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Author Topic: Confused, frustrated, and scared. Why?  (Read 3187 times)

SageBella

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Confused, frustrated, and scared. Why?
« on: March 12, 2016, 09:13:05 PM »
I had another horrible dream last night. It all started with what seemed to be a big white room, white walls, white floor and nothing in it except for a naked woman about my age belly down on the floor and her mother standing, straddled legs over her. I could not see the girl's face since she was belly down. Her mother began *ucking her. She ****ed her until the daughter died. The mother walked away and I could see that the girl was bleeding from her crotch and she was pale, bruised, and grey. Still face down. I was horrified and felt scarred. I ran to go tell my fiancee (also father of my infant son). I was now in our room and he was sitting up in bed. I was just about to explain to him what happened to the girl, when I saw that she was now face down in our bed, right in the spot where I usually lay down in. I freaked out and was scared and told him to move her out of my spot. We pushed her away together, she was heavy. Still face down. She was at the edge of the bed. You could tell she was very dead. On her left shoulder blade her skin was bruised and was beginning to rot. I backed away and sat next to my fiancee. About 3 minutes later, she got up. Totally alive even though she looked dead. She got off the bed and walked to the bathroom. I was so confused. I followed her in the bathroom and went to go talk to her. I finally saw her face. She was me. I tried explaining to her that she should be dead and tried explaining what had just happened to her. She was in denial. Wasn't listening to me, didn't believe me, even though you could clearly see that she was dead, beaten, raped, rotting. I got very frustrated.  I kept waking up during this part of my dream because it was so vivid and so horrible. But each time I'd get dragged back into the dream. I fell back in and this is when I dreamt of telling my fiancee about the horrible dream I just had. Again, very vivid. Confusing. The dream changes and now I am in a store, like, a store that has clothes and lotions, oils, soaps, booklets, nic-nacs, stuff like that. There was a wall with different kinds of eyeglasses. And a wall full of different kinds of belts. I was trying to help my fiancee find the right size belt. I would hand him one and he'd tell me it was too big or too small. It was making me frustrated because I knew there was a belt for him there. He was just being stubborn about it. He was also looking at the glasses. (He does not wear glasses in real life). I went over to this table that had oils and lotions for certain things that would help you. I put on 3 different lotions and oils. One which I remember smelling like vanilla bean and it was to help conversation. The other two I don't remember. But they all smelled very good and made my hands very soft. It made me happy. I began to go around the store and picked out 3 shirts. I put them in the cart or basket. I eventually put 2 of them back because I knew we didn't have the money for it. That is what I remember of this part of the dream. The next thing I know I'm leaving the store and I walk not too far to this apartment. I buzz up and no one answers. I buzz 2 more times and he answers. He lets me in. I go up to the apartment and I discover that it is my old boyfriend from 9th grade. (I have not seen him since then). He is handsome and his apartment is very nice. Open, warm wood, sunlight shining through his big Windows, brick walls, just very nice. I realize that this is the same man and apartment I dreamt of the night before this. (In that dream, I had discovered this apartment building at night when I was scared and alone. This nice man was in there and he was listening to me. Before I left he told me to keep his apartment in mind so that I could always come to him for help.) Well I realized now where I was and who this man was. He told me that his little brother (who was little when I met him in 9th grade) was here and that I should meet him after all these years. I was excited. I told him I'd have to bring David (my infant son) over sometime so they could play together. He was happy about that idea and so was I. That was when I started to wake up. Everything else is foggy. I woke up feeling loads of mixed emotions. Mostly scared. And sad. Creeper out. I had to leave the house because I felt as if someone was there with me (besides my son) which seems to happen often. So I left the house.

Tony Crisp

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Re: Confused, frustrated, and scared. Why?
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2016, 02:14:06 PM »
 SageBella – An impressive dream, and what I hope to communicate to you is a work of art. Not painting art, but art of persevering in trying to understand people, myself, dreams and Life itself. So please respect it as such and work with what I suggest.

The confusion, frustration and fear are everywhere in people, and one of its main causes is the fact that most people suffer an enormous amnesia which makes them forget enormous parts of their life, which leads to confusion, feelings of lostness and a struggle to understand who or what they are. It is a bit like looking at a picture of themselves and massive areas are blank.

This Iron Curtain of amnesia may be defended with our desire not to know what really motivates us, what past hurts and angers we hide, what individual, family and cultural traumas forged our likes and dislikes, our talent and ignorance. Your dream shows the amnesia you have for the damage done to you because finally you recognise it was you. As your dream graphically points out, you were fucked up.

To understand this a little more, you need to understand that many of the characters or elements of our dreams act quite contrary to what we consciously wish. This is why we often find it so difficult to believe all aspects of a dream are part of our own psyche. Some drives or areas of self act or express despite what we would want. These are named autonomous complexes. Recent research into brain activity shows that in fact the brain has different layers or strata of activity. These strata often act independently of each other or of conscious will. Sensing them, as one might in a dream, might feel like meeting an opposing will or being possessed by an alien force. Integration with these aspects of self can of course be gained. See  http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/autonomous-complex/

To realise that part of you was hurt so much and left for dead – in dreams we cannot die so you appeared as the waling dead – caused you to forget rather than realise. But such forgetfulness only last until one either gains strength to meet it or one starts to dig into oneself. You have obviously gained enough strength to start looking at the damage and hurt you experienced.

But if you really want to gain and heal what you have lost you must develop further strength. I can only give you suggestions of ways you might be able to do this. So see these links - http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/acting-on-your-dream/#BeingPerson - http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/lifes-little-secrets/ - http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/integration-meeting-oneself/ - http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/the-lifestream/#Open

So try exploring the dead you, and the dream woman who did it to you. The last part of the dream shows you waking up and feeling the good side of you but that opens you up to the deep confusion, which you need to meet to find wholeness.

Tony