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Messages - Aristocrates

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Dream Interpretation / Sleep Paralysis
« on: January 07, 2021, 09:14:00 AM »
I woke up around 1:30am with a strange form of sleep paralysis.  Instead of it feeling like someone was near my bed I was in the middle of surgery surrounded by nurses and doctors.  Of course as sleep paralysis goes I couldnt move or speak.  A couple of details I remember is something being inserted into my nether regions and also there was a sensation of fluid coming out of my ears.  They do bother me this time of year. 

I did accompany my son to a dentist appointment recently. He's only 5.  Before going to bed the show "botched" about plastic surgery was on.  Thought it was worth documenting. Been over 3 years since I last posted on the site. 

Dream Interpretation / Midmorning Dream on a Steamboat
« on: October 17, 2017, 05:13:58 AM »
I haven't been having vivid dreams for sometime.  This one seemed to come out of nowhere.  I'm in a tiny steamboat and I notice the coal is low.  The place for the coal looks like a sauna with wooden walls.  So, I fill it up and let the captain know.  Next thing I know we're at the docks.  The Sun is setting and there are hundreds of people fishing.  A storm is on the way and it's a prime time to fish (dreamlogic).  So, next thing is the captain and I are on a separate boat approaching the shore, like a canoe and I don't recall whether he was rowing or if it was motorized but he was driving nonetheless.  We were both standing fscing forward and I had my arms firmly around him and felt very secure, fullfilled, at ease...

Dream Interpretation / Re: Planes
« on: September 22, 2017, 05:13:18 PM »
Hey Tony!! So, going on nearly a year since I last posted here.  Things are pretty well my way.  Working at Wal-Mart now.  My most recent dream was of a chameleon.  Just finished reading the dictionary entry.  In the dream I was initially startled by seeing a lizard in my home.  Then on closer inspection I had a sense of ease about it, a sense of peace.  The chameleon wasn't camouflaged.  He seemed at home in my home.

Anyways, it's funny you mentioned an awareness of important national or social event.  Since my post here I've delved into gematria and from there astrology. It started with a trip to the local cemetery.  I came across a peculiar grave marker in the shape of a black cube.  I began researching this and the man buried there a German immigrant from the 19th century who was in the fraternal order called the Independent Order of Odd Fellows.  From there I began looking into the geometry and numbers encoded in their symbolism and through that I discovered gematria.  There's much more nuance but trying to summarize.  So I came across the work of Zachary K Hubbard and was amazed.  Listened in to his radio show and bought a sunscription.  Though immediately following the very guy I looked up to berated me in the comment section of a youtube video.  Right now I'm still very much into gematria but I have a strong emphasis in astrology.  No one I've found has attempted to combine the two.  I love the work, the research and try to expand on it everyday.  I get a sense that my work was attacked by this Zachary K Hubbard and company before it ever even began to mature.  Despite that it's what I love to do and it all started with this sense of an impending national tragedy sort of what you mentioned in your reply.  Anyways, I've decided I need to start making blogposts.  Here's a link to it.  Thought it might interest you.  A friend I met through gematria quoted you on Facebook just the other day.  Got me to thinking of you. Here's the quote

"but the Christ, the part of us that is in contact with a cosmic mind or a great power of love is so advanced in actual life skills – in the real technology of the Cosmos, there is not even a need for a body."

-Tony Crisp from dreamhawk(dot)com


Dream Interpretation / Re: Tower of Babel
« on: October 03, 2016, 08:19:10 AM »
My first aspiration as a child was to be an author and illustrator.  I was writing stories in 1st grade.  I enjoyed drawing and I think I even showed some promise there.  My twin also loved to draw and I guess it bothered him that I liked it too because I later found out that he would rip up my drawings and I remember one time in particular when he relished in the fact that my mother poked fun at one of my drawings (maybe to make him feel better, i don't know).  He relayed it to me rather quickly.  That hurt.  I also remember starting a journal and my mother poking fun at it.  My mother is a highly positive and encouraging person, 99.99% of the time actually and I'm sure she meant nothing by it at the time but it stung.  I took it as an insult and maybe that's the pattern I need to stop.  Allowing slights to make me repeatedly put the things I enjoy away.  I was labeled the outgoing more physically aggressive twin and he was labeled the artsy, sensitive one and I think we both fell in to those respective tracks.  Even up in to high school it seemed to please him that he was seen by peers as more intelligent, more gifted artistically, and he was sure to remind me of those instances.  I don't think I ever went out of my way to hurt him is the thing.  Where he almost seemed malicious about it.

