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Author Topic: Assaults  (Read 9419 times)

Omega

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Assaults
« on: August 22, 2015, 01:41:18 PM »
Hi Tony, this is my first post. I had a dream recently. It was very dark, I was young, X was pulling me towards him, we were clothed, but he was pulling me towards his groin. I was mute paralysed. Then I'm older he has his hand on my left leg I ask him to take it off, he won't, I use both my hands and try pry it off but he is so much stronger than me, I start screaming 'take your hand off me, take your fucking hand off me' (this is very new in these attack dreams ..always up to now I've been mute and also often paralysed) Eventually he does, but is in no way ashamed and more condescending.. A sort of 'maybe not this time' attitude. The dream continued to a somewhat better place, but it's too long to write.

 I've experienced a lot if assaults as an adult, and have been dealing with all this recently. But chronic pain has directed me to dreamwork to try find out why the pain continues despite looking at and starting to process these experiences. In the dream his hand was on my left leg, and I currently have a lot of pain in my left leg.

Any help with this appreciated. This dream has been preceded by many dreams that seemed to relate to adult experiences. But I did in the past year have a dream of a much younger boy stabbing me with a sword and I was frantically cleaning up the blood, to hide it, no-one told him to stop. In both this dream and the one outlined above a shadowy mute old woman was present in the background. I tried to work with that dream element, but it was very dead and I couldn't get anything. Part of me has been expecting some sort of child abuse revelation, but I am very shocked it would be X (of my recent dream). Can I rely on the dream information? - I read on unclesirbobby that Real Emotional Nightmares - the dreams are less symbolic, they will be very clear what they are about and people play themselves..

Another recent feature of my attack dreams are very nasty young females who prey on me and seem to really hate me for no reason I understand.

As a teenager I used to have a recurring nightmare - in the dream it was like my spirit body, my self, was being sucked out of my physical body by this huge force. I would desperately try to stay in my body, my spirit body would use its spirit hands to hold on, at the mid point of my body, as if clinging to the edge of a cliff.

My life is constricted by physical pain, and the emotions of these dreams. I want to heal and get on with my life. I meditate daily for years.

Omega

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Re: Assaults
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2015, 09:16:49 AM »
I'd just like to add it was my left palm that the boy with the sword injured, blood just spurted out in quantity. The left palm entered my dreams late last year and has been a recurring theme..

Tony Crisp

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Re: Assaults
« Reply #2 on: August 27, 2015, 09:54:24 AM »
Omega - I feel we will have to do this in stages, as you have some very real education and learning to do in order to deal with your pains.

So first I would like to suggest you read some basic information - http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/characters-or-people-in-dreams/ and http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/lifes-little-secrets/

The latter I hope gives you an idea that dreams are about growing you in a healing way, but we have to learn to trust our process of Life as it takes us along strange and trying paths in its effort to rid us of hurts.

It might be worthwhile also to read - http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/integration-meeting-oneself/ - it is long but explains many things that might help you understand.

I meditated for years, tore my body apart all in a useless attempt to heal. Healing doesn't come from thinking and mastering ones life, but from a mixture of surrender and personal effort. The two are important.

My way through came because I felt sure that all the darkness was because I carried it with me in some way. The conviction that behind the darkness I had within me was a light that was never diminished. So each day I would sit for half an hour not meditating but without any goal or expectation, for I felt if there is any real thing beyond my own experience it would come like friend who I was waiting for and I do not have to imagine and meditate the friend because when they came they would touch me on the shoulder and I would know them as physically real.

This happened because one night I had woken because I needed to go to the toilet. Just as I was approaching my bed again I heard a voice speaking to me. It was very clear and seemed to come from everywhere in the room. It said, ‘You have asked how God touches a human life. Now watch closely.’ 
 
This was an extraordinary experience and nothing like it had happened to me before, so I was naturally fascinated to see what happened. I couldn’t sleep that night, expecting something else as dramatic to occur. Nothing did, but shortly afterwards I began to experience the release of painful emotions and memories from years back. It was like being cleansed, as described in Life's Little Secrets.

Tony

Omega

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Re: Assaults
« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2015, 10:23:48 PM »
Thank-you for your reply Tony. Much appreciated. I will read all of these and reflect and respond then.

Meanwhile I will just say I do work extensively with my dreams, being the thing etc.. So I don't usually see people as playing themselves. This case is different for the following reason.

