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Author Topic: Vacation/Ex/Facing my Mom  (Read 2126 times)

Misschief27

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Vacation/Ex/Facing my Mom
« on: June 15, 2017, 03:36:20 AM »
Hey Tony,
I had this dream medley last night. I will preface it by saying that it is a little gory. :-\ Any insight you can give will be appreciated:

I had a dream that I was on a vacation with three female friends of mine. We are old high school friends. Only three of us are still close now, but somehow, we all found ourselves on vacation. The vacation was going well, but then it got interrupted. We got back together at my grandmother's place, which felt very colorful and rich as always with nice rugs, and furniture. Yet, when we got back, we had all our stuff, in our suitcases, laying all over the place trying to re-pack. I was laying down and my grandma was complaining about me lying down amongst the mess. I think I was just tired. The song "Highway to Hell" came on the radio. I thought it odd that my grandmother let it play, considering that she is a Christian.

At some point during the vacation with my friends, I think I also saw my ex, who I recently broke up with. I think we smoked his marijuana and had sex. We had a cool time on vacation with Tiki huts & sun.

Then I had a second dream where my mom had me tied up with rope in the kitchen of my current apartment. She was controlling me, trying to mistreat me & hurt me. She had me tied up, but it seemed that it was done loosely because I was able to break free. I felt I had to hurt her seriously because she was going to keep me tied down or kill me. I was worried about her controlling me & not being free.

I did not want to kill her, but I managed to get her on the floor and I stabbed her several times. She would show a threatening movement and I would stab at her or cut her. I stabbed her in the stomach and blood came pouring out. I didn't want her to die, but I didn't want her to control me & hurt me. After all of this, I still tried to call for the ambulance.

As I woke up, while in between the dream state, I imagined her saying “just kill me please.” I know that she wouldn't want to live like that, in that state.


After I woke up, I did remember the time that my mom was stabbed by an ex after a fight. She survived, but I thought if I lost her, I would never have so much anger towards her the way I have had for so long. I would miss her & feel like I lost a chance to be with her. Yet I feel like I need to accept this time away from her right now.

In addition, I will add that my mom and I have not been on speaking terms since the beginning of the year. I made her mad and she would not take my call, and I did not fight it. In that time, I have had about 4 dreams about her. One or two of them was her doing something hurtful or seeming threatening, but others were her seemingly waiting to talk to me and one she apologized and said sorry. But now this dream....

Could you also shed some light on the wanting to keep her alive part of the dream?

Thank you.
« Last Edit: June 15, 2017, 04:40:18 AM by Misschief27 »

Christine

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Re: Vacation/Ex/Facing my Mom
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2017, 07:44:38 AM »
I had a similar relationship and similar dreams about my father.  Given his parenting style, all the feelings in my dreams, and yours, could be seen as natural.  Accepting all the positive and negative feelings I had and that I had previously buried toward him were part of my healing.  People do the best with what they were given.

Your dreams may be highlighting for you some negative feelings that you might have been afraid to look at in yourself.  Exploring these will help you heal.  Your wanting your mother to live would seem to imply that you have not and do not want to kill your attachment to her.  The kind of and quality of attachment you have to her is, as you are an adult now, is up to you.  If she died, you might  feel angry and blame her for controlling you or taking any control or participation away from you by dying.

It might help to explore your feelings, thoughts and intentions with a trusted friend or therapist.

I also found the book "Toxic Parents" to be very helpful.


Tony Crisp

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Re: Vacation/Ex/Facing my Mom
« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2017, 10:46:06 AM »
Mischief – First of all, in a dream it is fine to kill your mother or father. If you fail to kill them it shows that you are still holding on to them in a dependent way – or maybe you have too many Christian type feelings about being nice. Dreams are a safe place to let all hell break loose.

In the example below Audrey’s height shows her as a child. She is releasing anger about the attitudes and situations her father forced ‘down her throat’.

To kill parents is to be free of the introverted restraints and ready made values gathered from our parents, at some time in our growth we may kill or bury them in our dreams. Although some people are shocked by such dreams, they are healthy signs of emerging independence. Old myths of killing the chief so the tribe can have a new leader depict this process. When father or mother is ‘dead’ in our dream, we can inherit all the power gained from whatever was positive in the relationship.
Seeing parent drunk, incapable or foolish: Another means of gaining independence from internalised values, or stultifying drives to ‘honour’ or admire father or mother.

Example: ‘My father was giving me and another woman some medicine. Something was being forced on us. I started to hit and punch him in the genitals and when he was facing the other way, in the backside. I seemed to be just the right height to do this and I had a very angry feeling that I wanted to hurt him as he had hurt me.’ Audrey V.

