Perceived Mental Taunting

[Nico Purrs]

I am not sure exactly what to put so will do as much as possible in detail.

I think I am a lucid dreamer but most the time I lack control. I sometimes try to interpret my own dreams but I can't distinguish between my own manipulation of the dream or if that's how it would have played out normally.

Dream 1:

I start dream in a car laying on the arm of a guy I'll call Z. I look confused because I know this isn't possible because we haven spoken on a regular basis in 3 yrs. Not sure what lead to this but I wake struggling against a bat like humanoid creature with red eyes. Yes I woke up from a dream inside a dream. I was in the farthest back room in my grandma's house. I run and pass my uncle in the room he typically stays in. I then wake up but for real.

Dream 2 (the very next night):

This one starts in what my subconsciousness tells me is a dorm. I go to the elevator but I seem to have trouble pushing the correct buttons to get to the floor I want to. Someone comes and helps me out. I get of in what looks like a mall which made me question the interpretation of a dorm. I run up to Z and hug him he picks me up....I'm happy. I ask why he stopped texting me and he runs. I chase after and eventually catch up. I can't remember if I ask him the same question or a variation but my mind tunes out it being excuses and I wake up.

A quick brief history of Z:

He was a schoolmate and crush of mine who was in nearly all my classes seeing as we were in the same major. One day while in the back of class my legs resting on him another friend suggest we go out on Valentine's. I say no assuming person is joking. I did like him but didn't think he liked me back and didn't want to put myself out there. Later group outing with the guys I invite my best friend call her L. More time pass L and I at a birthday party and I see she is texting Z at the same time I am. I didn't even know she had his number. Then I see he asked her out.

I text him asking did he really no notice I liked him. He said he didn't think I did because of what I had said that day in class. I was like of course not I thought guy was joking. Come to find he did like me a lot and I hurt him when I said no like that. I said why didn't you just ask me. I don't hear from him I speak to the friend and apparently he asked that on purpose because him and the entire class saw we liked each other. So no he's dating my friend and I never hear from him. Also fall out with the friend not even sure why. L just randomly blew up at me. Year ago I dreamed of Z reached out and was invited to group outing figured was getting my friend back but after nothing. The one who tried setting us up said a bunch of stuff that Z was saying and I couldn't help but wonder why not tell me directly.

So that's it. I see this as mental torture because I know I won't get a response from him no matter how I try....and dreams are just taunting me. Sorry if too much information didn't know what to put and I just got carried away.

[Tony Crisp]

Nico - I think you are mixing up lucid dreaming with being a female. Because it is not unnatural for dreams - even lucid - having a will of their own.
 
In life and sleep we have two powerful actions working in us. The first is our waking experience based on having a body, its limitations, vulnerabilities and a particular gender. Our second is the power that gave us life and continues to express as dreams, in our breathing and heartbeat – our life. This I have given the description as the Life Will.

While we sleep our conscious self is largely or totally unconscious, and while we sleep our voluntary muscles are paralysed – therefore another will or motivating force moves our body. So we have a Conscious Will, and what I will call a Life Will. The first one we have experience of as we can move our arm or speak in everyday activities; but the second will takes over when we sleep.

This Life will can move us to speak, to move our body, and in fact do things that we cannot do with our Conscious Will. As Freud pointed out this inner will has full access to our memories.

But the troubles you describe seem to be about the difficulty of meeting your female urges - mostly stimulated by the hormones coursing through your body. Unfortunately because we are so certain that our personality is us, and because we feel everything that happens to us is in some way a comment on us - mental taunting - we get terrible mixed up or hurt. See http://dreamhawk.com/interesting-people/animal-children/#Program 

Through seeing so much of people's inner life through their dreams, it is almost like living in a high glass globe floating above people. So it gives a view of many people and their reactions. And the problem you mention I see happening again and again. Please see http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/questions-2/#Victim

What you feel is rather like standing in a powerful current of a river and feeling swept away. But all you need to do is step out of the river. Feeling abandoned, jealousy and upset are all natural feelings for babies - See http://dreamhawk.com/relationship-sex/beware-of-love/

To step out of the river practice self awareness - http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/self-observation/

I too have struggled with the feelings you talk about. See http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/questions-2/#Summing

Tony

[Nico Purrs]

Thanks for that but how does it explain my dreams. 

[Tony Crisp]

Nico - Thanks for making me smile at your question. 

I think it is summed up in your statement - So that's it. I see this as mental torture because I know I won't get a response from him no matter how I try....and dreams are just taunting me. Sorry if too much information didn't know what to put and I just got carried away.

