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Author Topic: the promised miracle  (Read 1006 times)

Monica

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the promised miracle
« on: March 28, 2018, 02:02:38 AM »
I and other family members have been dreaming for long of a sort of miraculous unfolding about the life of dear grandma; of course we had all thought the "usual" promise we relate to miracles, the one that gets the sick off their beds and back to life sort of thing; but now I think I know what's the most astounding miracle we could ever witness. For a month grandma went through complications on her health condition. I've been taking care of her along with mom since I came back home, because she's suffered from Alzheimer for more than a decade. Now I know it's been a hidden blessing, to go through all those hard times, to learn patience, loving compassion, to heal. The morning of March 21st one of my sisters found her unconscious, we ran to the hospital and they said her lungs, heart and kidneys were getting worse because of an infection. Standing there by grandma's side, in front of that bed, prayind and waiting, I got asleep and dreamed of an upside-down, blue little chair; it was on the right side, bending over the pillow, near her head. I awoke immediatly. It was 4Pm.

This sunday I went to the hospital to watch for her in the morning, hoping the next day we could take her home again (doctors had said it was very little what they could do but ending the treatment for the infection). She looked finally peaceful, quiet and warm. I came beside her to make a prayer, then I noticed that, after all this time, I'd finally get the point (Tony helped me out a lot with this on his answer in a previous post). In our family we suffered because her condition was really difficult to deal with, so we had the idea she was suffering as much as we perceived the illness just as a disabling condition. But now I think we finally realized and learned the other side of the situation: As much as we perceived her health condition as a problem, we couldn't fully receive what she had been giving us all of this time, as a real gift to our lives: She was showing us the real face of love and caring, the importance of not just taking care of things, persons and situations, but to grasp the real meaning of it all by bringing compassion and awareness to all of our daily experiences, to our relationships.


So, Jesus be blessed, I began giving praise and thanks to Him, for giving us this opportunity in our lives, and also giving her a big "thank you, beloved grandma", because it was not me, it was you who took care of me for all this time... With her loving gestures and songs, her words, her company while I was along with her in the short but nevertheless everlasting moments when grooming and cleaning her, feeding her, helping her to walk from one room to the other, or just sitting there. She was the laughter and the sharing and also the focus of watchful attention for us all, as a little and playful child. I just don't know, and beg the Spirit of God to help me out with this, how to get her to know I do really thank her a thousand and one times for all the things she taught to me, the precious gift she was. I'll miss a lot her blessings every night, and the constant whining or greetings every hour of the day. I'm happy I said those thanks even though she was asleep, short before 10:01am, when I saw her heaving a last sigh... then I saw her chest went still, and the air stopped in her nose and mouth. It's a vision I cannot describe, really. Exactly as a dream, it's blurred as I try to say in words. I ran to ask a doctor what was that, I couldn't believe it. But yes, she had passed away, sleeping as the little child I tucked into bed every night, in an endless chatter with herself, me, God... I know she's now getting back all of those wonderful memories she seemed having lost one day, and those she helped us out to build so we could reunite someday ih heaven!
The only thing that's so hard to understand is why I feel as I lost her, if she's now everywhere, in all we do, in every place she used to be... I don't know what to do tomorrow, because she filled my days, even though I know now she's the pure love I learned being with her... Why I keep on thinking I could've done a lot more for her, if I know she was grateful and happy with what we did... I just think I'd still like to say thank you and kiss her a lot because the times I did weren't enough. Why is this missing so hard? I know now she's in the most wonderful place, but I'd like to hear her singing again... The only thing I can do is love the way she taught me to, the love we usually don't look for, a real, selfless love -which in fact is a love that makes everything complete-. Grandma fulfilled a great mission in life!

Dear God bless all of these wonderful women!
( Thanks and Blessings Tony!)

Tony Crisp

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Re: the promised miracle
« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2018, 10:43:47 AM »
Monica - Stay with those feelings. They are like powerful prayers.  :)

Tony