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Author Topic: Small crocodile in grandmother's closet.  (Read 10765 times)

Tony Crisp

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Small crocodile in grandmother's closet.
« on: November 13, 2014, 01:43:07 PM »
Vanessa
v.lrodriguez@yahoo.com
99.33.49.206   
Submitted on 2014/11/12 at 1:49 pm
last night i had a dream of a very small alligator/ crocodile. It wasnt a baby though, more like a mini alligator/crocodile. In my dream myself and some family members had discovered it in a closet in my grandmothers home. The alligator/crocodile had a wire covering over its snout to prevent it from biting or snapping. We were all very curious of it and we eventually let it roam freely in my grandmothers backyard. I’m wondering what this dream could signify?

Tony Crisp

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Re: Small crocodile in grandmother's closet.
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2014, 01:49:25 PM »
But Vanessa - If I would really help you to understand your dream I would have to re-educate you.

So first I would say that you are so out of touch with who you are. Think of the time in your mother’s womb when at first you were just cells dividing themselves - a sort of vegetable. Then you took the next step in your evolution in forming the beginnings of a spinal column.

Creatures still lived and survived because of the development of their nervous system, what we call the spinal cord. But even prior to that development, single and multi-cellular creatures responded to their environment, sought food, and reproduced. Their behavioural responses were very limited, but that was simply because their physiology had not developed complexity. Considering that we are – you and I – the surviving cells of those earliest creatures, we can see the potential innate in them is now expressed as our own complexity and enlarged behavioural repertoire.

But then our forming body then took another step in evolution and moved into a body with gills like a fish - remember that at the time we were immersed in water. That was the beginning of a reptilian phase, which became our reptilian brain which each of us have and is still an important part of yourself.

This is sometimes called the ‘R-complex’, and includes the brain stem and the cerebellum. It carries our genetically transmitted ‘instinctive’ behaviour such as suckling at the breast as a baby, aggressive response as with and including territorial defensiveness, the courtship and mating behaviours in reproduction. One of the best known expressions of this brain is the ‘flight, fight or freeze’ response in survival situations.

This brain deal with behaviour that is either innate, as described above, is learned and has become habitual, or is a conditioned response. If it is habitual we can repeat it without having to learn it or be very aware of how we do it – as with riding a bicycle or driving a car once we have mastered the skill.

The ‘R’ (reptilian) brain deals with those responses and actions, behaviours and attitudes, that we express without much awareness, or erupt from us because of an external stimulus. It has great strength, but also can lead to powerful anti social behaviour and psychosomatic illness. This is because it links intricately with our unconscious physical and psychological systems and with our self regulatory functions. So it throws into consciousness things that might detract us from a direction, a decisions or a relationship. This might not be rational as far as we are consciously aware, but is nearly always based on past experience that throws up a red danger signal. There are no moral judgements at this level of our awareness. The ‘R’ brain simply gives rise to acts in ways it has learned that enable survival, reproduction and food gathering. In actual lizards it has a limited range of behavioural responses. But the best aspect of the reptile is the alligator crocodile, which cares for its young.

So this is where your dream of the crocodile comes from and because of the next level of our evolution we turn it into the carrier of lives.

And the next level is the mammalian brain. This deals with the skills shown in mammals such as wild dogs and apes. Whereas the lizards do not demonstrate mutual activity in hunting or caring for young, mammals show enormous awareness of bonding, caring for young, group activity, hierarchy and recognition of family and pack. They also have a much bigger pool of behavioural responses and can learn even more.

This ‘brain’ integrates and refines the functions of the reptilian brain. It provides emotional range and intensity, and gives a greater complexity to what motivates or deters us. It is this greater awareness of how we relate to others, and the social structure in which we exist, along with a sense of what place in it we occupy, that enables us to modify and coordinate the impulses arising from the reptilian brain. Here too lie the beginnings of being able to reflect and learn from experience in that way. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/brain-levels-and-dreams/

So not only do we have an active reptile in us but also a mammal brain that precedes our human brain. Of course we are a mammal animal ourselves which many of us try to forget. We also, because we are educated in a language that is a tremendous link with ancient and archaic ways of viewing who we are, leaves us almost completely out of touch with our history as shown in our body.  I known many people will say there is no evidence for memory of out development in the womb - but in fact there is, but everyone usually ignores it. But if you wish to see for your self read Stanislav Grof’s book Realms of the Human Unconscious.