You need  to remember that any dream character is not the actual person – so you are playing tricks in yourself. For whenever we dream its images are not like real life, because a dream is nothing like outer life where things could hurt you, but is an image like on a cinema screen, so that even if a gun is pointed at you and fired it can do no damage – except if you run in fear; so, all the things that scare you are simply your own fears projected onto the screen of your sleeping mind.

Another piece of information - Many people do not realise that they have an inner mother equally as powerful as an external mother. You have taken in millions of bits of memory, lessons learnt, life experiences along with all the feelings or problems met by loving and living with your mother, and they are a major influence in your early life, and in a few cases the child never becomes independent from its mother at any age. This is true even if your mother was never there for you – you still have all the memories of her not being there for you filed under ‘Mother’. The memories and experience we gather unconsciously change us and are not lost. It is part of you and is symbolised in dreams as a person or event. Such an inner mother can appear in dreams because you are still deeply influenced by what you hold within you.  The inner mother can also signify what has been received via genes passed on or ancestral influences.

Chris suggested you share your feelings, thoughts and intentions with a trusted friend or therapist. The best way I have found is to share with a trusted friend using http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/peer-dream-group/ I ran a group using this approach, and afterwards a woman came forward and told me she was a Jungian psychotherapist. She went on to say she was fed up with her fellow Jungians tearing her dream to pieces, so she was going back to London and was going to start a Peer Dream group to actually experience the meaning if her dreams.


« Last Edit: June 15, 2017, 10:48:27 AM by Tony Crisp »

Misschief27

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Re: Vacation/Ex/Facing my Mom
« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2017, 03:42:22 AM »
Thank you Christine and Tony. I think what both of you are saying is true. I need to take a closer look at my relationship and see what I want to let go and what I can't. Interestingly enough, my grandmother is like my mother so there is a persistent theme of dealing with emotions around mothers. And I do realize that maybe there are some things about relationships that has been getting me all caught up and feeling tied down.

Since the time I had that last dream, I have had two more packing dreams. Both of them are where I am taking my time to pack and missing my next mode of transportation. The first one is that I arrive in my childhood home to visit my family and am packing and I take my time and miss my bus. It was almost like an experiment to see what it be like to take my time and just go when I was ready. I was in the living room and I had my things strewn around and I was packing up and I missed the Megabus. This apartment/brownstone was where a lot of bad blood had been created in my family. 
 
My best friend was there as well. I partly believe I was late because I was distracted by something that held my attention which I am blanking on. It was either from smoking weed (something I quit), or spending time with my little cousin or taking care of plants. I can't put my finger on it. But something that interested me that I just thought, when the bus comes, it comes. My bestie thought it was kind of funny. When I missed the bus, she said, "What now?"

I looked at other schedules and there was one for a bus set to leave at 3 the next day. My concern was that I would have to pay to get a new bus, since I probably would not be able to refund my ticket. Either way I had to pack my things and go.

The other dream is that I missed my plane. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I was trying to pack for a flight and I was going to miss it for some reasons. I think I wanted to take some sex toys and other stuff. I really can't remember everything. My uncle was there asking me questions and trying to help me out. I also think I had a nice, bright red suitcase.

Just thought I would throw those out there. What do you think?

Tony Crisp

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Re: Vacation/Ex/Facing my Mom
« Reply #4 on: June 20, 2017, 09:48:20 AM »
Misschief – My reactions are that you are so busy getting ready you miss the bus/plane.

This is often to do with missing an opportunity. Not being ready to effectively be part of a relationship or situation. Sometimes problems or attitudes we have that stand in the way of being able to maintain a love relationship or take an opportunity that comes along. The bad blood situation could bring about attitudes that stand in the way of getting on and using the opportunities and talents you have.

Both the bus and the plane suggest you are ready – almost – for a big life change. Maybe a mixture of the techniques explained in these two might help you out of the tied down position - http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/example-15-life-changes/ - http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/secrets-power-dreaming/

Tony

Christine

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Re: Vacation/Ex/Facing my Mom
« Reply #5 on: June 21, 2017, 10:32:12 AM »
M - As I revisited everything you wrote, and Tony's as well, three things came to mind...we can often get distracted by other people, we need to respond to others when they do distract us and as Tony implied, a need to balance internal processing with external steps and progress.  The latter could also be described as a balance between being and doing.

People have different ways of being and doing.  I grew up with very goal oriented parents who gave mostly conditional love.  There was a lot of pressure to do everything perfectly and to take every opportunity, even if I felt an opportunity was not "right" for me.  They exerted a lot of control over me.  There was no attention paid by them to my internal processing and/or intuition.

 In a similar way, your mother is pressuring you while you are packing.  When my parents would pressure me I learned to say to myself and sometimes to them that I am taking life "one day at a time." And that is how I learned to give myself the space I needed.  Neutral responses rather than oppositional responses took less energy and felt less negative.  It is important to focus on what you need and want for yourself and forget about what others would choose for you. - C