Also, from an early age I developed an affinity for black culture, black people.  Of course this is an odd thing to discuss openly anywhere these days it seems, even with my fiance.  In first grade I made a friend who has the same surname as you actually.  We would race to the playground everyday and it was usually a tie.  In those days, the NBA seemed to be at it's height of popularity, the Chicago Bulls had three peated and you had mega stars in several markets across the country and my father loved to watch the Bulls I remember.  I think maybe this is one of the reasons I pursued basketball so aggressively. In my mind black people could do everything at the highest level: sing, dance, inspire.  But, that was rural Tennessee in the early 90s and it still wasn't very accepted to have black friends much less love interests.  And I didn't foresee that I would be with a black woman and have twins.  My parents did take my brother and I on a senior trip to the West Indies in St. Lucia.  She(my mom) had a half-brother(mixed) there that she had just found out about and she wanted to meet him.  He ended up coming to the states to live with us for a while.  Anyways, I met a girl there who I was awestruck with.  She was 16 and I had just about to turn 18.  She was a sprinter and you could tell it.  She had a beautifully sculpted body. She had the most unique voice too.  It was raspy and rhythmic.  I've never been kissed better by anyone before or since.  My fiance seems to find it awkward. Initially, we would kiss often, but rarely ever now.  I never imagined i'd be with someone who didn't enjoy it.  I think she reminds me of my father in a way.  She works very hard like he did and she doesn't sugar coat anything.  I think she keeps me grounded.  I mean she seems to be well-grounded in reality.  Haha, i used to tell her I didn't like white girls cause it seemed all they wanted was to be pampered.  My family is known for having money here.  And you know what she says about that?  "What makes you think I don't want the same thing?" How's that for a harsh reality.  I mean it's understandable that anyone would want to live comfortably, but at the same time it leaves me feeling like an investment.  I think I've paid off fairly well so far.  When we met I was working 70-80 hours a week and kept her fed well throughout her pregnancy and it was my credit that allowed us to purchase a house and nice car.  The passion I've expected should be in a relationship isn't there.  It all seems so calculated.  Well, I better get a little sleep.  I started out meaning to talk about the parallels between our parents but ended up going in a different direction. 

Dream Interpretation / Planes
« on: September 26, 2016, 03:51:17 PM »
I had a dream a few nights ago that I've been meaning to share.  In my dream was a series of plane crashes.  The planes would come apart midair, actually very high in the atmosphere, and in one of the crashes, another planes wing shreds the fuselage.  I was an observer in this dream.  I wasn't in the planes.

Life's generally pretty good right now.  My fiance seems to be happy with me for the first time in a long time.  I've been doing more around the house lately.  I'm also looking in to going ahead and getting my CPA.  I just worry, because my heart's not in it.  It sounds good and I'm in a position where I have the time and resources to accomplish it.  Maybe I just need to do it, but I think I'm afraid I'll get lost in it or it will lead to bigger problems down the road.  Right now, life is simple for me and I kinda like it that way.  Maybe, it's also the idea of change that scares me.  I just now feel like we're getting in to a groove.  Then again, maybe getting back into Accounting is exactly what I need to do to keep the groove going.

But I'm also motivated to do it as a way of revenge.  I worked for 6 months with a local accounting firm and it didn't end well.  I was fired.  I didn't mesh well with the office manager.  She ran the day-to-day operations and was very authoritative, even with the partners.  I honestly believe she was intimidated by me.  In the same breathe she was firing me she was also telling me how stupid I am.  In the moment I was too worked up to think about what that meant.  To me that just shows that I make her feel insecure.  It's one thing to fire someone, but another to insult them in the process.  And, on top of that, she said they would give me a recommendation, but not as an accountant.  I took cuts on pay and hours for the opportunity to work there.  It was suppose to be a career builder.  And they sent me out the door in a worse position than when I started.  So yeah, a large part of me wants to obtain my CPA strictly to smear it in their faces. 