But here is a quote from Stanislav Grof’s book: 
 
“Another interesting aspect of these experiences that I found quite unusual was the fact that subjects, when discussing them (their experience of memory in the womb), seemed to avail themselves of specific knowledge of embryology and the physiology of pregnancy that was far superior to their previous education in these areas. They have often accurately described certain characteristics of the heart sounds of the mother and child; the nature of various acoustic phenomena in the peritoneal cavity; specific details of positions, physical features, and behaviour of the foetus; relevant facts about placentary circulation; and even details about exchanges between the maternal and foetal blood in the placentary villi….”

We think in terms of words most of the time and we forget that as mammals we have very long memories which we call instinct, and through using words to think with we give ourselves a good reason to forget it. But dreams if we do not attempt to understand them with words, but instead go deeper into our feelings and the magic our self regulatory process, can begin to discover our fantastic depths. See http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/lifes-little-secrets/

Tony
« Last Edit: November 14, 2014, 07:43:46 AM by Tony Crisp »

Tony Crisp

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Re: Small crocodile in grandmother's closet.
« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2014, 04:02:17 PM »
This was my original response.

Vanessa – Your grandmother’s closet represents things she has that are precious to her, and because we inherit from our parents and our grandparent things learned from long experience, your dream shows that you have also inherited them. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/the-conjuring-trick/

What you have inherited is something special – an ability to feel yourself as part of a great whole, a sense of having wider contacts than the in physical world and therefore greater resources. But you are probably only just becoming aware of this so you will need to make it more conscious by using http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/acting-on-your-dream/#BeingPerson

The alligator/crocodile is a very ancient symbol dating back to Egypt and even further. That these mummified crocodiles in Egypt have been found with baby crocodiles in their mouths and on their backs. The crocodile – one of the few non-mammals that diligently care for their young – often transports its offspring in this manner. So it represents the carer of souls, which it carries within itself and bring the gift of awareness within the collective awareness of humans,

So the fact they were small is a way of saying you would not be frightened of them. But I hope you remove the wire from its jaws because dream animals can do you no harm. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/questions-2/#Summing

Tony

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Re: Small crocodile in grandmother's closet.
« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2014, 06:06:03 PM »
Thank you for sharing this Tony  :)

It gave me somewhat of a better understanding of what I went through.

I wondered why after fighting or fleeing, I used the "freeze approach". For a long time when I approached my past in thought, my whole skin froze. It was as if I was wrapped up in ice.
And so I wonder if my body did remember something?

I googled the reptilian brain to read some more about it and learned that it is fight, flight or freeze.

Quote
What goes wrong from “conception to 36 months” can fry our reptilian brain and put it in permanent fight-flight or freeze (dissociation shutdown).

A baby is actually handicapped with a reptilian brain. For reptiles are capable of running at least, the moment they leave the egg. And so as a young baby you have no other option than to freeze.

Anna
« Last Edit: May 06, 2015, 03:14:33 PM by - anna - »

Tony Crisp

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Re: Small crocodile in grandmother's closet.
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2014, 08:54:02 AM »
Anna - Thanks for telling me about the freezing action that can take place. I have now put it in the reptile section. Here is where I learnt it.

Suddenly I began to change direction and realised that from the very earliest period of my life I had certain filters in place that influenced incoming sensory information. This had come about because I noticed how critical I was of our next door – upstairs – neighbours, and in examining it saw that I had filters to search all information for danger. This burst open in intense feelings and awareness of being a ‘weak chick’. A powerful internal struggle and something like an ‘oh God no!’ feeling accompanied it. From being a premature baby and so weak, I had been thrown into a high state of anxious survival where everything is a potential danger. So my filters were examining everything for danger. Everything that moved or made a noise was a potential threat to my existence. 

