Tony,
Thank you so much for your response.
About two months ago...a voice in my dream said "You are now leaving this earth."
Since them I have noticed more feelings in my body, with that taking the lead, and noticed less fearful and judgemental thoughts...less fight or flight reactions in my mind. If I do have the latter at all, I seem to slip back into my body to see if it's true...if that makes any sense at all.
I also met someone...a man...about a month ago and in some ways have some deep positive feelings for him. We are friends and lovers. I am not sure if we are passing through each other's lives or if he might be a long term friend and or a long term partner...my goal has been just to stay "engaged" with him and see what happens...to treat each other as human beings first and male and female second. For someone that has had very negative experiences with, feelings about and behavior toward men he has been a balm for me of sorts.