Dream Interpretation / Re: Tower of Babel
« on: September 16, 2016, 12:48:56 AM »
Text from Christine's Link:

Saturn and Uranus - the sudden breakout of realization, destruction of old values
Planet: Mars
Tree of life: The Axis Netzach - Hod
Element: Fire
Number: 16 as 4 x 4: induration. But the cross sum is 7

The Tower is a symbol of endurance and its destruction, an allusion to sudden, maybe shocking realizations that crushes old views and persuasions, maybe the view of the whole world.

The area of relative security starts wavering, our tower then falls and with it the walls around us that have become too narrow. It is rarely the evil, but rather the necessary development we meet when there is a change in the armor of destruction.

So in the positive aspect, this most violent trump will mean that we proceed to learn that losing the old secure fortress of our beliefs will reward us with a major step forward.

And a good step forward sometimes requires a kick in the ....

Drive: Breaking up structures, destroying the old, getting rid of obsolete loads

Light: Sudden realization of the truth, the will to change old ways, to recreate life and start something new

Shadow: Blind destruction


I did get a swift kick in the ass from my fiance a couple days ago and I'm set on doing things differently now.  I was smoking marijuana daily and thus neglecting some of my household responsibilities as well as future job opportunities.  In the two days I haven't smoked I've managed to get quite a lot done and I notice that my mood swings are all but gone.  I'm actually using dreamhawk as a way to kick the habit.  Whenever I start thinking I want to buy some weed I hop on here.  Even before I decided to kick the habit I sparked a conversation with a long-time friend who advised me to make better use of this forum and all the resources it provides.

Dream Interpretation / Re: Tower of Babel
« on: September 16, 2016, 12:28:51 AM »
There are many lessons alive inside of me.  In high school I worked repairing barbwire fence in the summers with an old man down the road, a long-time family friend.  He taught me the value of hard work and was patient in teaching me.  I do find myself wishing for a closer relationship with my biological father.  He's short on words and time.  He's not the type who plans time with his children. He does make time for his snooker friends even leaving family functions to go play.  I also resent how he seems to have that same attitude toward my mother.  I've just never sensed a deep connection between them.  I think they love each other but they seem to live on different worlds.  He is a good provider and worked diligently to build his business(es).  I'm the 7th of nine children, my twin the 8th so their attention was quite divided when I came along just on that fact alone.  The time I did spend with him was typically corralling cattle and the sorts and he was very short-tempered when it came to that.  He had zero patience in teaching us.  I was 10, 11 when first started working with cattle.  It's intimidating for anyone initially being around animals of that size in close quarters let alone having your father go ballistic if you didn't cut out the right cow or god-forbid leave a gate unlatched which he and his father before him were actually notorious for themselves.  He's 61 and turns 62 tomorrow!! Just thought of that!!  He's at the age and in the position where he can take it easy and he sure does love his grandchildren.  I know he's extra proud of my boys.  I think he would love it if I was set on getting back into the family business and I might if I were in a different situation.  Their mom works 60-80 hours a week on nights so I have to be home during the day so she can sleep.  And I've found myself throughout the years looking to other men to fill that void.  One man in particular, actually an Irishman, seemed to be just what I needed.  He seemed to understand my mind and offered encouragement and guidance until I realized he wanted me as someone to touch rather than teach.  And then there was another man who I looked to for guidance who after years of knowing and trusting him made a sexual advance.  He's around 65 now.  I actually worked for him off and on.  I do know in my heart that my father is there for me just not in the way I would like him to be or imagine a father should be.  And I'm too proud to take advantage of the family business.  I already have two older brothers who are in it, anyways.   

