Dear Rawwar – Thank you so much for taking so much time and care in what you have written. I have tried often to hide slightly, but it is all out there in what I write. But I feel encourage to explain something about my experience through your honesty.
At the end of the 60’s after many difficult years of searching and trying everything from praying with the rosary, doing hours of different sorts of meditation, studying for 11 years in a school teaching ‘the way’ I decided that I still had not found what I had searched for. So I had the thought that as I had failed and so had no idea, and had got fed up with so many teachers – all charging me for the honour of teaching me – I sat each day for an hour in silence knowing that as I didn’t know anything I would give up striving and meditating. I felt that if there were a God, I could, as it were, stand on the street waiting for my friend. And if he/she came he would tap me on the shoulder and I would know through personal experience.
So I did this for a long time. Then one night as I had gone to the toilet and was about to get back into bed a voice from everywhere said. “You have asked how God touches the human soul. Now watch closely.”
It would take to long to explain what happened then, but it was an initiation into Life. I was as it were taken into the Mother Church; the mother from which all churches had sprung.
And then there followed after a year or so a wonderful initiation into Christ. See
http://dreamhawk.com/inner-life/meetings-with-the-christ/ ; and then over the years initiations into Tribal religions, the Native American Way; the Buddhist way.
So I cannot and do not use the word God very often because I am writing for a wider audience, so I call it Life.
But I very much appreciate what you feel called to do, and can see its importance. Although I feel it is more applicable to America that Europe. We are all going through dark times and each must do what their gift is to help. And it doesn’t matter that we are not perfect.
I would love you to read The Unknown God -
http://dreamhawk.com/inner-life/meetings-with-the-christ/ I realise it is not an easy read, but even so it throws a wonderful light in much that has been taken to be fables in the Bible.
While on short visit to San Francisco I had an experience that I think is equally about you.
What first happened was that I was suddenly shot into a dream state, yet I was still awake. In this state I had a very distinct image, along with a feeling, of a small bird fluttering close my head. What was incredibly clear and real was the way its wings were fluttering. I could really see and feel that they were not simply waving up-and-down but vibrating at great speed. The bird kept fluttering near me, and I realised it was trying to attract my attention so I would follow it. So in fact I did and it led me in a condition of great darkness. I could see or hear nothing. But the bird led on and I trusted it and we came to what was recognisably a dark cave from which were slowly emerging hundreds, perhaps thousands of people. I understood as I saw this that an enormous number of people throughout the world were now emerging from a dark place. I realised that there was the need for many workers to meet them and help them to learn to live life within the light. I realised also that I and others are the workers engaged in this.
Tony