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Dear Tony,

I would be so grateful for your help with this dream. I'll outline two bits for clarity.

1) I dreamt last night that an airplane quite big landed at faster than usual speed, then as a result of this move fast to the left and being unable to stop until it crashed on an airport building. The curious is thing is I was watching, possibly from a lounge or a departure gate, and possibly people were running as to help towards that direction. The airplane was from a company Air Europa - I have no relation to, not from country and never flown with them.

2) I dreamt about another plane crash in the past half year already. I think I was in an open-plan workspace that turned out to be inside a plane; at some point the plane started to lose altitude very fast, and we may have run to some seats, as I found myself on one and with a seatbelt on, and to the back side of the aircraft, that was pretty big and spacious. The very curious bit is that, on falling to ground, the plane was turning upside down, so basically my head was pointing to the ground. It was snowing outside and the scene looked like a city from my mom's country, from a movie I watched many times, and especially it did not feel final, it felt like a very long descent and that quite a bit of time was in between that moment and the crash. I did not see the actual crash in the dream - it may not have happened.

I know plane crashes have to deal with anxiety and difficulties getting direction, or fears about outcomes, yet I'm a bit confused about making sense of this for my situation.

in dream 1), which happened last night, it's just about making a decision to pursue stability. It's a huge step for me as I'm a free spirit, yet I found myself in a situation where I need at least SOME stability; I found myself having to really make a choice, which I find it hard to stick to (I couldn't even sleep after making the decision). I found myself having to finally apply for a proper job for which I am fully qualified, but the world of "proper" jobs and careers scares me to death. I've been getting close to applying many times in the past months but to not actually do it. The truth is I'm scared of coming to terms with this. Of giving away my nature. I know I can do these jobs, and very well, but my nature will call me and I may quit 1,5, 10 years into it. I'm scared of feeling depleted by them. I feel I was made to be a knight, a warrior, or some kind of ancient goddess living in the wilderness - really a Medieval thing. I know I have to find a way to realise my nature in today's world, yet living in instability (no steady job, not even a steady home) is to some extent much closer to my nature...and I suspect gives me way more time to think, feel, develop (how could I by spending 50+ hours in an office?).
---yet instability is also painful, I guess every free spirit needs a refuge to come back to, and I'm also very talented so it's a waste of my talent as I'm not embarking on any path. So I have to make a choice for my own good. It's so scary and I wonder how dream 1) refers to this. I see a description on your website for "Can sometimes relate to childhood traumas that make it difficult for you to get your life taking flight." Indeed my mom suffers from narcissistic disorder, I've known quite recently and I'm still coming to terms with this. Much of my life has been escaping from her - to this day where I'm escaping consciously, at least in choosing to be physically away from her. Yet my escapes led me to recreate that very same environment in many situations, and so...I have a choice now not to escape. How does the plane crash I watched relate to that?

I mentioned dream 2) because I find it interesting that while in was IN the plane crash, in dream 1) I managed to only watch it. Does it mean I'm safe? That I'm taking control? That my choices, however scary, will mean I will not crash together with the plane (my dad had a very similar nature to me, and ultimately died of suicide)? Plus, dream 2) happened around a time where I decided to get rid of some of the things I did not like, like the well-qualified, but temporary, not super well-paying and unsatisfying (for me), jobs that I was doing and the town and country where I was living. I was very unhappy there and I think I ended up there as a covert manipulation of my mom - no wonder I lived many years of loneliness, being always alone and unnoticed, feeling unheard and disconnected, and not worthy of anything, exactly same way of growing up with a narcissistic parent. Of course it was scary, but I somehow got to it.

Although I'm now facing the even bigger step: what do I really want to do? Do I really want to be in my home country? Who am I? How can I be a Medieval knight in today's world?

But why the plane was turning upside down? why the slow-motion crash that may not have happened?

Sorry for the long description, but I felt I needed to explain where I'm at, I know for sure it's related, and of course dream 1) is what matters to me now but I was wondering about the connections with dream 2).

I would be so grateful for your help. I'm facing a truly momentous decision time - I feel I could choose to keep on escaping, or ""force"" myself to come to terms with this world, and maybe this dream could help me see things differently.

Thank you!!


Dream Interpretation / Re: A very intricate dream
« on: February 01, 2018, 10:50:40 PM »
Hi Tony,

Thank you so much.

I am a bit confused about the meaning of the earth/land you refer to. Is it where I end up in the dream - an indistinct bit of land (which I cannot see, but just feel)...what I feel most is that the weather is dark and sorrowful. Is it an indication that this may be what I inherited from my ancestors?

I'm also confused about the fact that in the dream I did not kill my mother. She was holding on to me, then took her arm off me and started slipping down these cobbled paths. Does this count as me, as the dream projector, killing her/her influence off in the dream?

What has the scene with the girl and the video of her dancing have to do with all of this?

Thank you!


