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Author Topic: Me killing Me  (Read 4105 times)

That guy

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Me killing Me
« on: April 18, 2014, 09:41:37 AM »
So, this is really early in the morning but i need a damn answer. For the longest time now, ever since freshman year of high school, I've had a reoccurring dream that arrives off and on at random intervals. I've scoured the internet some but can't seem to find anything that matches my problem. So if anyone is still on this site i just randomly joined, here goes.
  Before diving in i think this information will be beneficial:  I'm currently a civilian about to join the National Guard, but have been raised in a military family (dad and grandfather were both Marines) and so I've always wanted to serve my nation and keep within the strong community of the military. the NG is giving me damn good benefits and money for college, so that's why i haven't gone marines like them, just yet. Enough back story.
 Since freshman year I've had dreams where a clone of myself kills me. He's a darker, silent me, in tan fatigues, boots, a Marine 8 point hat (also tan and bearing a black Eagle Globe & Anchor emblem stitched on the front) dog tags just visible around the neck, and a bullet proof vest with radio equipment on the back (the short antenna is always present over his shoulder) he walks with a silenced colt .45 and a K-bar either sheathed on his chest or in his hand. he walks with a cold calculation and that "trained killer" gait other soldiers who have gone through basic training have. he's everything i wanted to be and still want to be, but he harms me.
 the details are fuzzy, but i recall the last moments of each "near-death" i have. A Barrel in my face, a knife in my chest, he always finds me, and he always kills me. i try to reason with him at times, he never listens, never hesitates. i try to run, he always catches up. i try and hide, he finds me. i try and fight, i die. Every death involves that damn K-bar of his in my chest, and himself standing over me, staring with eyes shadowed by the bill of his cap. The strangest part to all this, my mind always knows he's me. Even with only brief glimpses or silhouettes of him as i hide behind a pillar in a dark parking lot at the beginning of a dream, i always know it's me coming to kill me.
 One dream i remember near entirely because of the strangeness of it. i was at my home town, walking with a friend and talking about our planned futures (i'm a senior at this point) when we hear gunfire. we run and hide in the remains of an old shop, peering out at the main street when i see him. my clone exits out of a bar, Colt in hand, and gazes around. I know instinctively who he is looking for, and keep very low to the bottom of the window i'm staring out of. Then he turns back around to face the doors of the bar as several strangers are pulled out by other strangers. These are people I've seen before in town but have never made any relationships or conversation with. for whatever reason, i already know what's happening: the strangers being held are like me: originals. And the ones holding them down are like my clone: copies. They need to kill these originals so that they may be made copies without anyone knowing. my friend and I watch in horror as my clone executes the originals one by one with his sidearm, ignoring their pleas for mercy. as he comes to the last man, he pauses from shooting. It's here i think he's about to spare the man
 I couldn't of been more wrong. my clone holsters his weapon, then draws his knife and stares out across the street directly at me as he runs the blade across the man's throat and stands straight, completely motionless, as the copies keep the man in place while his blood sprays out on my clone. After awhile, he orders the copies to burn the bodies, with just a gaze and a gesture of his knife he does this but i understand it, and so do the copies. i know now is our best chance to escape.
 i grab my friend by the arm and tell him we need to get the hell out of here or we're going to die. He agrees and stands quickly, telling me that we can take his truck but we have to make it to his house at the edge of town. Both of us being cross country runners, we make the run quite easily through the now near-empty and quiet city. We reach his house and i tell him to go inside to get the keys while i stand watch. the country side around us is still but i can feel the murders taking place everywhere as my clone leads some kind of uprising. my train of thought is broken, however, when i hear a scuffle in the house.
 spinning around, i watch as my friend is thrown out from his house into the grass, my copy exiting with knife in hand. I rush over and grab my friend, helping him up and pushing him away behind me yelling for him to run and forget the truck. i tell him to just leave despite his protests to stay and get the keys, i know we can't beat my copy. Then i go with a plan that's the stupidest thing i could do and i know it: to buy my friend time i stand my ground and slide into a fighting stance i just improvised, looking like an English gentleman with my fistycuffs up, really. My clone spins the knife in his hand expertly around in a reverse-grip as he storms towards me. i throw a punch as fast as i can (which in a dream is about -10 mph) and in a blur i'm on the ground with a knife in my chest, and he's staring down at me until the darkness fills my eyes and i wake up in my room.
 Recently I've joined ROTC, and for several weeks i haven't been killed by, or even seen him. What happened? and what was happening? i'll take any interpretations, because i have nothing.

« Last Edit: April 18, 2014, 09:56:01 AM by That guy »

Tony Crisp

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Re: Me killing Me
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2014, 08:30:40 AM »
That Guy - Obviously the theme is you killing you - but the question is why?

I have explored many such dreams diving deeply into them, and always I found that the reason is because in some way you are killing an aspect of yourself. As aspect is a part of you that is shown in dreams as having a distinct activity, as your killer does. Many of the characters or elements of our dreams act quite contrary to what we consciously wish. This is why we often find it so difficult to believe all aspects of a dream are part of our own psyche. Some drives or areas of self act or express despite what we would want. These are named autonomous complexes. Recent research into brain activity shows that in fact the brain has different layers or strata of activity. These strata often act independently of each other or of conscious will. Sensing them, as one might in a dream, might feel like meeting an opposing will or being possessed by an alien force. Integration with these aspects of self can of course be gained.

I feel that the reason this autonomous being kills you is possibly because you9 have been raised in a military family, and yet a part of you is actually being killed or made inactive because of your drive to copy your family. The reason he is darker is because he is only partly conscious. Your unconscious is all of you - the larger part - that is unknown, all the processes of life that keep you alive that you are not aware of. And your attacker is an aspect of the unconscious with an important message for you - “I will kill you if you carry on like this.” See - http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/practical-techniques-for-understanding-your-dreams/ and http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/martial-art-of-the-mind/

Most of us, because of our family or education, kill, maim or deform our natural growth and inclinations. And do not think that it is natural for you to be who you are. See http://dreamhawk.com/interesting-people/animal-children/#Program

I wonder whether, because your dreams have stopped since joining an education program, if there is a different direction for you there.

Tony

That guy

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Re: Me killing Me
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2014, 09:28:29 AM »
thank you, sir. i'll look into it.