turns out only to be a foot or two.  And it swivels its body right back around and comes at me again.  So I get it by the head once again and fling it away from me as far as I can.  Once again, turns out to be not that far.  I am not physically strong or my energy is weakened or something.  This repeats a few more times.  I realize I can't get away from this thing.  I'm not strong enough to throw it away far enough so that I can escape.  Its right back up on me almost instantly.  So I do what I absolutely detest, and only because its down to my life or its life.  No one is here to save me. There is no help.  I'm on my own.  This time when I catch ahold of its head, I don't attempt to toss it away.  That isn't working. Instead I squeeze as hard as I can until the poor things head is squashed in in several places.  Once I see I did it enough damage, then I fling it away.  Its still alive, but I know its only a matter of time.  I feel sickened to have done that to a living creature.  Even if it was a predator.  I'm relieved the struggle is over, that I'm alive, I've survived the attack.  But sickened that my own hands inflicted pain on a living creature and that it will likely die on the side of the road now.  My thoughts turn to fear, aloneness, and also hopelessness.  If I had someone with me they could have protected me.  I could have gotten away without harming anything.  In fact, I probably wouldn't have attracted the predator to begin with had I not been out here alone.  But I felt hopeless and closed off to letting anyone in.  By the end of the dream I felt like I was prey in this world.  Not just to random snakes, but seen as prey by humans as well.  That's why I didn't want to become entangled with anyone.  Relationships felt like entanglements to me, where I was always the prey.  I just felt awfully alone in the world, yet the desire to be with others was not there either.  So there was no remedy to the aloneness.  There was a desolation, yet also a strong desire to get even further away from people. I wanted to get away into pure nature.  Still.  I felt I couldn't feel free or relax until I could get to a place where there are no traces of people.  And this place wasn't it.  Even though it was a vacation area, a beach area, to me it was a letdown, populated by dirty people, or the dirty traces of their existence everywhere.  (Not that the people were actually filthy, its just their presence felt like dirt on me, like an accumulation of junk I NEEDED a break from.  To purge myself clean from.  Its like I was overfull of people and their issues and their ways and just sick of them.  I couldn't get away from them.  I just wanted to take a break and go to a pristine, pure, place absent of people.  That desire is where the dream began, and it ended with me having to do something I really wanted to avoid doing (touching a snake, hurting a creature).  I was still not in a place that was pure nature, just private landscapes, ocean, and air is all I wanted.  Even if people weren't directly there, the signs of them and their garbage was (the man made road/path, the ugly utility and telephone poll obscuring the ocean view).  Needless to say the dream ended with me feeling quite desolate and unhappy with my situation.  I was not sure where I could go to get peace. And I saw how difficult it would be on my own.  A constant struggle to survive.  To do the dirty work myself, to keep fending off all that thought me prey.  The world is hard when you're a vulnerable female alone.  And where could I go to get away from it all (it being people primarily).  Did I have to get completely away from humans in order to feel that connection with the earth/nature again?  These thoughts stewed through my mind.  I was glad I was out of imminent danger, but felt trapped in a catch 22 miserable situation.  My thoughts also reflected back to the image of the snake with imprints in its head.  Indented marks all over its head from the pressure.  I felt saddened and sickened.  I'd never wanted to touch it, let alone harm it.  I resume walking up the sandy road, toward the town.  I'm not happy about that, but I don't know where else to go.  I just keep moving.

Dream Interpretation / a dream about revenge?
« on: January 25, 2015, 06:51:45 PM »
Hello, let me preface this by saying I was watching a buffy the vampire slayer marathon last night. Clearly it had an influence! LOL

In the dream I am some kind of immortal or supernatural being, possibly half human, half supernatural being with powers and abilities far beyond a human being.  I was definately..different.  Possibly I was an immortal "vampire with a soul" (like in the tv show I just watched).  All I can say for sure is that I was definately supernatural and didn't feel human, although I still had strong ties and care for the human world, I was not of them.  Although I certainly wanted to be.  But I felt this divide by who and what I was and straddling the realms between that and the human world.  So to speak.

The dream begins with me in bed with my friend/partner/love (he was human by the way).  He was asleep when an old angry man barges in and instantly kills him.  Killed him in his sleep.  And did it because the man was with me--an extra human or supernatural being.  This old man took out my partner because he didn't want any humans associating with me.  I was meant to be isolated.  He was against me because he was an old human man, with old human fears and needs to control.  He hated that he couldn't control me.  It was his mission to annihilate me the only way he could--since I was immortal , he would kill all those that supported me, all that I loved, so that I would be isolated, so that I wouldn't have influence on any other people. 

Well, he'd just killed someone I loved, an innocent who was sleeping, defenseless, just to destroy me the best way he knew how.  It would never stop.  This man felt I had no right to exist.  He felt anyone who acknowledged my existence had no right to exist.  He stood there before me gloating, gruff, clearly empowered and getting a "high" from what he'd just done.  He till had the crossbow in his arms, although they were somewhat relaxed now.  He'd just killed my friend.  Thats what the crossbow was for.  He knew he couldn't kill me with it.  But yet here he still stood.  Just to glowing in the power and satisfaction of what he'd done to me.  I could also the righteous rage fuming off him.  He was pure motiviation to destroy me.  It was like a drug to him.

The sight of this, plus the long history of his persecution of me playing in the background of my mind, mostly it was the sight of his enjoyment, determination, and the high he got off of controlling and killing that suddenly I snapped out of a lifetime of passivity, fleeing, hiding in the dark, retreating...and I DID something.  It happened in slow motion.  I sent a blob of blood from me to him.  It floated in slow motion until it reached his right eye.  I made it go to his eye.  Then it became a part of his eye.  His eye turned red.  I step back and observe him now, red eye and all.  I notice he looks particularly old, crotchety, and ugly now.  His gray hair is wild, unkempt, and uncared for.  His eyes are wild, engraged, like an animal with rabies.  He wants to destroy me.  That has not changed.  But my decision to infect his eye with my blood was not unlike a vampires decision to bite someones neck.  It would not kill him, but it would infect him.  He was now infected with my blood and thus transformed--he would be immortal now, or supernatural, or whatever it was that I was that made me so different from humans.  He would now be what he sought to destroy in me.  I knew the serious consequences when I did this.  I deliberately infected him.  I deliberately sent my blood across the the room, like a small orb of blood, directly to his righteous rage filled eye.  I wonder what it means that I only sent it to one eye?  At any rate, when I awoke I felt the serious weight of what I'd done.  Does this dream mean I've succumbed to revenge?  Did I do this to the old man to get back at him for destroying my life? For killing my contacts? (He'd killed who had contact with me, my partner was simply the latest, most devastating). For his persistant attempts to extinguish me?  Was this a dream about my need for revenge?  I worry that's what it is. 

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