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Messages - Rain_Dancer

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61
Healing Dreams / Meeting Sophia
« on: November 03, 2011, 02:28:36 AM »
Two days ago I dreamed this:

I am working for my former business partner, and am with L (former employee).  I am trying to access online orders, and noticing that they aren't showing up in the email account.  I can't quite make out the subject lines.
My awareness expands to outside the building and I realize the police are coming to arrest us.
L disappears, I stretch out on a bench, and think "cloak of invisibility", and remain in plain sight, while the police search the place.  I am amazed that this works, one of them passes by so close that he nearly touches me.

They finally leave the building I am in....I wait until the coast is clear, then sneak into another shed to get my purse.  The plan is to take my ID and cash which will fit in my pockets, and leave everything else.

I reach for my purse, see 'rangers' passing by through the window, and switch the light on, bright white light floods the room.
I immediately know, I'm busted.  It's dark outside and they could see the light, I totally gave myself away.  I look for a place to hide, consider hiding behind the door and realize that won't work because the door will hit me when they come in.  I sling my purse over my shoulder and open the door.  I face the man standing there and begin to feel as if I'm expanding...bigger...bigger...bigger...the man puts handcuffs on my wrists that I hold out in front of me.

What I notice about these handcuffs is that they are polished wood, like large bracelets, they fit comfortably and they do not have locks or latches.  The man at the door wants me to know they are meant to be that way, they aren't meant to hurt or bind.  I continue to feel more expanded...and then  woke up.  As I awakened, I was amused and thought, "whaddya know, it was a dream!"

The dreamed turned round in my head today and I sat down to fantasize the dream further, it went in quite an unexpected direction:

"...I step outside, it is now daylight.  I face the man, lower my hands, notice he has short dark hair and a mustache..
"Where are we going?" I ask.
"You'll see soon enough.  It won't be so bad as you think.  It's actually a surprise.  You might even like it."

We walk into a building, and down a flight of stairs into a dark basement.  A lone, bare lightbulb hangs on a cord from the ceiling, sputtering a harsh, dim, blue light.

I ask, "is this where you are going to interrogate me?"
"Not hardly," he snorts.  In that moment, I know this man's name is Marco.

We walk through an open door into a dark underground tunnel.  I am wearing a deliciously soft and comfortable white cotton gown.  I am barefoot and the ground beneath my feet is soft, damp, mossy earth.

We pass an open door on the right.  Inside the dark room I see rows of nuns in black habits kneeling before a row of lit candles in dark red glass votives.  They are holding rosaries and silently mouthing their prayers.  One of the nuns looks up and gently nods her head to acknowledge me as we pass.  She is young with small, even features.  Dark, straight bangs rest on her forehead from beneath the white band of her habit.  She exudes peace and acceptance.

I am wondering where we are - my thoughts are interrupted by the crack of a whip and an agonized wail.  It's coming from ahead, to our left.  We approach the open door to another room, the source of the sound.  Sun is shining through a small, wood-framed, open window placed high on a bare, crumbling white plaster wall.

Before me is a cliche scene of a bare-chested man wearing a leather executioner's mask, whip in hand, ready to strike again.  I move closer to see the object of his punishment.  To my right is a slightly built man, wearing only a skimpy pair of leather shorts.  He is standing with hands and legs spread wide, leaning against the wall.  Six bright red welts adorn his back, all in a line from shoulder to lower back, running diagonally from upper right to lower left.

His face is contorted in pain, sounds coming from deep in his belly.  The man with the whip pauses and looks blankly at me.  The man being whipped howls and begs, "No, don't stop, please please, I need to feel something.  Why?  why?  Why?  Don't stop, please..."  He sobs and pounds the wall, grabbing chunks of plaster.

I place my left hand on my belly, right hand on my heart, inhale and whisper, "Sophia, guide me," as I take in the scene.

It's all too much for me, I think.  I want to stop it, I want to help, I want to change it, fix it, make it right...DO SOMETHING!!  But it has to be the right thing, so it doesn't get worse.
 I then realize I am no longer wearing handcuffs, and that Marcos'  hand, warm and supportive, is on the small of my back.  "Courage, love," he murmurs.

