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Author Topic: Brother on the Run from Authorities  (Read 2708 times)

horizen

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Brother on the Run from Authorities
« on: April 22, 2011, 02:56:00 AM »
I dreamt I was in a place far from home, yet it seemed to be where I was staying.  A small room. My brother (who I've been estranged from since childhood except for unavoidable family holidays, at which time we "act" pleasant enough and put on a normal exterior facade of "family") and his girlfriend showed up in the room with me.  They point to writing on the wall which shows I've let 17 days pass after his birthday and didn't send any acknowledgment in that time.  They feel I'm bad and point to this as evidence.  This is funny becuase I feel he's doing this to point the finger back at me and deflect away the reason I've avoided him all these years. Recently I've started to decline family holidays.   (I was bullied and abused growing up and though he took part in some of it, the main issue is that he covered it up when a parent abused me, it was fine with him that I was the scapegoat, he clearly enjoyed it.  So I detached myself mentally from him long ago and viewed him for what he was (another tormentor, a bully, a Nazi to my parent's Hitler).  To summarize, even though for years I'd have to go through the motions and pretend to everyone that we were a normal family, inside I knew they weren't truly family, and I 'd just suck it up and endure the interaction (the staged play) until it was over.  But lately, I no longer wish to do even that.  I simply don't show up.  And the dream seemed to show my brothers response to that.  Defensive, blaming.  He felt angry and that he'd never done anything wrong.  I was just being bad and tactless for not acknowledging him in his major life events!  I just stand there and take in their reaction.  Inside I think, here we go again...he refuses to see WHY I absent myself from him as much as possible. 

Then they are gone in a flash....Because they FBI is after them.  Some sort of secret, powerful, underground government agency.  A few of these men are now in my room and they mean serious business.  They drill me, ask me where my brother is and if I know where "Peter" is.  I have no idea who Peter is.  Mymind races to fill in the gaps.  I wonder if he is someone my brother accidently killed and now they're on the run.  I honestly tell the man, I have no idea who Peter is.  But when they ask about my brother, I do feel protective (maybe loyal is the word) and I don't let on that he was just here a few moments ago.  This man looked like a serious undercover agent, strong, sharp, all business. He looked like he was from the military..  I knew they were on my brother's trail land were serious, professional, relentless.  I wondered if I'd get in trouble (or tortured even) if I couldn't tell them where he was.  I truly didn't know where he was or what he'd done that they were after him.  It must of been bad.  Like he'd stolen billions or killed someone important.  They also kept asking me where "Peter" was, a man and name I didn't know.  "Where is he?"  Grilling me.
What might this dream mean?  I don't think the FBI men represented me becuase I havn't been after my brother or tried to hold him responsable for his part at all.  I've never said a word to him. The only thing I've done is wisely avoid him.  I can't safely say why to him or any other family memeber,Iv've learnt thats a dangerous and follish thing to do.  I'd backfire.  Silence and withdrawl have been my only options.  So I doubtmy brother sees me as symbolized by theose fbi men...I don't and never have tried to hold him accountable for his actions. So what is this dream trying to convey to me?

Tony Crisp

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Re: Brother on the Run from Authorities
« Reply #1 on: April 27, 2011, 12:07:47 PM »
Horizen – My experience tells me that every person you know well, and every major aspect of the culture we were raised, especially parents and siblings, all have to be accounted for within us. They all, as inner influences, all have to be integrated if we are too be whole. And I stress, they do not have to be liked or loved externally. But as enormous and powerful parts of your experience they need to be taken in and integrated.

I had a dream a few years ago:

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I had one of those murder and buried bodies dreams last night. It wasn’t so much a dream as one of those long drawn out thinking processes in which I am reviewing the situation. During the review I was looking at how the body had been buried and whether it would be uncovered. I felt it was under a huge slab of concrete, but even so there was concern about it. I need to explore this dream as it has occurred often in the past.

So I explored this dream and came across the following:
 
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With the murder dream, I went through my journal and found that murder and the dead body appears frequently. My exploration of it led me to have a direct feeling link with my mother as the dead body. I saw, or felt, that when I cut off from her at 5 and attempted independence of my need for her, I had killed her as an inward figure in my life, and buried her. The cement represented the energy I had used, the decisiveness, to bury her, to get her out on my life. 
 
I went on to recognise that killing and burying my mother, or my relationship with my mother, in that way was not in my own best interests. It was really an expression of my own lack of love and awareness of my best survival direction. So I took the bones and carefully and reverently buried them, along with my father, in the house of the ancestors. 
It wasn’t that I wanted too feel close to my actual mother, but that I had murdered something of myself and needed to release it. And all the energy – cement – we use to hold things back is wasted.

As for the FBI, I am not sure, but I have feeling this is the energy you are putting into grilling yourself about your inner life and dreams.

Peter – could be the rock upon which you can build your church?

Tony