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Author Topic: Copied from Greetings section......New & dreaming about my (deceased)Son.  (Read 6634 times)

Lee

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Hey,........my name's Lee, and I know this is the Greetings section so i'll try to be fairly breif.

i'm a 50 y/o man, happily married, that lost my only child (17 y/o Son) in a tragic accident over 14 yrs ago.
he flipped his car off a bridge and was pinned into it and drowned.

our relationship had been good......we were happy as Dad and Son, hunting/fishing together often, several common interests including guitars and music,  he often hung out in "the shop" with me at home, and he even worked w/my employer the last 2 summers of his life, voluntarily, for pocket money.

he was a great kid, Eagle Scout, Police Explorer Scout, lots of friends......everyone loved him, no drinking/drugs/running away, etc. that so many parents have to deal with.
I couldn't have asked for better.

his death was sudden and a total surprise........the most traumatinc thing i've ever experienced.
when I attempted to seek grief counselling, I was cursed out because the person I was directed to call, no longer did counselling and was angry at still getting the calls.

so I began drinking, and basically remained drunk for 4 years, during which time I started dreaming that he wasn't really dead, but had joined the army and usually he was returning home from combat (this was mostly just after 9/11/01 thru 2003 or so). i've been completely sober since '07.

ever since then, i've had dreams in which he has "age progressed" and things are normal and happy.....as if he'd never died, but then I wake up crying because I know it's not real.

it keeps getting worse and worse, and happening more often.......now, at least 2x a week he visits my dreams, and is the 32 yrs old that he WOULD be.......and has a wife and 2 children of his own.......in my dreams he usually visits me at work, and we sit outside and talk about our lives.
we're happy to see each other and hug as if he were still a kid.
then a voice from somewhere behind me tells me that I must tell him he can't stay, because he's dead.....and he vanishes.......this is when I wake up crying in my sleep.

last night, he came in as a "new employee" and we sat and talked.......and when the voice told me he couldn't stay, I asked "it"(the voice) if I could leave instead and let him (my Son) stay....the answer was no....and when I turned to tell him, he was already gone.

this time my wife woke before I did because I was crying in my sleep so hard that I was shaking the bed.

at this point i'm wondering if I possibly have delayed PTSD.......or if i'm still in severe grief (I still have several crying spells a week, both triggered and un-triggered) 14+ yrs later.......or if maybe i'm just losing it.
my sleep is really thready, and I jerk myself awake several times a day (i'm a night worker) with no idea of why, but I think I may be avoiding dreaming.


i'm sorry to be so longwinded and dump so much here in my "Greetings" post.......but I found this site online and i'm hoping maybe I can find some peace here.


thanks for your patience
~Lee~

edit: i'm hoping i've copied this to the appropriate section......sorry for any breach of Forum Etiqotte.

Tony Crisp

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Lee - You say about your dreams that, “I know it’s not real”. And I think that is a large part of the problem. We all have an inner world that is equally real as our outer world, and its influence can be awful, the same as the outer world and your son's death.

I see that our present culture that feels that death means a final end is one you have been influenced by. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/archetype-of-the-paradigm/ Also you need to read http://dreamhawk.com/inner-life/inner-world/ because I find that you need further information to understand your dreams and your inner world.

Dream are often a mirror of your thoughts, fears and feelings, so some of your dreams reflect your need to see your son growing up. But dreams are also often a mixture or what you believe and feel put into images, and also an inner truth that your son lives. And it is an awful job to separate one from the other. Because I feel that we are all victims of our thoughts and beliefs I suggest http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/questions-2/#Victim

Tony 

Lee

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THANK YOU !
exellent reading, that's helped me realize my problem may well just be that "what i've learned" is crashing into "what I know", and leaving me confused and exhausted.
i've personally seen evidence of an afterlife since I was a child, but was admonished to "not believe, and forget" what and who i'd been seeing and even conversing with.

the section about the child re-living a past plane crash is especially significant for me because at around age 6-7 I began having recurring dreams of being killed by Police in a very specific place/way/time period.
when I finally told my Dad why I couldn't sleep, he became pale and had me repeat the details of the dream.
then he told me that I was dreaming the EXACT circumstances of his own Brothers' death, which he'd never told me, or even my Mom about, because it was during the commission of a crime.

Thank you for taking the time to respond, i'm going to do much more looking around this forum, and although i'll likely seldom make replys, i'll definitely be learning.

Tony Crisp

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Lee - Thank you for giving me such helpful feedback, and for the details of your dream of brother’s death which is fascinating.

Tony

Lee

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Thank you, and thanks for the insight into the recurring dream I had as a child (Gen Discussion Section).

on a perhaps strange note, around midnight 9-9/9-10 I was struck out of the blue w/a massive corinary that the medical pro's are scratching their heads over how I survived.....100% blockage of the front "widowmaker" artery and 70% in the rear widowmaker (rear is as yet to be resolved).
I temporarily lost my hearing and color vision, but never completely lost conciousness.

Haven't seen my Son in my dreams since then, which is sort of a bummer.

I received the e-mail you sent, i've got some more reading to do......thank you!
~Lee~

Tony Crisp

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 Wow Lee - What a roller coaster ride you had. I wonder what if anything you learnt from it. Did you see http://dreamhawk.com/interesting-people/tonys-experience-of-stroke/

Tony