I stand there, breathing, taking it all in.  My heart breaks as understanding flows.  Again, I feel bigger, bigger, lighter, expanded.  Joy fills my being.  I begin to glow, to radiate a shimmering sliver-white light.  I feel myself dissolving, yet my awareness and perception are crystal clear.
I have no boundaries, yet I stand there, touching my body, breathing...breathing.  Strength and surety of knowingness fill me.

"What's to be done?  Nothing," comes the answer.  "Patience, wait, observe."

The moans fall away, the two men in the room dissolve in a shimmer of light.  Marcos stands beside me, the room before me now empty and bare.

I wonder what to do with it now...

"Leave it be," Marco says.  "In time vines will grow, cover the walls.  New life will emerge here, nature will take her course and reclaim this space.  The decay will feed new life and beauty shall come of it. "

I turn to face him.  He places his right hand on my heart and my left hand over his..then my right hand on his heart with his left hand on mine.  We gaze into each others' eyes, hearts beating in sync.  His face blurs and changes ...one human face after another rises and falls...the faces of men, women, children, all shapes and colors morphing and morphing and shifting until what finally appears before me is a golden, shimmering being of sparkling eyes.

It is the Sophia, and she is me. All else falls away.  I am home.

http://www.spiritandflesh.com/AlexGreySophia.jpg


I experienced a huge burst of energy when I completed writing this...Once I arrived home from work I was spontaneously moved to dance all over the house, I had so much energy I walked some of it off and still feel wired.  I really expected to be writing a jail story, this is nothing like I've ever written before.


62
Dream Interpretation / Re: Telling B to stop
« on: November 01, 2011, 03:28:58 PM »
I have experienced SO much resistance to being this character, I don't think I can do it by myself.  I know this aspect.. and it is difficult.  It's the aspect that I would "flip" into expressing when I was involved in an abusive relationship.  As I ponder on it, it seems to me to mirror my alcoholic father and unstable mother.

My father would be very very kind...have a few drinks, and then suddenly rage.  I was generally the target.  My mother would do her version, put on the kindest, most generous face for the world and reserve her rage and blame and hate for me, and they both would deny it and say I provoked it and nobody would believe me (and now I see the connection to firmly stating I *will* tell what is going on and there *will* be consequences - which was a theme in another recent dream, only it was a pasty white man who was urinating on me, and I told him I would tell people what he was doing - which I did so, then told him firmly, "I want you to leave." - it was so direct and powerful, it didn't feel childish or whiny, simply stating the truth).

I'll sit in presence with this aspect later tonight.

63
Dream Interpretation / Telling B to stop
« on: October 26, 2011, 03:24:36 PM »
Last nights' dream featured a recurring dream character I call "B", who basically is an arrogant jerk.  Physically we are opposite, he's a tall, athletic, lean, black macho guy.  I'm a short, sort of frumpy round white woman.

A few weeks ago I dreamed Chuck Norris tied him to a chair and set him on fire (lol), which really ticked him off and I knew he'd be back.

More recently I dreamed an epic 'review' dream, where in a classroom setting I judged him as being "unavailable", then later sought him out to apologize for saying that and was approval-seeking, I couldn't face him and felt anxiety being close to him.

So this was last night's dream:

I am facing and interacting with “B”.  He is groping me, grabbing me and forcing a tongue kiss on me.  I push back and firmly tell him no.  He grabs my right forearm hard enough to leave a red welt.  I say, “If you don’t stop, I am going to tell somebody and you are going to lose your job.” (apparently we are co-workers in the dream)
I break free of him and walk away, into another area that is like a large garage.

I’m fuzzy on the sequence at this point –

I sit on a dock next to Ed (someone I work with in waking life) and tell him what I told B.
“You told him that?” he says incredulously, and shakes his head as though he can’t believe my boldness.

That was either before or after this scene:

I am in the garage area, turn around and see B behind me.  I’m facing him, keeping a distance, and exchanging words with him that I don’t remember.