At first with laughter, then with pain I saw that this had made me suspicious of my own mother. I had not fitted the ‘norm’ in terms of size, strength or behaviour, so not only had I lived with a ‘danger alert’ process going all the time, but also with the realisation I was not up to scratch. Instead of the full term child who is more adjusted to the environment I had emerged still in a condition adjusted to the womb. My psychological state was also, I felt, quite different, a sort of experience of the death world, the world before birth and after death. 

Here are pieces from my journal taken some years back. I know I talk with some certainty when I write, but in fact I have known much of the awful feelings that people face. What I write is not from a master of life attitude, but from a person who wishes to share some of what was learned as I climbed out of the pit, and still learning with your friendship and support of so many of you. So what follows are reminders.

I realised that we need people who are ready to feel that sort of pain of awakening as the vestigial organs are brought to life.

It is rather like taking the skin off and seeing the flesh, veins and organs, underneath, laid bare and unprotected. Only in this case I had taken off the flesh and organs and revealed or laid bare the very pulse or electricity of life. The thin patch, because raw life is underneath, is very sensitive to every change, every joy, every stress. It is Life itself facing experience naked.   

The ape man me is the part that feels the anxiety and agony of the human condition - that is able to look at and get to know Steve - that looks at congenital idiots and doesn’t say, “Ah, it is their karma” but feels it in the belly and heart. Maybe that’s what love is? 

 I can see I have lived my life feeling enormous anxiety. I hid this from myself using defences of occultism, religion, pride, meditation, self-control etc. As these fell away I experienced the depths of my anxiety. I felt fear of people in the streets, their plight, their superiority, and their numbers. I experienced fear of illness and death, fear of ending my life and love and loving. Fear of failure. Fear!

I can see where the anxiety stems from - it is the wanting - fear death - freeze pattern. I want her, want to allow my masculine sexuality to flow, but that triggers the fear. 

At some point I remembered the tremendous physical anxiety I had felt when searching for work. It was an actual pain in my lower abdomen, a real burning gnawing deep inside. I went right into the anxiety, and it was the fear any life form feels when exposed to danger. I remembered the film of baby turtles hatching in the warm sand. As they made the perilous journey from dry sand to the sea, seagulls swooped and ate them; alligators snapped them up; fish swallowed them. The anxiety was that of stepping out from underneath our rock into the open sky, and taking ones chance with life. If fear paralysed us we would dodge more slowly. But the seagulls might get us however fast we moved. It was the chance we took. There was no guarantee of success or failure. 

So far I had entered into insight about meditation, about anxiety, about my feelings regarding money. All these insights came from seeing and feeling myself as a human animal that is struggling to meet the whole problem of civilised human existence. The discipline of social life - formalised family life - the ideals of caring and loving - all place a strain on the instinctive drives of my animal self. The animal me was not used to day after day of uninteresting work without emotional or religious order instinctive attractions. Only my deep desire to provide something for my family held me in it. I suppose my energy self, feeling self, that I have released in the past few years, is this animal self that has previously been imprisoned by morals, religion, social training and education. Uncovering it uncovers all the animal anxiety, drives, ways. The job in hand is to allow this animal need to be released and find orientation in the present world and its needs. Then, after orientation, growth and adaptation. 

I do take so much personally. Aimed at me as if it is trying to put me down. Kings and queens and rulers have a hard time of it too. The anxiety I feel when someone asks me to do a weekend. I feel torn inside when I am asked to teach a weekend. I suffer so much personal uncertainty, being lost causes me a conflict. 

Tony
 

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Re: Small crocodile in grandmother's closet.
« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2014, 11:06:19 AM »
Quote
I suppose most of us still operate from that brain and there is little civilization in that.

Tony - Because I do understand that what I write is a message for my selves first, I wonder if there is more inner work to do in relation to the reptilian brain, for other members of my inner family?
Since I am female, I wonder if my inner family consists of male and child?