I have come to the conclusion that I need to know the truth in order to heal. When I know the truth then all this unconscious repressed material can begin to be integrated. So I have been asking and asking my dreams - tell me the Truth about my childhood, tell me if my suspicions are true and tell me who did it.  That is why in this case I believe X may be playing themselves - if this is the case - well I've a whole bag of lies & manipulation to confront.

Tony Crisp

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Re: Assaults
« Reply #4 on: September 02, 2015, 09:14:05 AM »
Omega - You are probably right, but even so it is worth being the image of X you have in the dream for it holds in it the truth you wish to find. You need to be able to let yourself express fully what you find.

Can you act out - I use both my hands and try pry it off but he is so much stronger than me, I start screaming 'take your hand off me, take your fucking hand off me' (this is very new in these attack dreams ..always up to now I've been mute and also often paralysed) Eventually he does, but is in no way ashamed and more condescending.. A sort of 'maybe not this time' attitude - and allow it to develop?

The paralysis suggests there is so much emotional shock you were unable to allow it. It took me twelve years of inner work to allow an experience that even then was difficult to experience.

It sounds like you are on tack to release an important part of your experience.

Tony

Tony

Omega

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Re: Assaults
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2015, 07:55:20 PM »
Tony thank-you for your reply so much, also for sharing that timescale with me.
It's an incredibly lonely place to be, to try face up to something no one wants to know about, least of all me.

I don't know what to do with this information, only to say nothing to anyone, and hope my dreams can guide me. It's like holding a poison that is killing me, but will injure everyone if I share it - but at least I'm finally starting to know some element of the truth - and my whole life experience is starting to make sense. Meanwhile I just use huge amounts of energy keeping up the appearance of normal.

Last night part of a dream was a car race and accident, one driver had drowned in this horrible grey sludgy river, the other was weeping in anguish holding on to a pole beside the river. In 'being the thing ' I felt both were me.  One killed to keep the truth quiet and allow people to carry on as normal, the other in agony due becoming aware of that death and it's why and having to live on. The next part I went to a counsellor for help, first of all a whole room of people in the waiting room started answering my questionnaire (about me), so I went outside to stop them interfering, then I got to the counsellor, who was crying and I ended up consoling her.. (A typical feature of my life, those I sought help from, shutting me up by forcing a role reversal, then using me to meet their rather more petty needs.. ) I ended up in a bar with this pretty girl who'd got engaged and told her it was time her boyfriend bought us some drinks as we had gotten drinks in already. She had a really delicate pretty band of diamonds as an engagement ring but was inexpressive and clearly felt no need to make any effort with anything.  She seemed to represent a world I'd been locked out of, where I have had to hold on to the cliff edge with my nails to survive, she just leaned against the bar, daydreaming, knowing she would be looked after.

I am reading what you recommend and if I can bear it, will try being X

Well dream world I need all the help I can get - I  place all my trust in thee.

Thank you again so much Tony.

Omega

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Re: Assaults
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2015, 03:41:09 PM »
I'll just add my next dream briefly. I am packing my last few things into a van in the dark to move (true I am moving) friends are hungover and happy after a party. Someone comes and keys the side of the van, possibly scraping 'fuck you' into the side. I feel this is the energy of everyone who wants me to be unhappy.

Then I am walking holding hands with a guy I know (a real-life romantic interest I couldn't tell whether to trust or not so chose to retreat) he wants me to stay I hesitate, he brings me around outside the house and shows me tables with little china tea-sets to show how he's been improving his place and to buy time, I agree to stay and kiss but stop him going further and he gets a book to read. Next morning we are leaving the house. There is a stranger with us in the hallway, also leaving it seems, with us, he is smoking a pipe but it seems a bit odd for a young man. It's raining. I have two umbrellas. I give the black umbrella to the man with the pipe and keep the yellow one. I walk out and the two guys have disappeared now, instead is a young blond haired girl around 4yo and a black girl around 6yo. It's not raining any more but bright. The are both smoking cigarettes and have a rather frightening adult and very hard demeanour, mostly the blond girl. I panic about the neighbours seeing them smoking at such a ridiculously young age and being girls too,  I call to them but they ignore me and they keep talking and talking and ignoring me, I run over and clasp my hand over the blond child's mouth. I grab both cigarettes and put them out. In 'being' the blond child - this is what she says ' I smoked before the black girl. I'm harder, she's older but doesn't really get it, the danger. You can shut me up, take my cigarette, it makes no difference, I'm done my life is already over' The black girl says 'I'm sick. My skin is sick. I don't know what to do, so I copy my little sister. '
I'm pretty certain I am the blond child.