Dream Interpretation / A very intricate dream
« on: January 30, 2018, 12:26:53 AM »
Dear Tony,

I dreamt I was in a place like a university campus but in the middle of town, so more like a collection of buildings pertaining to a single university, and very similar to my current workplace in England [which I happen to have wanted to break away from, and gave a job resignation just a few days ago. reason being that I feel stuck and not growing, and this place has been like a home which I need to leave now]. I was very likely on a lunch break and walking around. Some bits looked like a town I’ve seen in dreams many times, and very vaguely from my home country. The sun was shining like in my home country.

around that place, the more I moved further away (but still close), the more there were some small cobbled paths looking like those of ancient small towns in my home country (something like “Bourg” in French, if that gives an idea). At the bottom of this cobbled path going uphill was a souvenir stand….selling souvenirs from Venice. Somehow I now am with my mother on a lunch break (but before I think I was wandering around by myself). So we start going up these cobbled paths in this little bourg but just next to where I work in this strange town

Then another scene, I sit on a bench with a girl named S, whom I never been deep friends and with whom I’m rarely in touch with. [Whenever I think of her in true life, I think of her as in: she’s been here in this country way less than I have, and she's from my home country, yet she’s now married with a kid and culturally integrated….and me have nothing at all and I even think of leaving. but she's also older..] In the dream I had been seeing a video on Facebook of hers and her husband singing on some stage like professional musical theater actors…that is, an amateur video by someone of them performing on stage as amateurs…but they were damn good, like professionals! so I tell her and she says, yes that was at the “x” (with x=name of a town in my home region). and I believe having said “do you mean at the theatre x in town x?”. This bench was on the seafront made of white stone, somewhere on a small little town very similar to the ones I used to go on holiday with my mom before we had tough times between the two of us. to our left, was a bench on which I believe my mom was sat. This girl,. S., was sat to my right.

At this point I believe my mom was wearing a dark green coat she was wearing very very often when I was a child, and whenever she went back to her home country, in more recent years.

Now comes the strangest part. It’s time for me and my mom to go back down (presumably to where we started in the dream), so we’re back to the bourg and the cobbled paths. These roads are uphill (now, downhill), but they somehow really look like Venice, especially the buildings (although I didn’t see them, but just the feeling, the darkness, the width of the streets, everything felt like Venice apart from the uphill/downhill thing) [Venice is a place to which we have a connection, and to which we went together with my mom several times since my father died. Since we had a tough time with my mom over the past two years, venice is perhaps a place that helped us reconnect a little bit].
So we need to go down these roads (and it’s darkish, not much sun anymore, and winterish). My mom says, as usual, “let’s hold on to each other otherwise we’ll slip and fall”. I say “no, precisely, we will slip and fall if we hold on to each other” (also, no recollection of whether it was slippery or wet, it didn’t really look like that). So my mom initially holds on to me, but then leaves me and falls. She falls on her back (I believe) and with her head pointing downhill (not sure). the thing is she fell and instantly her body started slipping downhill super duper fast, literally like a bob car in winter sports. I instantly throw myself on my belly and head downhill, sort of diving and let myself slip downhill just as fast. But she/her body keeps on being faster than me…and literally just turns every corner at each street and just goes on like a bob car, without ever hitting a corner or anything. Crazy fast never stopping. I don’t think this lasts long, but when I reach her (and I don’t know where we are, it’s darkish)…
…I believe I’m finally going to find her. Instead, I find a long and dark navy coat, very different from the previous one, a female coat but almost male…and i look for my mom inside….but it’s just a coat, lying on the ground/earth where I think I am now…and filled in with earth, inside the coat, the sleeves…everything…no head nothing………I think the weather is darkish/drizzling. A bit like in those movies when they show people in sorrow at somebody’s grave…that was the weather like.

I woke up from this shocking bit and then had a super disconnected dream in which my mom had a girlfriend on top of having her actual boyfriend, and this girlfriend looked exactly like the actress cynthia nixon (miranda from sex and the city). [i happen to always have liked and identified with that character]

This dream is so bizarre and disconnected and yet rife with detail I cannot make sense of it all! I sincerely hope in your help!

I haven’t been dreaming this lucidly in a while now, so I believe this dream must really carry a big and important message. I quit one of my jobs just a few days back, and feel liberated from hanging on to material things just to keep going - yet I’m facing what’s behind this, a lot of emotions and I’m sure this dream is trying to tell me something. I was also anxious about asking my mom to go back home for a while as I need a break - the last time I did I got a big drama. I feel I’m shifting out of a phase of my life and entering a new one, and it is quite overwhelming. It is precisely in these last few days of overwhelm that I had this dream.

Does my mom slipping away and me finding something else at the end mean that I should let go of the idea I have of her? Does it relate to my fear of her dying (having lost my dad less than a year ago)? And the exchange about holding on to each other otherwise we'll slip and fall? I'm quite shaken by the scene of the coat full of earth....isn't that what we'll all become? Why the coat? Why this girl on the bench and the dream? It's like my mom came to pick me up for lunch from the place i'm quitting but which was my home for a few years now and took me to see this girl and then coming back just slips away to...die? Become earth?

Oh I'm so confused, please help me!

Thank you!


Healing Dreams / Re: dream signs in waking life
« on: November 04, 2017, 10:08:25 PM »
Also, I think it may be of related meaning the fact that I have not been dreaming lucidly in a while now. And that I recently feel the weight of a lot I need to get off my back - what precisely, I don't know yet, but I am sure    soon I will get rid of whatever is still keeping my back in some way, I can truly feel it and perhaps these signs are related?