And I wonder if I, as the female Anna, have dealt with the re-wiring of the reptilian brain now?

Anna

PS Although I am very active in my dreams lately - there is a lot of sharing with you and being taught - I do not remember any details.
I do become aware though that writing produces the same effect as dreaming.
And so I suppose I write pretty much from my unconscious mind?
« Last Edit: November 14, 2014, 11:56:38 AM by - anna - »

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Re: Small crocodile in grandmother's closet.
« Reply #6 on: November 15, 2014, 06:15:08 AM »
Quote
The anxiety was that of stepping out from underneath our rock into the open sky, and taking ones chance with life. If fear paralysed us we would dodge more slowly. But the seagulls might get us however fast we moved. It was the chance we took. There was no guarantee of success or failure. 

So far I had entered into insight about meditation, about anxiety, about my feelings regarding money. All these insights came from seeing and feeling myself as a human animal that is struggling to meet the whole problem of civilised human existence.

Tony - Can you share some more?

Anna

« Last Edit: May 06, 2015, 03:20:20 PM by - anna - »

Tony Crisp

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Re: Small crocodile in grandmother's closet.
« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2014, 10:20:13 AM »
Anna - The quote about the rock and coming out was written on March 9th 1978. It was the result of something I went through earlier still. It was a life changing experience and was about what I felt just after I was born. Everything was so threatening as I couldn't breath properly and my digestive system was not fully formed because my conception occurred in my mother's fallopian tube, so premature birth.

All I wanted was to go back, to not exist, to get away from living. It was the feelings I was experiencing in my forties that I didn't want to be involved with people and life. Thus the feeling about being torn when asked to lead a group. When I explored that it led me right back to the trauma of birth and my desire not to exist.

When I explained to that tiny curled up me that I needed it to be with me, otherwise my life as an adult could not work, it completely refused. So I was stuck. But the unconscious is so helpful and reminded me of the turtles running for their life across the beach. Even so my tiny me still refused. So I pointed out that lying there was more dangerous as the seagulls had an easier target. I pointed out that it was still dangerous - life is dangerous - but at least it had a chance if it ran into the sea.

It worked and with a wonderful feeling my tiny me joined me in the dangerous business of life.

So, yes, life is difficult, but facing such difficulties brings forth more of our wonderful potential.

I am still moved as I remembered that transforming moment.

Tony

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Re: Small crocodile in grandmother's closet.
« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2014, 11:48:20 AM »
Tony -  I wonder what you mean with this:

Quote
because my conception occurred in my mother's fallopian tube, so premature birth.

All fertilization take place in the fallopian tube and some embryos do not make it into the uterus.

http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/pregnancy-ectopic-pregnancy

Quote
The baby probably can't survive -- though in extremely rare cases he or she might.

And so if that is what you mean - an ectopic pregnancy-, then both you and your mother are an extremely rare exception to "a rule".
I suppose then you desperately wanted to be born into that family?

I suppose my twinbrother and I wanted to be born into our family as well?
Before we were born my mother had a miscarriage - my mother had told me it was due to an ectopic pregnancy that she was operated  and that she was told by the doctors she would not be able to become pregnant again.
And then she became pregnant with twins.

And so we were a surprise  :) and not born premature, but around the time we were due to be born.

I will see where It takes me from here.

Anna
« Last Edit: May 06, 2015, 03:20:54 PM by - anna - »

Tony Crisp

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Re: Small crocodile in grandmother's closet.
« Reply #9 on: November 17, 2014, 07:45:02 AM »
Anna - Yes it was an ectopic pregnancy, but I couldn't remember the word - a common fault with my ageing brain.  :)

I will try to comment more later.

Tony

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Re: Small crocodile in grandmother's closet.
« Reply #10 on: November 17, 2014, 09:34:37 AM »

Tony - I am glad I could help you out with your not remembering the word.

It helped me to enlarge my English word stock, for I did not know the word at all.  :)

Anna
« Last Edit: November 17, 2014, 12:59:37 PM by - anna - »