Poison and salt, dog love, death

[duckle]

My dad gives me capsules of poison called "sodium perchloride", in case I need to take the "easy" way out, which I decide not to take.  But, later, because of bad circumstances, I give it to my dog, Momi. First his eyes turn neon orange, and I become terrified of what I've done to him, then his teeth all fall out and it seems some bones come out, too. I am mortified, babbling that I love him and am sorry and would never want to hurt him.  It's like a horror show or haunted house kind of fear. But, then I begin to realize he isn't going to die, and I wonder what I've done and how to fix it. I wake up, still scared, but realizing it was only a dream.
 
Possible related facts:  I caregave for my dad when he was terminally ill and hurt my back catching his fall, rendering me disabled and in constant pain, which has lead, years later, to my having nearly exhausted my savings (denied disability, etc.).  I have been wondering what to do about my beloved dogs, in case I can't find a way to survive.  My conscience is clear; I have always been a hard worker and really am disabled and really have tried everything I can think of or afford to get out of this mess. Sept 1 was my deadline to begin trying to find them a good home, via the internet, but I am still trying to dig up the courage to face it.  If I can't, I am wondering if I will have to have them put down. The dog in the dream, Mo, is very sensitive and, about 3 yrs ago, when I told him I might eventually have to give them away to new parents, he began to cry out loud and with real tears, only calming down after a neighbor held him for about 20 minutes and reassured him that I had taken it back.  All of my dogs are either elderly or disabled and I feel the same sort of horror in real life as the dream presented, when considering the options.  I had a friend once who was good at deciphering dream puns, so I looked up "sodium perchloride". There isn't any such thing, but then I thought maybe it was the dream's way of getting around my thinking of table salt, when salt was the real meaning of the dream....as it has a 1:1 ratio of sodium to chloride (one sodium PER each chloride atom).

[Tony Crisp]

Duckle – Your life situation and what you said about your dog crying, I feel, has set in place an enormous anxiety about your dog(s). This in turn creates nightmarish dreams, for in dreams are thoughts and feelings are physically real. Dreams create a living drama of our inner world of dreams.

As far as what you can do I pass on this statement by a man I knew who used LifeStream (http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/opening-to-life/ )

John, a 54 year old, says of this process: “The body postures and movements were near miraculous to me because during the previous nine years, two serious accidents and a disease had resulted in five separate spinal fractures.   For a period, I had been encased from hips to jaw in a metal and leather support harness; for years I had endured great pain, and never in my prayers for help had I really hoped for the return of mobility of movement which was now shown in my childlike LifeStream play movements.
The return of mobility is the only one of the blessings I have enjoyed since beginning LifeStream.  For many years I had experienced consistently poor health; a lifetime of asthma, compounded by TB in both lungs, and poor digestion with its attendant consequences had all produced a dismal attenuation of minimal well being with serious illness.  In the first four weeks of my SR I felt great draughts of air pouring into my lungs.  At the end of eighteen months my chest had expanded by four inches, which I discovered when I bought new underwear.  My spine was moving more freely than it had for years; my indigestion, with its accompanying constipation, had disappeared.  I am fitter than I have been for the previous forty five years.”

Tony

[duckle]

Thanks, but....What is the dream saying about it?  The salt symbolism?  Salt from dad, salt to the dog, not really poison,...but, what?  Does my subconscious say something about the outcome?

[Tony Crisp]

Duckle – Dream images are like icons on a computer screen - You have to ‘click’ on your dream images to make them come alive. Thinking about them doesn’t work. You need to open yourself to the magic of them. To make them into the wonderful gateways they are you may have to learn certain skills. Nobody else can really tell you what you dream images mean as well as you can. But a skill is association with the images you use in your dream.

The sodium perchloride is a made up word – you made it up within you through various associations – probably things you are barely aware of and so need a bit of work to become conscious of - that you haven’t told me. Much of the dream – the dog, the different colours, salt are all you own unique language. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/association-of-ideas-with-dreams/#Working

Also a you say poison, but many poisons are not directly killers. For instance, alcohol is a poison, and if taken quickly in quantity will kill you. But the poison didn’t kill your dog it slowly dismembered it and the images caused you grief. So what has caused you that much of a horror show?

A dog often represents your own natural mammalian feelings or reactions. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/brain-levels-and-dreams/#mammalbrain

Try using http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/getting-at-your-dreams-meaning/ to unfold the meaning of the images you need to click on.

But you start the dream with thoughts of suicide connected with your father. But instead of using the ‘poison’ yourself you take it within you as feelings – poisonous feelings which torture your natural inner self. 

You ask what can you do to undo the harm. Well, if you actually take time to understand your dream it will help. But most poison and acid in dreams arises because of the poisonous emotions we create within us. See http://dreamhawk.com/inner-life/inner-world/#MakesInner

The outcome as far as I understand it, is that you are slowly making yourself ill by the poisonous inner feelings you hold within you.

Example: "I took two small cyanide pills - white and slightly bitter. I cannot remember any real reason for this, except a vague wish to die. I expected the poison to act at once in a dramatic manner, but it didn’t. The doctor came in and I told him I had taken the poison. He said it would take some time to work."

Tony

[Mikey22]

Duckle, this-
The outcome as far as I understand it, is that you are slowly making yourself ill by the poisonous inner feelings you hold within you.
I think this is true in both your inner life and outer life, and to me it seems the dream, and your feeling of helplessness in your waking life are all a reflection of the situation with your father, which is why he is the one to give you the pills.  You are now in what you feel is a similar situation with the dogs, and it is terrifying you.

I am going to take this another step further because I think I can help you.  I have been in a similar situation where I thought I was going to have to be in constant pain for the rest of my life.  I was told by doctors that it was likely this would be the case, surgery was about a 50 50 chance.  By the course of luck and a careful assessment of my own symptoms I stumbled across a man named Dr. John Sarno.  Here is a clip of him on 20/20 from years ago. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsR4wydiIBI
This clip and his books were the beginning of me embarking on a spiritual journey that helped me dramatically.  I'm not always pain free, but now I know the cause of it, and I know how to manage it.  Considering the circumstances with your father, and when and how the pain first struck you, you are certainly a candidate for this diagnosis. My intent is not to come across as arrogant, only to help you.  I believe the emotional trauma you endured in the situation with your father is the cause of your problem.  Do not mis-understand and think I'm saying you are making the pain up.  It is real, I know it is real.  It's just that the cause is not a physical one, it is an emotional one.  You have to figure out a way to face the trauma you endured as a result of the ordeal with your father.  It is literally stuck in your nervous system.

Do not sell yourself short.  Human bodies are incredible feats of nature, and you have the ability to heal.  It is ok to accept that you are in pain now, and that movement is limited, but do not accept that it always has to be this way based on what doctors tell you.  You can heal.  Everyone can.  Here is some inspiration for you.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448
Please watch these videos and consider them.  I will be thinking of you.
Mike

[Tony Crisp]

Mikey - Thanks.

I will put the link on my Facebook page.

Tony