Healing Dreams / dream signs in waking life
« on: November 04, 2017, 09:59:35 PM »
Dear Tony,

I hope you are well. I have a question which may sound far-fetched, however I feel makes total sense.

Since it may be argued that waking life is just a dream, to what extent can one make use of the interpretation of dream signs to interpret the meaning of signs in one's waking life? I feel that the barrier between the two is very, very thin. Once I start noticing "signs" in my waking life, well, those are as much a projection of my unconscious/soul (I feel that definitions here are unnecessary) as much as those I may get in dream. Even the seemingly absurdity of the plots followed by signs in waking life may be just as intricate.
Hence my question is, from your life experience, to what extent do you think the same processes can be applied to unearth the thread behind these signs/plot to both waking and dreaming life? Are actual dreams projected from a different dimension?

I have an example. Last week I spent some time in a very big park, which stays open after dusk. In this park there is an artificial lake; the moon was reflecting its silvery glimmer on the surface of the water (I don't know the name for this effect, and thank heavens there isn't because its beauty is unnameable!). I was instantly attracted by this, and felt safer and safer to walk to an edge where the park café was (and which was closed at the time, hence evening, dark, no light, although quite close to lit areas and only me - and in a big park in an urban setting). I just wanted to be alone with the water, the stillness, the moon - it had been already a day of connecting to the earth and the trees in the park. I know this has to do with my femininity and my female energy - I felt I did not want to go away from that spot. I had never been in a place only lit by moonlight and felt bathed by the moon and the stars and completely at peace. It was not even peace - but some sort of ecstasy. For a moment I truly felt I could even die - such was the peaceful ecstasy I felt, that it was more interesting than the daily struggles of humanness. I felt whole and complete and to some extent was also afraid of this, of such letting go. I felt the possibility of this, I felt a very distant glimpse into the peace where my dad now is, and I somehow had to consciously stop this - for I am meant to be here to engage with those "human struggles", and that I am not done with that business. I don't know if what I was feeling was some kind of out of body experience - I truly felt in my body, not away from it.

But this ecstasy truly ended when I realised there was a fox around. I've grown used to foxes in town, however I am quite fearful of animals in general, and whenever I see a fox I'd rather move away or scream at them even though I know they're scared of humans. But this fox did not seem too scared, I could feel she wasn't. So I screamed at her, she seems unfazed and went on and away. Then another came. At that point I was too scared (of my unease I believe, more than the foxes themselves - I wish I were not that scared of them) and aware of their presence lurking somewhere, watching me and being unable to hide from their eyes. So slowly I managed to get away from that corner and felt uneasy about letting my own fear destroy that moment of ecstasy I experienced. I felt so alive (interestingly, since I felt like I could leave my body), and felt guilty of not being able to sustain that moment. 

Of course that was outside of café that was closed, and it was dark and with rubbish around the foxes may be around for that reason. But I know there was more than that. It was one, and then another one - as if I got a second chance at dealing with them. They came around even though there was a human there. and came also quite close (ie. not so scared! Maybe they thought I was not alive?). AND the whole scene was such a strong surrender to the divine feminine in me. I felt their presence was a consequence of this surrender, and my inability to deal with this "higher level" and this connectedness with nature (and hence animals in it) made me feel unable yet to deal with this level.
I went home and read a bit about the meaning of foxes. Without delving deep I found of course a meaning about femininity, but also something about foxes being a sign or a reminder that life is to be lived in the third dimension - which is indeed something I am trying to reconcile with my own path. I am coming out of a few years of delving deep and discovering (more and more) what really is there - and now I feel stronger to re-engage with the physical dimension of life, however I find it hard to reconcile as I mentioned the struggles of being human and living in this time and era and the depth of what I'm finding.

I went on with my days and on November, 1st (a date with a lot of meaning, or energy, if anything that of a new start) I was walking down the street when I bump into a dead fox on the sidewalk. She must have been hit by a car (which means...not such a shrewd fox after all? Since they are known to be animals very skillful at surviving in many environments), and someone must have put them on the side. I got scared, and also felt some connection to that particular fox. I felt sorry for her; that she died like this. That most likely the council workers cleaning up the street may just take her body and throw in the rubbish. I felt the need to caress her head ( although of course I could not do this and I didn't - not a dream-dream!); to give her a goodbye. Also her chin had been pressed probably by a car, and she had a grin which looked somewhat peaceful; one leg had apparently gone, and her lower intestines/stomach was partly visible. Also seeing a dead body reminded me of my dad's dead body once he died earlier this year; upon saying goodbye, I had been caressing his head. as if to tell him that everything was fine, to care for him. In the deepest pain and distress of those days, my mom had been caressing my head, too.

Now, I am absolutely sure this has some meaning, and I do not see how this whole story I've told can be any different from a dream - it is a dream. What am I trying to tell myself? Why was the fox dead? Is it a part of me dying? Or being reborn? Also, my dad's dead propelled my own paths to of course even greater depth - is the dead fox a sign that it is time to "come back" to or integrate what I've learnt/seen/felt into a more "superficial" level (ie., the physical dimension in which we live)? Also, why November 1st? Under certain pagan traditions, this is the start of the year. And, under many aspects, I feel that these few years of big learning is a cycle that is closing, I feel I am at the start of something new.