My feelings with that particular chimney has always been that it seemed like a relic even though it was actually a functional part of the power plant.  The university is on a separate grid from the rest of the town.  My grandmother (my dad's mom) who just passed away last year at the age of 92 went to the same university(just a side note).  I spent 6 and a half years there and it was kind of central to the places I frequented and I always just had sort of an admiration for that chimney.  It was right in between a college ministry I attended and the heart of campus so I crossed it's path many times.  But, along with my initial statement about the chimney, perhaps it symbolizes an era gone by that I need to deconstruct. 

I imagine that I am removing those bricks as a penance for past mistakes/misdeeds. 

I'll come back to this later.  I need to let my mind rest. 

Dream Interpretation / Tower of Babel
« on: September 15, 2016, 02:39:07 AM »
A piece within a series of dreams from a few days back has stuck out in my mind.  A friend who I met about three years ago was in it.  He is in his 50's and he'll check in with me every couple months or so.  I met him when I was still working for my family at their auction barn.  He is an interesting person.  He is a Sicilian, drummer, former professional bull rider and trains cutting horses.  He was on the same circuit as Lane Frost as a bullrider.  His eagerness to maintain a friendship has perplexed me.  We're 20+ years apart and he's a surefire type A and I'm a surefire not that way.  He has expressed to me his frustration with me having a passive attitude.  I find he is often confrontational with people where I would find little reason for it.  He does seem to have a thoroughly charitable heart though.

In the dream is a round tower of sorts made of red brick (common in this area).  I see him on some scaffolding removing bricks from the top of the tower and I'm confused as to why he's removing them.  I'm thinking,"why are you wasting your time on this?  What's the point?" 

Edit: I should also note that this tower resembled a chimney at the power plant of the university I attended. 

Dream Interpretation / Re: Cats and Kittens and dreams of snakes.
« on: September 08, 2016, 02:58:30 AM »
Christine, thank you for sharing the kundalini link.  I've read it over several times.  It's so much to digest at once.  It really struck me when it began talking about LSD experiences.  I actually had one around this same time two years ago.  Summarily, it was a perplexing, arduous journey for me.  Initially, I was in shock about all that I had experienced, but over the past couple years, it seems that it was preparing me for the huge changes in my life that followed.   I find myself using it as a reference point in my life.

I've wanted to truly address what happened but haven't known how to go about it.  I am very close with my younger brother and try to talk to him about it as to make sense of it but it never seems to get anywhere I would like it to go.  I guess I'm looking for him to be able to relate to the energies I felt but I can't blame him.  If you've never had that kind of experience it might just be hard to relate.

Anyways, I just want to tell it as it happened and I figure, what better place than here.  Here goes:

So, I decide to drop acid with a long time friend.  At first he wanted to take me to a state park to trip.  That's actually what we did.  The acid was on some sweet tarts.  I was supposed to let it dissolve completely but i chewed it up instead, so the effects weren't as great as I expected. I do remember thinking,"Wow, this place is spiritually significant."  I felt thoroughly connected to this place.  We were in a field, actually, a meadow, a naturally occurring meadow!!  As I'm writing this it occurs to me how rare that is in of itself!!  It was just a timeless place.  I could sense the history with my whole being, even through my very eyes.  I was so connected.  We were right next to a river.  It was a point of convergence for two other tributaries and the land between where they met was elevated.  I was downstream on the right bank where erosion from periodic flooding had created the meadowland.   

