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Author Topic: The Things we Forgive  (Read 6975 times)

Rain_Dancer

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The Things we Forgive
« on: May 04, 2013, 12:25:45 AM »
I was both observing and part of this dream.
First, observing - I was given a sort of 'telepathic' explanation of the backstory of two very different people, one a young black woman, the other a young blonde white boy.  Both had been deeply impacted by the actions of an evil scientist sort of black man, who had destroyed both their families, causing profound pain.  They were both in his laboratory.

He cut off their heads but was able to keep them alive somehow.  He put the severed heads, in a small lighted chamber.  In some way, I was in there with them, but also outside.  I wondered how they would managed to not go insane, being placed in this chamber, with no bodies.  I wondered if they could feel pain.  I felt intensely claustrophobic, yet I coached myself to be still and allow the feeling and not fight it. 

I watched the woman's head nestle against the boy's.  The boy began to complain that he was feeling pain, that his throat was very sore.

The woman offered to breastfeed him and somehow they now had bodies.  She was wearing a strapless silver dress, one strap pulled down and a lovely breast exposed to feed him as he nursed.

The scene shifted again, the black woman and I were squatting together outside the chamber, which was now open. 
There were two open containers inside, with mushy flesh in each one.  I understood that there was a device made to dissolve each head "in time" and it had done it's job.

We each picked up a container, the woman led me to a beautiful garden.
I looked down, and there were tiny fairies on either side of my foot where I stepped.  I greeted them, "Hello, fairies!" and felt delighted to see them, noticing there were more along the path leading to a pond.

The woman waded into the pond, I followed, realizing we were to dump the contents of the containers in the pond. 
I worried a bit whether we might be contaminating the water, but I trusted her.
She waded further out, into a patch of lilypads, while I stayed where there were none.  I dumped the contents of the container into the water, playing with the fish who swam up to eat whatever it was (dissolved severed head?), little fairies skimmed across the water....this imagery was VERY vivid, more real than reality.

The scene shifted and I am following the woman again, up a ladder into a loft that is an open kitchen. 
She moves to the left, and I see the evil scientist person, in evil clown makeup, lying on the floor on his side, looking at something.

I feel moved to take a closer look, I need to see this person up close. 
He turns over, looks at me, and his makeup has dissolved into foamy bubbles, like bath bubbles.
It then dissolves away, he turns and is gazing lovingly at a small black baby girl, wearing tiny gold earrings who is smiling and cooing at him.

As I observe this change, it's as if the woman is narrating to me, there is poignant movie music playing, the phrase I remember hearing is, "the things we forgive".  I took the message to mean something like, as we forgive the past, the horrors that have been done to us, things will change and we will experience love again.

Rain_Dancer

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Re: The Things we Forgive
« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2013, 09:48:29 AM »
I'm up late tonight/this morning.
I feel tired and full of energy at the same time.
It has been quite a ride to stay with me and not abandon myself in the wake of the feelings aroused by a gallbladder attack - I addressed the immediate pain with a home remedy that worked but once that settled...
wow.
I asked what would heal all the congestion in my guts and my body let me know there were many many many feelings to be felt.  Not what I would call painful, or even extreme, but agonizing feelings that felt like death or dying or being on the verge of death.  Such a challenge to let them be and allow them to move in their own time, without seeking relief or a fix.

Feeling and processing unmet childhood needs - agony is not an exaggeration.
As far as I can tell, the only way out of addiction is through these feelings the addictions seek to relieve.
I feel like, just about nothing that was acceptable to me in relationships before is anything near acceptable now.  I'm saying no at every turn to anything that drains me, to men who seek to have sex with me, or chat me up, or string me along but not love me.
Breaking the addictions to the external guidance, approval, validation and reconnecting to my inner compass...profoundly uncomfortable and liberating at the same time.

Rain_Dancer

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Re: The Things we Forgive
« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2013, 05:28:39 PM »
I could use some help with this...

I had a dream within a dream.  In the inner dream, I was lying on my bed, and I'm not sure what was going on but I felt a strong feeling of feeling paralyzed and out of control.
On the ceiling was a piece of paper, flapping, with the word "Jayseus" written on it.
I was desperately trying to call for "Jesus", but my mouth and tongue wouldn't work (I'm guessing I was trying to actually do this in my sleep).
I ('falsely') woke up with a start, telling my friend about the experience, then woke up again.

So, this tells me at a deep level I am feeling paralzyed and not in control and fearful.
What I don't understand is the Jesus theme - I dreamed of the devil a few weeks ago and he asked me what sent me back to Jesus, and I said, "You!"
In the past, when I've had dreams of poltergeist activity, I called on the power of Christ to "banish" the spirits (maybe from seeing The Exorcist when I was younger?).

I don't identify as Christian.  Jesus is a name that rarely comes out of my mouth.
I'm wondering what the heck is going on deep in my psyche??!!!

Ideally, I would be able to surrender to the feelings of paralysis and not being in control, rather than fearing and fighting them.

Maybe I can get back into this dream, but I'm not sure - when the feelings are so strong it's often difficult for me to get back into them.


Rain_Dancer

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Re: The Things we Forgive
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2013, 03:00:01 PM »
at any rate this seems like progress -
This morning I became lucid in a dream.  Even though I was lucid, I was acting pretty spontaneously.
I opened a door to a dorm room, there were a lot of people in there, I asked where M was (someone I haven't seen for 2 years), they told me in the kitchen.  I laughed and said, "I'm just looking for a booty call, so if you know anyone, send them in my direction."

In the kitchen, I found a beautiful black woman.  I asked her for a sexual favor, she was happy to comply. I told her I had never done this before, she didn't seem to mind.  Then I woke up.

This felt pretty good, because usually asking for sex in lucid dreams has resulted in massive frustration, or being attacked.

What was interesting, though, is that I rolled over, checked my email from my bed, and saw a match from an online dating service.  There was a photo of a woman (and I haven't been seeking women online) who looked so much like the dream woman my mouth dropped open in surprise.

She lives a ways away, but I'm going to contact her anyway, I love blurring the line between dreaming/waking reality.