Of course I see other signs in my days. In the same week I was approached by a white pigeon, whilst I saw signs like a bus with the slogan "you know why you come here", and a lady talking to me and calling me "a godsend". Individually none of these signs has any value, but together they outline the same unconnectedness and apparently nonsensical nature of dreams.

Your thoughts would be so much appreciated! I feel your website is also a "godsend" and I have found so much of my own path in your articles. I thank you and everyone on this forum for reading this story, which is of course very personal and important to me.

I wish you a good weekend


Healing Dreams / Re: giving birth - very detail-rich dream
« on: August 14, 2017, 02:06:14 AM »

Thank you so much for you reply, it helps connect bits and pieces of insight I have from my own exploration. It is such an exciting process! I find that looking at dreams over and over at a distance of time is also working a lot for me, a bit like re-reading certain literature and getting different insights each time and connecting to other dreams.

One detail - the dream definitely seems to be a lot about me transitioning to a stage of being a creator. As such, it should be conveying positive stuff (or, at least, neutral). But why was the sky so grey? It was grey, and dark (a bit like British weather   :( ) but that kind of covered sky with absolutely no ray of sunshine (again, no male presence in the dream, maybe the lack of sun signifies that?) and no feeling like it's going to rain, but rather a feeling that a sky like that is the normal and regular and not pre-rain. The sky was gloomy and depressing, but no one was affected by that. Why such a contrast?

Many many thanks!


Healing Dreams / Re: giving birth - very detail-rich dream
« on: August 06, 2017, 04:03:15 PM »
Also, the baby wasn't crying, it was more like a living toy, nor do I remember a painful experience of my first childbirth.

Healing Dreams / giving birth - very detail-rich dream
« on: August 06, 2017, 04:01:24 PM »
Hi Tony,

I had a dream which has a lot of meaning, but I still can’t get a hack of the meaning behind the little details.

I dreamt that I gave birth. The dream seemed to be the continuation of a dream I already had but which I don’t remember. Apparently, I already gave birth previously to a baby boy, and not long before this second child birth, to the point that in the dream I seemed “skilled” and well-prepared.
I was in a hospital room giving birth, and the birth did not seem as painful as it is in reality, and went on quickly (so much so I remember little detail). I didn’t see the baby straight away (nor were there the big emotions, the crying of the baby etc.). The birth was so natural that when I got up from the bed/chair I was wearing clothes I wear regularly everyday these days, and I looked pretty much how I look now. It all seemed more like a visit to the gynaecologist rather than a childbirth! However I am sure I gave birth to a baby in that room. When I got up from the chair/bed it looked clean and all ready for seeing a new patient. There were some stains of menstruation blood on it, and I said sorry to the nurse there. Apparently, I had my period in the dream before getting in, I gave birth, and then immediately the period came back (which is unreal, and is a detail I can’t get the hack of). I believe in the room there was only a midwife and a nurse, and in any case there were women only. In the whole dream I do not recall an adult male presence, maybe amongst the people in the background, but no adult male doing some significant action nor was there a thought in the dream that this baby was conceived with someone.
I do not have to stay in the hospital in observation, so I’m sent back home directly (again, it was quick! an outpatient treatment basically). I don’t see the baby, because apparently they deliver the baby directly to your home, and thats when you get to see it. I go towards a lift, and I’m sure in the lift there was a lady, M. I’m not sure whether she was in the room, or outside waiting, but I’m sure she was with me from the lift point onwards. In the dream, we are very close, but more in a sense of me being very familiar and relaxed around her, I can be myself without thinking how I come across. M. is someone from work, but I do not know if that workplace existed in the dream and whether that was the link between us in the dream. I do not know in which country the dream was in, nor am I sure what language was used. I’m sure it was a place where I felt at home and no need to escape somewhere else. I was also at a place in my life where I did not know to discover other places and was content with an everyday routine.
next thing we arrive (by foot I believe) to the building where I live, apparently a tower block, but not very high (max 12-15 stores). I think it was black-brown, and maybe from the 80’s/90s style of my home country. There was a very big garden/playground before the block (so much so that the block looked a bit far ahead). The garden had a central rectangular section and two smaller rectangular sections to its edges, with paths with little stones in between. The angles were rounded. there was probably a big fountain, however not sure, and definitely the weather was not sunny, but rather grey and darkish (not sure what season it was).
There are kids playing around, and I think M. by this time says goodbye and leaves. I set out to go through the gardens and home, where my first baby, a boy, is waiting for me. I don’t remember his name, and apparently he was still a baby, possibly even younger than the 9 months it would have taken me to give birth to another baby. I don’t know who was staying with him, probably nobody. And I was not worried! I don’t even see this first baby in the dream, I only know he’s there because i remember I already gave birth and not long ago. I don't know his name from the dream, and I didn't seem to care much about him, about being a mom in general (but nor did the people around us.. it all seemed very relaxed). I only know it's a boy. I also have no idea how my flat looks like inside, etc. And I have no idea in the dream who I conceived this baby boy with. No men in sight in the dream.
So all in all this second child birth took maybe an afternoon, and it I was relaxed and calm, no pain nor during nor after the birth (don’t remember before the birth, as that wasn’t in the dream), no post-operative, nothing. Just like a specialist visit in hospital. No big emotions of seeing your baby coming, etc…no worry about the system of delivering the baby directly to your home, no security concerns. the baby was supposed to be delivered in a pram, and left there for me to find it!! Hence a lot of trust to everybody.
As I go through the garden I realise that the baby is not with me (as if I suddenly remember about it!!), nor at the entrance of the building. M., then, shouts from the other end of the garden (but she was on her way out) “look, the nurse left it at the the entry of the gardens!”. I turn around and she a (rather big) pram in the distance, beneath a very very big tree (that has leaves). It looked as if abandoned, but strangely safe. I didn’t feel “omg the baby is all alone there” in the dream. It all felt normal and natural.

