Dead Babies?

[MK]

Me and another woman, who identified with as a friend, accompanied me by spacecraft to another planet after saying goodbye to my brother (as a toddler, but he is older than me) in his bedroom where we grew up. Space was beautiful, the trip was short but meaningful. Upon arrival to the new planet, me and my friend started to look for someone or something that we had ?lost? Then i was alone. The landscape was sandy and garbage was strewn about, as I walked, I came upon a trail of broken glass. I followed it, until I became aware that I was walking along a wall, where I saw light shining through a small doorway. I peeked in the doorway, but I didn't go inside. I saw a large beautiful blooming peach coloured gladiola at the edge of a cliff. The cliff’s edge was a small plateau, and then three steps lead from it to me. The steps were worn out; I was afraid to go down them to look at the flower, for fear of falling off the cliff. I also noticed a lush green forest in the valley down below. I got nervous for looking too long, because I was afraid curiosity would win and I would die. Just as I was about to turn away and continue on my way, I saw a small child’s arm. I spoke softly to it, it came into view, its face very plain, its eyes blue. I coaxed it to come away from the edge, towards me, out of danger from falling off the edge. It looks at me, and sort of smiled, and started to come my way. Then, at the base of the stairs, she reached down, at which point I saw two sets of undeveloped breasts, like those of a child, growing on her back. She picked up an infant by the arm, showing it to me like a rag doll, and she said “dead baby!”. She then repeated the phrase and showed my another one, closer to the base of the stairs. I knew she wasn’t going to come to me, but I still hoped she would. She kept repeating the phrase, then started to point to herself. I wanted to look away, because I knew she was going to jump. But I couldn’t. She said “dead baby” once more, and did a sort of back dive off the cliff. I backed out of the doorway and leaned against the wall, and I heard her scream.

What could this mean? I don't usually remember my dreams, especially not his well.... I think it is important.

[Tony Crisp]

MK – I have to go a step at a time with your dream. So starting with the first scene in the bedroom, it is about a place you felt safe and caring – for your brother. And you were accompanied by a feeling of being at ease with yourself.

Then the space flight it could suggest going beyond your usual levels of experience; in other words extending your awareness beyond that of the senses.

With that extension of what you are aware of you see a lot of the garbage within you that needs to be cleared up. And then it is difficult to go where you are going for two reasons, the broken glass and your fear.

The light is about a further stretch of awareness or insight as you peep through the door attracted by the light. The light is about being more aware of yourself and your surroundings. And that leafs to the most important thing – the thing you didn’t like to face fully, that you were afraid of falling into.

It is about something beautiful that is growing, but at the same time something’s that were dead or killed. If you were not afraid you could easily have grabbed the child and saved her. The nipples may suggest she had the possibility of being a very good mother.

So I think the dream is about part of you that were damaged in childhood and so could not grow and died. Yet within you it tried again and again but was killed, probably by some stupid remarks or attitude of adult to adults. I know it doesn’t sound much, and the drama of the dream is awful in what it display, but for you to not be able to allow something beautiful is awful, and here it is within your reach. All you need to do is to face the fear and take hold of that child. Imagine it while awake and keep doing it with rests in between until you can face the fear and save the young you.

Here is an example of a man doing just that. I was at a very large school. Looking around I came to a large gymnasium. Near the end where I stood was a diving board, about 20ft. off the ground. Girls were learning to dive off the board and land flat on their back on the floor. If they landed flat they didn't hurt themselves - like falling backwards standing up. I was sure they would hurt themselves and it was difficult to watch.

The girls are in fact taking a risk, but learning to do so in a way that does not damage them. This becomes clearer when we realise that Des had recently changed from being an employee to becoming self-employed. He was feeling a lot of anxiety about where his next week’s income was coming from, and how long he could last living in this new way. 
He felt that the diving board was the big jump he was taking into the unknown. He was afraid he was going to land ‘flat on his back’. In English this suggest loss of control, and being ‘on ones back’ links with illness or defeat. The girls, he felt, represented his daring, in taking his new step in career, and also his vulnerability. All this was easy for him to realise, but it didn’t take away his anxiety.

Des sat and relaxed, imagining himself back in his dream, feeling anxious the girls might damage themselves. He changed the scene slightly by turning the gymnasium floor into a swimming pool. This shifted the mood from one of possible danger to one of fun or play. Then he had an urge to climb up on the board as one of the girls and dive off. As he did this he felt the full flow of his anxiety. Even so he managed to land on his back on the bare floor. So, like the girls in the dream, he climbed up again and repeated the dive. After running through this a number of times Des opened his eyes and smiled. He said, ‘It’s just a feeling. Anxiety, I mean. It’s just a feeling. When I dive off that board I feel anxious. But when I repeat it over and over I start to recognise that it is like a tape playing. The feeling doesn’t actually do me any harm, it’s just something that plays in certain situations. What I learn from this is that feelings don’t harm me unless I hold onto them. I can have the feeling of falling flat on my back and get up from it and take another risk. It’s okay. My anxiety isn’t a reflection of reality, only of how I feel. There is a big difference.’ 

Des continued in his self-employment, with gradually lessening anxiety, and is still self-employed years later. 

Tony