So we headed back to our town (30 minutes away).  He was sorta dating a mixed girl.  It was her birthday and he was kinda being an ass to her.  I couldn't understand why.  (I will say he seems rather lost on how to treat someone you care about)  We end up going back to his house and she comes over with us and we're like,"hey I didn't really feel that earlier, let's drop some more"  He gives me TWO hits right off those square cut outs.  He doesn't take any and I almost immediately begin feeling the effects.  I can see bugs everywhere.  I knew they weren't real but was instantly frightened at how it might progress.  I tell him, "Hey, I see bugs"  And instead of reassuring and coaching me through the effects, he says,"Naw man, there's nothing there" tauntingly.  I get upset because he is telling me that I'm not seeing what I'm seeing.  I should also mention that this house belonged to his grandparents who have only recently passed. I was attracted to the girl he was with.  I tried to hide it, but it seemed increasingly hard to be discrete as the acid trip progressed.  I remember seeing them sitting next to each other.  I could sense the melding of her passionate/emotional/warm energy and his callous/logical/cold energy.  The contrast was beautiful and it felt ceremonious to me, like I was part of an important ritual.  In her I could see other people, people who represented warmheartedness most to me most in my life.  In him I also, saw many people.  People, I love but who I feel are trapped in that cold, self-loathing, miserable energy but not necessarily who they are.
(Well, actually that is something I struggle with.  I don't think I am able to accept that people could truly be as calculating as they actually seem.  Also, I may be wrong to think of that energy as negative.  Maybe, it's useful too.)  At one point her mom showed up.  She was raw, overwhelming passion.  It was amusing, because I already knew her mother because I frequented the gas station where she worked.  It was a surprise to find that out.  She revealed her desire for me.  It was very flattering, sensual.  She soon left after that.  Also, there was a very maternal element going on with me that night.  I would go into a bedroom by myself to lay down when I was feeling really overwhelmed.  Laying down in that dark room only seemed to make it worse.  I remember laying on that bed in the fetal position.  I felt sick to my stomach and just dreadful, frightened even.  Then I progressed through the women in my lineage who have had children.  First my sister, then my mother, then my grandmother on my dad's side.  I felt their pain, their fear as a result of carrying children and not knowing how they'll manage. 

I also remember at one point a sensation where I'm a glowing maggot in a great crowd of well, not just glowing, but brilliant maggots slithering their way about through a vibrating current of electricity.  The kind of electricity you experience during orgasm.  It was so intense and could be felt swelling in the center of my skull and my throat and pulsing down through my chest, my abdomen and ultimately my genitals, thighs, and feet.  I imagine it to be what ecstacy must feel like.  The metaphor I came up with to describe what I was feeling was that,"I'm just a cricket who wanted a glass of milk" I still am trying to make sense of that.  I wanted her but I knew that at that time it was wrong to express that desire.  But I couldn't control that urge.  I wanted what I wanted.  He ended up sending me away in the middle of the night.  I left reluctantly as well as apologetically.  But I'm still tripping hard so I decide to just sit in my truck and wait it out a little.  I remember looking down at my phone and there was a text from my brother and said,"what's the point?"  that's how i felt at that time.  Very down and out. I also felt as though this was where the end of a separate reality of mine where I'm gay and drive off a bridge to kill myself.  Then somehow I work up the nerve to drive away.  As I'm driving, it seems I am being followed and I will ultimately end up on a dead end road.  And I also have visions of my father and his cousin in adolescence and then it's as though I am my grandfather driving to the house of my grandmother when they/we were both young and how she is such a beautiful soul and I went there with sexually aggressive intent and felt guilty about it.  I know, it sounds wacko but it's what I experienced.  Eventually, I end up parking at some random persons house with my truck pointing toward a field.  The sky was bright that night, made brighter by being out in the country.  There were dogs that greeted me. I was a little scared at first but felt I needed to earn their trust as not to be detected.  I stepped out and they were friendly dogs.  They sniffed me and seem to be welcoming of my presence. I got back in the truck and they left.  I remember sitting in my truck looking out over that field into the sky at the stars and thinking that I was trapped there for eternity, that the sun would never come up.  Eventually I came to and made it home and you got all the most juicy parts. 

Soon after that night I met the mother of my twin boys.  They just turned one last Friday.  It's been a very tough time for me, but now that I look back, I think that acid trip helped my subconscious prepare for this phase of my life.  She has two kids of her own.  A boy, 8, and girl, 3.  I took a job in my field of study and it didn't workout so she went back to work and I've been staying home with the kids.  It's been quite the learning experience.

Dream Interpretation / Cats and Kittens and dreams of snakes.
« on: August 27, 2016, 01:22:09 PM »
Last night I had a dream about having a cat with about 4 precious little kittens and the neighbor also had a cat with 1 kitten.