On my way to the pram, I bump into some kids playing. Amongst them, a boy (possibly the only male character with whom I interact in the whole dream). This kid is jumping and laughing with the kids, and then turns around, stops in the middle of the path, looks at me and smiles/laughs a bit like kids do in a mischievous way. He looks at me straight in the eyes, and we spend a bit of time looking at each other straight into the eyes. The kid was probably 7-9 y.o, and he was dressed and looked immensely like my father in a very old picture of his as a kid. This kid was a bit mischievous from his smile (totally my dad), but his glance looked sweet, kind, well-wishing….a bit like when I dreamed of my father accompanying me to my new baptism. BUT… somehow his eyes reminded me of my mom’s eyes in a picture of my first birthday where she looks directly at the camera. Every time I look at that picture, which is actually one of the very few pictures of us together and happy as a family her eyes in that photo affect me so much. So the eyes of this kid in the dream were probably a mix of both my parent’s eyes(I think it is key that in that picture of him as a kid my dad wore sunglasses, so I cannot see his eyes there).
Now, strangely, I feel like the building is not a block anymore but rather a more ancient building with an arch in between, which opens to a more secluded community, a bit as you can find in both the countries of my parents. But this sensation lasts as long as I’m with this kid, then I feel the building is again the tower block.

I then get to the pram, which is very big, for 4-6 babies to be held together in a row (and I illogically say to myself: yes it must have been that they used this pram because it was born a bit more little—but I hadn’t seen it! and I didn’t know the sex yet!). On the very left “seat”/compartment was my baby. The pram wasn’t regular, it sort of had a plastic semi-transparent panel covering the actual bed where the babies would lie, and this could opened with a zip that went all around (in reality a baby would have died of lack of air, but not in the dream!!). I open the zip, and I finally get to see the baby (whom I hadn’t missed or died to see on my way home from the hospital). She is wearing a onesie that looks mostly like a ski suit (especially the material), and which is fuchsia (maybe referring to a chakra?). She looked little indeed. I pick her up and I tell her “hello V., hello my V.”. Only at that moment I am basically informed that she is a baby girl. I somehow already knew the name (i.e.,I wasn’t coming up with a name when I saw her), and the name turned out to be my own name! When I said “hello (my name)”, I pronounced my name in the way people from my mother’s country pronounce it (and also my mom too, but with less accent). I must have told her something like “now let’s go home” and started walking towards home (the building).

I am sure this dream is dense with meaning. I haven’t given birth in reality. I’m rather in a midlife crisis (and my father only died four months ago), so much so that this link (http://dreamhawk.com/pregnancy-childbirth/childbirth-as-initiation-2/) on your website really resonated with where I am now. Incidentally, I think the very depth of my midlife crisis, from which I truly started to change and become different, started about 9 months ago. Right now I am getting more and more answers, but I feel unable to make decisions, and not because I don’t want to, but because I feel that I’m still “gathering data” to make a truly conscious decision for my future and not just another jump in the dark as I did in younger years. I do feel in away still down into this process the article talks about
At the same time, I dreamed this just a few days before going back to do some work after my father died, and being worried of course of not having enough time for my spiritual work, and how to integrate this into a “regular” life ( a life in which I am reborn?), in which I have to work, and interact with people and their energies. I am somehow worried of letting others’ energies contaminate the answers I am getting. 

In reality, M. is a lady I owe much to. She is a secretary/ admin in one place where I work, and she was instrumental in me getting my first assignment there, which led to other jobs and assignments which set my life as it now in motion (ie., financial independence, and a lot of time to get to know myself, realizing my mom’s narcissistic disorder, discovering love etc.). I am thinking now of moving on from this job, and have mixed feelings about leaving a place that has been like home for me but is not instrumental to my professional and personal growth anymore. M. has also been very helpful at the time and after my father died (especially in liaising with my boss). In a way, she was a gatekeeper to this new page of my life that is somehow coming to an end, or which rather was a stepping stone towards other places/career paths. In a way, M. is a bit motherly towards me in a workplace where people are not very tightly knit.

