I had several dreams last night which were grotesque and disturbing and I haven't been able to figure out how to even start making sense of them. Unfortunately, they are sticking in my mind rather than fading away. Wondering if you might be able to help. Both were the sort of dream which I woke myself from (because they were unpleasant) and went back into right away when I fell asleep. And I apologize in advance for the yuckiness of them.
In the first dream I went grocery shopping and found that instead of chicken that I was looking for, there were packages of frozen human fetuses being sold. They were about the size and length of two fingers and there were probably 10 in each package. All the groceries were selling them instead of chicken, so I bought a couple of packages. I took them home, and even though I found it gross and disturbing, I began cutting them up into small pieces, putting great effort into cutting them in such as way that it wasn't obvious that we were eating bits of fetuses. As I said, I was disturbed by this and found it revolting, but for some reason I felt like this was the way things were being done now, so it must be ok and I needed to get over my queasiness. The second time I went to make a meal with them (after having woken myself up from the dream once because I found the process of cutting them up so unpleasant) my teenaged son came and told me that I shouldn't be putting the fetuses in our food. He didn't like their taste or texture and thought my husband would be upset if he realized what we were eating. It was almost like I needed someone to give me permission not to cook with the fetuses and I was both embarrassed and relieved when my son told me not to use them anymore. Together we fished the pieces out of the sauce I had been putting them into.
The next dream was related to something that happened in real life. When I was pregnant with my youngest child, my step son, who was 13 at the time, came to live with us. A few months after he moved in, he molested my 4 year old daughter. Fortunately, I found out the day it happened and we took appropriate measures for both their sakes. In my dream I remembered this incident except in the dream, my 4 year old daughter had some how become pregnant when she was molested and it was her, rather than me, who had given birth to my youngest daughter. But in the dream, we hid the fact that she had been impregnated and given birth from everyone and I had almost forgotten it. In the dream, when I thought of it, I seemed to remember holding my 4 year old daughter as she went through child birth under intense medical care. But there seemed to be a wiff of death around the whole situation - like there were flashes of a funeral and graveyard mixed in. (In real life, we did not hide what happened, fwiw.)
The final dream took place in some sort of school. In the school, there was a section in the middle of everything where the lay out of the corridors was very confusing and maze like. For some reason, the boys were given directions for avoiding this section of the school, but the girls weren't and few found a way to get around it. To make matters worse, the boys would frequently stalk and ridicule girls trying to find their way through this section of the school and occasionally a girl would go missing there. I'm not sure where I was in this dream - I can't quite remember. But at the end of the dream, video screens around the maze area began reporting on the fate of the girls who had gone missing. The man who ran the school had been taking them and raping them. The screens began showing clips of videos this man had made of the girls after they had been taken. In the clips, all of the girls had bald heads and puffy, round faces. They were shown from the shoulders up inside what looked like the hood of a baby carriage made out of roses. Several of them began to sit up as if they were a bit groggy and hit their head on the roses. The clips were played in quick succession, seemingly for some sort of comedic effect. At the end of the video, one of the girls, since recovered from whatever happened said, "oh well, at least I got 30 minutes of action with . . . " she referenced whomever the man responsible for all of this was. I can't remember who he was except that he was powerful in this dream world.
I'm not sure if I ate something bad for dinner last night or if the summer heat got to me, but it's been a very long time since I had such disturbing dreams. I can see some sort of relationship with sex and childbirth, as well as abuse. But mostly trying to figure out these dreams just makes me feel queasy and revolted. I'd really like to just scrub them from my memory entirely. Any ideas?