B begins to retch…yet somehow instead of HIM vomiting, there is a container or box or metal stand between us, about chest height,  that is spewing vomit.  So, as B is retching, it’s as if he is somehow vomiting through the container.  Buckets of vomit spill out over the floor.    I am watching this in wonder, how is this happening?  And thinking, of course he’s going to leave for me to clean it up.  I don’t want to clean it up, and I’m thinking maybe Ed will help me.



I'm noticing that I feel a lot of resistance to dialogue with this DC.  I feel like because of his arrogance and insensitivity, there's really no getting through to him until he breaks down.  I'm also noticing I don't want to sit as his part...at least in part because I imagine he hates me and feels contempt and disgust and hatred for me and wants to hurt me and kill me.

Hmmm....

64
Dream Interpretation / Re: Banishing in the name of God
« on: October 20, 2011, 02:05:30 PM »
This line from "Dreaming of Myself" touched my heart and I teared up a bit:

"You need to find innocent love, not grasping or jealous, possessive, and bending love."

Looking back over my dream journal entries, it's surprising that it has only been 10 days since that dream, along with a series of equally intense dreams.  
Along with dreamwork, for a few weeks I've been practicing a (daily 1-hr. minimum) meditation of acknowleding and letting go of whatever I'm feeling, seeing, thinking, hearing, focusing often on my most intense memories (both painful and pleasurable).

Last night I experienced brief lucidity and flying, more relaxed than previous lucid dreams where I wanted to do everything all at once and would get in a tiz!

I also dreamed this last night:

>>I am sitting on a comfy couch, there are a few women on either side of me.  They are looking to me for guidance.  I begin to lead them in a grounding meditation, making some gestures and movements with my hands and bringing them to my heart and 3rd eye.  I instruct them to repeat after me,
"I am Here,
in my Body,
Right Here,
Right Now.", 3 times.  

I am sitting cross-legged and while doing the hand gestures, I lean over and lose my balance a little and laugh as I sit back up..."don't do that part!", I joke.

I notice a woman to my left is reading an email on a laptop, from someone who is saying negative things about me.  That I stole the grounding meditation from a website, and some other things alluding to me being a fake and not original.  I lean over, trying to see who the email is from, while the woman laughs and has a “so what?” attitude, she sees the bitterness of the person who wrote the email, and doesn't seem to be bothered by it.
We all stand up, it’s time to leave.  I feel very connected to these women, and as we get up and move around to go, I light-heartedly lament, “We didn’t even get a around to doing Dream Theater!” (which made me laugh when I woke up).<<<


I have benefited so much from your work, Tony, thank you!






65
Dream Interpretation / Re: Banishing in the name of God
« on: October 18, 2011, 03:26:30 PM »
I'll post more later, but for now I'll say this..
Tony, what you've said here resonates with me.  I am aware that allergies (overreaction of immune system to a non-threat), fear of sexual energy, inner conflict, illness in general, are all related.

Since going back into this dream, the tone of my dream has changed noticeably, including a sexual dream the nature of which validated to me that my sexual relationship with myself is improving   ;D

Last night's dreams were of worlds upon worlds and unfolding and spiraling eternally.  Dreamy and blissful!

66
Dream Interpretation / Re: Banishing in the name of God
« on: October 14, 2011, 05:07:26 PM »
I read Tony's dream dictionary entry for "demons", and what stood out to me is this:

"Although many dreams about demons are probably reflecting anxiety feelings and struggles we have with moral issues or sex, sometimes the battle with demons can be about our body fighting a virus or bacterial infection. See: devil  under archetypes."

He then goes on to describe a dream that is so similar to mine that I can't help but take notice, the dreamer says in his dream, "“By the power of God within me, I dismiss you” – or words to that effect."
 :o

Suddenly the connection between many of my dreams over the past few months came into focus - they have been increasing in intensity, featuring being surrounded and feeling crowded and overwhelmed by dozens to hundreds of black people...first they were just in my space, then I was trying to get rid of them and couldn't, and most recently have been at first trying to get in through a locked door and then streaming in through a back way.