Did I give birth to myself? Why was it not painful, why the menstruation?
Was the kid a mix of both my parents? If so, why did he look 99% like my dad, but only something reminiscent of my mom? Why did I bump into him on my way to my own child with my very same name (and pronounced with my mom’s accent)? And he stood in my way and we looked at each other deeply into the eyes? Given my mom’s mental disorder which I am only recently come to terms with, I feel pretty disconnected from my heritage from my mom’s side, and I have difficulties integrating her as being a part of me.
Why was the pram so much bigger (accommodating more kids..?more parts of me..?)? Why this lady, M.? I also think this enormous security in the dream, the relaxedness, the fact the babies did not seem so important to me (and that I did not seem to care much about my first baby, a boy….hence we are not even that sure that he was there…). In any case I  wasn’t tending to them like a mother would do, although possibly a bit more connected to the new child with my own name,

Thanks if you can help, I can feel this dream means a lot to me.

Dream Interpretation / a shop assistant with no shoppers to assist
« on: July 15, 2017, 10:49:43 PM »
I’m working in Selfridges in London, at at shop of a brand that is one of the well-known symbols of my country. My best friend (who is in reality now to me more like a distant relative, the tile “best friend” is sort of historical ) works there, too. Apparently, she got me the position here. We are sales assistants, but maybe she is more experienced there and so she is guiding me there (don’t think she had higher position).
The brand store was very big all on one floor, and all walls and maybe also floors were white and all very bright (not sure there were windows). I don’t remember the actual clothes/goods, and none of them stroke me as being from that brand. I’m not sure we had a supervisor, and not sure I remember customers. In fact, the store was way bigger than the clothes and the people in there, sort of like a renovated warehouse, but all white. Possibly the light came from some headlights mounted on the ceiling, but it looked like daylight.
I went on the stairs behind a door towards the shop storage. In the dream, I think I may have found a very typical bag from that brand (I used to have one which I used to go to school every day in high school for a while, maybe in the last few years until I graduated from high school. It wasn’t real, however it looks as good as). Somehow my best friend was there, and she took me to a backdoor that opened onto an immensely huge rooftop terrace (we had to go down, possibly some stairs, to access it from our building, ie. it was a bit down below from where we originally were). Everything was white again, but surrounded on the edges by some green plants. The sun was shining, but in the way it shines in my home country (which is definitely not how it shines in London). I think there was a view over town, but it looked more like my home country than London.
From this huge square space on the terrace, some huge white sun loungers somehow sprung from the floor. We were lounging on one each, with our bellies down, whilst they sprung up. Their legs were somehow flexible in the moment they moved up, and made of small flowers that were changing colour like christmas lights. Hence, these were the support of the white beds that were coming up and on which we were lying, and which were also very soft and padded.
I think my friend was saying something about “don’t worry our boss doesn’t know we’re here and she cannot come find us”. But in fact I hadn’t seen any boss in the dream.
I then started thinking something about being able to stay there overnight (alone) and no one coming to get me even though the main store (Selfridges) would be closed.

I was a shop assistant with no shoppers to assist...? I'm sure this dream has some meaning related to the home country/London theme..

Healing Dreams / Re: Re-christening dream
« on: July 09, 2017, 06:43:55 PM »
Ever since I took the time to relax and do nothing, I started dreaming more often.
I had a dream two weeks ago which I feel is connected to the baptism scene. It was strange because I do not remember exact details, it was more of a hazy recollection. I woke up with a sensation, rather than a memory, than in the dream my father must have had sex with me, and I was submissive rather than a full participant (it was consensual in the dream, though, not a violence). This must have happened in the kitchen of the flat he lived in (and where he killed himself, although not in the kitchen), and I believe there was another person, probably a young man about my age, right in front of me facing me and my dad (I was not facing my dad), and who just watched (this young person must have been naked).
Before my parents separated, we all lived in that flat (although my dad was away for work most of the time), and kitchen is of course where most things happened, such as fights with my mom, for instance.
Disturbing as it is, I know it has something to do with me living fully and that it represents my inner father. At the time of the dream, I believed it must be me, or my father, or my inner father giving me confidence and strength to face life to the fullest. Maybe it is my father trying to pass onto me that living force that he decided to walk away from.
Or passing the testimony on to someone (the role of the young gentleman just watching?)?
I also have not had full intercourse in a long time, and in general feel that my life has been aseptic and I've been sleepwalking through the past 5-6 years, developing psychosomatic illnesses along the way (incidentally, the same time during which my father apparently started having increasingly debt issues. Incidentally, over the past year I have made leaps forward in my awakening, getting more and more light through darkness....and my dad must have fallen deeper into despair, and deeper into darkness, with less and less light). The same years I moved abroad for good, and went home less and less, and became enmeshed with my mom even more. I am now becoming hungry for life like I have never been and I do feel a lot going on within me.

And now I dream of my father walking me to this new life after the baptism. I believe the two dreams are facets of the same thing.

Healing Dreams / Re: Re-christening dream
« on: July 09, 2017, 06:22:26 PM »
Dear Tony,

Thank you so much for your patience in reading my dream and for taking the time to answer. This is helping me so much and your answer resonates a lot with the path I am currently on. I am so grateful for your dedication to helping people access their dreams.