I've been a cat person for some time.  I had been with the same women for four years and we had a not-so-lovely breakup.  I believe it was within a matter of weeks that I came across this stray kitten.  It was malnourished and alone.  I spent almost an hour trying to corner her.  I finally captured her and put her in the floorboard of my truck and took her home.  She still lives with my parents.  To me she was a godsend to help me get through the harsh reality of loss.  I think the image of the four kittens and their mother is fairly straightforward.  I see myself as the mother and the kittens are my twins and two stepchildren. (This really hit me once I read about cat/kittens in your dream dictionary)  Wasn't positive on what to make of the neighboring cat and kitten. 

A few months back I had a dream about a black snake crawling horizontally up along the outer wall of my house.  Recently my 3 year old stepdaughter told me she has been dreaming about snakes particularly a red snake.  I thought that was a strange coincidence as dreamhawk.com is about the only place I share my dreams.

Dream Interpretation / Whispers In My Ear
« on: May 20, 2016, 09:30:59 AM »
Yesterday morning I was fading in and out of sleep.  At one point as I was beginning to fall back to sleep I heard someone whisper my name, "Bobby" right in my ear.  Also the tone of the voice seemed to have a slight sense of urgency.  It wasn't sleep paralysis.  I was on my side and quickly came back to full consciousness.  Anyways, is there any meaning to this?  Has this happened to anyone else?  My brother said it's happened to him before.  He was rather spooked bye it. This wasn't meant to be a poll but my phone makes it difficult to copy and paste....

Dream Interpretation / Old Job & Pregnant Friend In Need
« on: May 18, 2016, 04:47:52 AM »
OK, so I'm at my old job in a restaurant and I notice that all the walls have been painted white.  It looked as though only one coat had been applied.  I ask a manager about something job related and he gives a sarcastic and condescending response.  This angers me but I notice an old aquaintance, a bank teller, sitting by herself and I go over to say hi.  Sitting with her back to her at the next table is a childhood friend I met at church camp.  She is sitting with one of her friends and is very pregnant.  She lets me know she is having complications and next thing I know all four of us are kneeled down with hands on her praying and I am overwhelmed with feelings of love and connectedness toward this woman. 

In waking life she has recently delivered her son which i believe she had some difficulty conceiving and he is having some minor issues the last I checked. I was a little baffled by this intense emotional connection because, though we are friends, we arent particularly close.

Dream Interpretation / Re: Black Dog
« on: May 18, 2016, 04:27:03 AM »
I have indeed had heightened levels of aggression in the months following my twins birth.  Their mother berated me on a daily basis throughout her pregnancy.  I believe it was due to deep feelings of uncertainty and insecurity on her part but the things she said to me cut so deep every time.  I would not wish the sort of ridicule I sustained on anyone.  She demanded every minute of my time and also that I account for any minute I was not with her.  I capitulated repeatedly because I felt it was best for the twins that I appease their mother.  All the while aggressiveness was being incubated inside of me and the day they were born, so was this aggressive side of me that I had not felt with such intensity since childhood.  And these feelings have not gone away.  I'm still filled with venom. 

Part of your dream reminded me of this scene from The Wild Wild West.


Dream Interpretation / Black Dog
« on: May 05, 2016, 08:19:35 PM »
This dream was like an Astral projection.  I was sleeping on one end of the house and I immediately woke up and headed toward the opposite end where all the kids were sleeping.  I went through the den and turned the corner into a hallway where a big black dog was running aggressively toward me. He took a few quick steps and leapt toward my chest.  Before he made contact I woke up.  The dream was quite spooky to me at the time. I moved rooms from where I was sleeping.  I was in a state where I could've so easily began to lucid dream but I kept myself up for a few minutes to shake myself out of it.  Kinda regret not seeing where it would've taken me.  Though the dream was a bit of a shock initially it seemed in the following hours and days to stabilize me as well as make me more vigilant.  This has been a little confusing to me since the black dog, from what I've seen and heard, is customarily  considered a bad omen.

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