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Author Topic: "Dream boyfriend" meets real-life boyfriend Dream  (Read 3373 times)

ForeverFallen

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"Dream boyfriend" meets real-life boyfriend Dream
« on: June 05, 2014, 02:37:06 PM »
Little Description: Okay, so I am going to write down all the dream that I can remember because I do not want to leave out a detail that might be important. I had this dream last night (Woke up less than 30 minutes ago from it, in a sweat.) My "Dream Boyfriend" is a man that I have been reading about in a story that I have been dreaming about for awhile now (couple months) and made him my own. His name is Harry. In previous dreams, he acts as he does in the story line. He is a tad possessive, but in a protective way. Example: When I am working a late shift, for the last hour he would come in and sit at a table in my view and wait for me. If someone gave me a hard time, or if we were short staffed and I was running around doing everything when it was busy, he would get up and yell at someone. We were intimate in almost every dream.

Dream: Harry and I were living in an odd apartment building that would be facing another apartment building. From what I believe, I cannot really remember, but it felt like the building had sideways angles. It was like in Labyrinth, when David Bowie was in the weird staircase scene, it felt like that, but I cannot recall if it looked like that in my dream. Harry was not home and I do not know how, but the neighbor across from us in the other building seemed to be communicating with me with either binoculars or a magnifying glass but somehow I could also hear him, as if we were talking on the phone or something. I believe the conversation we had was explaining how he had just moved in and invited me over.
        That scene ended and went to a scene where Harry and I are in, what I think was, the bedroom. I was talking to him about how I had spoken to the new neighbor and he invited me to meet him. I then suggested to Harry that we should go meet him. He refused.
         The scene then changed to Harry and us being what I believed to be a basement, which we were living in. I was dressed nicely and told him that I was going over to meet the new neighbor and that he should join me. He refused. He did not say this that I remember, but he declined because he just wanted to be alone but in his mind he meant that he wanted to be alone with me. I became angry and marched off to meet the new neighbor. This woman, who I am guessing is neither my friend or neighbor in the story, came along with me. This gets a little weird, but somehow she has been there for awhile and I walk in a few minutes after her. They are both having a drink and he offers one to me. I can see that she is wasted and I decline. I tell him that it is nice to meet him, and how I am going to head back home. He tries to press just for one drink but when I decline again he stops. For some reason, I entered through his window when entering, like through the fire escape and I exit that way to.
         It then goes to me coming home to find a huge house-party/concert going on in our basement/apartment(which is always dark as if we are underground). I believe these are friends of Harry's who are on stage. I found Harry on the couch and begin to shout at him asking what the hell is this. He doesn't answer me and I continue to yell, "You wouldn't even come with ME to meet the new neighbor but you do this?!" I cannot remember if he replies but I storm out.
      The scene then goes to me walking down what I believe is a subway station hallway. I can feel that Harry and I have been apart for awhile now and I am going to see him. On the way to see Harry, I see my Dad and real boyfriend standing together. I overhear my boyfriend tell my Dad, "Harry and her had a huge fight." In the dream, to me it feels as though my boyfriend is a friend, not my actual boyfriend. I then pat my Dad's arm while still walking away and say, "You don't need to tell him everything." I am then walking downstairs and my boyfriend is following me. I tell him to go away since Harry wouldn't like this. We then somehow end up outside near what I would call a pool yard? It was a stretch of a few pools lining up and we were walking beside them. My boyfriend is behind and I spot Harry. Harry and I begin walking together with my boyfriend trailing. I ask how he is and he says he is okay. He asks how I am and I respond with the same answer. Harry then asks, "Who is this kid behind us?" I introduce him and tell Harry that I have been seeing him for awhile. (Eventhough I felt that my boyfriend was only a friend in the story. I was not dating him.) Harry remains quiet and in my mind, within the story, I believe I ask him if he is seeing anyone, and he is not. My boyfriend and I then walk away from Harry. It then ends with Harry and his friend walking after us and Harry saying, "Maybe he has lots of cash and can kick start my business." (Referring to my boyfriend, and Harry's business being the pools. Which is not his occupation in the story I am reading. Whether this is relevent or not, my boyfriend is semi-broke and does not have lots of money.)

I then wake up in sweats and searched to find an answer ha-ha. Then I found you guys :) Sorry for the super long post. I just want to know what it means and to write it out so I will not forget it. Thank you for reading!

Tony Crisp

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Re: "Dream boyfriend" meets real-life boyfriend Dream
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2014, 08:17:34 AM »
ForeverFallen - I think your complicated dream is all about a central theme - the difference between your inner feelings about love and how it sometimes gets in the way of your outer real life love.

But it causes inner conflicts because even Harry, your inner lover gets jealous and becomes difficult.

Also there is a mix up with your own inner male that may need some work on - see http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/archetype-of-the-animus-jungs-view-of-the-male-in-the-female/

In a real way many of us have a hard time growing up in love, partly because of the values we have inherited from our parents and culture, but partly because we are un fact trying to form an entirely new set of guide lines to love, parenting and partnership/marriage. So please see http://dreamhawk.com/relationship-sex/ages-of-love-2/

Tony

ForeverFallen

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Re: "Dream boyfriend" meets real-life boyfriend Dream
« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2014, 04:25:59 AM »
Thank you for your response Tony!

I read the articles and still do not understand how I can work on my inner male.

However, I do agree and understand that the dream spoke about my inner feelings about love and how it gets in the way of my real life. It completely made sense, because in my dreams with Harry and in general, he is loving, caring and most important, shows all these things (even if it is a tad extreme). This is an extreme opposite to my real life boyfriend. With him, I know that he loves me and cares but he does not show it as Harry does. He is not the romantic type, and we mostly act as best friends (minus the bedroom stuff). This is okay, but I do also want the romance. Which makes sense why it would be present in my dreams. :)

Tony Crisp

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Re: "Dream boyfriend" meets real-life boyfriend Dream
« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2014, 08:23:05 AM »
ForeverFallen – I do not think it is a case of ‘working on’ your inner male. That is an attitude taken from our work crazy culture. So called primitive people often only worked a few hours a week.

To quote Marie von Franz, Thus our dream life creates a meandering pattern in which individual strands or tendencies become visible, then vanish, then return again. If one watches this meandering design over a long period of time, one can observe a sort of hidden regulating or directing tendency at work, creating a slow, imperceptible process of psychic growth-the process of individuation. 
Gradually a wider and more mature personality emerges, and by degrees becomes effective and even visible to others. The fact that we often speak of “arrested development” shows that we assume that such a process of growth and maturation is possible with every individual. Since this psychic growth cannot be brought about by a conscious effort of will power, but happens involuntarily and naturally, it is in dreams frequently symbolised by the tree, whose slow, powerful, involuntary growth fulfils a definite pattern. 
The organising centre from which the regulatory effect stems seems to be a sort of “nuclear atom” in our psychic system. One could also call it the inventor, organiser, and source of dream images. Jung called this centre the “Self’ and described it as the totality of the whole psyche, in order to distinguish it from the “ego,” which constitutes only a small part of the total psyche.”

So the integration takes a patient watching and attention to ones inner life and dreams.

Tony