A few points remain: why my parents looked young as in the year I was actually baptised? Does this mean they are staying behind in my “old” life? That I’m taking with me only the good of them (possibly, their good intentions when I was just born, that pure love parents may have when they kids are just babies)? Why did my father look young but wear clothes that were in his recent style over the past few years? Why did my mother look stuck in 1990 clothes-wise, too? Why didn’t she hug me or accompany me towards the bath? Why was the dead parent (also, the one I’m more connected to on a spiritual level, but for whom I feel guilt in not having built a more consistent relationship whilst he was alive) the one accompanying me to the bath? Am I leaving behind the part of me that I identify with my dad, or am I bringing them with me? Do their actions and outlook in the dream represent what I want to take of them with me, since supposedly I should find the same scene once I get out of the baptismal bath?

Also, is it important for the dream that the baptism didn’t actually take place (or that I do not remember it)? Does it mean it is yet to happen?

And what is the meaning of the guy G. appearing in that scene afterwards? Is there a link between the baptism and that scene? And the fact that everything happened in my hometown, ie. where my roots are (even though I moved on over the years and did not connect too much with my homeregion/hometown)? (note also that G. is from the same country as I am, too, and that could be a big factor on why I was attracted to him, I think I missed home all these years (so much so that almost all my interactions with the other sex involved guys from my country) but did not realise it in full until my father’s death).

Thank you,


Healing Dreams / Re: Re-christening dream
« on: July 07, 2017, 08:39:58 PM »
A missing detail: I live in a different country from that of my hometown, it is here that I met G., and he has never been to my hometown. I also have come to resent my life in the place I currently live as it feels aseptic and asocial as it was growing up with my mom. I yearn for moving to a place where I can express myself.

Healing Dreams / Re-christening dream
« on: July 07, 2017, 08:37:34 PM »
Dear Tony,

Thanks for this website because it has helped me so much!

I dreamt that I was about to be baptised again in my current age (I’m in my late 20s; I am Catholic and hence was baptised as a baby, and re-baptism does not exist). The baptism was taking place in my small hometown, however not in the same cathedral as that where I was baptised. It was in a smaller cathedral which in real life is right next to where my dad was spending the last few years of his life (an association he was volunteering for has its offices there, and he and his colleagues went for drinks to a bar/café right next to that church; the town is, however, pretty small).
Inside, this cathedral looked different from reality. It was more medieval and ancient, with darker stones, and a warmer light inside (in reality it is a bit unadorned). It had two floors and was pretty narrow. I was near the aisle and talking to some people (possibly local middle-aged women), until I got called up to the floor above. The people were sitting on typical church benches, except the benches were facing the aisle and not, as in regular custom, the altar.
I walked up a narrow staircase made of wrought iron. the staircase was straight and not a spiral one, and it only had the right handrail since it was built right next to a wall. The walls had bricks visible, departing from reality. The floor above was more like a mezzanine/balustrade, rather than a proper separate floor (once I got to the top floor, I could see the aisle below with the people).
I believe I was wearing something white-y, and not a tunic but something more feminine (not a wedding dress). When I got up, my father and my mother were there, and the same priest who did my baptism (or at least I think he did), and who is not the priest of my hometown anymore but who was very much loved by the population.
There was no round baptismal font as usual in Catholic churches. Instead, there was an opening in the floor, a kind of a bath made of stone, not very big, probably the size of a bathroom bath. The atmosphere here was even more mystical, since there was some candles burning like in movies about the middle age, and the nave of the church looked more gothic (which is not the real church). The priest was wearing usual priest gear, and was holding a big chain with an incense holder (customary in the Catholic rite, but unusually big). He was probably blessing the water, which was very clear, as if a light came through it. There was probably someone else on the floor, probably clergy.
My father came to me and hugged me so intensely, and I hugged him back, with so much love. I think this embrace lasted a while. My father in the dream looked the same age as when I was born/had my first birthday (i.e., the year I was baptised), but was wearing the same clothes he was wearing in the last years of his life, when he was much older. That is, he was wearing his signature black leather coat. But he looked young, and smiling. At peace. His eyes were gleaming with peace and love, whereas in life his eyes had always been a bit sad. He was smiling. He was strong and in control.
After this big hug, he pat me on the shoulder and think he accompanied me for a few steps (with his arm wrapped on my shoulders) towards the baptismal “bath”.
I do not have a recollection of the actual baptism happening in the dream.
My mother, instead, was standing a bit behind my father, close to a very big semi-cylindrical sculpture (probably a baptismal itself) and almost leaning on a wall (a stone wall,not a brick wall now). Differently from my father, she looked straight out of the pictures of my real baptism. Her hair was is in the colour and fashion she had at that time. her clothes were the same of those pictures from the early 90s. her demeanour the same. She looked the age she was at the time. She didn’t say anything, and was standing and holding one hand into the other such as when listening to a big speech (or a mass). She smiled politely and sort of unwittingly, shyly, as she used to do. She looked young and naive, as she seemed in those pictures of my real baptism. She didn’t come hug me. She was more a respectful bystander than a participant.
Later in the dream, a guy (let’s call him G.) is looking for a café/bar in my hometown and finding it by talking to people there. I see this scene as a movie, ie. I am not present in this scene. An elderly gentleman (one of those middle-aged people who go from bar to bar in my hometown, something my father used to do too), jokes with G. about something. I then arrive, find G. (we may kiss but I’m not sure), we have a drink and he says how cheap it is, to which I reply that we are not in Milan (where he’s from) so it is cheap, and we then go walking towards the historic centre of my hometown. We are relaxed. It was probably midday or anyways daytime, the sun was shining it was summertime, and not many people in the street (probably at home eating lunch).
This latter part of the dream, I was already drowsy/closer to being awake, so I am not sure how it informs the dream, it was completely abrupt from the baptism scene.