In addition to this, I dreamed the dream I posted, of someone being sick and resisting healing for her own reasons, plus another recent dream where someone was saying to me, "remember, T's car has seasonal problems, remember how his car had a flat tire last year.

I was exposed to black mold at work a few months ago and immediately developed a sore throat and painful cough.  I don't have health insurance or funds for a doctor (probably wouldn't see one if I did), and it took me nearly a year just to find a job that pays slightly more than minimum wage, so I didn't want to rock the boat or say anything.

I'm thinking all of these dreams are reflecting allergies and black mold reactions.  I've been feeling really terrible this week and left work early yesterday.

A recent dream of being invaded by flocks of black men featured a burned carcass of a dog, intended to scare me and warn me not to use my own dog to protect me, or it would end up the same way.  I'm taking that to mean not to try to use strong drugs (masculine/forceful methods - I've used a lot of pseudoephedrine and anti-histamines in the past) so today I picked up a homeopathic remedy.

In addition, yesterday I went back into the dream I posted above - at first I felt deeply the distress of not being helped by the husband, and repeated, "I need your help!" over and over until I felt a release and began to cry.
Then went into the rooms to "banish" the presence, and repeated "I banish you in the name of God" over and over and over again, going deeper and deeper into the emotion of it until I was exhausted. 

While I was doing this I noticed another connection to another recent dream of a crazy black woman, and someone explaining to me that she is soothed by repetition...what a web!

At some point I realized I had been floating in a state of timeless peace for a while.


No intense dreams last night, I still felt pretty crappy last night and this morning...I'm going to take it easy and allow myself to be lazy and stay in bed all day if that's what I want and see how things play out.

67
Dream Interpretation / Banishing in the name of God
« on: October 13, 2011, 04:27:20 PM »
This dream theme has been recurring intermittently for at least the past 2 decades...and since July I've dreamed this theme at least 6 times.

General theme is - feeling powerless against an invisible force that feels threatening to me (in the past it has been harmless poltergeist activity, recently has been escalating to paralyzing my body, and last night harming my children - then attempting to verbally banish it in the name of some "higher power" (God, Jesus, Christ, the angel Emmanu-el).  Sometimes I have been frozen, last night I felt I had mustered more strength than before in "fighting" it.

I'm interested in ideas about how to approach the dream.



Banishing in the name of God


This horrible vicious, invisible force has taken my two children, I remember an image only of a flash of them, one boy, one girl, about 4 or 5, struggling and being taken down a tunnel, slumped inside together (reminded me of “It” the Stephen King novel).  The image of them has a pale sickly green hue.

I am terrified..my husband and I are lying down, and I get up trying to find my children.  I’m saying desperately and hoarsely to my husband, “I need your help!”, only it’s difficult for me to wake him up, my thinking is fuzzy, and he isn’t responding.

I feel the invisible presence of something evil all around me, pressing on me, and I may have had a crucifix and I walked from room to room, with difficulty as I felt very very heavy, slow and sleepy, saying, “I banish you in the name of God” with as much strength as I could muster, over and over again.

I didn’t really believe it was working, though.

My body felt strongly contracted upon awakening.


68
Questions about dreams / Re: Which dreams to explore?
« on: October 13, 2011, 04:09:06 PM »
Thank you - someone else told me essentially the same thing last night, I'm relieved to hear it!
Last night I experienced 2 dreams with a very familiar theme so I'll post those in the interpretation forum to get feedback, since those dreams have been recurring over many years and work with those and leave the others be for now.

69
Greetings / Re: Hi I'm Rain!
« on: October 12, 2011, 04:50:13 PM »
Thanks for the responses!

Tony I hadn't thought of waking lucid dreaming - Thank you for the idea for waking lucid dreaming!

I’ll post a couple of my “big” dreams (though others may not think they are so big, they were to me!) in the interpretation forum.  I have at least a dozen lucid dreams from this year that were fairly long, so maybe I’ll post one or two that I liked quite a bit.

70
Questions about dreams / Which dreams to explore?
« on: October 12, 2011, 02:12:37 PM »
This morning I recorded 3 dreams from the previous night, one of which was very long and is about 1.5 typed pages.

