Mirror

[Omega]

I'm steering a gondola outdoors,it's sunny, and then down corridors of an old rich pretty public building, it does look Italian. Then I'm with someone looking across water at a western island I know, it's pitch dark. A city suddenly appears on the previously empty island, it looks pretty though I am not a fan of cities, it's beautiful all lit up at night.

I am being driven around by a man, I do not know him. He drops me back to my mother, I pat him on the back in a loving kind way. (When I wake I don't have a nice feeling about him- but in the dream I don't sense this). My mother and young brother wait somewhat impatiently for me to go to the beach in their car, I go to the bathroom, I'm a young girl, my hair is split in the middle like I had it then, I'm running my fingers over a small scar/dent in my forehead (which I do not remember nor have I now) I'm looking at my image and I'm thinking I like my hair but the face is not nice at all, it's old and something weird about it, it's like a stranger, definitely not a girls face. I feel sad about this. I'm about 8 or 9 years old.

An older dark haired girl is coming on stage for a performance, Im viewing from somewhere overhead, a really abrasive and loud male figure shouts she's not wanted any more 'not even for the backing vocals?' The girl asks very meekly, 'no you are cut' he shouts. His anger is totally out of proportion and she is this gentle, mild character, quite young maybe late teens. He seems to be cutting her from the show not because of lack of ability but because her meekness annoys him, he likes assertive winner types. He's a nasty powerful figure and is in fact actually motivated by very self-pitying feelings, though he wouldn't generally be seen as as that, while she, despite her meekness and being bullied is not at all self pitying. But she is indeed hesitant and not assertive, accepting his treatment and attitude.

The mirror part of this dream intrigues me most, it just felt odd. I wonder what you make of it Tony?


Thankyou

[Tony Crisp]

Omega – I have the feeling that you were exploring within yourself in a relaxed way – the gondola ride. In that state of mind, you become more aware of

It became dark because it led to parts of you that were only see in the darkness within you. But the island, the city and the light are all you, for you have a light within you that is shown as the lighted city. A city on an island can represent your central or core self. Contact with such an important part of you always brings forth some change. In your case it switched scenes to being driven around by a previously unknown part of you.

It appears to be something that motivates you and enables you to connect with your mother. She – her influence – is waiting for you to contact the great inner world of the sea.

But some adjustments must be made first, so the scene changes again to the bathroom, a private feeling where you can see yourself in different ways. The dent in the head maybe shows that at some time in your youth your consciousness/awareness/you experienced an impact that has left its mark upon your deeper memories. It may have been like an attack on your own sense of your value, your self-image. The different faces are a mixture that happens to us living in an ageing body with memories of being young and with things with a strong influence from a young age - a real mixture.

It happened around the ages of 8 or 9. Then the last part of the dream defines the attack. I guess it must be your father but it could be an ignorant teacher. You defined their inner condition well – they are self-pitying and taking it out on you. But you have a maturity they lack, for the girl is you.

Tony

[Omega]

Thankyou Tony, this really helps me the way you have talked me through the dream. Yes the gondola was great, I didn't even need water! And the city was really exciting a kind of 'New York New York' vibe 'I'm gonna be a part of it..'

This insight on the girl and the man, only came to me as I reflected on the dream characters - I have been surrounded by domineering self-pitying people all my life - who bullied me by telling me to 'stop feeling sorry for myself' if I tried to challenge their behaviour. I'm just figuring this out now in mid-life!! For a long time I believed I had a major 'victim mentality' issue but it turns out I'm the opposite extreme!! What a surprise. I mean I'm totally gobsmacked that I could spend my whole life believing I am the opposite of how I actually am. Doctors have told me that my main problem is suffering in silence and being too stoic. It's like a big joke has been played on me!

I'm not sure about my mother being a connect to the great inner world. Could she be an 'inner mother' rather than the actual mother I experienced? My actual mother was always a destructive force.

I was abused by a man as a child, not my father, so I feel the stage represents that experience, the abuse, like that man shouting at me - cut  me from having a role in life, it basically nullified my 'being/belonging in the world'

So this dream really crystallises that.

(Next day.. Last night I had a dream where I am dancing on stage with a black girl, we are kids of an indeterminate age. I seem to know the dance but don't know how I know it. There is rapturous applause, but it must be parents of people in the show as the dance wasn't that good. Still it's a nice feeling, a feeling of freedom instead of trapped. But then a courtroom scene is coming up and I don't know my lines, a lady runs off to find a script for me)

[Tony Crisp]

Omega – All that I write in reply to your dreams are self-educated guesses. So the part that  you played so well was to take up my suggestions and run with them, discovering your own feelings and insights. So the mother connection may well be an inner mother – only you can really know. But even destructive mothers can educate you by their behaviour into positive life changes.

Wow – what a realisation. Here is a quote from the entry Active-Passive. “There is another side to this disposition of action or passivity though, where passivity has a positive connotation. So this must not be forgotten in regard to dreams and dream work, or in fact in connection with everyday life. This aspect of passive/active is described well by P. W. Martin in his book Experiment In Depth(Routledge and Kegan Paul 1964). In talking about working with active imagination he says, ‘One must be actively passive – active in giving over the energy, passive in observing. The outstanding characteristic of the true vision is its complete autonomy.’

This is a very important issue, as without the ability to control one’s reaction to one’s inner life, much of it will remain unavailable. If one is stuck in being constantly controlling one’s thoughts and emotions, in being a sort of powerful ‘in charge’ sort of person, then ones spontaneous inner life may never be able to emerge. Thus an ability to become passive is essential. But Martin calls it passive-active because it is a consciously decided passivity rather than an unconscious habit.

This holds true even while one is asleep and dreaming. I learned this lesson while hunting as a young man. For hours I had walked through woodland looking for a quarry but without sign of a single creature. Tiring I stood against a tree eating a sandwich. Slowly and magically the forest came to life around me, creatures walking and flying nearby unafraid while I remained quiet.”

Maybe there is a clue in the above connected with your wonderful dream of dancing with your natural instinctive self – of course you know the script, if you are actively passive, for then the intuitive instinctive life in you comes alive ‘around you’, magically coming alive walking and flying while you remain quiet.

Tony

[Omega]

This is wonderful thankyou. I have done this, stopping, being really still and nature jumping into life around me - but now to connect it to my own (psychic) energies and the world I live in - Amazing.

[Tony Crisp]

It truly is amazing. It can sometimes be wonderfully more than that. Fingers crossed.

Tony