the background to my dream: my father killed himself three months ago (you may have seen other dreams posted by me since I’ve been dreaming a lot ever since). I loved him so much, and we were one of a kind. He was a free spirit, and he had a big heart he gave to everyone he met, without reserve, in its entirety. He loved deeply.
My mother instead suffers from some personality disorder (most likely narcissism), and this is something I have realised less than a year ago. I grew up with her, since my parents separated when I was a child, and was very much enmeshed with her, and manipulated, and my emotions not having a place to be. I did not have a place to simply be and exist with her. since I realised this, our relationship deteriorated, and now she is not even getting in touch with me, possibly because she saw that she is making me feel worse, but not sure.
G. was the first person I truly loved, and since I could not live these feelings with him, I turned them towards myself and slowly started loving myself. This was a catalyst to my awakening and to realising things about my life, such as my mother’s mental problems, and all the consequences this has had on the kind of friendships I form (I moved away from nearly all my “friendships” in the past 1-2 years, they were either one-sided or co-dependent). G. and I were initially attracted, but then he retracted after we spent a night together. he then kept the waters muddy, saying he wanted to be my friend but constantly flirting. In the end, he did not give me friendship, nor love, nothing (apart from work advice), and whenever I asked for explanations, huge fights ensued and created by him. in many aspects G. is similar to my mother. I am sure at some point there were some feelings from his part. With time he became more and more distant and treating me like a buddy. he always insisted on meeting him where he wants and when he wants. I stopped contacting him about 10 days ago, which is a record for me since we had this unhealthy relationship of me writing and he always replying, giving me crumbs of attention, and so hope that this distance will give him the guts to write to me (which he rarely ever did), but I am conscious it may not happen. I am not sure I love him anymore, and I crave closure in this situation, be it for the good or the bad. Being distant, however, is giving me more space to feel my feelings, and I fear having to let go of the very person that made me discover my ability to love.

So a lot for me is going on. I am in a phase of semi-denial where my father’s death seems like a movie. I am unsure of what to do with my professional life, and since I do little jobs for now, I am spending the summer doing nothing but chilling and feeling things (which is not fun at times). I am not working at the moment. I am thinking of moving back to my home country to be close to my roots, but I am very unsure of what to do as I do not feel any energy pull towards anything. I never fully engaged with my life, mostly as a result of having to grow up with a narcissist, and I feel lost because I want to engage with my life fully and do not know how to do it. So I spend my days just looking inside me and letting answers come. In this introspection, I letting myself feel my repressed anger, from my childhood, my mom, how she behaves now and how she has always behaved.
I feel I have lost the only person who ever loved me. there are days where I am deprived of energy and have tiredness/apathy, not wanting to do much. I am not in danger, but I do sometimes think that it would be beautiful to be with my dad now. I would have all his love for me, whereas because of my time of transition right now I feel in a limbo without love and affection. Was my dad showing me his presence and love in the dream? That he is with me although we are in different dimensions?

This dream happened after an emotionally intense day of introspection where I worked on my anger and my boundaries. I then went to a church gathering, where I felt very good and where I have the opportunity to explore and deepen a faith I am just starting to discover. The vicar played a song that made me think of G. Later, I spent an evening in the park, and connected to the earth (feminine energy), and performed yoga under the moonlight. I felt balanced and ready to love and be loved. Unfortunately, as I came home I read an email form my mom asking me for practical things and ignoring how I am again, and I went to bed with some anger.

I feel the dream is about a new life to which I am moving to. One where my true nature (the one I share with my dad) will have a full place to live and express itself, a life where I can love, where I can give. I feel my dad was wishing me good luck and giving me all his love to carry with me in this new life. My mom presented her most human face, the one where she was young and before I became a person with my own needs she could not fulfil (and before probably she became bitter and disenchanted about everything, people, places, situations, money- as she is now). She probably chose to stay on the side and let me go, as she is not able to accompany me on this journey (which is probably what she is doing in real life). Am I separating from both my parents to form my own life?
Does a dream connect only to my own unconscious or also connect me with others’ subconscious or souls? Was it my actual father giving me all that love in that hug? It felt so real. My dad was in the eternal bliss where he is now, he was smiling and everything about him felt abundant and in place. Was it my real mother’s unconscious mind communicating to me in the dream? Was it G.’s subconscious mind communicating something to me? Or was it very simply what he represents to me? Does the whole dream mean that once I will step into this new life of love and following my free spirit, of being true to myself, the man whom I will love will come find me in my own world and we will spend a good and relaxed time together?

I thank you for the patience in reading this. I know it is long, but I am very possibly going through the hardest time of my life, and your help would be invaluable in me directing the questions I am asking of my dream.

thanks and wishing you a good day,


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