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Author Topic: process feelings in dream  (Read 2954 times)

Bridget

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process feelings in dream
« on: November 16, 2015, 07:03:47 AM »
Dear Tony!

Some time ago I was very fond of a man who was like the sun in my life. It underwent several months and I became more and more enamored, although he did not know about it.

We talked and I was warmed by his gaze resting in mine. I finally took courage and asked if we could meet for a coffee and that I wanted to get to know him more.
He replied that he and I always had "clicked" and that he thought I was beautiful in every way and a very nice but he was in a relationship already.
I was of course sad but did not show it. And I wished him luck with everything.
I told my friend how it was when I talked to him. She do not know him personally but know very well who he is.
She said:
"Did It never occurred to you that he  could have someone else in his life?" She continued. "I mean, he's such a handsome man!!"
I felt very hurt. 'Am I not fine then?'I thought. It felt as if she thought I was not nice / good enough for him and that I really should understand that. At first I was angry at my friend and the thoughts she had about me obviously.

And one night after I dreamed that I was in a big house with a couple. She showed me how to add light blue clay around some tiny skulls.
Her husband stood beside me. When the clock approached 24, she said "I'm going now. Because I do not want to be here when they come."
"What does she mean?" I asked.
"Do not get scared now."Said the man.
"What then?" I asked.
"When the ghosts come." He said.
Suddenly there appeared a face very close to mine who said very loud and frightening: "He hates you!"

I woke up and felt very scared. So afraid that I lit all the lights. I heard something in my kitchen and shouted that anyone who was there should go away and disappear.
Completely crazy when I think about it afterwards. But I was still in the dream and could see those eyes in front of me who said: "He hates you!"
Shortly after that dream was the dream about the sun goes off.

After receiving the answer to my dream about "the sun..." from Tony Crisp  my thoughts began to go like this: "that I encounter in my life, such as what people say to me and I react strongly to exist within me. Within myself! I realized that what people said and that hurt me was such that existed within me.
After that came a very great fatigue. I slept for about 12-14 hours at night and felt like a sleepwalker during the day.
I was extremely weak and could hardly stand up. I had blue lips and dizziness. I had that dream about the "sun that went out ..." in the head and felt scared. Was there something wrong with me after all? I thought. But then I began reading Tony Crisps Dream processing methodes.  I did not feel as afraid of that "hate-dream" anymore and thought I would try to see what the hatred represented by using the techniques Tony described.
I felt a little scared. Dare I go into hatred, I thought? But I did it. I sat on the sofa with my eyes closed and I thought I was the hatred in the dream. After a while I could see myself as very young. I was around 12-13 years. I saw what clothes I wore - I felt a disgust - I wanted to spit on her - I could feel hatred towards her. And I could feel even more hatred precisely because she hated herself.
I saw how she looked down she would not meet my gaze - she had back and head bent and pulled the pink terry shorts to hide the legs. I knew how she felt, so ugly, so disgusting, so unwanted - as if nobody loved her ever and no one could ever love her. 
   
I knew how she felt, so ugly, so disgusting, so unwanted - as if nobody loved her ever and no one could love her.
After a while, turned the hate and I began to feel sympathy for her. My tears flowed - tears for her - that ugly shrunken teenager with the home made pink terry clothes.
I looked at her, but she still looked down and away. My tears flowed and I thought, What have I done to this girl who I was!?! I began to feel remorse and wanted to say: Forgive me! - Forgive me! - Forgive me! - Forgive me! My tears flowed and flowed and I repeated "Forgive me!" I cried because I had hated her. I came to realize that I had just stayed with my parents that I was not worthy. It was the unspoken message from my them. Things had happened in my childhood until that age which had made it difficult to see myself as a person with my own will, and as a valuable person with the right to be respected. How would I be able to love and respect myself?

I sat a long time and wept and prayed for forgiveness. A little later, I could see that she looked a little at me. She met my gaze.

That night I slept calmly and woke up after 6-7 hours. It was the first morning in a long time, I felt refreshed. It was as if something happened to me.

I intend to continue to sit and try to get in touch with the feelings and see what happens, because it feels like the right way.

Thanks Tony Crisp! Thanks to you and your dream processing method I feel better.

Warm regards
Bridget

« Last Edit: November 20, 2015, 03:27:19 PM by Bridget »

Tony Crisp

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Re: process feelings in dream
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2015, 09:01:06 AM »
Thank you dear Cora for having the courage and persistence to really meet yourself. It is sometimes uncomfortable to do what you did, but it always leaves you a changed person.

Thank you also for describing so well the whole inner journey you went through. I am sure it will help others who read it.

Tony