Your dreams are not taunting you but are a straight picture of what your attitudes are - for you are seeing yourself as a victim. As I tried to point out, your dreams are not about the people in your dream images, but are your feelings - the crush - Then I see he asked her out - I text him asking did he really no notice I liked him -  apparently he asked that on purpose because him and the entire class saw we liked each other.

My reply, in part, was, "What you feel is rather like standing in a powerful current of a river and feeling swept away. But all you need to do is step out of the river. Feeling abandoned, jealousy and upset are all natural feelings for babies - " See http://dreamhawk.com/relationship-sex/beware-of-love/

In other words your dreams are saying that you are still struggling to develop beyond a very young level of love and are swept along by urges that are painful unless you recognise them. I know many people see such dreams as sign of deep love and connection, but they are signs of trouble in your life and a sign of further torture.

Please read again http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/questions-2/#Victim

Sorry I can't give you anything but what I feel and know from my own experience is a way out of misery.

Tony

[Nico Purrs]

What I'm trying to say is I don't feel like a victim like at all or jealous. Firstly I feel cheated more than anything because he told me himself he had liked me but because of an offhand comment I made to someone else he decided well she doesn't instead of asking me himself. Next I'm angry because after he asked out friend he cut off all ties with me basically and in my head I'm like really. I'm fully ok with the fact you don't see me like that anymore basically because never figured did from the start but was the entire point of our friendship only because of that. Was our friendship really as shallow as that to him? The taunting was more so the fact I'm not going to get my friend back so having mental images of hanging out again is pointless.

Next I am I kinda involved still not clear on how to explain...known guy online for like 8 years but only went beyond just friend past 5. No one but my sister knows because my parents are the sort oh it's online you don't know him so on and so forth. In my mind I know him even more so because all you can do is talk so you know person lot more.

Addressing the standing in a current thing it's likely because my entire life has been more or less decided to the point now I'm at a stand still to where all I do is exist. Saying I have of if it can happen it will happen to me. I was born with one kidney. Didn't know people in my own neighborhood because I went to a school out of town because my mom taught there. Wanted a job at 16 but told no by dad see need permission. At 19 started dialysis and so was taken to an attorney by dad to sign documents saying I'm "unable" to work. Basically at the point I could without permission I am not allowed legally again. It was for insurance. So I spent my time school and dialysis. I get transplant and figure yay now I can have my own life but nope wrong. Right off the bat 3 months later blockage so now have a bag hanging out my stomach and month after rejection so months after that having after care treatments every 2 weeks. Whenever in the hospital all can do is sit and let the doctors poke ad prod to do what they need to. Got shingles. Least now the treatments and hospitals stays have stopped so much.

So here is my life now at 27:

I've never had a job and not even allowed to get one yet so might be 30 before I even have my first one. I'm out of school so I never leave the house. Main times I do leave the house is for the tube change and doctors appointments every 3 months. People who I thought were friends I never hear from. One thing I do have being the guy online I can't even work towards meeting because of the no job thing to the point I have resigned to living life alone. Like I said all I do is exist.

As a person I'm very blunt, matter of fact, and practical. Something I say is don't ask me if you don't want the answer. I'm a firm believer of do unto others and really dislike hypocrisy. Don't do stuff to me you wouldn't want done to you. I'm more or less an open book just ask.To sum up no not a victim, it's just my reality that I face and except because as of now I can't do anything about it. Things just kind of happen to me good or bad that I had no control over.

That all being said, it still does not explain my dreams. Whats up with the red eyed bat creature and me not able to press elevator buttons? All the stuff I'm getting explained is just referenced to stuff I was telling as background to who was the person presented in the 2 dreams. Only gave background because I figured would help shed light. Why would he randomly pop up after all these years?

[Nico Purrs]

Oh and while I'm thinking about it a recurring thing that happens is I'm topless is dreams  Not all of them just sometimes I am. I still have underpants. The fact that I'm topless has no baring on the dream itself no one cares or notices and I'm just walking around as normal myself. so yeah what's up with that?

[Tony Crisp]

Nico - You cause me to smile. You write things like, "Things just kind of happen to me good or bad that I had no control over." And you say you are no victim, but having no control of things that happen to you make you a classic victim of circumstances - exactly what I was pointing to in suggesting http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/questions-2/#Victim

As for being topless in your dream, why not, it is a way of saying, "Look, I'm a real woman, but why does nobody notice?" Many women do it as much as they dare by low cut dresses, or short skirts - all ways to show how sexually attractive you are.

I was literally cut in half a few years ago, making me unable to move, unable to speak, wetting myself. It was a massive stroke which destroyed a part of my brain. But even in the middle of it I never felt "Things just kind of happen to me good or bad that I had no control over." See http://dreamhawk.com/interesting-people/tonys-experience-of-stroke/ and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNZVV4Ciccg

You could also try http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/secrets-power-dreaming/


Tony