Yesterday, 6 dreams.

The day before, when I woke up I deliberately refused to remember any of my dreams because I was exhausted by all of the dreaming from the weekend.

I wonder if it’s even useful to try to go back into, play with, act out any dreams when I have so many!?

Maybe I am at an impasse…I wonder if I am simply at a point where I am accessing deeper and deeper levels of myself, and at a threshold where my comfort level is threatened, or if I’m losing myself in dreaming and need to shut it down and “get on with my life”.  I suppose only time will tell, I wonder if this is a common experience?

71
Greetings / Hi I'm Rain!
« on: October 11, 2011, 10:43:57 PM »
I've been avidly reading Tony's articles for several months now, and am so interested in dreaming!
I wasn't interested in my dreams when I was young, as far as I can remember, but nearly 4 years ago I had a few "big" dreams and a couple of spontaneous lucid dreams that inspired me to begin logging my dreams.

Lately I often remember so many dreams and some are so detailed that I often get overwhelmed and end up putting them away because I don't know what to do with it all!

72
Dream Interpretation / Hip pain, shops and cats
« on: October 11, 2011, 09:29:15 PM »

I was in a little shop, or someone’s healing room.  There were 2 other women – something happened where one of the women was about to leave or had something wrong with her.  The other woman said something like, “well, lie down and let’s see what your body says”.  She reminded me of LW (she looked more like me, though…the profile/nose, only thinner and older).  She was doing something like BodyTalk on the other woman, who laid down on her massage table.

I felt some distress and was thinking in my mind about how she needed to do an ecology check – we were both doing Matrix Energetics (basically using imagination and intuition and play), I could feel a non-physical body of something to the woman’s right, and there was a "thread" over to the left of her neck that I wanted to pull out.  I think it was her reasons for wanting to be sick.  Anytime the other woman would make a shift, the woman lying down would sit up and sort of argue for why she needed to be that way.  I was thinking “ecology check”.  The woman on the table finally sat up to leave, looked straight at me, and said emphatically, “I’ve had (a particular kind of) leukemia, so I’m probably going to have pain in my hips.”

Don’t remember exactly what happened next – then I think I was supposed to close up the shop and go back to mine next door.  Disjointed scenes of going outside, there is a metal wire rack with jewelry on it, most noticeably some big flowery earrings (Bakelite style), orange/red.  They were facing away from the road..I may have turned them to face the road so people could see them, then understood why they were facing away and put them back.

I was by the concrete back steps of a house, I put out some cat food.  An orange and white tabby came up to eat, then the food changed to something weird, clumpy bird seed or something.  Another cat appeared, maybe chasing the other one away.  It was black and fluffy.

I suddenly felt worried and rushed to get back to “my” shop, that I had left unattended and open while I was in the other shop.  I thought of the cash registers in there, and worried that I had been robbed.   I got back to my place, it was old.  I noticed a door in the hallway that was open that I believed I had left closed, and felt some fear again that I had been robbed.

I walked in, it was dark and dusty and musty (reminds me of old room in a previous lucid dream).  I wondered then or later why I would even be worried, all of this was pretty much old junk.

There was a an old, dusty, rust-colored couch over to my right, that was long and some of the cushions were knocked off and over.  I thought maybe the ‘robbers’ had trashed the place, simultaneously thinking it was already disheveled like that.

I passed the living room, where an enormous television was playing sound, with a red indicator light ON, but no picture.  I thought the ‘robbers’ had probably tried to see if it worked and realized it was an old junker.  Images in my mind of a cluttered room, worried about my iPod.

Woke up to the alarm, conscious mind thinking WTF what a nasty, dirty place full of old crap.  It reminded me, in feel, of the living room of a place I used to live where they set the table, arranged the furniture, and then never used it or touched it for the next couple of decades.

(To my knowledge, I do not have leukemia or any symptoms of such - I have experienced debilitating hip and back pain for the past 3 years, after a period of being athletic and flexible.  My first thoughts upon waking were that the woman was an unknown relative (I'm adopted)  I had somehow aligned with and taken on her pain.)

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