Penny – Wonderful to hear from you; I too had a hard time wanting to be born and even being born. But my experience was very different from your – I guess we are all unique. What I recall from that early period after birth — recall and put into words by my adult self — is of being afraid I could not survive because I was born prematurely and in this new environment. At the time of my birth there were no intensive care units to plug my tiny body into a drip feed or oxygen tent, or an incubator to keep me warm. Neither were there antibiotics to help fight the deadly diseases so many infants and children of the time were laid low by. At that time – 1937 - premature babies were very likely to die.
So I couldn’t breathe easily. I couldn’t digest easily, because my body hadn’t developed the necessary functions, and I was deeply anxious about the strange sounds around me. A tremendous feeling response took place in my tiny self. As an adult we would call this a decision. But in my infant self it had nothing to do with thinking or analysing. It was a total feeling and fear response. It was a rejection of life. A turning away from scrambling, struggling, for survival. I didn’t want to be in the world. I wanted to remain in the egg! See
https://dreamhawk.com/pregnancy-childbirth/lumpkin-the-baby-who-became-tony/There are more features in
https://dreamhawk.com/pregnancy-childbirth/ I hope you will get others responding to you. I will put your letter in the Forum section for many, many more people will see it so there is more change of people responding.
Of course there is every chance you will “get it right this time”. I managed to scramble through the difficulties. I learnt from mnay such experiences So maybe see
https://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/opening-to-life/ and
https://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/features-found-on-site-2/ also
https://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/going-beyond/I had a near death experience. That because my lifeline, my umbilical cord, was cut early and I was not breathing, so the delay led to my dying. I know many people cannot believe that a baby can remember such things. Well true they cannot remember as we do with words and images, but all life forms have enormous emotional responses and are known to experience a conditioned reflex. Whatever it was caused my baby self to remember, the experience left me with the desire to share the experience, to communicate to others about the wonder that we all are, about health of our body and amazing world death reveals to us. See The Baby Who Became Tony
It took ages to realise that I was born a runt – a small or weak person – that could not function as normal healthy people can. I didn’t realise the extent of its influence until I journeyed to Australia and had to have a full medical examination to enter. The woman doctor, a very efficient and straight-out person, asked me did I know I was born prematurely? I said I did and asked her how she knew. She said, look at the roof of your mouth, it shows your body never completed its growth. See
https://dreamhawk.com/tony-crisp/biographical-information/Tony
