Dreams of my childhood home!

[yendor1152]

Tony, here's another recurring dream with the same theme. I haven't had them recently, at least not with water playing a part in them, but they've entered a whole new realm (which I'll explain).

From 1958 until 1968, my family lived in a beautiful Cape Cod my parents had built. It had a huge back yard (big enough to slide in), and one side of it was bordered by forestland that seemed to go on for miles. The house was atop a hill, a dead end street, and was the very last on the left.

My parents ran into financial difficulty, and the house was foreclosed upon. We had no choice but to move, a very trying time for all of us. My mother did not take it well. The shame and disgrace caused her to become an alcoholic, and she drank actively for the next 10 years. She blamed it all on my father, who also drank--though he wasn't as emotionally abusive as she.

Approximately 12 years after leaving that house, which I've always yearned to one day buy back, I began having dreams about the place. They've always been very vivid and stretched for a 20 year period. In the first dream, I'm walking the banks of a raging river. The water is brown and turgid; I can see huge trees being carried along. It's late winter, maybe the end of March (which is when were notified that we'd lost the house--a horrible day of fights and recriminations). Eventually, I come to an embankment and climb it. I'm surprised to find that I'm in the back yard of our old home, and the river was actually a stream that ran through a nearby gully. It had grown to enormous proportions! When I realized where I was, I woke up.

The second dream found me in a small boat. The water around me was very calm, and the sky met the water and was colorless. Trees were poking up through the water. Suddenly, I began to sink...but I wasn't frightened. And when I landed on the bottom, I realized I was once again in the back yard of our old home, only now it was completely submerged under water! And I could breathe! Upon this realization, I again woke up.

Since then, my dreams have always involved that house and water in some form. At one point, I found myself hiding in the basement. I could hear the people who lived there walking around upstairs and was concerned that they'd find me. Suddenly, I look down, and I'm standing in ankle-deep water!

These water dreams went on for 20 years, with the water aspect always acting as a kind of surprise. Lately, the dreams have followed a different pattern. Instead of water, I'm the age I am now (58) and have bought back the house...but as I enter it, I see that the previous owner has changed things considerably. I think, wow, I've got a lot of renovating to do. And then I wake up!

For years, I've wondered about the meaning of these dreams. They didn't disturb me, there there is definitely some meaning, I know. Can you help me?

Rod

[Tony Crisp]

Rod – The house is almost certainly the encapsulated feelings of loving and losing the house, as well as the difficult emotions that must have ‘flooded’ you at the time.

The raging river is, I am sure, the emotions that had been set in motion during those years. That you were by the side of it and not caught up in the flood says something about your stability. Even so the awareness that it has grown to enormous proportions was a threat, though you had the embankment for protection. I wonder how you look back on that time of your life now.

So in the next dream the water has actually taken over and you are in the basement of the house, breathing under water. Again you seem to handle it very well, and it appears that the memory has subsided into the unconscious; thus the basement.

But the latest dream in which you have bought the house back and are renovating it shows a wonderful change in you. You are now no longer plagued by the encroaching water/emotions, but are about to bring creativity into your inner life and of course outer life also.

Congratulations; and thank you for this wonderful description of what it means to gradually face and deal with some difficult parenting, as show by these dreams.

Tony

[yendor1152]

Thanks once again, Tony, for a spot-on analysis! As I was reading your message, it all dawned on me. Yes, during that time--when my mother drank (and my father, too)--I took it upon myself to protect my younger sister from their abuses. My older sister was often absent, being old enough to have a job and leave. I, on the other hand, was just 15 and had no place to go. So I made do with what I had.

In 1978, a little over ten years after we moved, both my parents stopped drinking. They'd both been hospitalized for different maladies, and when they were discharged, a whole new life began. But neither of them ever admitted they were alcoholics. My father passed away in 1998 at age 74. My mother's still living (at age 84) and is healthy.

During all the horrible time, I never let it drag me down into total despair. Oh, sure, there were many private moments where I prayed to God and asked "why me," but it never destroyed me. I never became an alcoholic myself, nor a drug user. My Christmases and holidays are nice ones, not excuses for getting drunk and wreaking havoc. As for my old house, I feel confident that one day, I will indeed return to it...but I'll return alone. There will be ghosts around me, but I will be the one pulling the strings and controlling what and what does not happen.

Thanks - Rod

[Tony Crisp]

Thank you Rod for the feedback. It is quite difficult to comment on someones dream without talking with them. And I realise it isn't any cleverness I might have that helps me.

Also I wish people would write such a wonderful clear description of their life and dreams. It is such a help.

Tony