Tony Crisp

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Re: Assaults
« Reply #7 on: September 07, 2015, 11:43:29 AM »
Omega - In fact you are everything you dream about. It is only when we identify yourself as your body that we lose the feeling of being everything - for you have the memory of being the new born baby, of being the child, the teenager and everything in between. Also how could you create the living speaking images you dreamt about? See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/the-magical-dream-machine/

You start the dream with packing the last few things before moving - in the dark. This suggests - because dreams deal with your inner life - that you are only slightly aware of the big changes you are about to make within yourself. See http://dreamhawk.com/inner-life/inner-world/#MakesInner

Very often these big inner changes occur because you have started trying to understand your dreams. Our inner world - our core self - is very responsive and so will try to give as much as possible for you to understand.

You go on to say, "friends are hungover and happy after a party." What I am about to say is largely my personal response, but might have relevance to what follows in your dream. I repeat something written in response to another dream: In life and sleep we have two powerful actions working in us. The first is our waking experience based on having a body, its limitations, vulnerabilities and a particular gender. Our second is the power that gave us life and continues to express as dreams, in our breathing and heartbeat – our life. This I have given the description as the Life Will.

While we sleep our conscious self, your personality is largely or totally unconscious, and while we sleep our voluntary muscles are paralysed – therefore another will or motivating force moves our body. So we have a Conscious Will, and what I will call a Life Will. The first one we have experience of as we can move our arm or speak in everyday activities; but the second will takes over when we sleep, but is evidently at work keeping us breathing, our heart beating and also digesting our food.

What we fail to realise usually because we feel we are all there is, is that our Life Will - our life - has its own agenda, and if we go against it we will fail. So you have a dream like yours. It isn't that the Life Will wants to control you, but being raised in a culture that is largely about getting more money, getting what we want, and believing what might be totally at odds with our best interest, we experience a conflict while we sleep.

Your core self/life will try to care for you.  Alcohol is a known poison, and if we take too much of it quickly it will kill us. To quote from National Health Service, Alcohol poisoning occurs when a person drinks a toxic amount of alcohol, usually over a short period of time. This poisoning is exposure to a substance that can damage your health and put your life in danger. "Some people laugh at the behaviour of others who are drunk. Some think it's even funnier when they pass out. But there is nothing funny about the aspiration of vomit leading to asphyxiation or the poisoning of the respiratory center in the brain, both of which can result in death."

So being hungover and happy seems contradictory, because hangovers are caused by doses of a poison that certainly damages your health, but is not yet enough to kill you.

Okay - maybe that was why, considering every character is an aspect of you, that - Someone comes and keys the side of the van, possibly scraping 'fuck you' into the side. I feel this is the energy of everyone who wants me to be unhappy. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/autonomous-complex/ and - http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/characters-or-people-in-dreams/

An obvious conflict.

I am not sure about the hand holding episode except you were trying to deal with it well. Maybe you could explore it to get more information. But the end part is a return to the things mentioned above about the core self wanting to care for you. It seems that habits started when you were young are showing that you need to take care of things.

The black girl is about your inner natural instincts that have been made ill. Maybe trying http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/secrets-power-dreaming/ will help.

Tony

Omega

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Re: Assaults
« Reply #8 on: September 07, 2015, 09:26:34 PM »
Hi Tony, interesting you should focus on alcohol. That didn't even cross my mind as a particularly important feature.

Is it correct that the dream elements with most emotional intensity are the most important. It was not clear in my dream descriptions which parts were the most intense for me. The little blond girl was anyway.

Also does the emotion felt over-ride other associations?
Alcohol is a topic I would love to discuss. For now I am immersing myself in your incredible incredible writings.

Thank-you, most appreciated, I have a great deal to digest here. Which I will do and get back to you.

Omega

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Re: Assaults
« Reply #9 on: September 07, 2015, 10:31:28 PM »
By the way it's just amazing that you are here on this forum offering your advice and insight. I feel very lucky to have found it and found your work.  :)

Tony Crisp

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Re: Assaults
« Reply #10 on: September 09, 2015, 10:10:57 AM »
Omega - Thank you for taking some of the things I say with good grace.

I believe that your associations and emotions in the end if explored usually are about the central theme of the dream. That is my experience anyway.

The blonde girl I am guessing is a younger part of you that has intense feelings about what you were experiencing about that age, a part that in the dream you obviously identify as yourself - a powerful identification worth exploring. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/secrets-power-dreaming/

Tony
« Last Edit: September 09, 2015, 10:13:41 AM by Tony Crisp »